Name: The Blasting, Phil Braun (Episode 315)
Uploaded: 2024-10-24T22:35:58.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Blasting, Phil Braun (Episode 315)' from Office Hours Live with Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-10-24. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Blasting, Phil Braun (Episode 315)' from Office Hours Live with Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-10-24. Transcript available.

The Blasting, Phil Braun (Episode 315)

Oh my god
Good morning everybody I went off beat did you hear that I was like
I'm trying to always spook you a little bit because we are getting close to
Halloween it's Tim Heidecker here
Looking at you through my fingers
using the tips of my
Thumbs to close my nose to create a nasal effect as if I almost have a cold,
but I don't I'm perfectly healthy
It is we should do a nasal show. We should do a full nasal. Hi everybody
Good to see everybody
October 24th. We are wow so close to Halloween in fact, we'll be doing a
Halloween show. Oh, baby. Yeah, baby
Next week and we're about whoa geez week and a half two weeks, however, you
want to look at it
from the big old election national election
But today we're just gonna be hanging out with the Trinity. We've cleared the
guests I've fired
Our booking agent who was in charge a guy named max stone
little old max stone
Was in charge of booking all our guests and I had a terrible fight with him the
other day
Thanks for your service max who did he booked that you didn't like
Name names. I'm friends with George Bush. Yeah
He could not get any president
Yes, I said let's get let's get either
Kamala Harris Tim walls or Donald Trump or JD Vance would love to get them. Let
this be their last opportunity to speak to the
nation
And I love that failed me, but you could join patreon.com slash office hours
live to get all sorts of other benefits
Oh, yeah, you have all our institutions and it's a lot of fun to be on that
site and the chat is terrific in the audience
This is one of the greatest audiences out there. Whoa, that's right
All right, let's get into the show cuz we've got lots to do lots of calls to
take we've got behind me of course the great DJ
Doug Pound
Good morning
And I'll get a sneak in a what's it
Here we go, and now we have to my left
Vagina burger
What's it everybody?
Very good. Let me look at my notes see what we want to
computers
Sorry guys
Can't see I don't need this shit can't see huh, no, I'm just like
Give me a sec
I just got really
Lightheaded sorry
The hell you guys okay, uh-huh
Hey, wait
You guys they're gone. They're gone. They're gone. Are we still screaming? Are
we still up?
Uh, yeah, we're still streaming what's going on? Is anyone on the zoom?
Zoomers can you hear us?
Everybody hear us?
Uh, Nick?
Check.
Check.
Oh, yeah, we're still streaming. We're still streaming. We're still streaming.
We're still streaming. What's going on?
You guys they're gone. They're gone. They're gone. They're gone. Are we still
streaming? Are we still up? Uh, yeah. We're still streaming. What's going on?
Is anyone on the zoom? Zoomers? Can you hear us? Can everybody hear us? Uh,
Nick? Check. Check 1-2.
Check 1-2. Check 1-2. Check 1-2.
Check 1-2. Are we still streaming? Uh, yeah. We're still streaming. What's
going on?
Is anyone on the zoom? Zoomers? Can you hear us? Can everybody hear us? Uh,
Nick? Check. Check 1-2.
Check 1-2.
Can you hear us? Nick? I can't hear you, Nick. Nick?
Nick, talk to us if you can hear us. Nick? Check. Hey, can you hear me? Yeah,
we got you. Sorry about that.
Nick, do you know what's going on? No, I don't know. Where'd the dudes go? They
just disappeared out of question.
Yeah, yeah. And now I'll be asking it to nobody, I guess.
And you don't, you have no idea what's going on? No, it looked like they just
vanished. Okay.
In the thin air. All right, well, uh, thanks. Um, Phil? Phil, do you know what's
going on? Phil, are you there?
What?
Do you know what's going on? The Trinity's gone.
Huh?
The Trinity is gone.
What's going on?
I don't know.
Hello?
Um, you guys are there?
Yeah, and you can hear us, right?
Yeah, I can hear you.
Okay.
Um, I mean, uh, what, uh, what do we, um, what do we want to talk about?
I mean, I, I, I guess we got to keep the show going. I don't, I don't know.
I don't know what to do.
