Name: Will Oldham (Ep 326)
Uploaded: 2025-01-28T21:04:40.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Will Oldham (Ep 326)' from Office Hours Live with Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-01-28. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Will Oldham (Ep 326)' from Office Hours Live with Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-01-28. Transcript available.

Will Oldham (Ep 326)

Corn, corn, corn, corn, corn, corn, corn.
Good morning, everybody.
Welcome to officehours.com.
The only spot to get this kind of entertainment on YouTube right now.
It's January 28th.
I'm coming to you live from Glendive.
Not Glendale.
Check your maps, Jack.
Glendive.
Let's find out if anybody in the Zoom community can guess which state Glendive
is in.
Can we get a Zoomer immediately to identify my state?
I ain't talking about the state of mind.
I'm talking about the state of where I am.
Ho, ho, ho.
David, you got a guess, David?
Or not.
You're in America, yeah?
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, fuck.
We got this.
This guy's not going to have a clue.
You ain't got a clue, bud.
Go to someone else, man.
You already digged into me already, bro.
Use the damn chat.
The reverend's here.
You know what?
Hang on.
I'm busy.
I can't deal with this right now.
I can't deal with this right now.
Do you know what?
Do you want to guess?
Or are you just going to filibuster here?
David, he doesn't even want to engage anymore.
All right.
Reverend.
He's out.
All right.
All the best to you.
I was goofing around before we went.
Did he even have his hand up?
No, but he, you know, he looks like a cool guy.
He just put this guy on the spot.
If you join the Zoom room, you know.
Poor guy.
Poor David.
Reverend, you got a guess?
You're right.
Where is the rev?
Oh, he's not here.
Oh, Jesus.
Where'd he go?
Oh, here he is.
Jesus Christ.
Reverend Kyle.
Simple question.
Our simple question is where in what Glendive, where is Glendive?
What state am I in?
Montana, all right?
Thank you.
We are in Montana.
That's a lot of fun.
Get that hat off my show.
I don't appreciate it.
You going to the big hole?
All right, bye-bye.
Tim, you're going to go to the big hole?
Let me, let me, let me, let me introduce my guests, my co-hosts, the ever
enjoyable,
always enjoyable DJ, Doug Pound.
Good morning.
And Cowboy Vic Berger.
What's up, everybody?
Hello, everybody.
Um, I don't want any more ding, so I'm putting do not disturb on, do not
disturb on.
Well, we're going to have a great show today.
Later in the show, we've got, or pretty soon in the show, actually coming up
very soon, is
Will Old Man.
I, for one.
Hold Ham.
Will Old Ham.
Hold hands.
Will Smoked Ham.
Get that fat.
Will Aged Ham, which is sort of like a brajute.
Right?
Why doesn't this guy change his name to Will Brajute?
Let's go.
We're looking into it.
Updating our Google Maps.
How many monikers did he have?
With all kinds of new names.
He's got Bonnie Prince Billy.
Palace Music.
Palace Music.
Palace Brothers.
See, what else we got?
Maybe we can add one today.
Is Gabagool an Old Ham?
What is Gabagool?
We're going to take your calls, your Zooms.
I am on a two-day break from the tour.
We had a great show in Seattle the other night.
We spent the day in Missoula yesterday, traveling across this great mid-top
half of our country.
Correct.
Completely desolate.
And ready to get back to it tomorrow night in Minneapolis at First Legendary
First Avenue
with the one and only Neil Hamburger.
And then we're on to Madison and Chicago and Detroit and many other places.
Find your tickets at timheidecker.com slash live.
And the show's been going great.
I'm sure we'll talk about it today with our calls.
As many Office Hours fanatics have been showing up with big signs saying how
much they love
Office Hours and long, long interruptions of chants.
We love Office Hours.
This one chant the other day, there was a chant in Portland that went for a, I'm
not kidding,
a full hour.
And I said, please, we want to keep playing.
why? Vic, Vic, Vic, Vic, Vic. They were doing Vic for an hour? That's amazing.
Phil, Phil, Phil. I love that. Captain Carlin, Captain Carlin. It was like.
