Name: Paul Scheer Steals the Show (Episode 348)
Uploaded: 2025-07-18T19:27:18.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Paul Scheer Steals the Show (Episode 348)' from Office Hours Live with Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-07-18. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Paul Scheer Steals the Show (Episode 348)' from Office Hours Live with Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-07-18. Transcript available.

Paul Scheer Steals the Show (Episode 348)

Yes, welcome to Office Hours Live.
Your eyes are not deceiving you.
It is me, Paul Scheer.
No Tim this week.
Why?
Well, let me tell you, people.
You probably heard the news about Stephen Colbert.
That's right.
CBS is giving the late show the axe.
And guess what?
It's trickled down here to Office Hours.
That's right.
Tim, a little too expensive.
So we had to make some changes.
They brought me in.
I work for cheap.
And I don't bring any of that attitude.
I come here as a team player, ready to do whatever the network wants me to do.
And I am joined by, of course, two irreplaceable gentlemen to my right and to
my left, which I can't quite figure out because I'm not looking at them.
DJ Jug Pound.
Good morning.
And Mr. Vic Berger.
What's up, everybody?
Guys, are you excited?
It's important that I get wet.
I mean, I'm excited.
I mean, because this is a chance for you to do whatever you want.
Right.
I mean, right now, we can open up the banks.
We can go deep into whatever you have for me.
I'm ready.
Now I'm getting excited.
We got a lot.
We got a lot to cover today.
This is a special Friday edition.
We have a big guest.
And this is actually, you know, look, we're not going to have on some sort of
alt-comic or weird band.
We got a big celebrity guest because, again, we're making changes, right?
We're kind of bringing this show into the mainstream.
We got a giant celebrity guest coming up.
And it's going to knock your socks off.
I was so happy to book this guy.
Really good stuff.
We've been, I think, working on the connection to make sure everything goes off
without a hitch.
Matt, I know you're excited about this.
Very excited.
Very extensive rider for this guest.
Very big.
We don't usually do, you know, hair and makeup.
I mean, this is my attempt to make Office Hours Live the male version of Call
Her Daddy.
All right?
This is it.
Call me daddy.
We're doing it.
Guys, what is it like not to have Tim here?
I know you've had him virtually.
How many guest hosts have come through the Office Hours portal?
God.
You'd be the first.
Yeah.
Wow.
Wow.
And it probably is because I've been a guest here a bunch of times.
No, actually, I don't think you have.
Yeah, actually, you're right.
I've never been a guest.
My first time is taking over the show.
That feels like a recipe for disaster, but it's not.
I'm proud of myself.
Because we are going to do some things a little bit differently.
We got some great Zoom calls coming up.
We're going to do some wellness checks.
We got some dops.
But, guys, I just got back from vacation.
Did a little vacation.
And I got to tell you, I had a great time with my family.
And I want to admit something that I probably wouldn't admit to anything.
My kids were beating me at a card game.
And I started cheating.
And I felt really bad about myself.
Oh.
What game?
Rummy.
And they were just rubbing it in my face.
Just kind of making me eat it.
And then, you know, I knew that their little minds, they're not smart like me,
looked over at their cards when they weren't looking.
I knew what they had.
And then all of a sudden, I started beating them.
Oh, my God.
I have to.
Look, as a parent, I only got a couple more years where they respect me.
So I can't let them start beating me now.
We all can grow and we all can learn.
It ain't about how hard you hit.
It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward.
How much you can take.
I just came back from Vancouver.
We did How Did This Get Made?
Up in Vancouver with the movie Driven, which is Sylvester Stallone as a race
car driver.
It's kind of like F1, but with Stallone and Burt Reynolds in a wheelchair.
And we found that the scene from that movie, Rocky Balboa, classic, classic
Stallone performance.
A car is kind of a wheelchair.
It is.
It's, you know, especially if you put a motor in it.
Yeah, sorry.
Anyway, you were in Vancouver.
