Name: Glendale's Got Talent!
Uploaded: 2024-05-30T21:16:44.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Glendale's Got Talent!' from Office Hours Live with Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-05-30. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Glendale's Got Talent!' from Office Hours Live with Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-05-30. Transcript available.

Glendale's Got Talent!

*Water*
Is everybody happy? Yeah! Yeah!
We're gonna have some fun! We're gonna have some fun!
Is everybody happy? Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
Will everybody have a lot of fun?
*Water*
Welcome to Glendale's Got Talent, the Office Hours Live variety show
where everybody is a winner!
We've got a cavalcade of great acts coming your way.
And then in the second hour, we're inviting you to share your talents on Zoom.
Remember to keep 'em wanting more. In other words, keep it short.
So if you're watching live, stay tuned for all that.
If you're watching the replay, you've gotta join now at Patreon.com/OfficeHoursLive.
It's free for seven days, so why not?
Before we get started, I'd like to point out the JP Incorporated Relaxation Lounge.
Every act is invited to sit down for a relaxing massage with Ty in the JP Incorporated
Massage & Spa Relaxation Lounge.
By the way, I'm JP Incorporated. Now let's meet our judges.
Good morning, Doug!
Good horny!
Good morning, Vic!
Mr. JP Inc., I'd like to give you a what's-sip, everybody!
Mmm!
Now, Vic, I've been dying to ask you since I got here this morning, what are
you sippin' on today?
Oh my god, I have the coldest iced coffee I've ever had in my life.
Nice!
It's a white chocolate macadamia tasting from Mr. Starbucks.
Wow, that sounds a little too sweet for my taste, but I love your decisions.
Okay.
Doug?
Yes, sir?
How are you? I like the beret.
Thank you, sir. I just got back from Paris.
Oh wow, Paris, France.
And they had berets for sale, so I grabbed one.
Nice. What kind of deal did you get on that?
Oh, they had three for 10 euro.
That is a screamin' deal, wouldn't you agree, Vic?
I would say it's pretty good.
Better than you could pay for berets here.
Amazing.
Yeah!
Ty, how are you feeling this morning?
Great, great, great.
Okay, great.
You ready to just put everybody in the right frame of mind?
Yes.
Okay, great.
Love it.
Here we go.
I think we should just dive right in.
Glendale's Got Talent is known for just being inspirational and giving you
folks the talent that this local area is known for.
Shall we?
Let's get into it.
Wake up! Wake up!
Is control room, is our first talented act ready?
All right.
All right.
Welcome, welcome.
All right.
Now folks, Michael Rayner has been creating surprising and energetic
performances for decades.
Michael's show has been described as preposterous brilliance and wacky jugglement.
He's been on national TV countless times and we're very lucky to have him here,
kicking things off here today.
Ladies and gentlemen, Michael Rayner.
Yay!
Welcome.
Welcome up.
All right.
Here we go.
First, we'll do a really quick anti-gravity racket trick.
That's right.
Here in Glendale, there is no gravity.
It's by choice you have gravity here in Glendale.
So, choose gravity or not.
You can go under the leg.
Oh!
Under the leg like that.
He's like a chubby version of Cirque du Soleil.
Oh!
He's Cirque du Buffet, everybody.
We can go behind the back like so.
We can go one-handed just like that.
Spin it over like that.
One-handed like this.
Oh, yes.
Look at the majesty.
The artistry.
Steffi Graf couldn't do this.
Wow.
Here we go.
Up, down.
There.
Wow.
Oh, we gotta go.
We gotta go crazier.
We gotta go nuts.
I have a Burger King cheeseburger.
We're gonna, for sponsor purposes, it's not sponsored.
It's just where I got it.
Here we go.
Burger King cheeseburger.
We're gonna spin it so fast, it unwraps itself.
Then if we're lucky, and only if we're lucky, pickles will work their way
through the bread
and fly into you, the judges.
If you have any kind of allergic reaction to cucumber or brine, leave the soundstage
now.
Here we go.
Oh!
There goes the pickle.
Oh, we got lucky.