Uncle Mark, Uncle Jeff, Uncle Jeff. It was like potential riotous situation.
Like cops came and the cops, mayor came and said, ladies in the bullhorn in the
front because they turned off the PA, turned up the lights. He said, we must
have order. The show must continue. I only got
one song in before it started. And then when we finally cooled the crowd down,
we finally cooled the crowd down. We did two songs and we had to get out of
there because it was about midnight. So the fever for office hours is real and
it's a little scary.
Office hours. Office hours.
I said, you guys paid money to come see me and the band and Kyle Mooney.
Yeah, poor Kyle.
And they were freaking out, throwing beer bottles. Where is Vic? Fuck you.
Where is Matt? Where is Matt?
Give me a lot of hate. Give me a lot of hate. Give me a lot of hate. Give me a
lot of hate.
Fuck the music. We want Carlin. Fuck the music. An hour of that. And it's like,
I'm proud of this show.
I'm proud of what we do here and I think it's a funny show and I'm glad we do
it. But can I get a little grace to do other things instead of this crowd
showing up? It's just not a good vibe.
There's that butthole.
What was that?
That was nice.
What?
Huh?
Yeah, I liked it.
Someone calling in or something.
Matt, there was a bone to pick. Do you want to get the bone to pick over with?
I want to get that clear.
Yeah, we got a bone picker on the hotline. Alex.
Oh, boy.
Alex, you're on.
Oh, my God.
Okay.
That's great.
Alex, you're live.
Yep, we're live. We're live. What's up?
So, yeah, I had two bones to pick. First one, so I went to your show last week
in Portland and I brought my girlfriend.
You know, she didn't know who you were, so I explained who you were and I
guaranteed her, you know, she was going to have a good time.
So, we show up at the show and we're in our seats waiting for it to start and I
look at my ticket, you know, it says showtime 8 p.m.
Well, 8 p.m. rolled around and there was no band on the stage.
Yeah, what time did the band come out?
You know, we're looking.
Yeah, so we're looking at our watches and 8.05 rolls around, no band.
8.10, no band, you know, and at that point, she turned to me and she said,
and this is real,
if he's not out by 8.15, you and I are done.
Whoa.
But thankfully, you know, 8.15, you came out.
Yay, all right.
You guys are together, that's great.
Well, we always aim to start it.
You know what happened?
Aren't you keeping a tight ship on this tour?
Yes.
But if, Doug, and this applies to you, it applies to all the people in my life,
I would never tell someone the time I want them to actually be there at.
You know what I mean?
I would tell them 10 minutes earlier than that,
because the chances of them actually being at that time are near none.
So if I want you there at 8.10,
I'm going to say, you got to get there at 8.
I'm serious, dude.
You got to get there at 8.
And then guess who shows up at 8.10?
You.
Zero.
And most people.
Zero.
Zero.
Zero.
But there was also, I mean, I aim, thank you.
I aim to start at 8.
But sometimes there was an overwhelming number of people there.
And there's only so many people they can process through with their QR codes
and whatnot.
So it took people a little bit of time to get into the venue.
But what did your girlfriend think at the end of the night?
That's really more of my concern.
She liked it.
She liked it a lot.
I liked it a lot, too.
Thank you.
I met a guy after that show who was on his, he was on a first date.
That's a big swing, huh?
Now I'm getting excited.
First date brought the gal to my show.
And I talked to her and she was thrilled.
She didn't know anything about me.
And she said she had a terrific time.
So good chances that's what happened after that show.
Tim, I invited my cousin to the Tampa show.
And he asked, what kind of music do you play?
I said rock.
Would that be accurate?
Yeah.
Is there anything, is there any way I can dial that in?
How would Doug dial that in tighter?
It's Roots Rock.
Roots Rock.
Okay.
There we go.
Roots Rock.
Americana Rock.
Doug, and just so you're clear, I thought this was clear, but we're playing Tampon,
Florida.
Oh.
Tampon, Florida.
Well, that's perfect for...
It's Tampon Tim.
It's the...
Tampon Tim.
Tampon Tim.
It's the...
