Name: Riki Lindhome, Carson Lund (Ep 331)
Uploaded: 2025-03-13T19:28:24.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Riki Lindhome, Carson Lund (Ep 331)' from Office Hours Live with Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-03-13. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Riki Lindhome, Carson Lund (Ep 331)' from Office Hours Live with Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-03-13. Transcript available.

Riki Lindhome, Carson Lund (Ep 331)

Everything's a computer.
I like having fun.
I like to laugh.
I like to meet people who can make me laugh.
Oh, welcome, everybody.
It's office hour and five.
I didn't take a breath.
I'm out of breath already.
It's Tim Heidecker here joining.
Oh, I forgot.
I'm trying to not wear these only when I have to
because I decided I don't like the way I look in these.
So we're dealing with that right now.
You're reading like a nerd.
We had a big meeting at home with my kids.
My daughter sat me down and said,
Dad, this is not going to fly no more.
You look like a nerd.
I don't like it.
My son threw me into the lockers.
We have lockers in my house now.
We put lockers together.
I think you look good in glasses.
Thank you.
By the way, Ricky Lindholm is here.
Hello, everyone.
We're going to be talking to her throughout the entire show.
It's going to be a silly one, I have a feeling.
And Ricky's going to play a song from her new album.
Is it from the new album?
Yes.
Okay.
I love records.
Just calm down because I got to introduce Doug.
He gets mad when I don't introduce him first.
Got it.
So everyone chill out.
I don't mind.
Yeah, right.
Who, me, bro, bro, bro, bro.
All right.
Bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro.
Good horning, everybody.
Good morning, Doug.
Ta-tong, tally-tong.
What was that?
I had a whole new horn thing and I forgot my horn.
I know.
You came in and you said, I got a coronet.
Oh, no, no.
Don't spoil it.
Well, you spoiled it for me.
We'll have to scrub that to my mouth.
Bump it.
Just like we cut the Tiny Tim thing from here.
Vic Berger is here speaking to Tiny Tim.
Condoms.
What's up, everybody?
It's Thirsty Thursday.
It is not.
It isn't.
It is.
In my mind.
Anyway, the worm captain is here.
The captain of worm.
Worm dude or worm guy?
What's my name?
The worm man.
Worm guy.
You are.
Worm dude.
The worm dude.
That's me.
And I should start with my bone to pick with Captain.
Captain Carlin's.
Ready for me.
Yesterday, I got in my mind, Matt recommended a sandwich place.
He said, this sandwich place is going to blow your mind.
It's a pastrami sandwich, an Armenian bakery that does a pastrami sandwich.
Hello, food fans.
And I thought I had a free afternoon.
I said, I'm going to take myself out for lunch.
And I'm going to have this famous pastrami sandwich.
So I put it in my phone.
It's called Il-something bakery.
Il-mas.
Il-mas bakery.
Il-mas.
In Glendale.
I'm driving there.
I get to where the address is.
And it's like a body shop.
It's like a mechanics thing.
And I see like some window.
And then I pull around the back.
You know what it is?
It's one of these like ghost kitchens where they don't have an actual
restaurant.
They just, they just, you can only get it through an app, through Grubhub, and
through all these various places.
And I get, back there's just like guys getting in there, picking up bags.
Everyone's depressed.
I ain't afraid of no good.
What did you do?
Somebody came out and I said, can I get a sandwich here somehow?
And he goes, you got to go through the app.
And it's going to take 30 minutes.
Bye-bye.
Bye.
Oh, that's like somebody walking through a drive-thru.
Do you ever stand behind someone who's walking through like a Wendy's drive-thru?
Wait, that's never happened to me.
No?
No.
Oh, that's happening.
Walking through a drive-thru?
Yeah, you've never seen that?
I've done it.
You've done it?
As a kid when you're like a teenager.
This is faster than going inside.
So people will stand like, yeah.
I've never, what part of the, this is Florida you're from?
This is Buffalo.
Okay, Buffalo.
Oh, you're from, right.
Yes.
Let me get this.
Oh, yeah.
You're from Buffalo, but your family moved to Florida.
