Name: OFFICE HOURS ELECTION NIGHT LIVE 2024
Uploaded: 2024-11-06T05:30:45.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'OFFICE HOURS ELECTION NIGHT LIVE 2024' from Office Hours Live with Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-11-06. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'OFFICE HOURS ELECTION NIGHT LIVE 2024' from Office Hours Live with Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-11-06. Transcript available.

OFFICE HOURS ELECTION NIGHT LIVE 2024

*Gunshot*
*Gunshot*
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*Gunshot*
*Gunshot* Shut up! Shut up!
Just shut down the segment!
Bye! Go home to mommy!
Oh my god.
*Gunshot*
*Gunshot*
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*Gunshot*
Hot erotic attraction.
*Gunshot*
*Gunshot*
I don't read.
Easy, watch that plane.
All right, folks, welcome to Decision Desk 2024.
Office Hours live.
We are live broadcasting from Glendale, California.
I'm here with DJ Doug Pound.
Good.
Oh, shoot.
Wait, I got it.
And Vic Berger.
Happy evening, guys.
Happy evening.
What a good.
Go ahead, Doug.
You want me to read to.
We are.
It is five o'clock in Glendale.
Good ringing.
And they ring them golden bells.
I'm decided to kind of take it because we have a ton of people watching right
now.
Over hitting about 3,000 for us, which is for us.
Huge.
We got to deliver.
I mean.
We should do a nighttime show with all these.
I suppose so.
If you love the office hours, why don't you consider doing a little patreon.com
slash office hours
live.
Why not get that plug in right now?
We're going to be making some big calls tonight.
If you want to turn off CNN, we're getting, we have reporters, correspondents.
Carson is in the control room.
Carson.
Wow.
Are you on the mic?
I am.
Okay.
As soon as you see a state go towards either Donald Trump or Kamala Harris,
interrupt me.
Brent, come in and announce the victor.
I want to be, I want to get ahead of this.
And I want everybody out there in America watching our program and they don't
have to
watch CNN, Wolf, Blitzer, and all the rest.
You should do that every morning when you announce the victor.
It's time to announce the victor and then it's Vic.
Now, I activated something on my phone, which is annoying, which is a lot live
updates.
Oh, is that the Washington Post thing?
No, I think, I don't know.
It's Apple News, but I'm getting dink dinks on my watch every time one of these
states
goes to.
And actually, I'm ready to call a state.
We have our first state to call.
Uh-oh, really?
Let me try it.
Let me see what's going on.
Can you get a drop for the first, calling the first state?
Dunkey, state of...
Living in America!
State of Dunkey.
Dunkey.
Where is that?
It's between Virginia and North Carolina.
There's Buncombe County.
Dunkey is the state.
It's the state.
I'll count it.
As far as I know.
Yeah.
Four electoral...
Dunkey.
Dunkey.
How do you spell that?
D-U-N.
K.
K-E-Y.
K-E-Y?
Yeah.
Dunkey.
Dunkey.
You don't know the state of Dunkey?
Never heard of that state.
It's a thin one.
It's, I mean, it's very...
It's a thin one.
It's a thin state.
It's one of those strips.
It's a cross.
It separates Virginia and North Carolina.
Very thin strip.
Five electoral votes, all going to Donald Trump.
So Donald Trump has taken Dunkey.
But it was expected to go his way.
Kamala didn't even bother advertising there.
She just...
No, they put no money into Dunkey.
Junior's looking like it's going to go to Kamala as well.
If you look at the state of Junior.
Junior?
Yeah.
You'd be Carolina Junior.
You got North Carolina, South Carolina, and Carolina Junior.
It's a little...
Anyways, we're looking at...
I keep getting those texts, Tim.
It's J-O-O.
Huh?
J-O-O.
Yeah.
N-Y-O-U-E-R.
Say it again?
J-O-O.
No, say the name.
Junior.
Junior.
Oh, okay.
What's the first date called?
Dunkey?
Dunkey.
Dunkey and Junior.
Anyway, Vic, how are you doing today?
How was your day?
How was your election day?
It was great.
I voted today in person.
First time voter.
No, God, no.
You go in.
You drag yourself down to that place and wait.
