Name: Liam Finn (Episode 290)
Uploaded: 2024-03-20T21:55:45.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Liam Finn (Episode 290)' from Office Hours Live with Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-03-20. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Liam Finn (Episode 290)' from Office Hours Live with Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-03-20. Transcript available.

Liam Finn (Episode 290)

I like having fun. I like to laugh. I like to meet people who can make me laugh.
I like having fun. Yes, I like you to laugh. I like having fun in the night.
Good morning, everybody. Good afternoon for me. Wow, this is going to be
interesting. I am up in Toronto. And at the moment, for the past, I would say
three minutes, we can take a... Can you guys hear that?
I can hear what? No, we can't. Oh, there it is. You can't. Oh, there it is.
Please remain calm. There's an announcement being made at the hotel. There is
an ongoing fire alarm, what I believe is to be a test.
I heard it say remain calm, so chill out. Fire alarm device has been activated.
The fire department has been notified.
Please remain calm and stand near the speakers for... All elevators have been
taken out of service.
Please stand by for further instructions. And then loud beeping.
So this has been happening for, like I said, about five or six minutes.
In my opinion, if I was the fire chief, if I was part of the hotel staff, I
would be satisfied with the test at this point.
I would think it's a successful test and we can move on.
The God of hell fire!
And this is... I don't know. How loud are those beeps over there?
It's pretty loud.
All we can hear is the lady once in a while.
Yeah, the lady.
The fire alarm device has been activated.
The fire department and local personnel have been notified.
My attention span is very limited as on a normal baseline.
I'm now competing with this automated voice.
It's feeling a little like I'm losing my mind.
Which has been compounded by the last 48 hours of my life, which we can talk
about.
Well, next time you book a hotel, you should ask them, like, when do you run
your fire test?
Thank you.
Should I call the...
Oh, this is a different tone.
This is a full...
This is a...
It's a final tone.
...series repeated beeps.
That could mean...
That could signal the end of this.
Oh, no.
We have more announcements.
I'm going to call the front desk.
Give me this.
Maybe it's signaling the end of this show.
Oh, my God.
Yes, am I supposed to evacuate or is this just a test?
Just a test for doing our internal...
Do you know how much longer it will be going on for?
It'll be going on for probably about another 5, 10 minutes.
Another 5 or 10 minutes?
That's very disruptive.
I'm sorry.
I'm trying to do a meeting up here.
Is there...
Wow.
This has been going on for at least 7 minutes now.
Yeah, I understood.
I completely understood the situation.
We did share letters for all of our guests that we would be doing or conducting
our fire
testing this week.
I didn't get that letter.
I got a letter about the water being turned off.
But it sounds like it's ended.
Seems like...
Yeah, I think we are wrapping up.
Okay.
Okay.
Thanks so much.
Bye.
It seems to be a successful test.
I'm sorry.
Now, wait.
There is smoke coming through the bottom of my door.
They do these new fire tests, fire alarm tests, where they actually set fires
at the hotel.
It's more of a test of the fire department to see how fast they put them out.
That is a thing.
Back home, the fire departments were setting...
They had guys that would go out and set fires, and then they would go put them
out, because
they get paid per fire.
Wow.
Yeah.
Well, I remember in my town, there's always a big cement building where you
would see they
would practice going up steps.
Anyway, welcome to the show, everybody.
Tim, can I just say, good horning?
Yes.
Wow.
I may as well say...
End.
Yeah.
I may as well say my catchphrase, too.
What's up, everybody?
Hi.
I have a friend who slurped.
Yep.
I sure do.
Luke, let me know if everything sounds okay on your end.
It seems like you stopped the test, Tim.
Like, your call put an end to it.
You think the guy at the front desk was talking to me, but then he was like, I
have a mad hotel
guest.
Right.
I've been...
Well, I have a good Karen story that I participated in as the Karen.
We could talk about that.
I mean, listen, let's talk about the show real quick.
I am coming to your remote after a very successful weekend up in Portland where
we had TimFest.
First annual...
I don't want to say first annual.
That's...
First TimFest.
First of many.
People are expecting many.
Yearly.
I would do it yearly if we could figure that out.
I've got, you know, I couldn't have been happier.
I don't want to talk about it too much because, folks, if you're a member of
the Patreon community,
which we highly recommend, we'll be putting out that live show next week.
And if you're a member, you've already read my breakdown, my blog post on the
weekend, and the pictures went up and all sorts of stuff.
So, people already have a pretty good sense of what happened and how great it
was.
You were asking, well, wait a minute.
You're in Toronto.
What happened?
How did you...
What's going on now?
And here's what happened with me.
I'm now a Canadian citizen.
Now I'm getting excited.
No, I am back working on the Vampire Show.
I'm sounding like Johnny Carson a little bit, and that's okay.
You're in Dracula?
Monday, we had a nice leisurely flight down to Burbank, California, with the
whole TimFest gaggle on a nice Alaska Airlines flight.
Landed there in Burbank, loaded up our gear.
Captain Carlin graciously drove me and Doug home.
I got to my house around 6 p.m.
Is that right, Matt?
About 6 p.m.?
Yep.
Easy drive from Burbank to Glendale, of course.
And then 8.15 p.m. that night.
What is that?
Two hours later, Doug?
What is that?
2.15?
In Toronto?
That's about right.
I'm going to say 2.50.
Two and change.
A Cadillac Escalade appeared at my front door to whisk me off to the other
airport, LAX, for my red-eye flight to Toronto to ensure that I was here in
time to do what I do best.
What a lot of people think I do best.
Act.
Act in TV shows or movies.
So, a bit of a whirlwind.
Very surreal to be back here.
I haven't really left the hotel in the past two days except to go to set to try
on some clothes to be fitted, as they say.