Yes, good memory.
Thank you.
But anyway.
Tim, if I, if I, go ahead, Doug has, Doug has a thought.
Doug, the floor is yours.
I would just, you know, I would just, you know,
I would have definitely said you got to order it ahead of time.
Just like.
If I was Matt, if you were Matt.
Yeah, if I was suggesting a place.
No, I do recall, I believe you might have prefaced it with like,
it's one of these ghost kitchens or something.
Do you remember?
I thought it's one of these ghost kitchens you order.
I don't know if you said, I don't think you said it should have ordered.
But I did send a link, which, you know.
The link was broken, by the way.
It was.
I had to retype it into Yelp and.
I'll order you one and pick it up and bring it to the next one.
We can do it today.
You could time it perfectly.
Me and the weird Al Pacino.
Anyway, I wanted to get that off my chest.
So what did you eat then?
And I didn't want to talk to you about it in private.
Have you eaten after that, Tim?
Are you, what happened?
Well, it was a whole journey because.
Well, yeah, it's going to be more than 30 to go somewhere else.
I went to this place.
You want to know?
I saw it, dude.
I want to know.
You want to know, of course.
All right.
So then I go to, I decide I'm going to go to Fish King.
Do you know about Fish King?
Fish King is another Glendale legend.
Great fish place.
They do, they do like, you can go in there and you can, you can buy fish like a
fish market,
but you can, they also do like the shrimp, like fried shrimp with French fries
and tartar sauce.
All kinds of fish dishes.
Oh, I got to go there.
I got to buy it.
I want to buy it to go.
I've been making fish at home.
Get some tilapia.
Wait, so the sandwich wasn't ready for, so you're like, I'm going to go buy
some raw fish at a place.
No, you can go there and get like a, like a breaded shrimp platter with like,
you know,
the fries and the, and the vinegar.
I go there, the parking lot is maxed out, totally full.
I'm looking for parking on the street.
There's no parking on the street.
I just went home.
Complete disaster of a day.
Went right back to bed.
I shouldn't be eating fried shrimp anyway.
What kind of fish do you make at home?
Salmon, usually.
I use salmon is the greatest.
Yep.
Tilapia is big in Buffalo.
This, this, you and Buffalo.
Yeah.
It's big there.
We do the fish fries on Fridays.
Oh, right.
Those are always tilapia.
How do you do the salmon?
How do you cook your salmon?
I just got some salmon in them.
I'm just learning.
This is like my new thing, like three months ago.
I have just a recipe I found online.
It's basically teriyaki salmon in the oven.
Okay.
With like sesame seeds.
Oh, it couldn't be easier.
Oh, I like that.
I just need a olive oil, salt, and pepper.
Oh, there you go.
Yeah, but that sounds.
We used to use the, my wife and I used to do it in the, in the old Foreman
grill, the George Foreman grill.
Nothing we'd ever do, use it for.
I still use it all the time.
Really?
Yeah.
Do you not use yours anymore?
I don't think so.
I think we got a little freaked out by the chemical situation with it.
Oh.
But not you.
I still use mine all the time.
That's what I make chicken in.
It's better in the Foreman grill than anything else.
It's Foreman.
George Foreman.
Yeah.
Do you guys use the Foreman grill?
No.
No, I, no, I never got one.
No, I never got one.
What a loser.
I know.
I got the Tyson fryer.
All right.
Can I just get the show back on track?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Let me just promote a couple things.
Not for me.
Well, for me, in the sense of Tim Fest is coming to Austin in a couple weeks.
We opened up a few more two-day passes, which saves you a couple of bucks.
So you want to come and see Office Hours, and you see the On Cinema experience.
The very good band, DJ Doug Pound and Neil Hamburger, live in Austin.
It's going to be a marketplace of new ideas.
Is that right?
Are we going to screen some Vic Berger stuff?
What do you mean?
Is there a night I could play some stuff?
Yeah.
We should have a late-night Vic Berger.
If that's what you want to do, I don't care.
Put the pressure on.
In your hotel room.
Speaking of Austin, if that's what you want to do.
