Name: OHL x World Record Podcast (Bee Man & A-Train), John Merriman (Episode 295)
Uploaded: 2024-05-03T02:08:40.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'OHL x World Record Podcast (Bee Man & A-Train), John Merriman (Episode 295)' from Office Hours Live with Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-05-03. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'OHL x World Record Podcast (Bee Man & A-Train), John Merriman (Episode 295)' from Office Hours Live with Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-05-03. Transcript available.

OHL x World Record Podcast (Bee Man & A-Train), John Merriman (Episode 295)

I like having fun. I like to laugh. I like to meet people who can make me laugh.
I like having fun. Yes, I like to laugh. I like having fun to meet people who
can laugh.
Let's go. Come on, push up the up button. Up, up, up. We've got to get into the
studio.
Push up. Push the button. Push it up. There we go. Are we on? We're live. Can
they see us? They can see you. You're on TV. Oh, hey. You made it. Hey,
everybody. Welcome to Office Hours Live. We're live, baby.
Get up. We're live, baby.
Me, OBW. Not what you expected, huh? I can't see. Could I see myself on that or
no?
No, that would be distracting. You don't like that.
Why not? You want to see yourself on the monitor?
Well, see, yeah, like see how it goes.
All right. We'll tell you. It's going great.
You won't do that. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Office Hours Live. It's
Thursday, May 2nd.
No, 3 a.m. Time to watch The Price is Right.
Wait, back up, what?
If you're in California, Price is Right is on.
Watch Uncle Drew give away cars and prizes.
So if you want to have that on in the background while you watch this, get as
many screens going as possible.
Me, the B-Man here. I'm joined by, of course, DJ Dug Pound.
Wait.
Good horning.
Time to wake up.
Good horning.
Good horning. And of course, to my left, your right, Vince Berger.
Thank you, Brandon. This is my catchphrase. What's up, everybody?
Oh, nice.
And we got Matt over here.
Good morning.
Grunge.
Got Matt.
Thanks, B-Man.
In his grunge. He's going through a grunge phase.
And of course, the lovely A-Train Hellman, Hershey Hellman.
What's up, y'all?
Hershey Hellman, the co-host of the World Record Podcast.
What's up, what's up? Good morning.
Don't adjust your sets.
I'm hosting the show. Don't adjust it.
Okay?
Don't adjust the computer.
Don't do anything weird.
Just shut the fuck up.
The World Record Podcast.
You're not familiar with that, but we're here hosting the Office Hours Live
Podcast.
And, you know, I've got to say, you've got to get, it's going to be one of
those podcasts.
So, listen up.
Pizza hot so much.
Of all the podcasts, this will be one of them.
Yeah, this is going to be, it's in the zeitgeist of the podcast pantheon.
Is that the right word?
Sure.
You can say that.
Well, how's it going, guys?
You seem uptight.
Are you guys scared because your fearless leader's not here?
No, it's okay.
We'll manage.
We'll manage.
What have you been up to, Vince?
Vic?
I want to keep calling you Vince.
Are you, is it B-R-I-N-D-I-N?
Brindon?
Yeah, Brindon.
Okay.
B-R-I-N-D-I-N.
Like, I was named after the crocodile hunter's daughter.
Her name's Bindi, but the male version is Brindy.
Brindy, and I had at the end.
So, yeah, good morning, everybody.
And actually, if you're watching on the East Coast, oh, my God.
What are you doing up so early?
What are you, a crossing guard or something?
That, actually, later there.
Oh, that's right.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, it's late.
Why aren't you at work?
Right.
1 p.m.
It's going on in Hawaii, too, you know?
Oh, Hawaii, it's early.
Oh, Hawaii, it's early.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Mahalo.
We're going to run.
For those of you there.
We'll run through all the time zones.
We're going to get, this is going to be more of an educational style show for
everybody today.
Edutainment?
Is that an edutainment?
Huh?
It could be like edutainment.
Yeah.
It's like education.
What can we look forward to under the show today?
Brendan.
Well, today we're going to, what are we going to do, Matt?
You're in charge.
We're going to make some phone calls, maybe?
We are?
We'll call some people, see how they're doing.
