Name: Tim's Birthday Surprise Party w/ Donald Trump, Chelsea Peretti, Carmen Christopher & more (Ep 327)
Uploaded: 2025-02-03T20:27:58.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Tim's Birthday Surprise Party w/ Donald Trump, Chelsea Peretti, Carmen Christopher & more (Ep 327)' from Office Hours Live with Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-02-03.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Tim's Birthday Surprise Party w/ Donald Trump, Chelsea Peretti, Carmen Christopher & more (Ep 327)' from Office Hours Live with Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-02-03.

Tim's Birthday Surprise Party w/ Donald Trump, Chelsea Peretti, Carmen Christopher & more (Ep 327)

I like having fun. I like to laugh. I like to meet people who can make me laugh.
I like having fun. Yes, I like to laugh. I like having fun to meet people who
laugh.
Good morning, everybody. For me, afternoon. It feels good to be on the East
Coast.
Like many of our listeners are, probably a good 60%, if not more, of our
listeners, maybe 50, maybe 70.
I'm going to say 60% of our listening audience is probably sitting where I'm at,
right on here in the East Coast time zone.
Where are you sitting? Thank you.
Is it a mystery where you are?
Well, we could do that if you want. I think that's not a bad idea.
I think we can play that throughout the day. I didn't consider that.
People can start doing some, you know, we can start narrowing it in.
I haven't announced where I am. I'm not against it.
Now, do you think that sounds like a fun thing to do throughout the show, Doug?
No.
It would have been me listening, but I don't know where you are, so it could be
kind of fun to narrow it down.
I have a good guess.
I'm going to guess.
Someone's changing their tune.
Well, you're up north.
We're doing this now?
I mean, we don't need to do it the whole show.
We can probably just figure it out now.
Knock it out.
Well, let me introduce you because it is such an honor to be with you virtually
through Zoom.
I mean, you know one thing.
I'm in the East Coast.
I've made that clear.
Yes, sir.
And you could probably determine where I was last night through various social
media, my website.
And then from there, we got to get to work because then you got to look at
where I'm heading to tomorrow.
And so let's see if our audience can figure it out.
I mean, most people probably recognize this hotel room.
I don't think so, Tim.
Good horning.
Shit.
Apparently, it's my birthday, and we're going to, I guess, be addressing that
later in the show.
Vic Berger, the fourth, is here.
Hello.
Hello, everybody.
What's it?
You know what?
I'm going to say this now.
Happy birthday, Tim.
Happy birthday.
We have a lot of surprises for you today.
Come on.
We have a lot of birthdays.
Okay, well, you know, I love surprises.
I love them.
You love birthdays.
You love surprises.
So we put it together.
There's something about where I am that I think feels very, like it's very Vic
Berger coded,
if that's a thing that we could start saying.
Is there clowns?
There's something, not exactly, but it really feels like some place that really,
that Vic would embrace.
Oh, no.
Really?
Yeah.
This is the people.
Is there one of those things where you twist the knob and then the pipe horns
go?
No.
What's that called, Vic?
Pop goes the weasel.
Is that what you mean?
No, like that big machine the guy spins.
Oh, the calliope?
Calliope.
Is there a calliope?
No calliope.
Well, Matt, this probably won't help, but, you know, I do want to share with
you what my shower experience was about 20 minutes ago.
It could be a good, you never know.
Yeah, see if, see if you get anything out of this.
All right, this could be, I just, so yeah, I'll explain this.
I don't know what the audio is, but there's, I don't think there's any audio,
but so watch this, this, that thing, it's on like a rail, you know, the shower
head.
Oh, yes.
It's on a rail, so, but when I got in, it was at the bottom, it's fully at the
bottom, and to get it up, it was like, you had to just fucking, you had to kind
of work it down.
It's like, it was this rubber against metal, like, feeling that went, oh, no,
it's right in your face.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, I know, it's, the pressure was lousy.
But you got, you have an ADA room, it's another assault adults with
disabilities thing.