I was in Vancouver and we realized that that Rocky Balboa speech is almost verbatim
the exact same speech that he wrote in Driven.
Like he's like the Aaron Sorkin of motivational speeches.
He's got the same everything.
He's like, you're not the same kid that I once knew that you could put him back
to back.
I feel like Stallone, we got to get we got to get him in here one time.
You think he'd ever do this show?
I think we'd have a better chance of getting Frank in here.
Frank is not bad.
Like, you know, you pop on the song when you're driving on the highway.
One of those, you know, a Frank Spallone song is a hit.
Far From Over.
Far From Over is a great song.
Yeah, that's a good tune.
What about Computer Room?
That's yeah, that's maybe his best.
Wait, Computer Room is the name of the song?
Yeah.
Can we pull that up or no?
Legally, we probably can't pull that up, right?
I think we'd make that up.
Yeah, let me see.
Because I, is it just about a man sneaking off into his own computer?
Yeah.
Oh, I love this.
This is a, this is a good, yeah, this is a, this is a good Frank.
We'll just wait for the chorus.
So dear, we're turning your bedroom back into the computer room.
Yeah, that's Frank Stallone's best song.
That is.
You know what?
Now that you play it, I instantly recognized it.
Y'all, uh, y'all have your rooms changed when you were, like, when you went
back?
My, my parents made, uh, a room that was meant to memorialize me, but with
stuff that I would
never have hanging up in my room.
Like I came back home and, uh, my mom had framed a playbill from a play that I
saw, uh, of Hamlet
with Ray Fiennes would never have, uh, chosen that as like the piece of art
that defines me.
Uh, and, uh.
So it was like a, uh, um, it was a dedication to you?
Well, I did hang.
I, this is what I used to do as a kid.
I used to go get my autographs and I would hang out by the stage door.
I'd meet Patrick Stewart after the Christmas carol, Ray Fiennes.
Oh, cool.
You know, at this point, Ray Fiennes, not that popular.
He wasn't like, uh, he was maybe like Ray Fiennes.
He wasn't even in Strange Days, I don't think at that point.
So, you know, this is early, early Fiennes.
So you, you're kind of like, uh, on the, um, uh, a fan of the up, up and coming
actors.
I'm always trying to find the latest people popping in the UK and, uh,
Australia.
Cause I want to know what America's got in store.
I mean, I was, uh, I was in front of those Hemsworth brothers years before they
hit the shores.
Uh, did you guys ever collect autographs?
I mean, I went to, when I went to Disney world one time, I got like, uh, Pluto
and goofy.
I got all those.
Well, I mean, those are, those are tricky to get too, because they, they, they
specifically
are like, we will not, we will not sign you to get them to sign.
It's like a big deal.
It is a giant like gloves with like three fingers.
How do they, I know how do they do that?
Just like, yeah, it's awful.
And they're sweating and everything.
I, I, I still can't even talk about Pluto.
Cause one time when I was there, um, he, he put my father's head in his mouth
and I threatened
to bite his head off.
That's so nice though.
I did, um, I did, uh, I think probably the saddest thing I've done as an
autograph collector
as a child was buy a Quentin Tarantino autograph at like a 49th street and
Broadway store off
of Times Square.
What, was it, uh, like certified, like, was it actually his?
No, no.
There was no certification on it.
It was just a store that had tons of autographs and I'd spent 250 bucks and it's,
there's
no memory to it.
It was no memory.
It was someone else's memory.
Right.
It just, that's weird to buy an autograph that like, just, he signed to someone
else.
Uh huh.
Yeah.
I would write away to different celebrities, uh, to get their autograph.
Uh, I remember, uh, I wrote to David Dinkins, former mayor of New York.
Got a, got an autograph from David Dinkins.
A rare one.
Uh, a really rare one.
Uh, I did get a Bill Clinton autograph as well.
I, you know, got it.
I knew that those were gonna come back.
Um, you got Cuomo?
I didn't know.
Cuomo's tricky.
