Name: Where the Hell is Tim, Jordana (Episode 314)
Uploaded: 2024-10-17T22:39:25.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Where the Hell is Tim, Jordana (Episode 314)' from Office Hours Live with Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-10-17. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Where the Hell is Tim, Jordana (Episode 314)' from Office Hours Live with Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-10-17. Transcript available.

Where the Hell is Tim, Jordana (Episode 314)

I like having fun. I like to laugh. I like to meet people who can make me laugh.
I like having fun. Yes, I like to laugh. I like having fun to meet people who
can laugh.
Brett Stevens is here.
Brett Stevens is here. Look, guys, I'm doing my Charlie Rosen impression for
you. Can you see?
That's dumb.
Oh, look at that.
Brett Stevens is here.
Good morning, everybody.
Sorry, I had that idea right at the last second. I didn't even clear it with
you. Now I'm going to turn it off because it looks like shit, Charlie.
Come on now. Come on now. Hey, everybody.
Big surprise.
Come on.
Big surprise. Everybody listening to Office Hours better find out this now.
We better find this out now.
I'm coming in remote.
Now, Doug and Vic, you're all there in the studios.
Matt's there as well.
Good story's day.
It's October 17th.
And, well, we're going to talk about a lot of things today.
We're going to be having music from Jordana.
All right.
Then don't take your calls and all the rest.
Now, let's be clear.
Jordana.
Thank you.
I want to say good morning to you and to DJ Doug Pound.
A good horning to...
Now I'm getting excited.
And Mr. Cowboy Victor the Virgin Burger.
What's up, everybody?
Doubling up again.
Wow.
There he is.
Twice as nice.
I went to Star Wars.
I got two.
I got two today.
Wait, why do you have two of them?
Because I was really thirsty.
What are they?
They're decaf coffees.
Oh, okay.
It's not as...
No, it's not as crazy as it could be, but...
Decaf coffees?
Decaf, yeah.
Are you fully off-calf?
Right today, I am.
Yeah, but I have been...
I guess it's the Vic and Doug show.
I'll be changing my diapers in the bathroom.
What kind of coffee are you having, Tim?
You having coffee?
How many?
Yes, I had two coffees today so far.
Let's just get to this real quick.
I am in a...
Well, we've decided to make this a little bit of a fun adventure for the
audience today.
We said, for no real reason, we're going to let you try to figure out where I
am.
Where are you?
Where the hell am I?
Where the hell am I?
Where are you?
And enjoy the show.
If you want to solve this mystery, this riddle, you could win a prize, right,
Matt?
Oh, yeah.
The full set of office hours.
Shirts, mugs, aprons.
If you can win, you can guess.
So we won't burden the showdown tremendously with this, but you can ask one
question.
Oh, 20 questions?
One per customer, not 20 per customer.
And then one guess.
Right.
Sure.
Yes.
And then if things get a little hairy, if people don't get it, I've got a
couple visual clues.
We can get to the bottom of that.
All right.
Let's get on with the show.
First guess?
First, I mean, question of the day.
Right.
Charlie has a...
Oh, my son.
I miss him already.
It's only been a few days, but...
Charlie, you want to ask a question?
Am I on?
I didn't raise my...
I can ask away.
Well, you had a guest for the city, so you could ask one question.
Was it Topeka, Kansas?
Yeah, no, it is not Topeka, Kansas.
What I would do is this, folks.
Can I just make this, make a broad announcement on this?
Yeah, I know what you're going to say.
A, to give yourself a better chance, and B, to make the show a little more
interesting,
is instead of just random guesses, maybe ask a question.
Right, Doug?
Is that what you think I was going to say?
Yeah, more of a 20 questions kind of like...
That was explained.
Is it in the state of that?
I know, Matt, but Charlie came in just with a straight rando guess that that's
what this
show is going to be.
Charlie claims he didn't really have a question, but he...
He blew it.
Too bad, Charlie.
You're muted.
No, take him off.
He's out of here.
Charlie, do you have anything else to say?