Well, that's one thing I wanted to address with you guys today, because I got
some pretty bad news yesterday.
That's why it makes me, you think of me?
Yeah, my, my plates are on the way, I just was diagnosed with a couple of
severe, well, essentially, mental illness, mental deficiency, and, which sucks.
It's the worst.
Well, it's actually not bad, because the good news is, now, I've been put to
the top of the list for a position as an air traffic controller, because I don't
know if you've,
you've heard, they're, they're, they're prioritizing the mentally deficient and
freaks, you know, people that are, people from circus shows, freak shows,
people with no limbs, you know, people with severe, severe mental disabilities.
The working brain are now, I mean, think of it, I mean, it's, it, when you
think about it, it's crazy, that we now have, like, full, like, people with the
minds of two-year-olds doing the air traffic control.
Yeah, I mean, because of Biden.
Well, you know why, it's because these, these people that work at circuses and
fair, state fairs, they need a side gig.
This is what they do at night.
You know that guy, that pinhead guy from the movie Freaks, like.
Oh, of course.
It's people like that now.
They're the ones looking at the radar.
It's sick, because of DEI.
Tariff.
I'm not flying anymore.
Not until they get competent people at the FAA, because those people are rotten.
What a sicko this President Trump turned out to be, huh?
Talk about, talk about mental deficiency.
This guy's got to be the top of the list.
He thinks, like, not to go on a Mar rant here, but, you know, you saw that,
right?
He said, he's thinking that the FAA had some kind of requirement to hire people
with disabilities, you know?
And that dumb dullard who's in charge of everything jumps to the conclusion
that the FAA is,
the only jobs at the FAA, huge federal administration that's got to have, I don't
know how many jobs it has,
hundreds of thousands of jobs, that these people are the air traffic
controllers?
What a dullard.
And what stupidity, what stupidity you must have to live with every day of your
life if you supported him or voted for him.
What sick people.
What sick people.
Everybody that's voted for him should be immediately condemned to a mental
hospital.
Euthanized.
Oh, they could run air traffic.
Yeah.
Let's see, that's the loop.
Yeah, give them whatever they, whatever.
Let them do whatever.
I think anybody that voted for him should be on their hands and knees begging
for forgiveness.
And then we should have a gallows set up for them.
And we'll decide if you live or die.
I'm sorry.
You can have your own kind of doge.
It's like.
You have to explain the choice you made.
Well, I thought it would be better for the economy.
Well, you're wrong.
Cut.
You have to listen to.
You could be the Headless Horseman committee.
What's that guy's name?
I'll do it.
Give me a big saber.
Oh, you want to do it by hand?
Oh, God, yeah.
That's fine.
I don't have a problem with that.
Well, how are the shows going?
They come up, they put their head in the area, and they go,
Well, I was worried about immigration.
Heads rolling down the streets.
Rivers of blood.
It'd be a night.
It'd be a terrible, terrible day in America.
But it has to happen.
People have to learn.
Terrible.
It's just me that's doing it.
Miles.
There's a line like the Trail of Tears.
There's a line 70 miles long of people waiting to be judged.
Tim, who's going to pick the heads?
Who's going to pick the heads?
What do you mean?
I mean, that's manual labor.
Pick them up, you mean?
Pick them up, pick them up, pick them up.
Who's going to pick up all those heads that are rolling around in the streets?
I don't know.
You know what I mean?
You guys, you and Vic will be collecting heads and putting them in baskets.
Planting them in the fields.
Planting the dead, the skulls in the fields, burying them.
All right.
Well, what else is going on in the news?
You're having a happy birthday today so far.
I woke up on the wrong side of the bunk.
Let's take a Zoomer.
Yeah, well, we're going to waste no time.
We're going to have our first Celebrity Zoomer of the day right out of the gate
here.
Are you there, Celebrity Zoomer?
Am I the Celebrity Zoomer?
Oh, yeah.
Oh, look at that.
Oh, okay.
Happy birthday, Tim.
Mr. Burger.
You don't look a day over 36, right?