We'll take some of your calls, the Zooms, the Hothead Hotline.
Maybe we'll step into the rant corner.
Oh, man.
I love the rant corner.
That's where the juice is, you know what I mean?
The rant corner, if you're, so yeah, if you're watching, you want to call in
the rant corner,
you can step into the rant corner, and the way it works is you just unload
whatever's chopping your ass,
like the gas prices, or, you know, that Powerball.
You didn't win the Powerball lottery.
Maybe your wife is, you know, she's trying to sabotage you, putting itching
powder in your jockstrap.
She's an underminer, that wife.
Yeah, undermining your undercarriage.
Maybe a Zoomer, any of you Zoomers want to get in the, wait, what's it called
again?
The rant?
The rant corner.
The rant corner.
You want to get a rant?
You have the music for that, right?
I don't have that one.
Oh, okay.
I love that.
I could make one.
I'll find something.
I think I might have it.
Just a wicked guitar solo.
Oh, yeah, we do have that.
Oh, man, we do have that, don't we?
You got it?
I got this other one.
I didn't know we were going straight to the rant corner.
Wow.
We don't have to.
I mean, you know, it could be a good way to break the ice with everybody, maybe
get some
stuff off your chest.
Is my computer muted, Luke?
Luke.
Use the force, Luke.
Oh, I do have that, yeah.
You have it?
Okay.
You guys get that?
Use the force, Luke?
What's that from?
From Luke, what is that?
It's Star Wars.
Star Trap.
Star Trap.
Star Trap starring William Shatner.
Well, we can't have the music unless there's somebody in the rant corner.
Okay.
You got to wait.
Oh, well, here, I got to do a preamble.
You can.
All right.
What's on it?
Who's playing the rock?
Oh, jeez.
Not me.
It is?
Oh, shit.
Sorry, guys.
Guys, this is...
Oh, goodness.
Wow.
There's too many computers in here.
There is.
So let's bring it down.
There's too much crosstalk and noise.
There's a lot going on there.
Who has the rant corner?
Which I love, but I think we need to...
Who has the rant corner music?
Who's going to play?
I got it.
I had too much coffee.
S Chimera.
Do you have a rant?
You look like someone who might have a rant.
Yes?
Give me a thumbs up if that's a yes.
You got a rant?
Okay.
And I'll do an intro to it before you get started.
I got it.
Do I...
Okay.
There we go.
Oh, there we go.
Okay.
I have a rant.
Okay, wait.
Let me...
Hold on.
Hold on.
What's your name?
Wait, wait, wait.
Okay.
What's your name?
My name is Sasha.
Sasha.
Okay.
I'll bring you into the rant corner, okay?
Okay.
All right.
Let's start the music.
Crank it up.
Ladies and gentlemen, you just stepped into the World Record Podcast Office Hours
Live
rant corner.
That's where you can come in, let your hair down, let everybody know what's chapping
your ass.
We got today, we got Sasha.
She's about to step into the rant corner.
Sasha, tell everybody what's chapping your ass.
All right.
Wait.
We need to bring the music up.
Actually, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, she can.
I'm a man.
I'm a man.
All right.
I think I got that out of my system.
I love your ween shirt, first of all.
That's not a rant.
That's not a rant.
That's a compliment.
Should we jump, dump him?
I'm like, I'm building up to it.
I'm really, really fucking pissed.
I feel like I've been tricked.
Here we go.
Because I'm on this podcast today because I saw, you know,
on the Office Hours Live official Instagram, a picture of Jerry Seinfeld saying,
you know, when the king speaks up, you listen.
So I was like, oh, like, I think that means that Jerry Seinfeld is going to be
on the show.
And if Jerry Seinfeld is going to be on the show, like, I'm going to get ready.
I'm going to try and, like, do something really crazy to, like, get everybody's
attention.
This is not a rant, ma'am.
We want the attention to be on me.
What do you define as, like, what do you define as a rant?
Yeah, I wanted, like, a rant.
So you need to, I think, I'm sorry, no offense to you.
This stinks.
Who said it stinks, Matt?
Wait, you think stinks.
So, okay, so now you're going to, you're going to judge my rant?
So you heard the, you heard the way I intro'd it.
