Name: Kyle M In Conversation & Song (Ep 337)
Uploaded: 2025-04-22T19:20:21.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Kyle M In Conversation & Song (Ep 337)' from Office Hours Live with Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-04-22. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Kyle M In Conversation & Song (Ep 337)' from Office Hours Live with Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-04-22. Transcript available.

Kyle M In Conversation & Song (Ep 337)

He is risen.
Jesus Christ.
California, the date, April 22nd, the time, 10 a.m. on the Pacific coast, the
Pacific
time zone, and the weather, groundbreaking achievement here when it comes to
live content.
We do start the episode, we're telling you where we are, and give you a general
sense
of the weather.
No one else is doing it this way, folks.
And I'll say that the weather is a little cool out, looking forward to the rest
of the
day being beautiful.
I feel like I'm interrupting office hours.
What sip, DJ Doug Pound.
Good horning.
And always behind me, behind my left shoulder, on the right of your screen, the
sipster.
Hot.
What sip, everybody?
It's so fucking hot.
It is so hot.
Just back from a night shoot on the set of the new MASH reboot.
That's right.
How's that going?
It's going great.
What are you, Clinger?
Alan's fun.
Alan's directing it.
Yeah, Clinger.
I'm a little Radar.
I'm Radar.
Captain Carlin, the worm dude, is also here.
Good morning, everybody.
Good morning.
We have a very special guest coming in later in the show.
We have Tom.
Wormner.
They call me Dr. Wormner.
All right.
Clear him out.
Get him out.
By the way.
By the way.
Who else you got on the show, Tim?
Kyle M, formerly Kyle Mooney, is going to come in and do a couple of songs from
his new album,
The Real Me.
Very exciting.
Kyle's a good friend, and I'm happy to give him this opportunity to let
everybody know about
the new record.
All right?
I have a friend who's worked.
That's the show.
We've got some fun news here.
One of my favorite songs, maybe one of my favorite songs of all time, honestly,
has been released on 7-inch.
Is that a 7-inch single?
It is.
It's the Action News theme song.
This was sent to us by Vincent and Max.
I don't think it's Vincent Max.
It's Vincent and Max.
From the label.
The label, yeah.
The label is Eraser Hood Sound, and they sent us this 6-inch, 7-inch, from the
original
master tapes of the Action News song by Al Hamm.
I think Al Hamm's son produced it, too.
I think I saw his name on there, too.
Al Hamm or Al Hamm?
H-A-I-M, I think it is.
Oh, H-A-I-M.
And it's a good message, everybody.
Move closer to your world, my friend.
Take a little bit of time.
Move closer to your world, my friend, and you'll see.
I don't know what you'll see.
Are they related to the H-A-I-M?
H-A-I-M.
Oh, the band.
The women.
The sisters.
It might be.
Maybe it is.
I don't know.
I didn't get a lot of sleep last night.
Thanks to Perry Shaw, too, did the art on that, too.
And, yes, thanks to Perry Shaw, he alerted me to this, and he wanted to make
sure that
we got our copy.
What's this now?
Oh, this is a jazz version of Move Closer to Your World.
I want to be ninja.
I don't know what that is.
That is not H-A-I-M.
That's H-A-I-M, right?
That's H-A-I-M.
Oh, maybe that was H-A-I-M.
Those H-A-I-M, they're always dancing in videos, singing their songs.
Just like every band?
Not like every band.
Synchronized.
They come up with synchronized dancing.
Are you sure?
I think that's them.
Yeah.
On Instagram.
I see them on Instagram.
Yes.
I couldn't tell you one of their songs.
Let's get them in here.
Maybe they'd be there.
They're not coming in.
The music or the YouTube.
Yeah.
All right.
I came up with, I couldn't sleep because I was working on this mathematical
formula
all night, and I think I cracked it.
Here's the problem, guys.
I came up with a mathematical equation for time travel.
And I figured it out.
I figured out a way to travel one hour back in time.
Huh?
Yep.
Think of all the things you could do if you could go back one hour.
Fix so many mistakes you've made.
The problem I'm having with the formula is it takes an hour to load her up.
Load up the system.
That's a lot of data.
It's an hour boot up and then an hour send it back.
So then by the time you go back, you're booting it up again.
Yeah.
It's called the Heidecker paradox.
What does sleep have to do with it?
That's a dog story.
I mentioned the word sleep because I hadn't gotten any sleep.
Oh, that's what it was.
But if anybody wants to crack the code, I'll publish online.
I'll open source it, my code, my mathematical formula for my time travel.
And then if someone wants to hack it or figure it out, I want to bring down the
time it takes
the boat boot up.
Is it a computer?
It's not a computer.
Well, because maybe you need a better chip in there.
What are we going to do without chips?
I know.
Everything's computer.
Let's take a quick call real quick from our wonderful audience.
We do have bad news.
We're in a bad mood because we lost the Webby officially.
I thought I was going to say the priest.
We lost Aaron.
I'm not so concerned about that.
That guy was on his way out.
He wasn't in there that long, right?
He was in there a long time.
Oh, really?
20 years, I'm going to guess.
He looked rough on Easter.
You're supposed to say to you, die, too, right?
If you're a priest?
Yes.
Well, the priest before him, the pope before him, resigned.
Right.
That was controversial.
Oh, yeah.
The former Nazi.
We don't know which direction the pope is...
By the way...
By the way...
You think we're going to get a mega pope next?
No, Matt, I...
I posted this...
I always do jokes on Instagram, you know?
I like telling jokes.
