Name: Rachel Kaly, Rachel Goodrich, Paul McCartney from East Sussex (Episode 338)
Uploaded: 2025-05-01T19:25:28.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Rachel Kaly, Rachel Goodrich, Paul McCartney from East Sussex (Episode 338)' from Office Hours Live with Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-05-01. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Rachel Kaly, Rachel Goodrich, Paul McCartney from East Sussex (Episode 338)' from Office Hours Live with Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-05-01. Transcript available.

Rachel Kaly, Rachel Goodrich, Paul McCartney from East Sussex (Episode 338)

I like having fun. I like to laugh. I like to meet people who can make me laugh.
I like having fun.
Good morning, everybody. It is May 1st. Happy International Workers' Day to my
commies out there.
A lot of communists. This is Christmas for commies. This wonderful day. We're
happy to have you with us on Office Hours Live.
Look, this is a country of snitches and bitches.
We are joined, well, let me just say, first of all, the weather is wonderful
today.
It's a beautiful spring day here in Glendale.
And we're happy to have you joining us from wherever you are.
We're going to get right to the show today because we've got so much going on.
With me, as always, to my right, your left, the wonderful, and coming from the
right politically, DJ Doug Pound.
Good morning.
Okay. Thank you.
And coming to you from my...
My mouse broke.
Coming to you from the left of the political spectrum.
I'm not from the right of the political spectrum.
You're a centrist. You're like a Reagan Republican, Reagan Democrat. Whatever.
I'm not a Reagan...
You're a big fan of... You know who you love is James Carville.
I'm a fan of minor threat.
I'm team Carville.
Now look, here's what the Democrats need to do.
Right?
And then get them right.
They all got to rock this.
They're going to go catfish them.
Until they're going to...
They're not going to do nothing if they're Trump.
I'm a fan of...
I'm more of a Combs guy.
Well, here's the deal.
Here's the thing, Jake.
James Carville.
Touched Cosby.
Gives a shit what that guy thinks, by the way.
You had lunch next to him, didn't you?
Well, I had a...
That's kind of cool.
Oh, there he is.
Oh, there he is.
Nah, I'll do that.
By the way...
By the way.
The guy is famous for doing a campaign in 1993.
Right.
I think that was before my special guest today was born, if I'm not mistaken.
But he's milked it, too, because his wife is on the right.
Who's he milking?
Who do you think he's milking?
He's milking us.
Himself.
He's milking the wormhole, baby.
Yeah, the wormhole.
Come on, me, stupid.
They keep inviting him on.
He's, like, sitting in his living room in, like, a dirty t-shirt.
Diaper.
The wormhole from Kalamazoo.
I got nothing.
You're half a root to a ginger tree.
I would come up with the fucking stupid shit that he would say.
Oh, yeah.
Why is he wearing that?
Nah, you're half a root to a ginger tree.
Something like that.
Just come up with nonsense expressions that you've never heard before.
Show what he sounds like.
You want a clip?
I don't know.
Yeah, here you go.
Oh, now, Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill.
Oh, here he is.
You don't have to eat a short of a glass of milk.
Was there a club, Brandon?
Who did he work for?
Clinton.
Oh, interesting.
The state of Louisiana, the speaking of the house.
He looks gorgeous.
He wrote a foreword in a book that describes two conspiracy theories and homophobic
insults.
I thought Mike Johnson wrote a foreword to the Bible?
Do you think Mike Johnson can hold his party together?
Now, here's the thing.
He wrote a foreword in a book that describes a bigger threat than al-Qaeda.
Here's the thing.
Al-Qaeda, al-Qaeda.
Let me tell you something.
They have a speaker of the house.
They got probably at least two Supreme Court justices, maybe more.
Maybe more?
All he does is read the news.
People in the press have no idea who this guy is.
Shut him up.
Mike Walsh got ousted by Trump.
Now, here's the thing.
They're going to find some of those.
And then they'll go to that barge.
That wasn't it.
They couldn't have said the words I was saying.
I'm going to find some foghorn leghorn.