I mean, we want to match that energy.
You need to be yelling more?
Yeah.
I need to.
Hey, okay, here, here's, here's for everybody listening.
If you want to step into the rant corner, here's just a kind of example of the
way you step into the rant corner.
I do my introduction.
Okay.
And then you go, all right, well, thank you, B-man.
You know what's really been chapping my ass?
Traffic lights.
Why are they always turning different colors?
You know, whatever.
Okay, yeah.
So I've got, yeah, yeah.
Thank you, B-man.
And I have an issue.
Well, we've got to start over again.
So let's do the intro.
Can we take it from the top?
I'll intro you again.
We'll take it from the top.
Yeah, let's go.
You want to stick with this or should we try a new ranter?
We have some other ranters.
Well, we can give Stocks on one more show.
We'll give Stocks on one more show.
30 seconds.
All right.
So who's going to?
Where's the music?
You guys are really messing up.
Ladies and gentlemen, you just stepped into the rant.
This is a no-holds-barred area for you to just get everything off your chest.
Tell us what's chapping your ass and pissing you off.
Today we got Sasha.
And she's really got something that's chapping her ass.
And she's going to step into the rant corner and tell you about it.
Take it away, Sasha.
All right.
Thank you, B-Man.
You know what's really chapping my ass?
Is the way that you set up your rant corner.
Get her out of here.
Get her out of here.
This is all.
Get her out of here.
This has been a...
I don't know if somebody's actively sabotaging the show to try...
Sasha doesn't have a rant, clearly.
No, she's too mild-mannered.
Too positive.
Too positive.
She's too nice.
Yeah.
She goes off to a terrible start.
Oh, Richard, are you saying you have a rant?
Is that why you're emotioning?
All right.
You want to try one more rant?
Yeah, let's try it.
You know, we have all day.
We could do this for the whole two hours.
We could do whatever.
I mean, I feel like in this day and age, people need to...
They need to place the vent.
Yeah.
And you could go to therapy and just piss your money away that way.
Some quack.
Holding shit in is going to kill you.
It is.
It's very bad for you.
It's going to give you high blood pressure, heart attacks, strokes, everything.
When you say holding shit in...
I feel like Biggs might have a rant.
Oh, no, I feel good, actually.
I've ranted out now.
I get it all out of me now.
I have nothing to complain about right now.
Well, that's great.
Sorry, guys.
You still have a kid under your desk?
No, not anymore.
I kicked him outside, so I don't have to complain about that anymore.
Doug, do you have anything that's...
I mean, I feel like you...
I always got things to rant about.
You do?
Yeah.
You want to show him how it's done?
Maybe we do it with Doug first and then we go to Richard or whatever?
All right.
Yeah, sit tight, Richard.
Just give me a quick check, check, so your camera comes up.
Check, check, check.
Yeah, yeah.
Perfect.
Well, we're doing Doug first.
Yeah, Doug first.
He knows.
He gets it.
Ladies...
I just pulled my mic out.
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome.
God damn it.
You know what's really chapping my ass?
These ear foam things that fall out of your ear.
You got to push it in.
You got to feel the suction in there.
That's what she said.
We'll get this all in order.
This is bad.
We should move the show along.
I don't know.
You don't want to do the rant?
You don't want to get in the rant corner?
I mean...
It's too positive.
I was ready.
Okay, here we go.
Sorry.
Just let him do it.
Just let him do it.
Just let him do it.
Wireless tech...
It's 2024.
What's with all the wires?
Why?
Yeah.
Okay?
That's what I'm saying.
And also, if anybody's ever had earbuds ripped out of your fucking ear, you
know how that feels.
All right, ladies and gentlemen.
Okay, are we ready?
Welcome to the rant corner with me, the B-Man.
And this is a safe space for you to just tell everybody what's shabbing your
ass.
Today, we got DJ Doug Powell, aka Doug Loosen Off.
He's going to step into the rant corner and really unload on you, Doug, baby.
Tell us what's shabbing your ass.
These garbage guys come too fucking early.
They come at 6 a.m. to pick up my cans, and I'm waking up at 6 with the...
With their trucks.
Why don't you start a little later