Name: Halloween Spooktacular w/ Jay Weingarten, Weird Al Pacino, Drewcula (Ep 316)
Uploaded: 2024-10-31T23:22:38.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Halloween Spooktacular w/ Jay Weingarten, Weird Al Pacino, Drewcula (Ep 316)' from Office Hours Live with Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-10-31. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Halloween Spooktacular w/ Jay Weingarten, Weird Al Pacino, Drewcula (Ep 316)' from Office Hours Live with Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-10-31. Transcript available.

Halloween Spooktacular w/ Jay Weingarten, Weird Al Pacino, Drewcula (Ep 316)

Five, four, three, two, one.
Five, four, three, two, one.
Oh my god.
So today, ladies and gentlemen, they're haunted microphones.
Welcome to the Office Hours.
Halloween special.
Spooktacular.
It's happy to, it's exciting to be here.
One of my favorite holidays, of course.
Definitely ranked 10th or 11th at the moment.
Good morning, everybody.
The date is, of course, October 31st.
And it's the last day of October.
It is four days.
Are we counting it?
Four days.
Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday until the big presidential election.
We're going to have vice presidential candidate Tim Walls on the show with us,
as well as presidential
candidate Donald J.
Trump will be calling in.
Or B, is he in studio today?
Dialing in.
He's dialing in.
He's dialing in.
I see.
I thought he was going to be dropping in.
Mar-a-lago.
Dropping in, driving.
It is trash day here, so we can have him bring up the big Trump trash truck
that was introduced
into the populace, the lexicon.
And to my, well, let me do this this way.
Don't make you speak in.
My, the Holy Trinity is in full form.
It's good to be back in Glendale, California to do the show.
So I have with me, of course, as always, DJ Doug Pound.
Good morning.
And he is what he is.
He is what he is.
What does that mean?
Well.
I'm a sailor.
I am what I am.
You know that.
You don't know.
I am.
Oh, I am.
He is what he is.
I am what I am.
It's Victor the Virgin Burger.
He is what I am.
Let's sit back, relax.
Take a bite of spinach to leave your cares behind, everybody.
And we have a very special musical guest.
In the old days of the David Letterman show, if anybody remembers, you might
have somebody
like David Sanborn sitting in.
Sometimes Warren Zevon would sit in.
Or I think Steve Earle would sometimes sit in.
You'd have a sit-in situation.
We have that with one of the great arrangers, one of the great producers right
now going,
it's Dru-cula.
Dru-cula, ladies and gentlemen.
Drew Erickson playing the part of Dru-cula.
We're loving it.
We do.
And you've got some spooky sounds over there.
I try.
Yeah, I put together some sounds that hopefully will incite fear into them.
I love that.
It's eerie is what it is.
Yeah.
And what else?
We've got some other surprises for you all today.
You're not going to want to miss today's show.
It is the big day, the big day of trick-or-treating.
Of course, my kids are very excited.
Now I'm getting excited.
I've noticed in our neighborhood, I don't know, the past couple of years, trick-or-treaters,
they just keep showing up earlier and earlier.
I don't know.
Usually, back in my day, you'd wait for the sun to set.
But now it just seems like they're showing up earlier.
And older and with like half-assed costumes, I find.
All right, George Carlin, settle down.
Settle down, George Carlin.
I think there's one here now.
Somebody at the door?
Somebody at our door?
Really?
Yeah.
Should I get it?
Yeah.
Yes, he was at the door.
I'd be surprised as hell if this was a trick-or-treater, but let's see.
Why don't you get it, Doug, because I'm a little busy hosting the show.
What is this?
Who's there?
Trick-or-treat.
Whoa.
Oh, look at that.
We got a real trick-or-treater so early.
I got you.
Trick-or-treat?
Here you go.
What the?
What the?
What is this?
You said trick-or-treat.
I went with trick.
Oh, come on, man.
Sorry, this is okay.
Do you hear fool?
Fool?
He looks like a fool.
What?
You look like a fool.
Isn't that what you're going for?
Jester or something like that?
This wasn't even my idea.
Jay Weingarten, everybody.
Come on in, Jay.
Take a seat.
Funny, funny guy, Jay Weingarten.
Always up for anything.
Jay, come on, sit down.
Thanks for being a part of the big bit this morning.
Funny stuff.
I didn't, that wasn't my idea.
