Name: KILL TIMMY 🔪 FULL EPISODE 🔪
Uploaded: 2025-04-29T01:00:06.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'KILL TIMMY 🔪 FULL EPISODE 🔪' from Office Hours Live with Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-04-29. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'KILL TIMMY 🔪 FULL EPISODE 🔪' from Office Hours Live with Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-04-29. Transcript available.

*Screams*
*Screams*
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Austin, Texas, are you ready to get fucking crazy?
*Screams*
*Screams*
Alright, we'll give it up for the
King of Mead
The Prince of Put-Downs
And the Byrne Baron himself
Timmy Heidecker
Jesus Christ
*Screams*
People who work at the Boston
They're a bunch of hairy-legged women
in global suitcase
*Screams*
*Screams*
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What's up, Austin?
*Screams*
*Screams*
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You guys suck
*Screams*
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I hate Austin, I hate being here
*Screams*
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I think you guys are all a bunch of losers
*Screams*
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Are there any Mexicans here?
*Screams*
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*Screams*
Alright, you know the deal, we're gonna listen to some fucking comedians try to
be funny.
Fuck, shut the f- hey, can I, can you not touch your computers while I'm
talking?
Fucking idiot.
But anyhow.
Alright, do we have the, um, bucket or whatever?
Alright, first comedian is Nate Sakulich.
Hey guys, uh, you ever hear of this, uh, Peter Parker guy, Spider-Man?
No.
He's, uh, you know, he was, he was bitten on the tuchus by a-
No, no, no, no, no, no.
And now he's, like, got this, like-
No, shut the f- no, go, away, fuck you.
You know what your problem is?
Look at you.
Look at how stupid you look with your stupid hair.
Fucking kill yourself, dude.
Who cares?
Shave your fucking head, right?
What do you guys think?
Go down to the Sixth Street Bridge and jump.
Jump.
Oh.
Oh, go away.
Alright, next is, uh, Jesse Kincaid.
Hey, hey, hey, what's up, what's up?
Ladies, this is for you.
Oh, shit.
You ever have, like, a huge load of hot cum, get something-
No.
And then you burp and it smells like brie?
And then you can't concentrate when he's returning the favor,
because all you want to have is, like, a big car-shooter-y boy.
Okay.
There is nothing worse than getting finger-banged
in the William Cannon Chick-fil-A drive-through
by a guy that has severe carpal tunnel syndrome.
And then you get to the window and it's a fucking Sunday.
Then you can't eat your feelings about your whole life,
and it's also your dad's birthday, but he's dead.
And, you know, he had a huge fucking hog.
According to my mom.
Alright, thank you so much.
That was great.
Yeah, congratulations.
That was terrific.
Did we like her or what?
Oh, we've got a couple more here.
Dave Sizzle.
Dave Sizzle.
A little bit about me.
Autism.
Oh, so this is fucking crazy.
I was at HEB, right?
Which stands for Howard E. Butt.
Which is fucking...
It writes itself sometimes.
But I was there, and so hot dogs are packs of ten.
But then if you go...
If you go to the roll aisle...
It's not good.
Let me finish.
Go ahead, but it's not good.
You suck!
You do, you suck.
You're not good at doing comedy.
No one likes you.
Goodbye.
They like me.
Do you like me?
Bye-bye.
Oh, fuck you.
Fuck you.
This is why Austin is full of the stupidest worst people in the world.
Goodbye!
Goodbye, Dave.
Let's pull somebody else out.
Byron Brown.
What?
Hey, what's up, Austin, Texas?
Woo!
All right, I know what you're thinking.
You're like, what's Steven Spielberg up here doing stand-up comedy for?
I'm not Steven Spielberg, but I do love movies.
I'm a big Gene Hackman fan.
I was very upset when he passed away.
There was a lot of mystery surrounding his death.
Get to the punchline.
We all know he died.
What's the mystery?
What's the mystery?
There was a lot of mystery surrounding his death.
His wife passed away a week prior to him dying.
Right, we all know that.
We all saw the news.
What's the punchline?
There was a very rare virus.
And there was some discussion about naming the virus after her.
What is the name?
What is the joke?
What is it?
That's right.
It's going to be called Gene Hackman's Asian Wife Disease.
Oh!
Okay, you know what?
That's actually really good.
Thank you.
Seriously.
Let's hear it for this guy.
This guy's a star.
This guy's a star.
What's your name again?
Byron Brown.
Byron Brown.
Byron, you are something special.
And I think you're going to go places.
So let's hope you come back and we're going to sponsor a world tour for you.
Thank you.
Alright, let's hear it for Byron Brown.
Really exciting.
Alright, next is John Merriman.
John Merriman.
Let's hear it for John Merriman.
What's up, Austin?
What's up, guys?
You don't have to say what's up, okay?
Just start your jokes.
Oh, sorry.
Where are my millennials at?
Are any Gen Z here?
Any boomers.
No one cares what generation you are.
No one cares what generation you are.
My daughter has an iPhone and she looks me in the eye and she's like, "Dad, my
phone sucks."
I'm like, "Oh, this glowing rectangle that connects you to everything in the
world is something you don't like?"
We grew up with three channels, okay?
Alright, you know what?
You know what?
Somebody should break your other arm.
Get off my stage.
You suck.
You suck.
You suck.
And you shouldn't...
Excuse me.
I'm being serious.
I'm being serious.
You shouldn't be alive.
You suck.
You suck.
Alright, we've got one more comedian for you guys.
Tonight's show is only going to be 25 minutes.
I've already got your money.
I don't give a shit.
Huh?
Our next, our final comedian is somebody named Philip Brown.
Phil Braun.
What?
Phil Braun.
Phil Braun.
Phil Braun.
Phil Braun.
How's everybody doing out there?
Where's everybody from?
Austin.
Somebody say Austin.
You know, only two things come from Austin.
Huh?
and an LGBTQ+ community that we respect and embrace. And we don't...
I don't want to fucking do it anymore. Can we do something else?
Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on!
Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on!
Come on! Come on! Come on!
Come on! Come on!
Oh yeah!
Just keep doing it!
Oh yeah!
LTE 2Q+
Is everybody ready to wax?
I love roast comedy.
Roast comedy is the highest form of entertainment and the highest form of
comedy.
Yeah, it's the roast world.
Everything's decided by roasts now.
How about this guy with the Astros jersey on over here?
Justin Verlander or Nolan Ryan?
Who said that?
Who did?
Who, you?
What's your name?
John.
John!
What kind of name is John?
Like the most boring name you could come up with.
Mom and Dad said, "Hey, what name are we gonna come up with here?"
What are you doing with here? I don't know, let's just go with John.
What?
What are you doing with here?
What are you doing with here?
What are you doing with here?
What are you doing with here?
What are you doing with here?
What are you doing with here?
What's going on with here?
*Squeak*
*Screams*
Thank you.