All the way, all the way, all the way.
It's a funny guy.
And I have an idea.
I'm sitting there having coffee with my...
You know, in the morning with my family while they're eating and getting ready.
And I think I see the news.
Sometimes I post something as a joke.
Because that's what I do.
I'm a humorist.
I'm a humorist.
I posted, frankly...
This occurred to me.
It's funny.
This would be a fake quote from Donald Trump.
Frankly, I should be the pope.
And in a lot of ways, maybe I already am.
Now, that does sound like something you might say.
He would totally say...
He would say that, yeah.
But a tremendous amount of people in the comments thought it...
They just thought it was legit.
A lot of...
A lot of soy-based libs.
Going like, that's the final straw.
He really is crazy.
I love Tesla.
I guess the point of it is, like, yeah, it is hard to believe...
It is hard to differentiate between the satire and reality.
We are living...
He is risen.
You know, Onion article, Matt.
I'm so young.
We're living in 1984 and the Onion combined.
A lot of people are saying.
Let's take a call.
Yeah, let's get into the hotline.
We got bone pickers.
That might cheer us up, right?
Let's do that.
How could that cheer you up?
Well, we did lose the Webby in the very rigged voting system.
And we have real, real evidence about the rigging.
Because what happened was everybody was voting.
And we were in the lead up until the day before they closed the voting.
And then the day...
Is this correct?
The day before they closed the voting, they made it...
They masked...
Yeah, they stopped showing what's going on.
There's dirty stuff behind us.
We got to get the pillow guy on.
Dirty!
Yeah.
I hate it.
It's got to stop this deal, folks.
Aaron, you got a bone pick?
I got a bone pick.
Howdy, fellas.
I got a bone to pick for Mr. Vic Berger.
Yes, finally.
Here we go.
Here we go.
I want to cheer you up, Tim.
Here we are.
Vic, I want one of these damn shirts.
Oh, shit.
I know.
I get nothing.
I know.
Give me one of these damn shirts.
All right.
I'm getting an order form together.
It'll be out tomorrow.
You just gave them...
You gave stacks of them away.
I just start giving them out.
Stop it, Vic.
It's like too much work to put it all together.
You have to come to me to get it, I think.
All right.
We'll send one up here, okay?
All right.
I'll send one up there.
We're going to give Vic's new home address out so you can show up at his house.
Knock on my door.
That's fine.
Why don't we sell them?
I don't understand.
Where's my taste?
Yeah, I know.
I want to wet my beak.
I know.
Well, this whole thing started.
This is a real Vic hole.
This was like...
I put it together pretty quickly and it just happened.
I was going to get...
I have the years of Perry.
Speaking of Perry, we're going to have him design a nice one.
What's there to design?
It's done.
I know.
It's done.
It's beautiful.
It's perfect.
The idea was for Vic to make some money.
And I said, why don't you do it on your own?
We can help you out.
All right.
I'll discount my cut.
I'll cut my cut in half.
I don't know if I can give a cut.
I don't know if I can afford to give a cut to anybody.
All he has to do is take the PayPals.
It's not that hard.
Well, I'm going to...
Yeah, tomorrow there'll be an order form out all through Google.
Thank you, Google.
Yeah, it's fine.
Just DM.
And I'll mail them out.
But now you're going to be spending all your time...
That's what it is.
Yeah, I'm sure I'll lose money anyway.
It'll take you one hour.
All right.
I'll do it.
All right.
It's coming soon.
Thanks for questioning.
I thought he was going to complain I left my dog shit on the ground again or
something.
You want Vic to make some more money.
Everybody's going to sign up for Patreon.
Go to Patreon.com slash Office Hours Live.
Patreon's doing very well.
I have to tell you.
Many, many.
It's always only going up.
So we want everybody to be involved.
If you're watching this later in the free show, people, it's time to get off
your ass and join
the club.
Don't we have like 3,000 free members or some shit like that?
Isn't that...
There's people that are just...
I don't understand how that works.
Well, yeah.
There's folks.
Freeloaders.
You can join...
But you don't really get anything.
You don't get anything.
Support it, kind of.
Get out of here!
Yeah, get out of here.
We have a lot to get because we're going to bring in Kyle earlier than we would
normally
in our musical slot.
We promised in conversation.
Yes.
We're going to have a deep dive into the mind of Kyle M.
Get to the bottom of this.
We're going to do a City of the Day.
Let's do that, Matt.
And then I think we have some other special people calling in.
So let's do City of the Day.
We're on track.
City of the Day.
City of the Day.
Ain't much more to say.
Let us all play.
City of the Day.
City of the Day.
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First time customers get four free napkins.
I am Tim, and I want to hear the jingle now.
Yeah.
You're stuffed full of chicken, but you want to keep licking.
Because you need those nasty trippings like a grease maniac.
You know you want to suck, but you're not on a look.
So grab a pocket and don't get Daddy's Lickin' Shack.
Lickin' Shack.
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Daddy's Lickin' Shack.
Daddy don't did it again.
Daddy don't did it again.
Thank you.
What's beautiful?
What's Daddy's other establishment?
Okay.
What is this?
What's Daddy's other spot?
Oh, he's got Daddy's double-boiled chicken.
Uh-huh.
And he's got...
Corn mash or something?
I feel he's got his...
Cream corn.
Cream corn?
Did he do the cream corn on the cob?
We'll have to look into Daddy.
I think we start...
Matt, we start looking into opening Daddy's chains.
And a dipstick's booger shed.
Oh, right, right.
That's living the world.
Franchise it.