Uh, it was a tricky one.
I couldn't get him.
I did get, uh, there was a, a musical artist.
Uh, her name was Samantha Fox and she was kind of a, you know, kind of a sex
positive.
Uh, you know, her album was like Naughty Girls Need Love Too was the name of
the cassette
tape that I had.
And, uh, and I wrote her a fan mail saying, I understand.
Uh, and you're right, Naughty Girls do need love too.
And like a little, little psychopath.
Offering your services.
Was she in The Runaways?
Um.
Or am I thinking of someone?
No.
I'm thinking of Lita Ford.
Yes.
Oh, okay.
Right.
I'm getting them mixed up.
Uh, she looks a little, she looks a little bit nice.
That looks a little bit more put, not put together, but yeah, they, I guess as
a child,
that was the most sex forward thing I've seen, a lot of zippers and leather.
Now, do you still have it today?
The autograph?
Oh, I have got all my autographs in, uh, in a little binder, uh, that I've kept,
uh,
including Christopher Walken on a Vicodin notepad.
Oh my God.
I met Christopher Walken when I was taking a trip to, uh, Hollywood, met him.
He signed it, uh, right next to the guy who I thought was Kirk Cameron, but it
turned out
to be just a dude who was the head of the Miami Vice Stunt Spectacular at
Universal Studios.
The show before the Waterworld Stunt Spectacular.
I wrote to the, um, I wrote to the vinyls and I said, uh, I touched myself too.
They wrote back.
It would be like, oh, finally someone just admitted it.
We can just get it out in the open.
Um, guys, but did you, did you ever have, did you come home to a computer room?
Did you come home to a different room?
Oh, I see what you're saying.
Like once I moved out, um, yeah, it was a different room.
It was, it was like more of a, a Nintendo room.
My dad kind of got addicted to Tetris.
This is a thing, by the way, is it, are you being serious about this?
I am being serious.
Okay.
Cause I have noticed that parents get addicted to Tetris.
And I talked to a friend who said his mom, like went on a six month, like bender
of Tetris.
Like just like, yeah, just like leaving the room.
Where is she?
Oh, she's playing Tetris.
My wife has gotten into Tetris.
A good, uh, friend of mine, Elizabeth Lame.
I'm sure she won't mind me, uh, outing her.
Elizabeth Lame.
Yeah.
Elizabeth Lame.
It's a, it's a tricky name.
It is a tricky name, but a great comedy writer, great podcaster.
She, uh, got addicted to Tetris.
Uh, and when she invites you over to the house, you come in and she's like, let's
sit down.
Let me, let me challenge you.
And she's up there doing 210 lines and it's impressive and, uh, and it really
does.
I, I got addicted.
I, or I started to play it and it is, it's pretty addicting.
It's pretty good.
I like the Russian music too.
Yeah.
The music's great.
Like you can switch it up.
I, you know, look, I don't want to get into politics on this show.
That's the one thing I feel like I really want to make sure that I'm not
supporting.
I want to support either side.
I like the Ukrainian music that they have in Tetris.
I like the Russian music.
I, this is not, again, I need to keep this show on the straight and narrow that
Tim's not here.
Cannot get political.
Can I, I suggest something for the callers?
If you have, if they have autographs, maybe they could.
Oh, they could show us their autograph.
I love this.
I love this.
We're going to get to the city of the day in one second, but Vic, what about
you?
Nintendo room.
What did you get?
Yeah, it was a, it was a computer room.
My dad turned it into a computer room and he, I kept my bed and I think they,
he would sleep
in there, take naps in there.
I think we could check with him, but that sounds about what he would do.
And storage for his, uh, he likes to camp.
So he had a lot of his camping gear.
That'd be cool if he turned into a camper.
Yeah, a camp room.
Oh, I'd love a camper.
Just this tent, like just a little, like an interactive art museum in there.
Um, my mom, uh, the, in addition to the Ray Fiennes, uh, picture blew up a
graduati