Name: Jane Marie, Carmen Christopher (Episode 306)
Uploaded: 2024-08-15T22:43:43.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Jane Marie, Carmen Christopher (Episode 306)' from Office Hours Live with Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-08-15. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Jane Marie, Carmen Christopher (Episode 306)' from Office Hours Live with Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-08-15. Transcript available.

Jane Marie, Carmen Christopher (Episode 306)

I like having fun, I like to laugh, I like to meet people who can make me laugh,
I like having fun, yes I like you to laugh, I like to laugh, I like to laugh, I
like to laugh, good morning everybody, welcome to an episode, an episode, one
episode, episode 306 of Office Hours Live, it is Thursday morning,
it is August 15th, the Ides of March, is it? No, that would be March 15th, I'm
coming to that realization right now, the Ides of August, the Ides of August,
we are winding down summer here, some of the kids out there are already back in
school, my children are not, I'm going to talk about that because I'm not
putting them, taking them out of school, just read my book, they're learning
all the wrong things and I'm going to be teaching them the school of hard
knocks,
I'm going to be teaching them all about life, what you need to know, because
these schools are failing our children, no, but many are back in school, mine
aren't, our Glendale school district begins next week, so we still have to deal
with them for the next week,
see, that's cool, that's not what we're going to hear here to talk about, I
just wanted, you want to talk about that, is your daughter back in?
She's not back in school, there you go, you're sending to her to one of those
anti-vax schools, we have no school, it's the opposite of home school and
regular school, it's no school,
all right, well enough out of you today, good morning, good morning to you Matt,
happy to have you, happy to have your friendship in my life, thank you, same,
it's been 25 years, 30 years many say, a long hard run, a lot of people are
saying it's 30 years,
and a lot of people are wrong, DJ Doug Pound, of course, behind me as always,
my rock, good horning, center, Doug,
You are the sunshine of my life, that's why I'm always around, you are the
apple of my life, that's why, that's a good range for me,
that's a good area, my vocal range, people say I'm a bad singer, I hear that a
lot when I put out music, kind of a cool thing to tell someone,
You are the apple of my life, you are the apple of my life, you are the apple
of my life, you are the apple of my life, you are the sunshine of my life, that's
why I'm always, you are the sunshine of my life, you are the sunshine of my
life, that's why I'm always, you are the sunshine of my life, you are the
sunshine of my life, you are the sunshine of my life, you are the sunshine of
my life, you are the sunshine of my life, that's why I'm always,
Right, right, right, right, right, I don't know what the lyrics are, man, is
that Stevie Wonder, yeah, Stevie Wonder, you know, made a song with him,
Eboni and Ivory, all right, let me close some tabs here folks, you are, am I in
the right key, you are the apple, I can do any key, any key you want, Vic Berger's
here, Vic Berger the fourth,
What's Sip everybody, wonderful, wonderful, wonderful, wonderful to have you,
Vic, what's your, what's going on with you these days, oh, what isn't going on
with me, you know, yeah, you've been listening to some Beach Boys and stuff, of
course, Chubby Checker, all the hits,
What's your, what's going on with you these days, oh, what isn't going on with
me, you know, yeah, you've been listening to some Beach Boys and stuff, of
course, Chubby Checker, all the hits,
What's your favorite Chubby Checker song, well, the Texas Twist, of course,
okay, it's my favorite, I like Texas Toast, you ever get Texas Toast with your
diner meal, it's good, thick piece of toast, all right, any, any,
Any of the psychological things you want to go through this on this show,
talking about mental health, what is it, it's just a mess up here, okay, you
got like a, like a cuckoo clock up there, and then the monkey with the symbols,
it's a mess, do you like the three stooges, of course, wasn't sure, I like Vic's
vibe today, okay, on the show today,
We've got a podcaster, author, I have her book right here, Selling the Dream,
Jane Marie, and Jane, I'm just going to introduce you right now, great, good to
see you, I'm me, hello, there she is, sitting over there in the guest chair,
And for the show today, I'm going to do a Kaufman-esque bit, where I read the
whole book, wait, am I allowed to LOL now, can I do, can I laugh at your jokes,
oh, okay, well, I didn't want to be weird, no, I'm sorry if we're causing any
health issues by stifling laughs, that could be dangerous for your esophagus,
Speaking of assault, I want to talk baseball for one second here, there's this
picture of the Dodgers, people don't follow the baseball, but there's a picture
for the Dodgers named Dustin May,
And Dustin May, we can bring up a picture of Dustin May, where do you see this
clown, I call him the clown, yeah, watch this kid,
Strike!
See this kid, bring him up, there he is, the clown, he looks like Carrot Top
Dog, get him out of here!
This kid comes up, he, I don't know what the deal, what the timeline is here,
but first, he's supposed to be some ace, some young kid who's going to change
the game,
he tears his shoulder, he goes injured, he's out for the season, and even when
he's in, he sucks, he's like, he's always blowing it,
And then, get this, so then he comes back, he gets injured again, he's out for
another season.
Yeah, he gets, wait, then I think third time back, he gets injured again.
So now he's out for the third time, I might be wrong about this, it's two or
three times, it's a notable number of times.
But while he's out on the injured list, he, just like at a restaurant, he tears
his esophagus.
Look up that story, you don't believe me? Tears his esophagus.
I'm getting the feeling that, I'm getting the feeling that this guy ain't
supposed to be alive, you know what I mean?
Like, the universe, I mean, I don't want anything bad to happen to him, but it's
like, God damn it.
He makes me so mad.
But I love Dustin May.
What's next, Dustin June?
All right.
All right.
With coconut sprinkles.
