Name: Dan Licata, Hurray for the Riff Raff (Episode 342)
Uploaded: 2025-05-29T19:28:02.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dan Licata, Hurray for the Riff Raff (Episode 342)' from Office Hours Live with Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-05-29. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dan Licata, Hurray for the Riff Raff (Episode 342)' from Office Hours Live with Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-05-29. Transcript available.

Dan Licata, Hurray for the Riff Raff (Episode 342)

I like having fun. I like to laugh. I like to meet people who can make me laugh.
I like having fun. Yes, I like to laugh. I like having fun.
Good morning, everybody. It's Tim Heidegger here. We are coming to you live
from Glendale, California. It is May 29th, 10 a.m. in the morning, and it's a
little overcast, a little cool.
We're expecting Sun to come through any moment now. We'll keep an eye on that
for you and let you know as the day proceeds.
We have a great show today. We have Dan LaConda and hooray for the riffraff.
We're going to be taking your calls, talking about the news of the day, and we've
got some special surprises for you, including a game from DJ Dog Pound!
Good morning, sir. How are you this morning?
Good morning, T.A.
Good morning. Good honing.
Doug is with us.
The king of comedy.
DJ Dog Pound.
And I've known him for a long time, and I'll tell you what, this is a big guy.
This is a funny guy, very smart guy, Chicago guy, neurotic guy.
And Vic Berger is back in the Vic seat, the Vic, the Vic.
Still a version, sadly, but what are you going to do?
What's up, everybody?
All week, he tried to get some.
Came up unsuccessful.
Saw Vic on hinge.
Trying to spread his word out, spread his seed in a lot of ways.
And it was unsuccessful, and balls remain full.
They're there.
Back to the gills.
They're so ready to burst.
Something's about to bust up.
It's Vic's balls.
His semen inside his body is waiting to get out.
They said, Vic, just rub one out.
Because, no, no, if I'm going to ejaculate for the first time, it's going to be
with a woman I love.
Impregnate.
Impregnate that woman.
He slimed me.
Oh, boy.
What have we done?
What have we done?
Matt, let's roll things back and start over.
You painted yourself into a corner there.
Captain Carlin, I'm no longer calling him the worm dude.
I appreciate that.
Thank you.
Thank you, Tim.
Matt called me over the weekend, begging, crying.
Please don't call me the worm woman.
I have a new name for him.
Worm woman.
Disgusting.
The worm woman from down the road.
Nothing wrong with that.
Come on.
Hold on.
Texting me in from a mummy.
Captain Carlin!
Okay.
This is Captain Matt here.
Nothing to be worried about.
With me is the actual king of comedy, one of the great young stars coming up in
the comic
world.
Big fan.
I'm a big fan, and he's a big fan of mine, I assume.
Dan Licata is with us this morning.
What's up, everybody?
Dan, I got to tell you something.
It's going to be tough for you today.
It's going to be a tough road.
Okay.
Every day is a tough day for me.
Because we had a couple weeks of stars on the show.
Oh, really?
How'd they do?
Nick Kroll last week.
Ever heard of him?
I've heard of him.
And the week before that was Kumail Nanjiani.
Oh, yeah.
He's jacked now, right?
Big, tough guy.
Yeah.
Strong guy.
Barely fitting that seat.
I'm scared of him.
And you, let's be frank, on a different level, a lower level.
I'm not as strong as him.
No.
No.
But comedically, maybe as strong.
It's not up to me to decide.
We're rooting for you, let me just say.
And I'm a big fan of yours.
So we're rooting for you to do well today.
And I hope you do well.
Thank you.
Thank you.
The pressure is on.
Okay.
I'm ready.
I hope I do well, too.
I'm a little tired today.
Why are you tired?
Well, my wife made me sleep outside last night because she found Miss Swan and
Stuart AI porn
on the laptop that we share.
Yeah.
And I don't know how you feel.
I love this AI porn stuff.
I'm not familiar with it.
I love it because I'd be thinking of stuff they can't film.
But my wife, she found this.
She's like, why are you watching this?
It's unethical.
It's bad for the environment.
Just use your imagination.
I can't use my imagination.
I need to see this stuff.
