Name: Nick Kroll, RM Brown, Mike Portnoy (Episode 341)
Uploaded: 2025-05-22T19:19:45.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Nick Kroll, RM Brown, Mike Portnoy (Episode 341)' from Office Hours Live with Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-05-22. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Nick Kroll, RM Brown, Mike Portnoy (Episode 341)' from Office Hours Live with Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-05-22. Transcript available.

Nick Kroll, RM Brown, Mike Portnoy (Episode 341)

There's only 12 bars of music.
I like having fun.
I like to laugh.
I like to meet people we can make.
Good morning, everybody!
Yes, I like you too.
Good morning!
It's Office Hours Live with Tim Heidecker here in Glendale, California.
It is May 22nd.
The time is 10.05 a.m. if you're watching us live.
It's a good opportunity for you to make sure your clocks are set.
And it is hot out here in Glendale.
I don't know what it is at this second because we've been in the studio.
The air conditioning is not operating.
I'm going to talk like Jordan Peterson.
Everyone see when Jordan Peterson is trying to form an idea and he gets his
eyes closed
and he starts straining to get out the things that are in his head, bouncing
around.
What's going on in there?
But it is warm out.
And a little bit of a different show today.
Vic Berger's not in town.
Well, he's in town.
He's taking a sick day today, folks.
He's taking a day.
And we've got...
Well, first we have the great DJ, Doug Pound!
What are we going to do without chips?
What are we going to do without chips?
Good horning.
Good horning, Doug.
Good horning to you.
Good horning to Carson.
Good horning.
Well, I was going to introduce him.
Lieutenant Carson behind me, behind my left shoulder, to your right.
Lieutenant Carson in the Vic seat.
It's going to be the hot seat today, I have to tell you.
Uh-oh.
What's up, everybody?
The hot seat.
Oh, he's doing what's up?
Damn.
We have a level issue with Carson.
Oh, boy.
Here we go.
Carson, you've got to have your own...
You've got to have your own catchphrase.
You can't be doing Vic's...
That's true.
That's true.
Now I have two issues with you.
Oh, boy.
Just piling up.
Where is Vic?
We said, Vic, we're going to come up with funny reasons Vic isn't here.
Funny reasons Vic isn't here.
Almost like a top 10.
And standby, Nick Kroll is in the studio.
I've not introduced him yet, though.
And you're being very polite.
Nick Berger.
Nick Berger.
That would be fun.
Carson, get the hell out of here and let him sit in this chair.
I'm the Nick Berger.
Watch out.
Here I come.
Chomp, chomp, chomp.
Nick Berger.
Vic Berger is stuck up a tree.
That was one idea I had.
The fire department is on their way, working on getting him down.
Vic Berger is involved in a...
We're in Southern California, so this isn't that unusual.
But he is involved in a high-speed chase, car chase.
On the 5-3.
I heard that Nick Berger.
I heard that Vic Berger was starting a fire.
Yeah, he's starting a fire in Castaic.
Yes, there is a fire in Castaic, north of Los Angeles, up in Castaic, a fire is
being
started by Vic Berger.
Doug, do you have any news on what Vic Berger's up to this very moment?
Any news on what Vic Berger is up to at this very moment?
Looking for an improvisational...
Yeah, he's getting his vaccines removed.
His whole blood is being taken out.
They removed the vax in one of those spinning deals, and then they put the
blood back.
And is this an RFK Junior Water Keepers kind of reverse vax?
He's been kind of watching the RFK videos lately, and it's RFK-related.
Yeah.
All right, drill that one into the ground.
I started off good, and then we kind of died.
I heard that Vic is in line for the new Conan Gray album that's coming out.
Does anyone heard of Conan Gray?
Have you heard of Conan Gray, yes or no?
We have a lie detector set up on your chair, so be honest with you.
I think Conan O'Brien is going gray, and I think he's...
There's no evidence of that, by the way.
There's no...
That's what I'm saying.
That hair, we were talking about this.
Now, we all love Conan O'Brien.
God bless him.
We hope nothing ever bad happens to this guy.
But we gotta...