Now we're going to talk to Jane Marie, and also, and Matt, I hate to do this to
our guests and our audience.
And me.
And you, but I'm a little out of the loop often when it comes to booking the
show.
Yes.
That's why we get certain guests that people aren't too thrilled with.
Today's not an example of that.
Well, no, it is and it isn't.
I'm happy to have Jane Marie here, because boy, her book sounds interesting.
And it's a topic we all can relate to, or not relate to, but become interested
in.
But then this morning I find out that we have something named, someone named
Car Man Christopher.
And this guy apparently is some kind of expert on cars.
Oh, that book it.
Yeah.
And I said to Matt.
I don't know about cars.
Car Man Christopher.
People love cars.
I don't.
I drive, you know, what I need to drive to get where I need to go.
I'm not interested in how they work, or like modifying my car and all that
stuff.
It's like one of these YouTube car guys, I think.
You know what?
Tell him to go down to Tom Segura's show, if he wants to talk about cars.
You want to cancel on him after the show starts?
I think we should, because I think we're going to talk to Jane Marie, and I
think it's going to be a great conversation.
And I don't.
You know there's still people, still people commenting on this show going, is
it me or is there like just random sounds going on behind?
What is going on?
What are those guys on their computers in the back?
Well, some people tune in, it just pops up on their algo and then they watch it.
But it's like they've never, it's like they're Dustin May.
They're like, they don't know how to live in the world.
We went viral last week, so that brought out some crackers.
We did?
A little bit.
But anyways, Matt, we'll get to viral, because the J.D. Vance clip was a huge
hit.
That's what I'm saying.
But I think, I hate to do this later.
You want me to cancel Carman Christopher?
I just want to bump him and next time we should talk more.
I want to be more in the loop about booking guests.
Fine, we're bumping Carman Christopher after the show's begun.
Very rude, but fine.
Right.
And we'll pass it along.
Excuse me.
Under protest.
Rude.
All right.
Crude and disrespectful.
So we'll have more time for Jane Marie.
I think that's terrific.
Get Dustin May off my screen.
I can't look at him anymore.
A few orders of business.
I call this session to order.
We need a quorum here.
Okay.
I order order.
Yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
And Mr. Victor Bugger from the state of the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania.
I call order.
We have an agenda to discuss.
Now, two things here.
What is it?
Join Patreon.
I don't know why you would at this point.
Patreon.com/OfficeHoursLive is where you get the best of this show, Office Hours
Live.
It is fulfilling and rewarding, and it's so cheap, we're not going to believe
it.
Your head's going to spin.
With inflation the way it is, Biden economics has ruined everyone's checkbook
and their pocketbooks.
But we have maintained a rock bottom floor of $5 a month to access twice the
amount of show.
Fuck Joe Biden!
Saturday morning blogs.
Game night.
What's this?
Fuck Joe Biden!
Fuck Joe Biden!
Yeah, fuck Joe Biden stickers.
When is he going to drop out, by the way?
Trump can spew a lot of garbage, but I can spit fire.
You get garbage like that delivered to your computer.
And you know what else I love about the Patreon is the community.
There's a chat going all the time, there's a neat chat that people are
recommending things.
I found out about all sorts of neat things through the chat, through the
recommendations.
We have our own rec center, and it's a tremendous community.
And usually it's pretty respectful.
It's pretty nice if you want to get off some of these garbage sites like
Twitter and join us over there.
I hate to say it, but in many ways it's a safe space.
Wow!
And if you're a member of my other big project in my life, the On Cinema, highnetwork.tv,
I apologize.
We just put out our summer movie recap yesterday, and it's very good.
It's almost about 45 minutes of me and film expert Greg Turkington talking
about all the summer movies.
And it's a lot of fun to listen to.
Okay?
Have you seen any Simon movies this year?
New Simon Garfunkel movies?
Have you seen any summer movies?
Have you seen any summer movies?
Are we paying any payment movies?
Ouch!
What are you, Trump on X? Spaces?
Yes, Doug, I've seen a lot of better movies this summer.
Sure.
And some of them are really good and some of them are not so good.
I have a friend who slurped.
Let me think, what did I see this summer?
That's literally how he sounded.
Jane, did you hear this, Trump?
Can we get to the bottom of it?
Because it really irritated people.
Yeah, so what I heard people saying on the right was that it was compression.
It's not.
No.
It was compression.
Did you ask the sound people here?
It's not.
Yeah, Luke, can you chime in on, have you listened to the Twitter spaces where
it like accentuates the lisp of Donald Trump?
I have not.
I don't know.
It's not due to compression, I'll tell you.
I know you have a newborn, but come on.
I heard that maybe he.
Let's engage in the world a little bit, babe.
I heard he maybe had his dentures out.
Yeah, I mean.
But the thing is, they have pictures where he doesn't appear to have any
missing dentures.
Well, the dentures could be back dentures, maybe?
I heard a theory on the radio, what's it, 90.7?
What radio?
What are you listening to the radio?
I do.
90.7 in California.
Adderall.
These are known side effects of Adderall as slurring speech.
Okay.
See, I didn't, I mean, slur is a weird word to use.
And I, of course, this is a guy who knows a little bit about slurs.
But, it just sounded like, it sounded like he had, like, dental surgery.
That's all.
Yeah.
It did.
But I liked, I believe the Adderall theory, that he's snorting Adderall.
Sure.
He was known to snort Adderall on the apprentice.
It was.
On the apprentice.
But he doesn't drink.
No drinking, just Adderall.
No.
Doesn't have a beer.
Just snorting Adderall.
Maybe he needs one, you know?
Yeah.
We could all use a littl