That pickle came out right away.
No!
I don't even know if that's bread or pickle or what it is.
Whatever mysteries entail in this accretion disc flying through the solar
system.
Here we go.
I did a show for astronomers.
That's why I brought that out.
Here we go.
Parasol to Parasol transfer.
Never before seen in Glendale.
Yes, Glen.
Yes, yes, Eagle Rock.
Not Glendale.
Huh?
Oh!
Oh!
Oh, one more time.
Oh!
Oh!
We're gonna go around the circumference.
Oh!
We're gonna try to throw it up.
Kick it off the knee.
Back to the top.
Here we go.
Up, off the knee, back to the top.
Two tries.
Oh!
Oh!
Oh, no, no!
We get the second try, but now it makes it more difficult because I set it up.
Oh!
We got it on the second, which is always very, very scary.
There!
Wow!
Wow!
Very good.
That was incredible.
I think we did all the tricks.
Is there any pickles?
Is there any bread remnants?
I want to make sure to tidy up the workspace after I leave.
There we go.
The key to being a good guest is tidying up the workspace afterwards.
There we go.
I think we're good.
All right, that's it.
Before you leave, would you like to join us in the lounge?
Please, Michael, if you feel so inclined, feel free to visit Ty.
I did sign a release, and to be honest, I have a detached labrum, so it's
always very risky.
That's why I am the broken juggler.
I do have a detached labrum.
It's not a bit.
I have my x-rays on deep in my social media feeds.
That's fair.
We accept your apology, and you're still going to be receiving a complimentary
hair and scalp
treatment.
Well, we also have to give you the rating.
I wanted to go over that real quick with Doug and Vic.
We've established a just patented rating system.
This is the rating system you'll only find here on Office Hours.
Now, is this a 1-2-3 situation?
Yeah, not a 3-2-1.
This is a 1-2-3.
1 is the lowest that you're going to get from us.
2 means a little bit better.
We like it.
It's not bad, not great, right?
And then you get 3.
3 is like a big agreement that we like it.
Okay, great.
Now, are we going to dive right into the ratings?
Yeah, I'll start.
Go ahead.
Okay.
3.
Wow.
That's a 3.
Wow.
That's definitely a 3.
So, I was wondering, you talked about a certain body part that was broken?
What was it?
I haven't heard of that before.
It's the labrum.
It connects your shoulder to your arm.
So, I've done it on stage where I hyperextend it.
It pops out and drops down about an inch and a half.
And I have to explain to the audience, I must now put my arm back in.
Oh, my God.
I lay down and I pull it back in.
The next week, I'm at a show.
I do the whole show.
It's just regular.
And an audience member who had been to both shows, she goes, "You didn't do the
putting
the arm back in bit."
I said, "That's just an actual thing."
It's not part of the act.
Yeah, yeah.
Okay.
That's like Mel Gibson.
That's a weapon.
That's exactly it.
I was going to get it fixed.
But they were like, "You'll be out for like two months."
And they said, "Can you do everything you want to do?"
"Yes, I can."
You know, I had some plastic surgery done.
I had my shoulder blades sharpened.
Oh, wow.
That's incredible.
That's a new one.
Well, since you're fighting a disability, it's still amazing.
So it's even more amazing.
I'm going to have to go with three.
Wow.
Fantastic.
I mean, that's a three.
That's an easy three.
Easy three.
The easiest three I've ever given.
That's a three all the time.
Yeah.
Even without the disability, it's still amazing.
Yeah.
Amazing.
All right.
Thank you, Michael Rayner.
Thank you.
Bye, everybody.
And he can be followed on social media.
Oh, yeah.
He's on Instagram.
He's got a great account.
Oh, yeah.
He does more than just rackets.
You know?
Oh, I'm expecting he probably does shovels.
I think so.
Hose.
Hose.
And I bet bowling pins.
I would.
Now, I wonder if he brings those parasols to Burger King to unwrap his burgers.
You know?
Or does he just do that?
That's something I'd love to see.
You know, on stage.
Wow.
Only in Glendale, right?
Only in Glendale.