Thank you.
Thank you.
Say over 50, maybe.
How's your anus?
Easy, easy.
My anus has always been fine.
That's the wrong with that.
Oh, okay.
I just had a narrow intestine, you know?
What a narrow intestine is?
Oh, I thought it was your anus.
Hey, come on, Vic.
I thought it was the tip of your butthole that was like...
No.
...shortened.
No?
Just had a narrow...
They took a foot of my intestine out.
I didn't know I had a foot in there.
Oh, my God.
He had a foot in his intestine.
Wait, do you have to walk around with a...
If you had a narrow intestine...
Did you walk around with a bag?
No.
No, no, no, no, no.
No, they did the laparoscopic surgery, and they were...
They glued me up, and they were done.
I was good.
All right.
Three days I was out of the hospital, no problem.
They're good at it.
Wait, start fresh.
What did you...
Why did you go in there?
Was this a lector surgery?
Because I had a narrow part of my intestine from diverticulitis, or losis.
Does it narrow...
Everybody has some of it, but I had one area that was really narrow, so...
Does a narrow intestine make...
If you have to have it done, or you could have perforation and die, so...
Doug has a question.
This guy's filibustering here.
Get him off my show.
Doug has a question.
Yeah, what are you doing special for your birthday?
Anything, Tim?
He can't hear you.
Hold on.
Vic, calm down.
Doug has a question.
I'm ceding the floor to Doug for the question.
Thank you.
I was just wondering if a narrow intestine makes spaghetti skinny poo-poo.
Oh, yeah, it does.
Yep, yep.
Well, that's the plus.
I want that.
I don't know about that.
It takes you longer in the bathroom.
Order, order, order, order.
I submit for the record, I object to that question.
Me too.
Mr. Lusenhop, the Honorable Mr. Lusenhop, you have two minutes remaining.
Exactly.
We should start.
We should operate our guests today like they're coming before us in a committee
hearing.
Mr. Berger, is it true or is it not true that you'll be rooting for the
Philadelphia Eagles this Sunday?
Wait a minute.
Yeah, I got this shirt.
Yes or no, please.
Come on now.
Oh, you don't want that?
Oh, my God.
All right, well, listen, we have to move the show along unless you have
something pressing to say.
Hey, no.
Vic, how is your relationship with your dad these days?
I just like your idea about the license plate for the mentally ill.
Everybody will stay away from me, you know?
Oh, no.
Oh, you could join Tim.
See you on the highway, drive around.
Dad, are you going to see Tim live in Philadelphia?
I don't know.
Was I invited?
Uh-oh.
Uh-oh.
Last time, you know, the last four times I was there, I bought tickets like
normal people.
And I get up front.
When I get there, Vic goes, oh, I could have got you tickets.
I says, now you tell me.
Thanks.
Well, Mom bought those tickets.
I don't know who she bought tickets from last time.
Because they never showed up.
Well, we buy them online.
You know, we got to support the cause.
But then they didn't work out for you, though.
Then I still...
All right.
Well, listen, you're invited.
If you really want to go, I'll get you tickets.
But you've seen us enough.
I don't know if you need to come see us every time.
Oh, you don't want me there?
Okay.
All right.
So what can you get...
I like your show.
I'll tell you what.
I saw a glimpse of backstage Tim there.
He worked the show.
And afterwards, man, he's drained.
He gives 100% and more of everything to do that show.
That is true.
Thank you very much, Mr. Berger.
Thank you.
Don't forget the band.
Tim really gives us all.
What's one health tip that Tim can work on to keep his anus clean and tight?
Get your colonoscopy.
Just wipe with toilet paper.
Did you ever have one yet?
Did you ever have a colonoscopy yet?
I'm due for a colonoscopy.
I've got to go call my doctor on that.
Yeah, you've got to get that done.
Dick, you should be going, too.
I thought they said 45 or something.
I'm not quite there yet.
All right.
Thank you, Mr. Berger.
All the best to you.
Happy birthday.
Thank you.
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