Name: NO BEARDOS! Madison Cunningham, Sean Malin (Episode 359)
Uploaded: 2025-10-02T19:34:27.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'NO BEARDOS! Madison Cunningham, Sean Malin (Episode 359)' from Office Hours Live with Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-10-02. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'NO BEARDOS! Madison Cunningham, Sean Malin (Episode 359)' from Office Hours Live with Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-10-02. Transcript available.

NO BEARDOS! Madison Cunningham, Sean Malin (Episode 359)

No more Beardos.
I like having fun.
I like to laugh.
I like to meet people who can make me laugh.
I like to have fun.
Yes, I like to laugh.
Gah!
Gotcha, sleepin'.
Gotcha, gotcha!
Good morning, everybody.
It's Tim Heidecker here coming to you on October the 2nd, 2025 here in Glendale,
California,
where it's overcast, a little cool but hot.
In the studio, coffee's hot.
Burned my throat on that just moments ago and am recovering.
We've got a great show for you today.
We have the author of a new book about podcasts called, well, the man's name is
Sean Malin,
and he's sitting here right now looking at me.
It's called the Podcast Pantheon.
I don't read.
What's that, Joe?
I don't read.
Okay, well, maybe there's an audio book that we can get to you.
I don't read.
I don't read.
I hear you.
Just read my phone.
We know.
We can tell.
We just listen to whatever's in front of you and agree with it.
Calm down.
I am calm.
Thank you, Joe, for reminding us.
Yeah.
And later, the music of, I'm now calling my favorite release of the year that's
coming
next, this month, I believe.
Okay.
Madison Cunningham, not from Happy Days.
A lot of people think Madison Cunningham is part of the Cunningham family with
Richie,
Richie, Joanie, of course, Fonzie, Fonzie is not a member of the family, but he
is considered
a member.
What was Chachi's last name?
Baio.
Fonzarelli.
It was not Baio.
October 10th, it comes out, next Friday.
Got it.
But Matt, what we're talking about is Arthur Fonzarelli.
That's it.
That's Chachi's full name.
Chachi Fonzarelli.
Wait, is Chachi's, is he Fonzarelli's brother?
What if the writers were like, can we just call these guys like Vinnie Mozzarella?
Vinnie Gabagool.
Arcola.
Chachi Arcola.
Chachi, is that right?
Really?
Chachi Arcola.
Arcola.
But he's related to Arthur Fonzarelli in the show?
Younger cousin of Fonzie.
Oh.
He loves Joanie.
Okay.
He loves Joanie.
All right.
So what was I talking about?
Madison Cunningham.
Cunningham, right?
Cunningham.
It's a cunning, that's a very smart piece of meat there.
Cunning, it's a cunning ham, Doug.
Abraham Lincoln is the best baseball player.
Are you listening to me?
Yeah.
No, not really.
It's a cunning, it's a cunning ham.
It's a very wide, very devilish little piece of meat.
It's a devilish ham.
Of course.
Deviled ham, cunning ham.
Sensei Abraham Lincoln.
Clever.
A clever ham.
But speak of the devil himself, deviled ham.
He is truly a deviled ham.
Back from Europe, where he spent so much time, way too much time, in my opinion,
for a grown
adult to be traversing around the continent like he's Ernest Hemingway, but yet
not coming
back with a book written.
Doug!
DJ Douglas.
Good horning.
All right.
And they input right here in Los Angeles, almost against his will due to some
recent incidents,
VB4, the Vic the Virgin.
Let's sip, everybody.
The hard pan on the left.
I like the hard pan ASMR slurping.
You like that?
Yeah, it's true.
I almost did not get here because someone...
Well, let me just tell everybody, well, let me just paint the picture.
Yesterday, we had a rare in-person office hours core four meeting in Highland
Park.
We got to give a shout out to Bell's Bagels, Bell's Delicatessen, and...
In the flesh, we did it.
We did it in the flesh, and I was very excited to see everybody.
Doug had just gotten back.
He said, let's...
We like to do this every once in a while.
Instead of doing our Zoom, we do an in-person meeting, and Vic was alerting us
that he was
going to be late because...
I turn it to you, Vic.
My car sounded like a race car when I started up.