I, it doesn't matter whose idea it was.
It's a funny bit.
Okay.
You don't think it's a funny bit?
I don't know.
Trick-or-treat, no one ever makes that joke where it's like, well, does anybody
pick trick?
I mean, I get it.
I just don't find it very funny.
But why didn't you say that when we pitched you the idea?
Look, you guys make me do this stuff.
I don't get a ton of opportunities to be on podcasts.
Do you see my name in lights?
No.
Exactly.
So, of course, I'm going to say yes.
And at the same time, I know I didn't find that bit funny.
I don't find this costume funny.
I was just given it by Matt.
This sucks.
I'm sorry you feel that way.
Wow.
All right.
Well, I mean, we're all wearing funny costumes.
Like, I mean, we all look a little ridiculous, right?
I mean, Vic, in particular, looks a little silly as Popeye.
I look cool.
I think you should have a better attitude about it.
I don't know about you.
You want to try to have a little bit of a better attitude about it?
I mean, all right.
I guess I'll make lemonade out of lemons.
Yeah.
I think your costume actually is kind of cool.
Really?
No, but...
Oh, my God.
Matt gave it to me.
I would have loved to be something awesome like Spider-Man or something amazing.
And yet, here I look, yes, like a fool in front of millions.
Not millions.
Oh.
I love that, man.
We didn't, by the way, we didn't acknowledge Matt, producer Matt here is going
for a sort
of an ironic pun costume.
What do you call that, Matt?
So, can you figure it out?
Jay, can you figure it out?
Um, I can't see you from my angle.
Oh, Captain America!
There you go.
Yeah.
There's only 12 bars of music.
Hey, Matt, you got to fix that rope on the top.
That's a real epidemic around our country is these hats with the rope.
Yeah.
And the rope doesn't stay in that crease.
The rope loosens.
That's a big problem.
Um, all right, speaking of can't see, can't breathe, I can't breathe, so I'm
going to...
Just take our costumes off.
Come on!
No!
Well, you, what are you going to do, take your hat off?
It's not really a big deal.
I'm going to reveal myself to be, uh, I have a new costume, a different costume.
It's, uh...
You'll like this costume, Jay.
It's...
Hipster Dodgers fan!
Let me guess, you live in Silver Lake, California?
Hipster Dodgers fan, look at, look at my shirt.
Trendy, kind of trendy, cool-looking shirt.
Let the bodies hit the floor.
Very cool.
All right, folks.
Of course, I feel a lot better now.
Matt, let's take a zoomer.
Yeah, we got some, uh...
Let's remember, this is a live show.
We got some complaints on the hotline, and I don't like making him wait, so let's
get to, uh, Eli with a complaint.
Is it working today?
What's going on there?
Eli, you're live on the hotline.
Eli, are you there?
Hello, Pitchy.
I'm here, love.
Eli?
Yeah, hey, hello?
Yeah, go for Eli.
Yeah, hey, um, you know, Tim kind of opens the show talking about bits, but,
you know, I just don't find them really funny.
Dick's got the wet sip, and Doug's got the good horning, but what do you got,
Tim?
I mean, even Jay says it's not that funny.
That's correct.
You know, he's just out here trying to run a show and, you know, get some good
bits of here.
I'm sorry you're dissatisfied.
You, of course, have the op-
Can we just chill on the beds for a minute?
There's too many bed makers here.
Yeah, that's what I told you.
Let Drew-
Give Drewculo some runway.
That was him.
That was him.
Sir, what's your name?
Where are you calling from?
My name's Eli.
I'm calling from Vancouver, Vancouver, Canada.
Typical Canadian whiner.
They always, they're like, A, after each phrase.
Right.
Why don't you go shove some ketchup chips in your mouth and get the hell off my
line?
Awesome!
I love burn comedy.
I love roast comedy, actually.
Roast comedy is the highest form of entertainment and the highest form of
comedy.
And the guys that really get it, the guys that really crush, are really out
there on the edge.
Pinchcliffe bangers.
Pinchcliffe.
Pinchcliffe riding bangers for Trump.
Ross.
Jeff Ross.
Yes, the general.
Yeah.
McCain.
Oh, my God.
I mean, is Hinchcliffe the king?
That's debatable.
I think he's like the ascendant prince of the medium.
What a genius.
He's just funny.