Why are we talking about this?
I'll tell you something, folks.
We have a whole meeting about this show, and it didn't...
James Carlton didn't come up once.
It's the point.
Why do I do this?
Carbo, he's fine, right?
He's all right.
No, he's...
No, we should just ignore him.
Trust me.
The New Orleans accent...
40 years ago, whenever it was, 90s, the guy had one good campaign where he got
Bill Clinton elected.
Whew, that was exhausting.
That's it.
I met Bill Clinton once.
You did?
Well, let me introduce the wonderful, and she's back for her second time on the
show, which, let me tell you, you are in an elite club.
Really?
Yeah, we were talking about this this morning.
Not too many have been asked back.
That's huge.
What's up, everybody?
I'm here, I'm here.
I'm sorry.
And Rachel, Kali.
Hey, guys.
This is kind of like Kali from Game of Thrones, Kali.
Kali.
Technically, it's Kali.
I never correct people.
Maybe I need to work on that.
You want to put that on Do Not Disturb, or what?
Yeah, pretty much.
Yeah, what do you got?
Anything good coming in?
eBay offer.
Oh, what are you getting?
Well, I'd like...
The truth is, I want a Gucci wallet.
Not you.
Not you, Rachel.
Of course, me.
Why?
Because why not?
Well, these are secondhand things?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay.
What is the status that you want to project to people with your Gucci wallet?
I don't know.
It's an addiction.
I'm not proud of it.
Okay.
I don't think it's good.
Well, I was going to ask you a very simple question, a very general question.
How are you?
I'm okay.
Because I think about you.
Really?
Because of my mental illness?
A little bit.
Yeah.
I mean, it's tough.
Yesterday was tough.
Today, couldn't be happier.
You're happy to be here.
Yeah.
And I follow you on Instagram, so I see your posts.
But your posts are generally pretty positive.
Yeah, I love to make observations about the world.
Yeah.
Share them.
And our audience was thrilled to find that you're coming back.
That's nice.
They said you had a great set on Seth Meyers.
Yes, that was scary.
What was scary about it?
The scariest part is the walk to the mic, because there's a door that opens,
and then there's
like 50 feet you have to walk to, and you're like, what the hell?
Yeah.
Everyone's looking at me.
Well, you do that when you go out and do shows on comedy clubs, you have to
walk from somewhere
to the street.
Yeah, but it's something about, you know, the cameras.
Did you, like, run your set at the clubs the night before and that kind of
stuff?
I actually didn't.
Woo-oo.
Uh-oh.
Eeps.
And that was a mistake.
And then they have these cue cards for you, so you remember your set.
Oh, that?
I could, now, see, that changes everything.
I would do that every night.
Yeah.
It wasn't, it wasn't that bad once I was out there, but the words, you get to
choose what
they write, and the words I had them write.
Sure, and sometimes you just want, like, bullet points.
Yeah.
It was, but I walked out, and, like, my cue cards were, like, kill yourself,
gun in mouth,
like, stuff like that, because those are the cues for my jokes.
Oh, no.
But that's what I was looking at when I walked out.
I was like, oh, my God.
Oh, dear.
Well, we don't advocate that.
That was going to be a joker situation.
No, of course, of course.
What did you say?
Well, if you're doing stand-up on a talk show, it kind of sounds, and you're
saying
gun in mouth, kill yourself, it's like the joker.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, the joker.
And how's that audience at these late-night tapings?
Because I feel like some of them are a little dim-witted.
That's what I thought, too, no offense to them, but they actually were so, like,
warm and down.
Oh, good.
I was ready to bomb, basically.
Right.
And then they just, like, loved clapping.
Now, does Seth Meyers invite you over to the couch, or no?
He invited me over to sit next to him to be silent.
Which was perfect.
As a good woman should.
Yes, exactly.
Did they look at your set ahead of time and give you any notes on your jokes?
Yeah, they kept asking me to cut stuff where I said I was going to kill myself.
And no 9-11.
Cut the tape.
Come on.
I know.
What are you going to do?
Can we get over this 9-11?