One, two, three.
Okay.
Now, back to our competition here.
Glendale's Got Talent on Office Hours Live.
Larry and Joe were destined to make music together.
Larry Bejorin hails from Managas, Venezuela, and is a legend of Yanera music.
Joe Troop is from North Carolina and is a Grammy-nominated bluegrass and old-time
musician.
Currently based in the Triangle of North Carolina, both men are versatile multi-instrumentalists
and singer-songwriters on a mission to show that music has no borders.
They perform a fusion of Venezuelan and Appalachian folk music on harp, banjo,
quattro, fiddle, maracas,
guitar, upright bass, and whatever else they decide to throw in the van.
Here is Larry and Joe.
Control room?
Ah, okay.
They're coming in great.
Gosh, Vic, I'm really excited to see this next act.
How about you?
I have never, I mean, I've seen a harp before, but I've never seen it used
quite like this.
You've never seen a used harp?
No, I've never seen a used harp.
Oh.
I only use brand new every time I get a brand new one.
Oh, you've got to have brand new gear every show.
I can't use used.
Yeah, when I think of harp, I think of a dreamy sort of solo instrument.
Mm-hmm.
Done, you know, we've had Mary Lattimore on here, which is a brilliant harp.
Oh, yeah, brilliant.
I feel like I see it at Christmas a lot, you know, if you go to church.
Mm-hmm.
Bring it out there.
Fantastic.
Well, this is certainly taking it up a notch.
I tell you what, though, I see this empty chair over here.
Could be getting a massage.
Someone could be getting a massage.
Someone could be getting a massage.
Someone could be getting a massage, but Ty is all alone.
His fingers are ready.
His fingers are standing by.
And I just want to point out the headrest has been sterilized, so there's no
concern.
And we have a camera on it, so.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I might just have to pop over there myself.
Can we cut to that?
I think you should.
Can we cut to that shot so the viewers know what's in place?
Yeah, they're seeing it.
Yeah.
JP, you want to have a massage during this act?
I would love to.
Okay.
Shall I make my way over there?
No, make your way.
Okay, great.
Why not?
If it's not distracting to our...
Do you have a mic?
Are you bringing out one?
Now, JP has a massage album.
Yes.
Did we mention this?
It's true.
So, I developed a 60-minute relaxation system.
And it's an album for people to bring to their own massages.
So, next time you are on your way to a massage parlor or studio, feel free to
download
or bring the compact disc of Massage & Spa presented by JP Incorporated and
just put it in the
hands of your masseuse and they will just whisk you away.
I believe that's what we're hearing now.
That's what we're hearing right now.
Sounds like it.
Sounds familiar.
I'm loosening up here.
All right.
You guys ready?
All right.
Beautiful.
I'm going to fade out that.
Okay.
Here we go.
Ladies and gentlemen.
Larry and Joe.
Here we go.
Ladies and gentlemen, Larry and Joe.
Ladies and gentlemen, Larry and Joe.
Cuando el amor llega así de esta manera, uno no se da ni cuenta.
El carután rebelde según amachito florece y las hojas se revienta.
Cuando el amor llega así de esta manera, uno no se da ni cuenta.
El carután rebelde según amachito florece y las hojas se revienta.
Caballos le dan sabana, que está viejo y cansado.
Pero no se dan de cuenta de un corazón amarrado.
Cuando le sueltan las riendas, es caballo de foca.
Y si una potra la sana, caballo viejo se encuentra.
El pecho se le deja en grana y no se caso.
Y no se dan zeta y no me desenfreno ni le paran falsas riendas.
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la.
Y no se dan zeta y no se dan zeta y no se dan zeta.
Y no se dan zeta y no se dan zeta y no se dan zeta.
¡Gracias!
¡Gracias!
¡Gracias!
¡Gracias!
¡Gracias!
¡Gracias!
¡Gracias!
¡Gracias!
¡Gracias!
¡Gracias!
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
What an absolute honor.
Holy smokes.
How did you guys meet?
It's a long story.
Well, do we have time for that?
I can make it quick.
T