We never talked about that.
I know.
It's not part of the schedule.
I just thought of it.
I want to do that.
But the Office Hours stuff, we have some very fun surprises.
Oh, we've really built out a great show, and same with On Cinema.
But Vic, if you want to do that, we'll do a midnight-
I would love that.
Midnight screening, but the venue does close at 11.
You can watch it out.
You could have a little screening on your iPad outside the theater.
Yeah, I'll hold it up.
One-on-one screening.
Are we going to go to that ice-cold swimming hole?
Oh, man.
You know what I'm talking about?
Well, I heard it was closed during South By.
Oh, really?
It was bacteria.
Yeah, everything's falling apart, right?
Measles.
I'm going to probably get measles down there.
Oh, God.
You have to stay out of West Texas.
And what is an ice-cold swimming hole?
Is she okay on her mic?
Because she looks very far away from her.
Well, because she had to lean over to look at me, like I said.
Yeah, I can do this.
Because I can't see the guests.
Is this better?
I think it's probably-
Luke, I don't know if you've-
Yeah, that's good.
It's been fine.
Dr. Luke, I don't know if it's cold.
Okay.
Sorry.
This is called-
What's that swimming hole in Austin called?
No, not McCarran Park.
McKinsley.
Barton Springs.
Barton Springs.
Oh, I thought it was called the ice-cold swimming hole.
That's what I called it because I forgot the name.
It's always the same.
It's like a-
It's cold.
It's a spring.
So it's always the same temperature, I think.
Oh.
I love it there.
But yes, I mean, Texas is-
They're going to have to shut Texas down, I think.
They're going to have to close her down.
Tent the whole state.
I know.
Tent the state.
We might all have to get those booster shots.
You heard the slogan, don't mess with Texas.
Measles.
I want to get one of those with a little, it's like a little tattoo.
I know.
Those were like-
That's an age divide.
Exactly.
Yeah.
That meant you were-
A boomer.
A boomer.
Thank you very much.
You guys got shivering teeth and you got the Texas stuff.
We both got that shivering teeth.
I love that one.
The other thing going on in Texas, in Austin tonight, is the great John C. Reilly
is performing
at the Paramount Theater.
Do you know about this?
I think there are still tickets.
His wonderful Mr. Romantic show is going on there.
And by the way, he didn't ask me to do this.
I'm just doing it because he's my brother and I love him.
And he's got this new record coming out called Mr. Romantic.
Well, it's not called that.
It's called MAGA, M-A-G-A.
I am MAGA.
I love records.
It's called Mr. Romantic.
Wait, what the hell is this called?
What's Not to Love.
Oh, that's nice.
What's Not to Love.
I have a few things I could put on that list.
Meghan Markle's new show, which I spent all morning watching Obsessed.
Wait till you see this.
We're going to show, we're going to do a screening at Vidiot's here in Los
Angeles of the entire
first season.
With Stop and Talks throughout.
Pause.
Sam Seder.
Pause.
Pause it.
Pause it.
What is this?
You got clips?
I know.
Already?
Oh, not yet.
Oh, okay.
We're going to look at some of the show in the second half.
The coolest guy in town.
What is that?
Don't derail the show.
I was just going to find a funny feel.
This is the melt.
You want to watch the show where people, watch this clip.
This is the peanut butter thing.
This is the best.
Watch this.
All right.
You want to watch it?
One little bit.
A little tease.
Look at how fun that is.
Wait, do you see this?
Listen to this music.
This is very fun to do with kids.
Or not, because I just had quite a bit of fun.
Teen angel.
Yeah.
For Daniel, why don't we do some truffle popcorn?
Truffle, truffle, truffle, truffle, truffle, truffle, truffle, truffle.
Oil, truffle salt.
Definitely not out of touch.
But wait, the peanut butter pretzel thing is what I want to see.
Watch this.
This whole show is her making snacks for her friends.
Wait, that's it?
Well, then the friend comes over.
What you don't want to do is make it hard for you.
Sorry, we're jumping right into this, folks.
Little labels.
But.
And since we put all of our energy into making those.
There's no more 