Name: Best Of Office Hours Vol. 3 feat. Kyle Mooney, Zach Galifianakis, Maria Bamford & MORE!
Uploaded: 2024-09-05T17:00:06.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Best Of Office Hours Vol. 3 feat. Kyle Mooney, Zach Galifianakis, Maria Bamford & MORE!' from Office Hours Live with Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-09-05.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Best Of Office Hours Vol. 3 feat. Kyle Mooney, Zach Galifianakis, Maria Bamford & MORE!' from Office Hours Live with Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-09-05.

Best Of Office Hours Vol. 3 feat. Kyle Mooney, Zach Galifianakis, Maria Bamford & MORE!

Hi, everybody.
We're starting the show on a somber note today because late last night we
learned the tragic
news that Henry Kissinger passed away.
This obviously came as a tremendous shock to us all.
And I just want to say that today we are going to remember this great patriot
as an exemplary
hero in American history.
We send all our love and prayers to Henry's family and can rest easy knowing
that the great
Dr. Kissinger is sitting comfortably at the hand of God.
As you know, Henry loved animals more than he loved human beings.
So we're asking if you're able to, please consider donating a horse or any
large farm animal to
the Henry A. Kissinger Foundation at 387 5th Avenue, PMB 7, New York, New York
10019.
We love you, Henry.
Tough day.
Tough day.
We're going to get back.
We're going to just try to have a fun show today and we'll be back in a minute.
Tough day.
See you soon.
In honor of Dr. Henry Kissinger, we've prepared a little routine.
Okay.
This is a little routine.
And Vic, can we have a little music?
Did you hear about Henry Kissinger?
Who?
Kissinger.
Kissing who?
Kissinger.
Who's her?
I'm talking about the former Secretary of State.
Madeleine Albright?
Well, I'm sure she must have had some dark days, but that's beside the point.
I'm talking about Henry Kissinger.
Wait, whose Secretary of State was he?
Nick's son.
Nick who?
Who's Nick?
You tell me.
Now, listen close before I whack you.
Henry Kissinger was the Secretary of State for Richard Nixon and Gerald Ford.
Naturally, he left office when the country voted Carter.
Carter where?
Are we talking about the same lady Henry was kissing?
I'm talking about Henry Kissinger.
Oh!
The war criminal.
What happened to him?
He died.
Oh good.
Thank you.
I like having fun.
Yeah.
I like to laugh.
Yeah.
I like to meet people who can make me laugh.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I like having fun.
Yes, I like to laugh.
Yeah.
I like having fun to meet people who can laugh.
Hello, who's this?
I'm 213.
What's 213?
I, sorry, I think it's your area, your area code.
That's how we, is this California or do you live, is this, what's your name?
Uh, my name's Bill Maher is my name.
Whoa.
Bill.
Oh shit.
Hey Bill.
Is this, is this really not, is this really Bill Maher?
Yes, this is Bill Maher.
Yes, this is Bill Maher.
I'm going on different shows to let everyone know that no one can do an
impression of me.
Okay.
A lot of people have tried and failed because I have such a unique way of
talking.
It's impossible to do an impression of me.
Okay.
Well, I don't know.
I thought, I was watching a clip of you with Matt Friend and I thought it was,
you were
pretty bitter about his impression from my perspective.
I wasn't.
Do you have the clip?
Are you going to play the clip?
Well, we had the clip played earlier.
Because I wasn't bitter at all.
I'm not a bitter person.
Okay.
So that sounds like a lie.
It's not a lie, Bill, I'm, I'm, I'm giving you my, I don't want to speak.
Well then play the clip.
Do you have the clip?
What kind of show is this?
You don't have a clip?
No, I have the, we have the clip.
Matt, do you want to just play a little?
We already showed it.
We already showed it.
Yes.
Oh, you already showed it.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I don't watch your whole show.
Okay.
I'm not a huge fan to be honest.
Well, yeah.
I just want to, I just want to say no one can do an impression of me and I'm
coming
on here to let everyone know that my voice is way too manly.
Everything I say is condescending.
Then I pause.