Why don't you just fill it out and put it in the box?
Nah, these people are volunteering in there.
I want to give them something to do.
Oh, my gosh.
You know?
It's fun.
It's fun going there.
Do you remember when we were on tour once?
We went, we voted on tour once.
Does that ring a bell to you?
That could have been one of the tours I wasn't on.
There you go.
But wait, how would you do that?
Well, I think we were in California, so we tried.
We went and we filled out a provisional ballot.
Oh, okay.
But I couldn't remember if it was a presidential election or just a swing, what
do you call it?
What is it called?
Off-year midterm.
So you went in?
Oh, yeah.
I went in.
It was very quick.
California has it down, it seems.
I was in like three, four minutes.
Walk in.
I didn't have to give an ID or anything.
I said, hey, my name's Vic.
And I signed something.
And then I got to the, I didn't give my last name.
I just gave Vic.
And the fucking, sorry, I don't know why I'm cursing.
You're pissed.
I know.
No, it was great.
It was great.
It was like a great experience.
And this is a brand new voting machine.
You type it in, you go through it.
And then you press a button and it prints out a ballot, like what you already
put in there.
And then you put it back in.
So then there's a paper trail.
And I voted.
It was amazing.
Did you see a lot of illegals trying to vote?
I did.
But I just, I let them go.
I filled mine out at home.
And you fill in the little circles.
I got to the end of it.
I went back to look back over it.
I says, I actually did the Trump circle.
Oh, shit.
I'm like, ah, screw it.
Send it.
Send it in.
All right.
Did that really happen?
Let's take a Zoomer, because that is the foundation of the show, I think.
We're going to have lots of celebrities calling in, as far as I could tell.
A couple of celebrities.
That's who matters, folks.
Don't forget it.
When it comes down to who you should listen to, who matters in this world, it's
celebrities.
I'm friends with George Bush.
Tom Hanks is going to call in to talk about here.
I was thinking, what if no one voted because everyone went to go see here?
The new Tom Hanks movie.
They should have put ballot boxes in front of the here screenings.
I'm sorry.
I feel bad.
Anybody there?
What's here?
I don't even know what the hell here is.
I don't know about this movie.
Oh, wow.
I mean, I know Tom Hanks.
I know who he is.
Oh, is he a young guy?
He's a young guy in it?
Yeah, well, it's a big flop, apparently.
Oh, good.
But I want to see it.
He's got enough hits.
There he is.
Oh, I heard about this.
He's like real young, and then he's old.
Yeah, but the premise of the movie is they never move the camera.
It's all in one room.
Oh, yeah.
What?
It's like rope, that Hitchcock movie.
Yeah, but with rope, the camera's moving as just one shot.
Yeah, that's true.
You're right.
This is a lockdown, too?
It's a lockdown.
The camera doesn't move?
That's what they say.
And it's a flop, huh?
Can you imagine?
Can you believe that?
No one wants to be in their hands.
It's all AI shit?
AI voice stuff?
No, it's nothing to do with AI.
Get AI out of your head.
No, it's AI face.
He looks young.
Oh, they're probably doing that, right?
Oh, whoa.
Special effects.
Yeah, special effects, yeah.
Oh, look at that.
See?
He looks like he's in big on the right.
It's like saying, I'm going to make a movie,
and it's going to be all purple.
You know what I mean?
What's the matter with that?
No one wants that.
It's going to flop.
Wait, who's there?
Hey, who's that?
It's Jamie.
Hey, Jamie voted.
Look at that.
They got my John Oliver scene sticker,
the wolf man himself.
We can go to a local weed shop
and get 10% off with this.
Wow.
And where's that?
Where are you calling from?
Grand Rapids, Michigan.
Okay.
Where you will be coming February 1st
on your lovely tour.
Oh, thank you very much for the plug.
Yeah, Grand Rapids.
So you must be just inundated with political advertising
and messaging, because that is a swing state.
Yes.
I wish I would have saved all the mail that we would have collected
and made a little table of some sort,
but it's been a lot of mail.
Oh, really?
Did any of it have any effect on you?
Did you waver?
If you don't mind me asking,
which direction did you go when it came to the ballot box?
I went to the mighty blue, as they said.