Who did you make have sex?
Miss Swan and Stuart.
Two of the classic Mad TV characters.
I don't know these characters.
Oh, I know Stuart.
Matt, can we bring up Stuart from Mad TV?
I'm trying to find it.
Yeah.
I mean, you should have that ready to just ready to go at all times.
Yeah, we should have Stuart in the library.
I can picture him.
Was it?
Is it?
Very pale kind of guy.
Yeah.
Pale.
Yeah.
Oh, you're right.
They both are.
That's just a little sneak preview.
Those are people dressed up as them.
Yeah, those are Halloween.
Which is a bit similar to what you were experiencing, I guess.
Yeah, yeah.
It's close, but it's just the slightest bit obvious.
What other AI characters did you invent to do it?
So you get off on watching that character make love.
Yeah, yeah.
Don't kink shame me.
No, I won't.
Just clarifying.
Yeah, yeah.
Just clarifying.
What other characters?
Fuck, what was her name?
Lorraine?
Another mad TV character.
You're into this mad TV stuff, huh?
Kind of my thing.
Yeah.
Fuck.
Who else was a mad TV character?
This seems like...
Is that Lorraine?
Oh, there she is.
Yes.
Oh, there we go.
There we go.
This seems inappropriate these days.
This back, if you go one back, the character of the...
She was not an Asian...
Yeah, this would not pass the woke test for sure.
This would not...
You could not make mad TV nowadays.
No, I don't think so.
Nor would you want to.
Yeah, not appropriate, folks.
Well, listen.
We also have a band coming up on the second half of the...
Or the first...
The end of the first half of the show.
Hooray!
Hooray for Holly!
Right, Vic?
Yeah, exactly.
Hooray for Hollywood!
Hooray for the riff-raff!
Hooray for Holly!
But I don't know why we want to cheer on the riff-raff.
Yeah.
I think we should shoo away the riff-raff.
Yeah, we should cyber-bully the riff-raff.
Do you ever do any cyber-bullying?
A little bit.
Basically, yeah, I sent Patrick Mahomes...
The day after the Chiefs beat the Buffalo Bills in the playoffs this year,
I sent Patrick Mahomes a DM that just said,
You're lucky the purge isn't real.
Oh, shit.
Yeah.
My wife was like,
Are you sure you want to do that?
It might be perceived as a death threat.
I was like,
It is.
I'm sorry.
There's no two ways about it.
You were serious.
You had intent to harm.
I wanted him to at least feel...
Is that because you were a Bills fan?
I am a Buffalo boy.
I am a Buffalo boy, yes.
Okay, you are from a Buffalo.
I am.
From a Buffalo.
I'm from a Buffalo.
How much time do you spend up there at Niagara Falls when you're growing up?
Oh, every weekend we were going up there trying to score salvia from guys in JNCO
shorts.
It is.
It is.
Honestly, they say it's like one of the great wonders of the world.
It truly is.
I don't know.
Wait, people go to the falls to score drugs?
Oh, yeah.
Big time.
Which side?
The American side.
Now, I think, Doug, you'll appreciate this.
I think it's interesting that people go to the falls for water.
They also go to springs for water.
You don't ever hear about no one going to the summers for water or the winters
for the water.
The hell?
Very good.
Winter, spring, summer.
Fall, I get it.
Doug, you don't catch that?
I catch it.
I catch it.
Thank you.
That's out there.
It is.
It's different.
I mean, it's kind of more, I'm doing a bunch of Stephen Wright style jokes
these days.
I like that.
I like that.
I'm a sucker for wordplay.
Yeah.
Well, I should speak about your stand-up special currently airing on YouTube,
which is where
this broadcast is appearing.
Yes.
For the boys.
Tim, I get my Susans at Summers.
I mean, my Susans.
Susans, okay.
I'll work that out again.
Please, come back to us when you have that fully formed.
I got my marks at Summers.
Go to a few open mics, shop that a little bit.
I get my Jonathans at Winter.
There you go.
There we go.
Saturdays are for the boys.
For the boys is one of my, I'm sure I talked about it on the show before
because I loved
it, loved it very much.
Thank you so much.