I push my potato face towards camera.
I suck in.
And then I say something even more condescending about God or fat people.
I end my show.
I go home.
I get a black hooker.
I talk down to her about this horrible generation of kids.
Then I tell her to clean up and leave.
Next, I scour the internet for people trying to do an impression of me and no
one can.
Okay.
I'm leaving Tim high back or whatever your name is.
You've insulted me.
I'm leaving.
No, no, no.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, Bill, Bill, Bill.
Wait, wait, nothing.
I saw your little skit bit.
I saw your skit bit about club random and it was horrible.
It was terrible.
You made it look like I interrupt people, which is so not true.
Well, can I, can I talk to you for a sec?
Can I?
I never interrupt my guests.
Okay.
Well, since we have you, Bill, can we just talk?
I always let them talk.
I know you do, Bill.
I know.
You seem angry and I apologize.
And I wait until they're finished.
Well, you're not doing that right now.
Even when I have something smarter to say than they do,
which is all the time.
Well, can I just ask you a couple of quick...
You think my ego is so big, I won't let other people talk?
You're wrong.
Okay.
Now, goodbye.
I'm leaving.
Oh, wait, Bill, Bill, come on.
And by the way, and by the way,
just because someone has tiny hands doesn't mean they have a tiny penis.
Okay.
All right.
I didn't say that.
Do you want to talk?
Because I saw you in the news.
You said something about that.
That you believe, that you don't believe the Woody Allen thing.
That you think Woody Allen was innocent of all this sexual abuse.
Bill?
Oh, I think he actually left.
Oh, Bill.
That's too bad.
All right.
Oh, man.
I want to invite you.
I want to invite you over to my place Christmas morning.
We're just going to have me, my mom, and my kids, my wife, of course.
Yeah.
We're entertaining my wife's mom.
We're not far from here.
Maybe.
You're not far from me.
So pop in.
We would definitely stop by.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You're doing mimosas or something?
And then I want you to be there when they open the presents.
You know, that's really cool.
I think I just are you doing a bit or what's going on?
Yeah, I'm doing a bit.
Oh, God.
Some people do like a later in the day Christmas drop by could be something.
But it would just be you, not the whole clan.
I don't know that I could talk them into that.
Oh, that's what I mean.
Like it would just be you popping out, just stepping out and coming by and
saying hi to the family.
I know, to your family.
Yeah.
I'm saying I don't know that I could talk my family into that.
It's a big deal.
Just say you're going to 7-Eleven.
You want me to lie to them?
On Christmas.
Just be like, hey, I'm going to step out.
If it's important to you, I'll do it.
It's not a big deal.
It's just an offer.
Just offer.
I'm down.
I don't.
I just want you to be genuine with me.
I want the real Christmas invite.
All I'm saying is the invites out there, but whether you come or not,
it's up to you.
Well, yeah.
I like this, but I want to know what Kyle would say that he's got to get a 7-Eleven
on Christmas Day.
Oh, yeah.
Cigarettes.
Well, I don't smoke cigarettes, so I feel like that would--
Well, you say you're going to get cigarettes in case somebody drops by that
wants to smoke.
Okay, yeah, I guess I've got it.
Yeah.
Hey, hon, just going to pop out to 7-Eleven, pick up some smokes.
Why?
In case anyone comes by and wants to smoke.
Okay.
Yeah, let's run it.
Let's run it.
Let's run it.
Okay.
Practice, okay?
I'm your wife.
Do you want to play 2K?
No, I'm playing your wife.
Okay.
I'm finishing wrapping--oh, no.
I'm trying on my robe that you got me for Christmas.
I like it.
I actually like it.
Hey, hon, I'm going to head out to 7-Eleven.
Why, I think we have everything we need.
I'm just going to get some smokes.
Smokes?
You don't smoke.
No, I don't, but you never know.
It's Christmas.
I want some cigarette or something.
What?
What are you talking about?
Just in case anyone comes over.
It's Christmas.
If somebody comes over that smokes, they'll probably have smokes.
Sit down.
Okay, hon.
All right.
So, that's not going to work.