How are you feeling?
You must be tired.
Oh, thank you, Matt.
Thank you for asking.
Nobody asks me how am I feeling.
How are you?
How am I?
Yeah, how are you feeling?
Well, listen, I can't complain.
You know, everything is done with such care and concern.
And the more I, if I do complain, people get very upset that I'm an entitled,
complaining about my first-class travel.
You did go Karen, though, recently.
I'm happy to speak to that, and I think I have everybody.
What do you call a male Karen?
Is that the Kanye?
Male Karen?
There should be another name for that.
Anyway, what happened to you?
Prayon.
Well, it's simple.
It was after night two of Tim Fest.
And it's also, by the way, anti-cop.
So, I think I'm in a good spot.
I'm in a good spot with my audience.
So, after the very successful night two of Tim Fest, we all went back to the
hotel.
I think everybody was in high spirits.
We had a late flight the next day.
I said, let's go get a nightcap.
Toast.
It was St. Patrick's Day of all days.
What are you going to do?
Not toast?
Not have a nightcap?
I didn't have a nightcap, Tim.
No, Vic went right to bed like a little baby.
We tucked him in.
10 o'clock.
Gave him his pot milk.
Kissed him on the forehead.
And down he went.
Had his ease.
No, you weren't.
Honestly, Vic, you weren't invited.
For the nightcap.
No, we, so, it was a little bit.
We were staying in downtown Portland.
If you don't know Portland, downtown becomes a little bit of a dead zone at
night.
So, it's kind of annoying to, like, get 10, 9 or 10 people together to go
somewhere with a lot of people chiming in.
Is it going to be too loud?
How far is it?
And all this crap.
We eventually find a place about 10 minutes away.
We walk down there.
The whole gang.
Now, our drummer on this Timfest was not my usual Mr. Josh Adams.
He was occupied.
So, we had a new drummer, a friend of Ellie's, who is terrific, Matt Carroll,
who is American, but is currently living in Denmark.
Okay?
So, he came over.
And so, we show up at this bar.
And the, how would you, I mean, I don't know if I'd call him a, he was like a
full-on security, like a, how do you describe this?
Paul Blart, Paul Blart, but he was strapped up.
A full Kyle Rittenhouse situation.
Yeah, but he was like, he had armor and stuff.
Yeah.
But he didn't actually have a badge?
He did have a badge or did not?
The badge was like what you'd get at Party City.
Yeah, so he was pretending.
Not ordained by the Portland.
Cosplay cop.
Yeah.
But very serious.
And I'll tell you what, he denied Matt Carroll's entry because he was holding
Danish identification, which, I don't know, is a legitimate country recognized
by the United States.
It's not like it's some, Timmy showed him a, showed him a pastry?
What do you mean?
He, no, it was, you know, it's a legitimate sovereign nation recognized by our
own State Department.
That's a real, that's a real country?
The Dan, Denmark?
The Danish, yeah, Denmark.
Okay.
And this guy, this, I'll call him Kyle, as in Kyle Rittenhouse, he refused
entry.
Now, everybody is so deferential and polite and respectful.
No one wants to say, Matt, all right, well, let's just say goodnight to Matt,
Carol, not Matt Carlin.
I think that would be a different conversation.
So he says, well, I can go back to the hotel and get my passport.
And everyone's like, God damn it.
Can anything just be easy and normal?
So what I said, I got, I got red hot and I didn't say nothing to the guy, did I?
No, you just went and picked up that brick.
I said, hold on.
And I said, I'm just going to go inside.
And I said, without telling the guy, I went in and got the bartender's
attention, who seemed like a nice guy.
I said, hey, man, we got about 10 people here about to come in and get, you
know, more than a couple of drinks.
Wink, wink, money, money.
And my friend has a Danish identification.
He's not letting him in.
And so he went out there and it was very funny to watch because he said, hey,
this guy's okay.
I think you should let him in.
He goes, I can't do it.
What do you mean?
Come on.
Just let him in.
He goes, no.
I'm not going to be responsible for something that happens if something, you
know, blah, blah.
And the guy goes, I forget the woman's name, the man, the real manager of the
place.
He's like, I could go up and speak with Lucy and that'll take about five
minutes.
And then all that's going to happen is she's going to come down and tell you to
let the guy in.
Or you could just let the guy in.
I was like, whoa, this is embarrassing for Kyle Rittenhouse here.
This is a real, this is a real dressing down.
And eventually he's like, will you take liability for if anything happens to
the bartender?
You know, like no real, strictly an oral agreement at this point.
I won't do what you tell me.
And he's like, yeah, sure.
You know, whatever.
And then he, he finally caved.
I mean, the guy buckled.
You shall pass.
What a cuck, man.
Anyway, so I did feel like, yes, I, I was, I proudly did the, um, let me speak
to the manager move.
And it worked.
So sometimes you gotta, you gotta play that card.
I wonder why that cop needed to be there.
Maybe it's because Portland is a, as a hotbed of protest.
I got protested.
Did I tell you about my protesting?
This was funny.
I don't think this made it to the live show.
So please go and, uh, I got invited to, I, when I got to Portland, I have a
friend there.
I won't, I won't dox him, but he said, uh, Hey, come, come to the Soho house.
By the way, he, by the way, by the way, by the way, by the way, he gave
permission to tell this story, um, at the live show, which we didn't get to.
So I think, I think it's fair to, uh, say who the friend was.
Okay.
My friend, Eric Fensler, he, his friend, you came to see, you came to his
friend.
Well, if I got the permission, I got the permission, but his, his friend is
like the manager there.
So he was like, Hey, come to the Soho house.
They're having a grand opening.
I'm thinking Soho house.
I don't know if, I don't know if that's my scene, but I got nothing else to do.
I'll go.
S