No, he's muted.
He's done.
He blew it.
He said yes.
He blew it.
Give him a shot.
No.
Damn.
Wow.
Matt is as mean as those commenters say.
Matt's a bad guy.
He's a tough cookie.
I am.
Let's give Jen from Central Park a chance.
From Central Park?
Yeah.
This is Captain Matt here.
Nobody lives in Central Park.
Hi, I don't live in Central Park.
I work right next to Central Park.
Okay.
Well, ask him a question to try to figure it out, or do we have to explain it
again?
I am.
Your new album is amazing.
I love it so much.
Okay, so what?
I can't hear anything.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
Calm down.
Slow down a minute.
Easy.
Let me first spank Vic for a sec.
Oh, no.
Stop that.
All right.
And B, Central Park gal, the quality of your sound is rotten.
But let's try again with that clear audio.
Sorry.
With the clear audio.
Okay.
It's always an accident, isn't it?
Oops.
Are you guys hearing me?
Yes.
Yes.
You're here.
Oh.
Are you located in a coastal U.S.
City?
Am I located in a coastal city?
Is that what I hear?
Coastal U.S.
City, I believe she said.
Am I in a coastal U.S.
City?
No, I'm not.
All right.
Let me, Ashley has a great question.
Can she like throw out a city name after, you know, to ask the question?
Everybody can take a guess.
Yeah.
So, what's your guess?
Chicago.
No.
Ashley has the right idea here with a question.
Ashley, you want to ask your question?
This is a good question that will narrow it down.
Hi, Tim.
My question was, are you within the continental U.S.?
I am not.
Now, what's your guess?
Oh, well, that's, oh, you want me to guess?
Well, sure.
Well, I was kind of hoping to wait until later, but since you are being so jumpy
about it, fuck
it.
Everybody's being so jumpy.
I'm going, I'm like jumpy.
I'm giving you an opportunity of a lifetime.
Oh, fuck it.
I'm going to guess that you're in Ireland.
That is incorrect.
Thanks for playing, though.
All right.
Let's, let's move.
Thank you, Ashley.
But that's a great question.
That narrows it down considerably.
Absolutely, Matt.
You're a wonderful gamesman.
You fucking cunt!
Now, if this seems like the podcast TV show for you, which it must, because who
wouldn't want
to spend time watching random strangers guess where someone is with a cacophony
of disturbing
sounds that make understanding what's going on completely impossible.
If that's the kind of show that you're after, you, you're home.
And the best way to support this show would be to call your congressman and,
and ask them
to, to provide us with a special citation, an award, or simply go to patreon.com
slash office
hours live and sign up.
It's only $5 a month.
What a, what a way to spend $5, huh, gang?
You know, phone, phone, phone, phone, phone, phone, phone, phone, phone, phone,
phone,
lots to get to today, though, seriously.
Today is the last day, Vic.
Today is the last day of life on earth.
Oh.
Before, of life as we know it, with no Tim Heidecker slipping away album in the
public,
in the, in the public, uh, market, marketplace of ideas.
So like midnight tonight is like when it comes out?
That sounds about right.
Yeah.
So that, that's right, Vic.
You've got it right.
Wait, wait, they release it at midnight?
This is the last day.
Is that a thing?
You can listen to it at midnight, probably depending on your internet access,
how much internet,
does everybody have internet 24 seven?
I think some people pay for it, you know, it shuts off at 11 p.m.
I don't know.
Look that up.
They should do that.
They should start doing that.
That would be great for humanity, wouldn't it, Doug?
It would.
It would be great for mental health.
Yeah.
Somebody was making the case to me the other day that they should, they should,
the idea
of wifi on planes was a bad idea because now we're, there's no time to, to wind
down from
the internet.
Right.
Like when you're up in the air, you're online.
Yeah.
I hate when you're on, when you're in the friendly skies and all of a sudden it's
like, oh man,
I got a text.
Can I just escape this?
Anyways, the record's coming out.
I can't wait for you to hear it.