I mean, I,
I, I mean, I guess the show could, could go on. Um, I mean, I, supposing that
these guys are
vaporized, uh, somehow, um,
it, uh, you know, um,
the show must go on. Um, hang on, just give me, give me a second.
Wait a minute.
Okay.
This is your chance, Phil.
Uh, hang on, just a minute here. Uh,
are you still there?
Yeah, yeah, we're still here.
Okay.
And you're okay?
Hey, I'm doing, I'm doing great. Um, just hang on a second.
Okay. Um, uh, I mean, we, you know,
we could, uh, um,
do working hours.
Hang on.
Wait a minute.
Okay.
Stop.
Um,
so, uh, I, we, welcome to, uh, working hours.
I'm Phil Braun and, um,
let's, uh, let's, let's get into the show. Um, Carson.
Yeah.
Do we have any in-studio guests?
What's going on today?
Um, no chance.
No, we, we got nothing.
I mean, we got, you want to talk to a zoomer maybe, or.
Um,
yeah, I've told you, you know what we could do.
Uh,
I could get out the old, uh, trusty news.
Uh, see what's going on in the world today.
See what's, uh, the topics.
What are the, uh,
the topics of the day?
Let's see what we got.
Yeah, let's go to a zoomer. Uh, Lila.
Can you hear us?
There's an election coming up, uh, fairly soon.
Hello?
In a couple of weeks there.
Lila, you're on.
I feel we have a zoomer.
What's that?
Phil?
Yes.
Who's this?
Who's calling?
It's Lila.
Phil.
Oh, hello, Lila.
Just reading on, uh, today's, uh, what's in the news?
What's the news?
What is it?
What's the news?
Looks like Martin Short and Meryl Streep are an item.
Says so.
Right there.
Maybe we can do the crossword.
Yeah, we could maybe do the crossword here today.
Um, I would say why not?
We could, we could kind of fill it out.
Yeah, um, something to do.
Something to do.
What's, uh, what's going on in your, in your neck of the woods today?
Well, um, just drinking a Coca-Cola.
You know?
Yeah, did you have any, uh, questions for me today?
Because it looks like, um, uh, maybe the rapture has happened or something.
I'm not sure.
Oh, no.
What's going on, but, um.
The rapture.
I think, yeah, that's my dog screaming for the rapture.
Oh, well, he, maybe he sees, um, the Lord, uh, out there is possible.
Uh, there's really no explanation to what just happened.
I'm as confused as the rest of, of you guys, but, uh.
I think I'll definitely be left behind in that case.
I don't think she's howling at God, maybe.
Well, it looks like you guys are.
I'm, for some reason, I'm here.
I don't know why God chose me to stay behind, but maybe it's to, uh, entertain.
Maybe this is my chance to fill the void that, uh, the Trinity has left behind.
Um, this is all speculation right now.
This isn't, uh, based on any scientific facts, but, uh, this is what we're,
this is what, what we're seeing right now.
Yeah, about what we're hearing right now as well.
Yeah.
We're hearing.
Yeah, give us a crosswords clue.
I would love.
Uh, well, can everybody see the crosswords, uh, here?
Uh, no, you're going to have to read one or two of those.
Well, maybe, uh, can y'all zoom in?
Can y'all like expand your screen?
No, no, you got to read us one or two.
Okay, so the, uh, the first clue is pre-weekend shout.
Wait, hold on, Phil.
Hi, what's that?
What's going on there?
Doug just came in.
What?
Vickie's.
Um.
Huh?
Awkward.
Who?
Spot for a hoop.
Who's that?
Uh, four, four letters.
Doug.
Spot for a hoop.
Vick.
You're here.
Who's, who's, who's speaking?
A loop?
Who else is speaking in there?
Oh, God.
I don't know.
Who's on this, who's on working hours?
He just got blasted.
Huh?
Woke up in a pile of rocks out there.
Guys?
No, no, Phil.
Where's Tim at?
Where did you guys come from?
We.
What happened to you guys?
I don't know.
I was in here.
And then I woke up out there.
Did you drug me or something?
How's Phil hosting the show now?
I think Tim.
Well.
Where's Tim?
Just sort of a natural selection, I suppose.
But somehow, um, I guess, I'm glad you guys are back.
Um, but, um, where, where, where, where'd you guys go?
Sort of, uh.
I mean, I, I, uh, I woke up with a pile of rocks.