The hair is...
That's where you go to?
Well, the hair is...
We're tired of the hair, aren't we?
Yeah.
So we should end his life.
Yeah.
No, I'm not saying that.
No, we don't want anything to happen.
We don't want anything to happen.
We don't want 86 him.
No.
But there's Conan Gray.
There's Conan Gray.
So this came up in my news alerts this morning.
Conan Gray announces new album, Wishbone.
Now, my audience is going to say,
you don't know who Conan Gray is?
You don't?
Hold on.
Let me get my reading glasses on.
Okay.
Big shot.
Remember Conan Gray?
It's Freddie Mercury.
Yes, but his lead...
This song is...
Give me a little Conan Gray on the audio, on the speaker.
Give me a little taste of what...
I want to see if I like Conan Gray.
Where does Conan Gray...
Where did he come from?
Is he a YouTuber?
Is he...
Was he in a band?
He's...
Is he Benson Boone?
Is he Benson Boone?
What if Benson Boone is like...
I have a song from two hours ago.
Yeah, let's hear it.
Hey, Brian.
Bitches.
Wait, this is a 30-second video from Conan Gray.
Okay.
You want to hear...
I want to hear Wishbone.
Wait, here's a song.
You could try to see my sweetest...
My sweetest...
He sounds like...
Andy Schauff.
I don't want to get flat.
This is crazy.
He has a song with two billion views.
What?
What?
Don't you ever feel, Nick, like you're living in some kind of simulation?
Dude.
Heather.
I'm in the Spider-Verse right now.
I'm in there.
I'm in there.
No, I...
You sounded like...
You know who you sounded like there?
You sounded like Michael Keaton doing his Beetlejuice.
I love that movie.
Take those sunglasses off.
Are those really your reading glasses?
It's showtime.
You dropped the bomb on me.
Can we talk about this real quick?
Yeah, let's do it.
I don't...
I know Nick now 20 years.
Yeah.
Maybe.
I think so.
Very casually.
Yeah.
Like I said...
Never intimately.
Never been over to my home.
Never been to your home.
Never been...
I've never been to yours.
But every time I see you, we always have a little laugh.
We do have a good time.
We have a good chat.
Funny guy.
Fun chats.
Everyone knows Nick.
He's a funny guy.
I said, hey!
Okay.
Is that the guy, the brothers, the band that are from the classic rock guys?
What's going on?
Oh, that's what's going on.
That's 4-9.
You know that band, those two...
That those brothers, that one guy, it's like, it looks kind of like that.
They're like now, but they're from the classic rock.
Oh, yeah.
We don't like these guys.
Yeah, right?
There's something about that little guy's ego.
That little...
You know that...
Greta Van Fleet?
Greta Van Fleet.
Yes.
No, it's not Greta Van Fleet.
Come on!
It's Greta Van Fleet.
Yeah.
Greta Van Fleet.
It looks...
It is.
But maybe Conan Gray is the lead singer of...
Greta Van Fleet?
Greta Van Fleet.
Greta Van Fleet, and this is a solo project.
Oh.
This is an amazing segue into our first guest.
Oh, we have our first guest already.
Okay.
We're just getting into it, Nick, here.
Our first...
Let me tell you something, though.
So, Nick, let me just finish this thought real quick.
Nick and I have known each other casually.
I think we know each other in a very respectful way.
A respectfully casual, intimately casual, but respectfully distant level.
Sat next to each other at a mutual friend's memorial.
Yes.
That's the last time I saw you.
And that's how I got the invite to office hours, baby.
That's how I work.
I go to these functions.
I say...
He goes, if Nick's a good time at a funeral, he's going to be a good time on
office hours.
Tim checks for all the...
He goes on Partyful, and he sees what funerals are happening.
I go to all the funerals.
You gotta give your number to RSVP for these funeral Partyful funerals.
Anyways, the one connection I have with Nick is, I don't know, how randomly you
asked me
about who does my water filtration or something?
I got...
Your name was dropped in a water filtration consultation.
All right.
So, I checked in on you.
You said yes.
Do you like this guy?