They say it's the menstruation capital of the world, Tampon, Florida.
It's where the most tampons are used.
So they started calling it for whatever reason.
I don't know if it's the gravity of the earth or centrifugal force or whatever,
but the moon, the cycles of the moon.
But many, many, many, many menstruating women live there.
Do you want to really believe this?
Right, Vic?
What kind of women live in Big Hole in Montana?
I'm very curious about this.
Why is it called the Big Hole?
Can you tell me?
Me?
No, I have no clue.
Oh, I thought you bought it.
Well, let's do the City of the Day, and then we'll get to Will Oldman.
Oldham.
Oldham.
City of the Day, City of the Day.
There ain't much more to say.
City of the Day.
Okay, ladies and gentlemen.
The City of the Day is kind of an interesting one because it is Peter Etcetera,
sponsored by Peter Etcetera.
Etcetera.
Do you?
Ah.
Etcetera.
Say that again.
Peter Etcetera.
That's really funny.
Peter Etcetera.
Do you have a son or a dog that needs a name?
Maybe you're writing a script that calls for a male character and you're
drawing a blank?
Then try Peter Etcetera, the new app from Grammy-nominated singer Peter Cetera.
Choose from hundreds of names such as Brian, Joe, Kevin, Bill, and even Tim.
Looking for something unique?
You're in luck because Peter came up with a list of unforgettable brand-new
names such as
Hordan, Barntek, Cornwet, Lager, Pongo, and Balonis.
It's hard to say, I'm sorry, but you'll be saying thank you because choosing a
name has
never been easier with Peter Etcetera.
Etcetera.
Download the app today.
It's free as hell.
Now let's dance to the Peter Cetera theme song.
Wouldn't that be the Peter Etcetera?
You can't get all the names that you need.
Mark Steve.
With Peter Etcetera.
Etcetera.
All these names are gonna make you grin.
Like Tim.
With Peter Etcetera.
Etcetera.
You can't find a man's name really quick.
Like Rick.
With Peter Etcetera.
Etcetera.
You can find more names than you know.
Like Joe.
With Peter Etcetera.
Etcetera.
Oh, wow.
Whoa.
All right.
Very good.
It's a long jam.
When they cast away, I can make a longer jam.
I'm sure the marketers for this product had notes for that jingle when it came
back.
Peter.
Cut that in half.
And he wrote that.
I just played his song.
Why does it keep going on?
All right.
Who's representing the city of the day, Matt?
Would you tell me, please?
Ezra, take it away.
Hi.
Can you hear me?
Loud and clear.
Perfect.
City of the day is Marseille, France.
Ooh.
Ooh.
Mark, say what?
All right, what you doing over there?
Studying English?
Studying French?
Teaching?
Studying ocean science, actually.
I know, I know.
I know.
Well, first of all, I know everything about oceans.
No, of course.
No, no, I know.
So you should just ask me if you need to know more about ocean science.
Basically, not much to it.
You got water and salt, fish, plants, and that's it.
Okay?
What else do you need to really know about the ocean?
What's the latest with the ocean, anyway?
Oh, it's bad news.
You don't want to hear it.
Oh, really?
It's getting hot.
It's all dying.
And acidic.
Christ.
Yeah.
There's still good stuff in there, though.
Luckily, it's big enough.
You know, we got some despair.
It's so big.
I can't think of anything bigger than the fucking oceans.
I'm into the universe.
Are you working with the estate of Jacques Cousteau?
No, but they love to talk about him here.
They're very proud of him.
Is Marseille, is it by the water?
Yeah, it's on the Mediterranean.
So it's a sea, it's not an ocean.
Oh.
Good for you.
It does the job.
Do you ever go out on a paddle boat or anything like that?
Paddle out in the ocean?
That seems so scary to me, like a whale jumping up and knocking me over.
That happened, ever?
I've done some snorkeling, but not really, like, open ocean stuff.
That kind of scares me, too.
Ugh.
I think about being stranded out there in the middle of the night, like, pitch
black.
You know what I mean?
Oh, God.
Trey water.
Not a night.
No thanks.
Sucks.
Well, all the best to you.
The c