Name: Tim Crashed Out & Ho99o9 Broke Our Eardrums! (Episode 355)
Uploaded: 2025-09-04T19:28:37.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Tim Crashed Out & Ho99o9 Broke Our Eardrums! (Episode 355)' from Office Hours Live with Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-09-04. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Tim Crashed Out & Ho99o9 Broke Our Eardrums! (Episode 355)' from Office Hours Live with Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-09-04. Transcript available.

Tim Crashed Out & Ho99o9 Broke Our Eardrums! (Episode 355)

Turn to classic movies.
It's September 4th.
You're watching Office Hours.
It's 10 a.m. here on the West Coast, California time.
Let's jam.
Glenville, California.
We are still in a heat wave.
It is hot, hot, hot.
Temperature is expected to rise throughout the day.
Does anybody have some sun protection?
Man, I need it.
But it's good.
We're getting sun, and it's healthy to get sun, a fair amount of sun.
I know some people on the Internet disagree.
Some legendary filmmakers.
Don't like to get a lot of sun.
Who disagrees with filmmakers?
You know, I don't like the sun.
It's, you know, recent guest of Bill Maher.
We're going to get into that later.
We got a couple of things on that.
You're not going to spend too much time on it, I'll be honest with you.
Didn't quite deliver.
There was the amount of people sending that to me the other day.
Oh, look at this.
Emails.
Text messages from some elite entertainers.
Email and...
Did you catch him?
Woody on Bill Maher?
Oh, no.
I just...
No, I don't...
I'm not interested in that anymore.
I'm interested in yoga.
Right, Doug?
Ladies and gentlemen, behind me, one of the great...
One of the originators of comedy.
21st century comedy, I should say, is DJ Doug Palm.
Oh, good horning, Tim.
Yes, thank you.
And over here, fresh from Vegas, on his way back to Vegas.
Vegas Vic!
That's right.
We can call you Vegas Vic.
I'm just a money machine.
I'm an ATM giving out money today.
Now, I understand that you made mucho pesos in Vegas last weekend,
and so you're going back to double down.
I'm just going to put the $20 down on red and see what happens.
It'll match the hat you wear around.
You don't wear it on the show.
Which hat are we talking about?
The Make America Great again hat.
Oh, that one, yeah.
The Make America Great again hat thing you wear.
I don't like to get political on the show, so...
No, but off the air, you should see him with that hat.
I wear two of them at the same time.
Yes, Daddy.
Captain Carlin, the Worm Dude.
Good morning.
He called himself the Worm Dude.
Well, we have a great show for you today.
We've got...
Matt, how do you...
What's the genre?
I'm getting it mixed up in my head.
This is a punk rap group.
that's right i was gonna say metal but not metal it's more punk rap you know
how to pronounce their
name yes how do you pronounce h-o-n-o-n-o-n-o-n-o-n-o-n-o-n-o-n-o-no of course
it's horror
horror what a great name for a band i mean you'd think like maybe there's
another band that didn't
make it out there called horror because that's a that's that brings me to the
table uh yes um
and they're gonna come in and play a tune i've heard it before it's a good tune
i think it's uh
i think it's an unrelease from the forthcoming album okay yes they've got a new
album coming out
tuesday comes around i think they're doing us tonight today and then they're
doing uh
the tonight show tomorrow night yeah failing they're flying in here wow
uh if you're in the los angeles you might want to come down to the elysian
theater on september
uh i done blown it 18th it's in september it is september vic oh it's september
18th and
only a couple two weeks away actually there's not next tuesday not next thursday
but the thursday
after that i'm doing a solo show there a comedy show and i've got to figure out
what it is i do the best
mark it's the greatest thing ever well nah so these guys i've if you're
familiar with my uh
podcast appearances i did the mark marin podcast last that appeared on monday i
believe and uh these
guys have picked the bones off of that audio so you'll be hearing if you you
don't even have to
listen to the interview you're just going to hear clips of me and mark
throughout today's show i
imagine how's your finger and i got some bad news for you what your lesion show's
sold out what it
is yeah both wow yeah why mention it yeah you don't have to stand wait are your
pits wet in that photo
well no here's the deal first of all two things oh working on it oh good who's
putting this photo on
there i mean that's a wet pit no it's 100 it might be because you know where
that is is in florida
at one of before one of our shows last year in front of st petersburg i think
oh i remember that
green room they're just like they're i have a thing and please if there are any
doctors listening
when i wear white shirts my pits get all stained dark that's gonna be a deodorant
kind of deal it's
not you don't wear deodorant i talked to my doctor he said don't wear a white
shirt how wet can they
get yeah well we all know how to pit problems all right well it's sold out so
you guys are all in
for a bad time isn't it called working it didn't you change the name yeah i
changed it i know i think
i changed it to i changed it to working on it i had it working it out but that
turns out to be mike
berbiglia's podcast which i've never been invited on yeah you did you were on i've
never been invited on
you guys i why are you i i i drink your blood ladies and gentlemen vic burger
has done it again
he's across me for the last time and god's going to slay him he's going to put
him down in the grave
i told you i've never done oh may god help you uh you son of a bitch i'll fuck
you vic i said uh how
dare you this vic burger piece of he'd be nothing without me he comes on to my
show and tells me
i've done goddamn mike berbiglia's show god damn it you cut freak i'll scoop
out your goddamn heart and
need it to death i don't like being on the receiving end i like to hear it like
my name i'll crucify you
how'd you you liar you lied in front of god saying that i've done mike berbiglia's
podcast you scum
i'm looking i swear on god's green earth listen head listen i'll never retire i
never sleep i never