No.
Okay.
Let's try again.
Maybe I need to be a little more forceful.
Okay.
You want to try one more time?
Yeah.
You're the man of the house.
Come on.
Yeah, yeah.
Put on a pair of pants.
Yeah, exactly.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
I actually like this robe.
Okay.
Not bad, hon.
Hey, babe.
I'm hitting up 7-Eleven.
I got to go.
Why?
I got to get smokes, okay?
Quit asking me questions.
Smokes?
You don't smoke.
It doesn't matter.
They're for people.
Bye.
Who?
What?
Who?
I don't know.
I just watched that moment where Ringo's like, the courage it took him to plink
out Octopus's
garden in a raw form and just sort of like, everyone's sort of like, "Oh, God."
George is like.
George is like.
George just got up.
Saves it, yeah.
Yeah, and just sort of took care of him.
It was kind of beautiful.
I heard this thing about the Beatles that like, I don't know if it's true.
I was talking to him.
I'll drop some names.
I'll tell you.
I'll tell you if it's true.
Oh, James Gray and I are kind of friends.
I never know.
Like, I have guests on the show and then we're friends for a few weeks and it
kind of.
Who's James Gray?
He's a director.
Okay.
He did Armageddon Time.
Oh, yes.
Great.
He's great.
Great guy.
But he said there's a book and I got to read it that the Beatles when they were
in Hamburg,
the guy who owned the club in Hamburg had somehow acquired a lot of leftover
Nazi amphetamines.
Oh, shit.
And, you know, that was surplus, war surplus.
Right.
Because they used to feed them all.
Right.
That's what the soldiers took.
And that's what he was feeding the Beatles to play all night.
I do know.
That's why the Beatles are good?
Because of Nazi amphetamines?
Yes.
Oh my God.
Exactly.
Because that's how, like, they were just at it all night.
Like, and if you listen to those early Beatles songs, it's a little fast.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And so that was the genius song.
Oh, they were on, they were called Prellies, I think.
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
But I didn't know they were from the Nazis.
But that's, I can't.
Gotta thank the Nazis for something.
That's right.
Yeah.
That weren't all bad.
Uh-huh.
Office Hours correspondent in this special report.
We have him here, Eric Wareheim, with his ice cream report.
I wanted this segment to be positive and just be like, I want to bring some joy
to, to your,
your fans.
Oh.
And talk about my favorite ice creams.
I came home from a trip, went to Foster's Freeze, and I got my classic, which
is a vanilla
cone with rainbow sprinkles.
Easy.
It was an emotional time.
You know, when you get home from a tour, you're exhausted.
You just want that comfort of a cone.
Mm-hmm.
It's a classic cone.
It's, and I got my rainbow sprinkles.
It was beautiful.
I took a picture of it.
And then I go to give it a lick.
To give it a lick.
And I almost passed out.
It was instead of the beautiful rainbow sprinkles, which is the little, perfect
little rectangles.
There were some kind of mini Dippin' Dots.
What?
Yeah.
It was unbelievable.
No one said that.
You know, no one said, excuse me, sir, we don't have rainbow sprinkles.
You're going to get some Dippin' Dots.
Dippin' Dots are dessert couscous.
I went home.
I called Foster Freeze at quarter.
And I said, it's Eric Warehammer.
And I am, I need to perform a citizen's arrest right now.
Fuck off.
Cut to yesterday morning, I had to go to the dentist.
And they looked at my mouth and they were so upset that I didn't clean properly
before my surgery.
And I said, I didn't order the Dippin' Dots.
I ordered rainbow sprinkles, which easily would get removed with a little water.
Dips still in your teeth?
The Dippin' Dots were deep in the gums.
I don't want to get into detail, but it was a very big surgery and I had to get
the needle.
And she's like, you didn't brush your teeth?
And I said, yeah, I got Dippin' Dots everywhere.
Could you please brush my teeth like a child so I could get it?
And then all night I've been dealing with my lawyer.
And like, he's like, you really can't do a citizen's arrest.
It's not that big of a deal.
I think it just would be a complaint.
Yeah.
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