It was in the parking garage, and second level, way down low, and somebody snuck
in through
the night and cut off my catalytic converter.
Bye-bye.
And yeah, so I'm in the process of getting that worked on.
I got a rental this morning.
You're in an apartment building, and they got into the garage.
They somehow snuck in through the garage.
Yeah, my apartment building's pretty lax.
I think it's an inside job, and I think you did it to yourself.
I may have.
You did it.
Who knows?
For attention.
There's no proof.
To distract from the files.
That's right.
I think we got to bring in the National Guard to protect these parking garages.
That's true.
Get on it.
No more beardos.
No.
Send the troops in.
Send the troops, folks.
There's a lot of crime, and we have to send in our troops to quell the crime,
to get rid
of all crime.
We're really good at this stuff.
And once the troops come in, we'll have no more crime, and we'll live in a
perfect society
in Eden, we call it, or Xanadu.
Nothing bad can happen.
It can only good happen.
That's correct.
It can only good happen.
Well, we have a surplus of Trump talk, unfortunately, because last week was the
very special Eric
Wareheim in-conversation interview, and we kept things apolitical.
Kept daddy out of it.
For the most part.
So cute.
Eric said, I do not want you talking about Trump because I'm a big supporter of
this.
No, I'm not kidding.
We did talk a little bit about it at the end.
Shut up!
I said, well, let's see how we say that.
Well, we did talk about that, of course.
Yeah.
You guys, pick somebody to play the stuff, because you guys are overlapping.
We're all hopped up.
I haven't been on drops in a long time.
And it shows!
I got an itchy finger!
Get it out.
Doug, I'm going to give you 30 seconds to get it out of your system.
Go ahead.
Go ahead.
What?
There you go.
That's fascinating.
Uh-huh.
Mustard kipped him out.
Mustard kipped him out.
Walk on home, boy!
Are you good?
All right.
Doug?
Okay.
Are you good?
Okay.
Yes or no?
Um.
Hmm.
Do you need more time?
Yes.
Yes.
All right.
I'll give you another 30 seconds.
Yes.
I want to say also that we're fairly certain that Benny Safdie, the filmmaker,
will be calling
in and talking to us later in the show today, the second half of the show, to
talk about
his new movie, The Smashing Machine, which they used to call me back in my
dating days.
Boom.
Boom.
Boom.
I'm smashing this guy.
Was that the host of the number one live podcast in the country?
Yeah.
Cool.
I do want to, before Sean is here, I want to talk to Sean.
We've got a lot to get to.
I want to shout out a friend of the show last week.
No, this was going back three weeks, I believe.
We were, I was, I was shit talking the concept of honey roasted peanuts from
the M&Ms.
I didn't, I read an article about it and it was very disparaging of my peanut M&Ms.
And there on the Zoom in our community out there, maybe he's watching today,
was a representative
of M&Ms.
And finally, it took the guy forever.
It should have been in the mail that day, but we got this huge box sent to the
P.O. box.
Matt, what is the P.O. box?
Because people love sending us.
DM me or send it to you.
Okay.
But in that box contained this box, which I will be treasuring.
I like cucumbers.
We got all kinds of M&Ms products, but we got the one in question, the honey
roasted peanuts.
So I'm not going to make a big deal of this.
I will try it now.
I'm going to offer it to the guys if they want to try it.
And we will determine if we like these or not.
Such good flavor in this.
Well, I'll be the judge of that.
All right.
These are, by the way, these are all yellow, brown, and dark brown.
Yellow, tan, and brown.
There's no colors in these.
What?
These are all the color of honey.
They're all these dull colors.
Luke, can you bring in that other pack?
Just leave them out in the sun.
What do you mean the other pack?
That's not the one the guy sent us.
I don't like it.
Oh, that's just something else.
No, it's not.
You have the one he sent us.
Would they be any different?
The same.
Maybe.
I have cold brew M&Ms if you want.
Oh, my God.
Shut up.
Yeah, Luke, the honey roast that you have out there is the one the guy sent us.
Okay, but what's the difference?
What's that?
It's the same idea, but I'd want to know if the color.
I want to confirm.
Oh, the colors are.
Okay, here we go.