There's like dirt and, uh, dog dirt all around me and everything.
And this guy, I don't know where I am now.
I'm still like trying to make sense of it all.
Okay.
Let's get the show back online here.
Weird.
Uh, I don't know if we should.
I mean, I could stay.
If you need to host, I could stay.
Are you guys okay?
You know, we got some good rapport back in June.
We had a good show.
Uh, I could make this kind of a permanent thing.
If this is, uh, if this is the way it's going to go, uh, um, you guys wanted,
like, do you
guys want to still do a show?
Uh, should we just quit?
I mean, where's Tim?
We can't let Phil do that.
I mean, Tim is probably.
Could let me do it.
Hopefully he's alive somewhere.
Have you seen him?
I haven't seen him, uh, I didn't see him out there.
I mean, Tim would probably want Phil to carry on a show.
Hot neurotic attraction.
Well, let's go to a Zoomer.
Opposite, I think.
Let Phil, let Phil.
Should we mute Phil?
I mean.
I think we should go.
Phil.
Let, let, huh?
Okay, um.
Well, that was different.
So you don't want to, you don't want to do, you don't want to do working hours?
No, no, this is, we're back on office hours.
Thanks for filling in.
How long were we gone?
Um, I, not long enough.
I don't think.
Not long enough.
What does that mean?
Well, you're kicking me off the.
We just got blasted and we're in, we hurt.
I'm bleeding.
We could have easily.
Matt, look at Matt, he's bleeding.
I know, I feel terrible about that.
I'm just saying that the working hours was about to start and now you're saying
you don't want to do it.
So that's why I just, I mean, that.
Did anyone else get blasted?
That's my question.
What did you see?
What did I see?
No, Doug.
I don't like, I don't even remember.
I don't know how I ended up outside.
It's just like angels.
I saw a bunch of angels pop in and flash a light.
I just saw black.
There was nothing.
There was absolutely nothing there.
It was just like Al Pacino.
Anyway.
I guess the show.
You saw angels?
Angels and dogs.
I'm going to heaven.
Okay.
Well, let's, let's just keep the show moving.
We got drops.
Well, we have, uh.
You want to start over?
You want to do the theme song again and start over?
No, no, no.
Oh, you want to do the working hours theme again?
Definitely not there.
No, no, no.
Um.
Oh.
All right.
Who's out there on the Zoom?
Well, we don't have a city of the day.
Oh.
Oh, this is weird.
My city of the day got wiped.
What's not even in the, the dock got wiped too.
The dock is wiped.
Oh, no.
It's gone.
The dock disappeared.
Who did that?
It's so strange.
All right.
You know what?
They're trying to keep us down, whatever that is.
They're trying to stop us, but we can't.
We're not going to, it's not going to happen.
We're going to build a bag bigger, better, stronger.
Yeah.
I feel stronger than ever after what I've gone through.
How are you feeling, Phil, about this?
Are you feeling stronger than ever now?
Do I, I've, I was unaffected by this whole thing, so I feel fine.
Oh, okay.
Um, but, you know, if you're veering away from working hours, that makes me
feel less
fine.
Well, I mean, I don't know what to say about that.
We're just, we're just thinking of, uh, what Tim might want.
I mean, I don't know.
Thanks for filling in.
Let's go to, uh.
Yeah, let's get rid of Phil.
You would want Phil gone.
Maybe we'll come back to you, Phil.
Thank you.
Thanks, Phil.
We love you, Phil.
We love you.
Uh, we, you were doing, like, cross, cross, no, we're not, you can't do crosswords
on
the show.
I don't think.
How about, how about Sudoku?
All right.
Bye, Phil.
Thanks for filling time, Phil.
Filling time.
Sudoku.
Uh, Luke seems like a reasonable guy in Zoom.
Let's see what this guy has to say.
Let's see what we got.
Luke?
Luke?
Hey.
Hello.
What's up, man?
Hey.
Not much.
Just confused by this whole situation.
Let's just put it behind us, and we have to, we have to just keep the show
going.
Alive here.
Yeah.
Patrons paid for a show.
Give them a show.
You guys tuned in.
Thank you for tuning in, and you stuck with it, even though we got blasted and
disappeared.
Where did you wake up?
I was in the neighbor's yard.
I was, I was, like, under the, uh, this little