He's just funny and mean.
Yeah, which is cool.
If you can't handle it, I'm sorry, I don't have time for that shit.
No.
Like, you got to have balls of brass if you want to get in the Hinchcliffe octagon,
Jay.
Be careful.
Seriously.
It's scary.
It's rough.
It's rough out there.
I mean, he's a killer.
It's so scary.
But funny.
Oh, 100% funny.
Like, cackling at it.
Yeah.
I like that he goes after, like, he goes, he punches up, as they say.
Oh, yeah.
I mean, like, you're in the room with Hinchcliffe.
You better be careful.
If you're one of these highfalutin, I'm running for president, or I'm a former
mayor, or, you
know, if you're in the room, be careful, because he is, it's open season for me,
Tony.
He knows I'm breaking his balls.
Yeah.
Seriously, watch out, everybody.
That guy's scary.
I'm not kidding.
No, no.
It's dangerous.
Yeah, it's spooky stuff.
Whoa.
Talking about Halloween, it's spooky stuff.
But it's always funny in the end.
It really is, and it makes me laugh.
Yeah.
Makes me howl with laughter.
It is absolutely funny.
Yeah, I saw him at MSG a couple, I guess it was last week.
He did a show at MSG.
I don't know what the deal was.
I don't know if it was Kill Tony or some charity, I think it was a charity show.
Okay.
That's nice of him.
He smoked them.
He smoked them.
Doug, did you see that?
Oh, yeah.
Funny shit.
It was savage.
Funny fucking shit.
Damn, how does he even come up with that stuff?
You know what?
The creativity.
I used to think there must be a team of writers, because it's that quick and
that smart.
That's pretty clever.
I think it's just all tone.
Damn.
Dang.
Looking past quick.
Wow.
Yeah.
He don't give a shit.
The best thing about him, he doesn't give a shit.
Yeah.
He just speeds off into the sunset.
Yeah, yeah.
He's like General Sherman in the Civil War, set in fire to Atlanta.
You know that story?
He just sets.
He burns it all down.
Damn.
Yeah.
Damn is right.
Shit.
Yeah.
That's really cool.
Funny guy.
Funny, funny guy.
Who got to be around?
Seems like it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, that's what I love about, what I know about tone, is offstage, he's a
prince.
Offstage, he's a, he's like magnanimous to the nth degree.
I want your skin.
I know, I know, I keep saying tone.
So maybe we can do some kind of salute to Tony Hinchcliffe today or some kind
of, I think
honestly, let's take a, let's take a zoomer just to get off this subject momentarily,
but
we'll return Igor for Halloween.
Are people dressed up for Halloween in the zoom room?
I'm not really seeing many costumes, but Igor, is that a costume or is that
your, uh, is that
your actual child?
That's a costume.
It's a very expensive.
Got it in Japan.
That's fucked up.
That looks real.
Yeah.
Right.
It's came out pretty good.
That custom made.
This picture of Vic just sent to us.
Must be his headshot.
He's a good looking guy.
Yeah.
So how can I help you today?
I have a, I have a plan.
Can we do plans today?
Yes.
Quick, quickly though.
Unfortunately, quickly.
Okay.
Uh, so I live in, uh, Fort Lauderdale, you know, it's pretty hot out here.
Yeah.
Um, I just drive around a lot with the windows down and my hand, my arm usually
hangs on
the outside.
So it, one day I got really burned and the next day, uh, my wife looked at it
and was like,
Oh, what's wrong with your hand?
I told her, Oh, I have a major hand peel, uh, major hand peel from the sun.
So my hands started peeling.
Um, I'm not catching major hand peel.
Jordan peel, major, then peel.
No.
Major, what's Jordan though?
Anyways, goodbye.
Thank you.
It's an F.
And we can't, listen, we have to have some puns that don't work if we're going
to celebrate
the good ones.
Right?
But yeah, I suppose it's a bell curve.
We could put a cap on the puns for a while maybe.
Well, I've been begging for that.
Matt lets him through.
We can barely get any anymore.
Matt lets those, he's wide open borders for Matt.
I like the puns.
Jay's, Jay's so stupid.
Excuse me?
What did you just say?
His brain is oatmeal.
Well, here you go.
Here you go.
Here's Tony for you.
Literally oatmeal.
Oh my God.
Oh, there he is.
W