Showdown, wide load.
Isn't there like a bag full of them?
Well, we need to confirm the colors.
Okay.
What if they're all different?
They're not going to be different.
Are they going to be different?
The same?
The same?
Thank you, Matt.
Thank you, Matt.
We'll cut that out of the show.
We'll dump those five minutes.
Here we go.
My first time trying honey roasted peanuts.
Let Sean have some.
The worm dude.
Well?
I'm honestly not.
I'm picking up a little.
I'm picking up the honey.
Truffle, truffle, truffle, truffle.
Truffle, truffle, truffle, truffle.
Truffle, truffle.
Truffle salt.
I don't like it.
Oh.
Oh.
Great.
I don't like it.
I know that Daniel loves peanut butter.
I'm sorry.
I'll try one.
Can I get up?
Am I allowed?
I don't like him.
As I suspected, it's too sweet.
I don't like it.
It's hurting my teeth.
It's too sweet.
Nice.
I'm going to suck on it just a little bit.
Maybe just let it melt in your mouth.
Yeah.
I think you might have bit a little too fast.
All right.
Well, get him out of my way.
Do you want to try some, Doug?
Sucky, sucky.
I'm going to pass them around.
Mommy, mommy.
I'm going to pass.
I'll take the sniff and mend me.
I'll try some of those things.
Thanks.
All right.
So that's a good way of saying, Sean Malin, welcome to the show.
Yeah, they're really ugly colors.
They are very unappealing colors.
His piss.
Oh, yeah.
His piss color.
We have diarrhea.
And then we have solid loafs.
For a couple days.
Wait, dude.
Piss, diarrhea, and solid loaf.
Yeah, it's no good.
Parfait, parfait.
This is a healthy, solid loaf.
This is diarrhea, and this is a strong, a urine with a good, if you're not
feeling well,
the color of your urine when you're not feeling well.
Dehydrated.
Oh, such good flavor in this.
Which is the one that Tucker Carlson got mad at?
Oh, this is the sexualization of M&Ms?
The sexy one.
Which one's the sexy M&M?
I think they were mad because they unsexified it.
They took the high heels off.
I thought she was still hot.
Older, but.
I would do any M&M.
Really?
J.K. Simmons?
M&M?
I would do all the.
Do they have private parts, though?
I mean, they don't have them.
Oh, yeah.
From the back.
We'd make one.
We'd make one.
The pounding.
Drill in.
Yeah.
I do have fantasies about an orgy with all the M&Ms.
With the white gloves on.
The rice crispy guys.
I masturbate a lot.
Sean, why did you write?
What is the deal with this book?
Are you a, what's your background?
You're a culture writer, a culture journalist?
Yeah, I started writing about movies originally.
And then I sort of segued into weird other stuff.
I always write about weird crap.
What were your publications?
What were you?
Well, let's see.
I started on YouTube in that era, like 2005 era.
Oh, really?
And then it was like, you know, that led to some like TV gigs.
And then I started writing for newspapers, the Austin Chronicle for a little
while.
I think that's where you and I first talked.
Yeah, we talked a few times.
In Glendale.
Yeah, at least two.
Do you pop up on the Rotten Tomatoes?
I was on the original Rotten Tomatoes show on Al Gore's current television
network, which
is now, I think, Al Jazeera America, which may already be gone.
Why did Al Gore change his last name to Jazeera?
Lots of money.
You went from Al Gore to Al Jazeera?
Is that what you were saying?
Is that what you're implying?
That's what he just said.
He had a TV channel called Current.
Is that right?
Yeah, Current TV.
And they had a Rotten Tomatoes show.
And I started on that in high school.
I was really good.
I got a shirt.
Is that a Current Affair?
Mm-hmm.
That's good.
Sets a tone.
Okay, so you write about culture.
You write about movies, music.
Comedy.
Comedy, specifically.
Yeah.
And you saw that there was this gap out there where people are not talking
about podcasts,
even though it's the most influential, especially the past couple of years.
Yeah.
It's certainly one of the most influential forms of media right now.
Now I'm getting excited.
It's certainly one of the most popular.
Yeah, and it was weird because I read a column for Vulture, the Start Here
column,
which is all about