Literally.
And that's part of who you are.
It's my whole thing.
It's in my DNA.
I got asthma from it.
Yes, if people don't know, Rachel...
She did the...
She did the thing.
She orchestrated it.
She's in one of the planes and...
Parachute.
Parachute it out.
Silk parachute.
Landed on the top of the Statue of Liberty.
Kind of in a cute way.
Kind of like...
No, but truly, you grew up around...
How old were you when this terrible event happened?
Six.
Six.
I have great memories of being six.
How about you?
Six!
Yeah, it was great.
Started off with a bang.
Like, you were down at the...
Like, your school was at the base...
My school was a mile away.
Were you in first grade?
Yeah.
My school was a mile away.
We were in the, like, red zone of, like...
Like, we were right on the edge of where you get cancer.
Right.
After.
But did they evacuate...
I hope this was fun.
Did they evacuate you as soon as that plane hit?
They...
Well, my mom was a teacher at the school.
So I had to wait with her for, like, everyone else to get picked up.
And then we walked home.
Right.
Because there were no cabs or anything.
Right.
And I remember the walk being, like, quite fun.
Sure.
Got ice cream.
You're essentially suddenly in a Michael Bay movie.
Yes.
Well, very traumatic for you.
Sure.
But you seem to be totally fine.
We'll do it again.
No, we're happy to have you.
You're going to chill.
And, you know, we take calls and we talk about Vic and everybody else.
Just so you know.
I'll get excited.
Speaking of Vic, I do...
Just to go through the show with everybody, so we're all on the same page.
We have a lot to get to today.
Our musical guest, Rachel Goodrich, is coming up later in the day.
That's why we've branded this show The Rachels.
Kind of clever.
And that's the difference.
I'll say.
Doug's got a game that we're going to be playing.
Can you give us the name of the game, Doug?
What is the name of the game?
It's called Same Name Morph Game.
Same Name Morph Game.
Because our guests have the same name, so it's kind of based off that.
Nice.
Oh, interesting.
We'll take your calls.
We've got lots of clips to look at.
I've got two bones to pick with two people in this room.
One is Vic.
I was going to say, it has to be me.
One is Matt Garland.
So get your boners ready.
Doug, you're in the clear this week.
Good for you.
Congratulations.
I just kept my mouth shut and put my head down.
And then, Doug, I feel like you and Rachel can...
I might not be in the right here.
I don't know.
I'm just telling you how I feel about how certain things happened.
Oh, no.
And you can maybe chime in with your feelings about who's in the right, who's
in the wrong.
Great.
Get a little...
You up for that, Doug?
Throw me a freaking bill.
Can't we just have different opinions?
Of course.
Does it need to be zero sum?
Ready to chime in.
Of course we can have different opinions.
But we all have to learn how to behave with each other.
I got a bone to be...
We all have to learn how to...
Be civil.
Be civil.
Yeah.
And I feel like I've been mistreated badly in a lot of different ways.
So we'll get to that later.
I have so many great ideas.
You want a...
We got a Zoomer with a sort of heartfelt message.
You want to start with a heartfelt message?
Of course.
I think so far the show's been quite wholesome.
It's great.
I have a friend who's worked.
I have a what?
It's John Mee, who we were going to talk about, but he called in.
John Mee, John Mee, John everybody.
Hey, guys.
How's it going?
Hello, John.
I see Matt on my screen.
Hi, Cam.
How's it going?
I wanted to call to...
Thank you guys very, very much.
I was a little bit nervous.
I've called before, but last week I received a kidney transplant that I've been
waiting six
years to get.
Congratulations.
During that time...
Thank you.
During that time, I've completely dived into office hours.
I was a dialysis patient, and about 15 hours a week, I was tied into a machine
that was cleaning
my blood.
So I had a lot of free time to enjoy the entire back catalog on Patreon, the
office hours episode.
Now, were you just a casual...
I definitely...
Were you just like a casual listener up to that point, or not a listener at all?
No, casual listener.
Huge fan of you and all your work.
Everybody involved in the show.