I like this guy.
I went...
Because you seem to be a guy who can build things.
I'm a builder.
You're a builder of...
Almost like the Adrian Brody in The Brutalist.
Yes.
But, yeah.
So, I mean, we have like a system where our water gets filtered.
Yeah.
So, we don't have a Brita.
We advance from the Brita filter.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You got it.
And grateful for...
It's been working great.
But then you...
Just a minute before we go to air, you tell me this...
Our water guy...
Main guy...
Passed.
Passed.
He passed on.
He was not an old...
This was a young guy.
Wait, your water guy died?
Yeah.
Is that the funeral you had?
How do I...
First of all, how do I not...
It's a different funeral.
I don't think we went to...
We were not invited to the water guy's funeral.
Was he buried at sea?
That's a good question.
That's a good...
Maybe he should be buried at pond.
Well, let's show a little respect.
This is not a young guy.
I mean, this is not an old guy.
Yeah.
This is not an old guy.
Was he killed?
By illegal immigrants?
Oh, wow.
Wow.
Was he involved in a gang?
Yeah.
Agua Trente?
It was an agua.
It was a water-related...
I can't speak to the specificities of...
I'll do respect to this situation.
I'll do respect.
Come Blackwater!
I want to reach out to them, though,
because they come every couple of years.
It's terrible.
They're very...
And they've...
I don't want to be flippin' about this, but...
Sorry to drop that bomb on you right before we started this.
Okay.
So we got that established.
Our mutual...
One of our only mutual connections is no longer with us.
Yep.
So our connection to each other now is very tenuous.
It's, at best, it's like, you know when a bridge is about to collapse
and there's just the one metal wire?
Your thoughts on the Mexican Navy situation on the Brooklyn Bridge?
Oh, my God.
The funniest thing to happen on Apple News.
You were laughing, you were openly publicly making fun of that situation.
I was making fun of the bridge.
I was making fun of this Navy thing.
No, it's terrible.
It's terrible.
All right.
So we want to shift gears dramatically here.
You're not really a music guy.
Love, love, uh, Conan Gray.
You love Conan Gray.
And by the way, Nick has all these things we're going to promote for him.
He doesn't need our help, but it's, he's got shows.
Big Mouth is coming out.
Ah, it's great.
Yeah, but you don't have an album coming out.
And you got a movie.
What's the movie?
That seems the most important.
I don't understand you.
I don't understand you.
That's the name of the movie.
Now, you were telling us, don't watch the trailer.
It's hard to say.
I watched the trailer.
You liked the trailer.
I thought the trailer was good, but I had the same reaction.
You have, which is it gives away the whole damn movie.
It tells you, it tells you a lot of what happens in the movie.
But I think that the, what's tricky about a movie like this is what the
audience expectation,
what they're watching.
And then a big turn take comes.
And so you want to, and the debate is whether you tell the audience what they
can expect
or be surprised.
Shoots, shot in Italy.
Shot in Italy.
In Rome, Italy.
Did you, did you pause for a second before agreeing to do this?
Because they said, Nick, we have a movie for you.
Shoots in Rome.
You don't say, you say, I don't need to know.
I don't even know.
I don't even want to know the script.
I don't want to know.
Don't tell me anything else.
What language?
Doesn't matter.
I'll do it.
It was, it was, it was a great idea.
And it's me and Andrew Rannells, who I love and know quite well.
Brian Cranow and David Craig, wonderful directors who I knew.
And the movie was like, go shoot in Rome.
And it was great.
I went with my wife and our young child.
And then we got there.
My wife was newly pregnant.
And, and my child was so angry that I was working till five in the morning.
And he was so mad.
How old is your, how old is that?
He's now four.
He was two at the time.
And now you've got a new baby?
Got a, yeah, almost two-year-old.
Oh my goodness.
Can you talk to me about fatherhood?
I would be happy to off the air.
I'm one of the great dads.
Let's, let's, let's, we have to get into this because we have a very special
guest waiting
to talk to us with some huge, and I see you don't like music.
I know you don't like music.
I really know much about it.
I saw you on that one so