I was kind of defeated when it was old Joe up there and Donnie.
It's like, I don't know why I vote each time.
But, you know, Kamala seemed a little smarter,
obviously lesser evil and all that jazz,
but it was that.
And then my wife voted for the first time.
You voted for Trump?
Yeah, yep.
Where is she?
I see her just out of frame.
Why don't you have her pop in to say hi?
Just what she wants.
Hello.
Christ almighty.
Are you excited for him to get over?
Are you excited for him to wrap up this call
so you could get back to whatever you were doing?
Yeah.
He's reading lovely romance novels.
Whoa, that's nice.
How often do you have to brush that couch?
Almost every day.
We only have two pants.
But, yeah, this thing has a lot of fur on it.
Is that an animal?
What is that?
That's just a pillow.
No, it's just a pillow.
Oh, it's just a pillow.
All right, okay.
How's your anxiety?
Anxiety towards what?
The election or talking?
Yeah.
Or talking to you?
Always hot.
Oh.
By the way, we should play that call.
Maybe we'll play it on Thursday.
Because I'm...
We got a fan of mine had to convince his wife
to come to my show in St. Petersburg,
and he recorded the conversation between him and his wife.
It's very funny.
Did you hear it, Matt?
It's pretty funny.
I think it's going to be a go for him,
but it has to be...
I think it has to be turned into a Christmas present.
It has to be for financial reasons or something.
Can we turn this down a little and do closed captioning,
or do you want to hear it?
Oh, is it bothering the audio?
Oh, yeah, I can hear it.
I can hear it in here, yeah.
Do you like hearing it?
Oh, no, I didn't think anyone could...
Oh, Rick Scott won.
Ah, looking dapper there.
Yeah, I just have to find the remote.
I can look.
Is it over there?
It's got to be over there somewhere.
Yeah.
I'm sorry if that was...
Oh, the great Marsha Blackburn won.
Okay, apologies, everybody, if you were hearing...
Look at all these red, red, red squares,
one after another.
Excuse me.
Wow.
Wow.
So I was thinking, my friend in Grand Rapids,
thank you very much for calling in.
Thank you for...
I wanted to hear about the romance novels.
You do?
I kind of do, yeah.
Well, if you want to pass along in the chat
your email to Vic, you can set up the title.
Minotaur Milking Farms.
There's a lot.
Wait, it's called Milking Farms?
Now, Matt turned off the damn TV.
Wait, who's on the cover?
Is it a Fabio cover?
Is it like a hunky guy?
No, it's different.
Usually it's cartoon, like woman,
and guys hugging each other,
but they started out very fairytale-based,
like a Minotaur milking farms
and elves and fairies and dragons,
and now it's devolved into just hockey players
and secretaries.
Wait, and they're all having sex?
Yeah, basically.
Animals and hockey players.
It's like she's in a bad relationship
and she falls in love with a hunky guy
and they fall in love with each other, you know?
Classic books.
They get real graphic, though?
Yeah.
Oh, they get graphic.
Do they explain?
There's E-words.
I'm seeing all over her, yada yada.
Oh, my goodness.
I don't want to get real graphic.
Wow.
So you read them, too?
Do you read them?
Do you read them yourself, too?
I have not partake, yet.
But does she get all horned up
when she's reading it
and just jumps on you?
Yeah.
She attacks you, rips your clothes off?
Yeah, it's keeping the marriage spicy,
as they say.
I love it.
I love it.
All right.
Well, I love your shirt.
I cried.
Thank you.
You cried at a what?
What is his name?
You cried at an...
Oh, Aloe Lender.
She's a great solo artist
from upstate New York.
She's connected to...
Why do you sound like
you're from Kentucky?
Kentucky?
I don't know.
My voice changes a lot.
I'm an idiot, I guess.
All right.
I'm going to let you go.
Yeah.
Good to talk to y'all.
Good to talk to you.
Donald Trump today
said that there was massive
cheating going on.
You see this?
I love this tweet.
Do you see this, Matt?
It says,
a lot of talk about
massive cheating in Philadelphia.
Law enforcement coming.
Lots of talk about it.
I know.
It's true.
And then,
I guess the cops in Philly
were like,
what the fuck are you talk