Some good reviews are coming in from no name blogs that no one knows or no one
reads.
But it's still exciting.
Are you in Melody Maker?
Uh, haven't seen us.
I think we're in Circus Magazine.
You remember Circus Magazine?
Isn't that heavy metal?
Also, well, so yeah, if you're a patron, by the way, there was a little mix up.
We had a listening party over the weekend, but, uh, if you're a patron and we
fixed the
link, but you can get 10% off the, uh, the vinyl.
And I recommend you do that.
Um, by the way, speaking of reviews, I did that.
Did you see, did you boys see the thing I did for Pitchfork?
Perfect 10.
Oh, I saw it.
Yes.
I didn't get to watch it yet.
Well, they had, they pitched me this idea of doing, uh, they, I guess they do
this with
a lot of people.
They say, you got to come up with your perfect 10, your favorite record, the
record that
would get a 10, you know, which I think is a bunch of bullshit.
I mean, you know how I feel about Pitchfork, but of course I want the eyes on
my, on my
whatever.
It's pro we're in promotional season, folks.
I'm doing all kinds of shit.
So I love records.
I did a goof.
You want to play this Matt from the beginning or I mean, I just, it's funny.
No one get flew over everybody's head.
I didn't see this clip.
Listen to this.
Well, I wish you could play from the beginning with the sound.
By the Beatles.
It's one of the greatest albums ever made.
It came out in 1967 recording began in 1966 and it is the moment of the Beatles
career where
everything just took off.
You have their image of the four mop tops and black and white and pepper blew
that conception
out of the water perception.
I should say it was, it's, it's the beginning of the psychedelic era with songs
such as being
for the benefit of Mr.
Kite, uh, all the others, she's leaving home and getting better.
And sonically it's like nothing else the world had ever heard.
And you have songs from George Harrison.
Don't do fake laughs.
Indian motifs that he was so into with the sitar.
And you have Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds, which if you look at those letters,
it goes LSD.
That's Sergeant Papper's Lonely Hearts Club Band.
That's a 10, Pitchfork.
Watch this ending.
Watch this.
I'm crying.
We're laughing.
We're laughing at the idea of doing this.
And people are in the comments being like, actually Revolver's better.
That's the whole idea.
It's an overrated, people are like, it's an overrated album.
Well, that was the, that's the joke, right?
Isn't that clear, Vic?
Pretty clear to me, yes.
And I've seen a lot of, uh, Rick Biedel kind of style stuff like that, where
they're just raving about the Peppers Band.
But they're like, I can't tell if he's serious.
How is that serious?
I'm, I'm like so obnoxious in it.
If people aren't familiar with you, they might think it's real.
No, but well, I think there's people that are, who know me are like, uh, I can't
tell if he's being sincere or not.
What?
I would, if that's me being sincere, that's a bad person.
That's just a, that's an ugly man.
That's one person just being ironic.
I know.
I know.
He's being ironic.
I don't.
He's a fan.
That's true.
There could be multiple layers to this, couldn't there?
But, uh, I think there's a few people out there being like, uh, taking me
seriously and folks never take me seriously.
Please, please give me some grace.
Give me a, give me a break.
Um, we were going to have weird Al Pacino call in today, but he flaked on us,
but I got something better.
It's just Al himself.
Yeah, this is a, this got sent to us a lot because it's a great one.
Dragging him along the bar.
Something, I guess, had been going on with the two girls in the bathroom.
Wait, what?
He's just been.
Is that you, Vic?
He's on the, I'm on a conference call with him.
Oh, are you playing it, Tim?
And a bunch of other people.
Well, yeah.
Oh, I see.
I'm on a conference call with him.
Like, I have it muted because he's on like, with like 30 other people.
And every time I check in on it, he's still talking.
Like, he's like filibustering.
Look, I'm just going to take this off a mute.
As Cookie returned to his post, where all the working steps, we all were
sitting there, seven or eight of them.
And they were all lined up at the bar.
Yeah, so he's just going on and on.
No, that's actually, well, that's, I don't know ab