And got to spend a little time with you last summer when I was in New York.
Yeah.
Speaking of that, I'm on the cover of a big fashion magazine today, believe it
or not.
Which one?
Well, it's one I've never heard of before.
Okay.
Oh, so it's not big at all.
Well, do you ever go to the magazine store?
That's me.
Whoa.
You ever go to the magazine store and you see like a hundred magazines and you're
like,
what the hell are all these magazines up to?
How are they staying in business?
Yeah.
Who's buying these fucking things?
Well, this is one of them.
Wow.
I guess it's out of England.
Some British magazine.
Well, we did a whole, it's going to be an interesting tie-in to the show today
because the concept
for this photo spread, I got a movie coming to the Tribeca Film Festival, the
movie I was
shooting when I hung out with you in New York.
Got it.
It's all full circle.
Who cares?
Anyways, the point I'm trying to make is they said, we want to do this photo
shoot, photo
spread for this movie, fashion shoot.
They had this one idea, which I killed.
Yeah.
I said, I don't think so, pal.
Nice try, bucko.
You want me to show you the picture?
And then they said, well, what about, you're a big fan of David Lynch.
What about some kind of ode, some kind of homage to the films of Lynch?
I said, now we're speaking my language.
So they got me up in the, dressed up like some of the characters from the David
Lynch movies.
Nice.
Fortunately, not that all black monster from Mulholland Drive.
Mulholland Drive, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
That'd have been badass.
Wall-E.
They have you, the girls from Mulholland Drive?
Nah.
Yeah.
Little John Merrick?
Who?
John Merrick, Elephant Man?
No.
Wall-E.
You're in prosthetics for seven hours for a, you know, I was reading the, I'm
reading this
memoir about David Lynch and apparently, um, he, in his, he, when he got the
Elephant Man,
he was like, I'm going to be in charge of the makeup.
I'm going to do it.
I want to design it.
Like, and he, he spent like a month, like doing it himself and it was a
nightmare.
It was like, not, didn't work.
Came off, like it came out really bad.
Yeah.
And they're like, let's just get somebody that does this for a living to do it.
You know, he's like, all right.
Or they could have done the Bowie thing when Bowie was on Broadway.
He would just make the faces himself.
I'm not an animal.
That's so stupid.
He did the Elephant Man on Broadway?
Yeah.
With, with no prosthetics or makeup or anything.
Yeah, but it's cool.
Like move his face.
You don't think it's cool?
I don't know.
It's maybe offensive, I think.
That's not going to work because Bowie is like an attractive man.
He is like, I'll do this the whole time.
There's footage of it.
It's really funny.
Yeah, that would not pass.
That's not going to work for me.
No, it's not going to watch.
You keep us on, on, on point about what will pass the woke test today.
That would be helpful.
Absolutely.
We are going to look at David Lynch's, um, auction.
There was a, he passed away, of course.
All right.
Unfortunately, everyone's got to go.
This is like woke central.
I know it is, Bill.
Sorry.
I'm not even going to talk about Bill Maher today.
How do you like that?
Are you doing Club Random while you're on here?
I'm, I got to go, actually.
Pretty soon, uh, I got to make it to Club Random.
You're so crazy.
I got to get baked as hell beforehand, too.
Oh, don't get baked now.
You get baked when you get there.
Yeah, I like to get baked before and during and after.
That's just, that's just it.
Throw down a couple of shots of, uh, tequila.
Yeah.
Do you know that the Beals were?
The Beals were what?
The David Lynch auction is happening.
And we're, we have some exciting, uh, items on here that we're hoping to
procure.
Uh, the big one for the boys behind me is the David Lynch, uh,
the Chaos Pad.
And the Chaos-lator.
Yeah.
It's a bundle.
We pull that up.
That's a good price right now.
And, uh, you know, if we get these Super Chats going, I can replace my Chaos
Pad here,
which is...
I want Doug and Vic to have the Chaos Pad.
That's my dream.
$600.
That's not a bad price for the two items.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, where is that?
Oh, now it's up to $600.
That's not the Chaos-lator Pro, though.
We want the, uh...
Now, are you guys in need of a new one?
No.
Or would this be redu