stop i'm not reading another book i'm not seeing another movie until i know you're
buried in the
in the ground vic burger you son of a bit i lost my alex jones but he's been
out of the picture for a
while you haven't again you know yeah here's the deal of it now you son of a
bit right that turned
into a mom i mean obviously you guys got to watch this clip interdimensional
vampires you son of a
bitch vic burger comes on my goddamn show and says that i've been doing mike
bringing this back together
i'm gonna eat his heart ah he didn't eat homes i think maybe i always mix those
guys up homes which
i regret you regret i regret i did not enjoy it holmes really owen schroyer is
a is a baby sucking on
a pacifier yes vic burger is a baby sitting on a pacifier oh i'm gonna cut him
limb limb from limb i'm gonna suck out his goddamn liver see vic didn't i tell
you look
this is the oh he does look cool look good yeah evan schroyer like owen schroyer
get on our show
owen schroyer is a is a baby sucking on a pacifier no you said that already he's
an elitist arrogant
dirtbag owen schroyer is scum do you think i'm here to be shit on do i look
like a toilet to you
there's no more no filter vic harris it's my message for vic oh get in on that
zoom in on that
listen to me i'm gonna eat your dick
all because you thought you might have been invited to birbiglia's podcast just
a little mistake
if you want good coverage of this i want to talk too much more about it but if
you want to get
i'm i need to lay down after that i think people don't even know what we're
talking about at this
point they do anybody with me is gonna get the full truth i want to see i love
when he looks over this
is by the way too lazy to try thank you for going through all this that's very
good but i also
recommend rm brown's coverage of this rm brown did a great breakdown of this alex
jones and it is
a joy can we see when he's yelling over schroyer's shoulder that that's not in
this clip oh okay but
it's in the rm brown clip if you want to try to find out on the left this is
pretty funny oh no he's
here let me tell you something about this son of a bitch he doesn't understand
the podcast i've done
and the podcast i haven't done it wouldn't be so hard for that little cunt to
put together a list
to start coming into your shots yeah i don't care that's not what you want to
see
in the monitor that does not that does not exude professional broadcasting
that's owen yeah he used to have just a neck he used to have just like the chin
strap beard for
a while and he had short hair looks pretty cool but he looks great like it and
alex saw that and
all the people support oh i can't stop thinking about big parker miss yeah he
said he thought i'd
done podcast i never did
that was invite me to do his podcast i've seen bob odenkirk on now i've seen kuma
holy how's everybody enjoying this matt is everybody happy can we take a call
of course
of course someone's gonna calm me down so mad at vic there's a calming he's a
traitor i got judas
sitting behind me
maybe uncle jeff i'm gonna put you in the cauldron over a hot flame and watch
your the fats in your
body boil out imagine all the people you're gonna you're gonna boil on your own
fat juices
imagine there's no countries it's hard to do who is this uncle jeff or die for
i think we know jeff
will be a calming crow tim yes uncle jeff please jeff is looking good jeff
calling in from a coffee
shop better than schroyer too look at that yes sir you got my coffee okay i'm
hearing most of
most of the coffee shop not as much as you
what kind of what kind of brew you got going on today
it's uh variety oh i have a coffee cup from them
i don't know what's going on what am i hearing all right jeff thank you for
calling in i hope you have
a great day what's that noise we want to hear the music it's just the whole
coffee shop but there's
also like a pad under there is that you no no that's just weird all right you're
haunted jeff
we'll get you next time thank you jeffy baby i do want to talk about one thing
real quick
oh so many balls
i had just been taking a bit of a news break this week i turned it off i turned
i checked out folks
but it gave me it gave me some time to think about my country and where we are
and i'll tell you i
feel genuinely genuinely and genuinely sort of optimistic about things i feel
like i love my
country i was at the dodgers game the other day and i stand just like everybody
i try not everybody but
i stand for that national anthem and i salute my flag
thank you and i think generally we are a good people and we are a good country
and do i agree with
everything that goes on in our at the at the top of the chain there absolutely
not but i think our
the intentions are
positive i'm just a human being and i go to the bathroom like everybody else
we all can grow yeah that's true but there's been something that's been just
biting my ass and i
hate to do this on this i don't have to get too political but this is bugging
the
out of me and i want to address it because i think that's it's it's so obvious
to me
that we could be doing better in this area okay it it feels like something we
should just do and get
it over with yes but for the past couple years president trump as you guys know
in his first term
established space force there's a new part of the military to fly around in
space and shoot people
shoot aliens down whatever it is conquer other planets this is basically one of
our most and
discover new life out there in the deep galaxy you have people like kirk out
there and spock and
they're all doing great work right so we're excited about space force space
force but last year or
year before i don't know when it was this son of a bitch biden zombie biden or
whatever you want
to call him even it was a zombie zombie biden this beijing biden beijing biden
i call him
this ghost dead walking dead they call him the zombie biden walking dead biden
whatever this son of a
bitch he put the space force in colorado now doug i don't got nothing against
colorado
okay i know your family's there and we got a great audience in colorado intruder
alert i think
but this bitch this son of a bitch that's biden this lizard freak put
god damn space force in no seriously you put it in colorado put it in colorado
it's 