Name: OHL's American Thanksgiving "Turkey Day In The USA" MARATHON
Uploaded: 2025-11-27T20:30:06.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'OHL's American Thanksgiving "Turkey Day In The USA" MARATHON' from Office Hours Live with Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-11-27. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'OHL's American Thanksgiving "Turkey Day In The USA" MARATHON' from Office Hours Live with Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-11-27. Transcript available.

OHL's American Thanksgiving "Turkey Day In The USA" MARATHON

It's The Office Hours Live Turkey Day in the USA Mirth Music and More Marathon!
It's time to celebrate American Thanksgiving!
Hoo-yah!
Hoo-yah!
I like having fun!
I like to eat!
I like food!
Thank you, Tim!
Tim Apple!
Thank you, Turkey!
Turkey Apple!
Hi!
What'd you bring back?
Diarrhea.
It's very juicy.
It's a Butterball.
Butterball Turkey Cold Cuts.
Any way you slice it, they're delicious.
Butterball Ham, Butterball Bologna, or Butterball Smoked Turkey Breast.
They're up to 98% fat-free and all Butterball.
So any way you slice it, it's terrific!
Oh my God.
Okay.
The biggest oyster I have ever seen here.
Oh my God.
Please, no.
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
Congratulations.
Cheers.
Cheers.
Okay.
Cheers.
"Hemp, holy hemp.
Hemp, hemp, holy hemp.
Hemp, holy hemp.
Yeah, this is what we need to create a whole new world through sustainability.
Let's break it on down.
Look at why hemp deserves a crown.
Twenty-five thousand use has been found.
Oh my goodness.
Where shall we start?
I think we'll start way down deep in the heart.
Yeah, deep in the heart.
We got so much love for a plant that knows it's making medicine everywhere that
it grows.
Oh sequestering the carbon right out of the air.
Replenishing the soil, dropping leaves everywhere.
Its root grows deep at least a foot down.
Breaking up the soil, letting nutrients abound.
CBD to ease the suffering.
CBD to ease the pain.
Within a complex mix.
A full-spectrum cannabinoid.
I can see you, Lee.
What's going on, dudes?
Everybody is doing their thing.
Some of them are ahead of the curve.
And that is why they are just misunderstood.
Hey, Mike.
How are we doing?
Nice to meet you.
Well, I met you actually.
I sat next to you when we went to Joe Mears.
You came and you had dinner.
It was in Michigan.
I was running for governor.
I was the guy that kicked me off the ballot.
We would have won Michigan.
Oh, I remember that.
We were like a lock.
So it was great.
And I drove you pillows.
And then you recommended that I try your sheets.
Remember?
Right now.
Hi, hi, hi. Okay. You take care.
This morning I was doing some research, right, in the supernatural.
And I'm wondering, in the warfare, like, so often we get distracted
by the pettiness of the enemy.
It's just a distraction.
So don't be distracted.
And then the Holy Spirit showed me this.
When Jesus will say to many people, I never knew you,
that's the same as when people think they know you, but they don't.
And you say back to them, yo, you don't even know me.
Yo, yo, you don't even know me.
Are you rolling?
Oh, you're okay.
So, Cream of Clapton, your tribute band is going out.
Of course, Will Johns and some family members.
So we just want to say shout out to the Cream of Clapton.
We look forward to seeing you out on the road sometime.
Okay, that's how it's done, guys.
Okay, that's how it's done, guys.
Cut.
It's all going to be okay.
Because we have a nap.
Well, enough of stuff, it's gone too damn far.
I'm American man and proud of where I'm from.
I respect the flag with honor.
Yeah, it's where I firmly stand.
The mainstream press won't run my life, I'm proud.
I'm proud to be American.
Whether black or white or somewhere in between.
I call on my brothers to end this meeting.
Some past presidents have turned their back.
And I guess that oath has ended.
And to those of you who don't like our ways,
Escuse yourself from the USA.
Cause I like living free.
And it's right for me and my family.
Your songs are you-know-what.
Can't kiss my you-know-what.
And I was never one much for politics.
But it's gone just too damn far.
You're sure of treason and with no reason I'm proud.
Yeah, to be an American.
It was the best of times, the worst of times.
An age of reason with a rage for rhymes.
Sound and eerie, sounds of silence.
Christ for peace amidst the violence.
Black and white issues and desegregation.
Fear and loathing in the woods, talkation.
Stormy seas and sunny skies above.
And now we're looking back.
Looking back with love.
Looking back.
Looking back with love.
Looking back.
Yeah.
Good vibrations, assassinations.
Losing leaders, never knowing why.
Frustration, battle stations.
Times to laugh and times to cry.
Rapid destruction, cosmic creation.
Talking about my generation.
Hungry hawks and a peaceful dove.
Now we're looking back.
Looking back with love.
Looking back.
Looking back with love.
Looking back, yeah.
Looking back with love.
Looking back with love.
We all made it together.
Now we're looking back.
Yeah, we're looking back with love.
Soulful sounds from the Motor City.
California girls now are sure looking pretty.
Two girls for every boy.
British invasion with a Mersey beat.
Love, love, love, love, love.
Mob rockers dancing in a liverpool street.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Aquarian age running, helter-skelter.
Frightened fans singing, gimme, gimme shelter.
Bittersweet reflections that we're thinking of.
Now we're looking back.
Now we're looking back.
Ooh, looking back with love.
Looking back.
Ooh, looking back with love.
Looking back.
Yeah, looking back with love.
Looking back.
Ooh, looking back with love.
Looking back.
Yeah, looking back with love.
Looking back.
We all made it together.
Now we're looking back.
Yeah, we're looking back with love.
Looking back.
We all made it together.
Now we're looking back.
Yeah, we're looking back with love.
Looking back.
We all made it together.
Now we're looking back.
Yeah, we're looking back with love.
Looking back.
We all made it together.
Now we're looking back.
Yeah, looking back with love.
She's already working on my brain.
It's been a dream of mine to visit the Capital One Cafe at the Glendale Americana.
Even though I've been banking with Chase Sapphire, there's something special
about a cafe that proclaims,
our spot's your spot, whether you bank with us or not.
This place is so slept on, it low-key has the same aura as a wellness retreat
in Topanga.
Luckily, my pal Vic Burger was also intrigued by this part bank, part cafe
space where everyone's welcome.
Although the LA rain was absolutely feral, it didn't stop me from putting on my
best fit to meet Vic.
His warm embrace was a little wet, but the vibes ate.
First order of business, we headed to the coffee bar to get some matchas and
avo toast.
It's pretty much the law for LA hipsters like us.
While we waited for our order, we played some of the games provided by the cafe.
Connect Four took me right back to my childhood, and I could tell Vic felt the
same.
We then ventured down the hallway, a corridor so aggressively labeled, so over-explained,
it felt like the Titanic could have survived if it had this energy.
Every sign was aura farming so hard.
We came across a button that said Cafe Lockdown, and for a split second, my
brain rot said,
press it.
But Vic crossed his arms like a disappointed dad, and I remembered I'm in my
responsibility
era, fairly.
Our drinks and food landed right on time, and we headed over to the table by
the window to
chow down.
Out of nowhere, we busted open those boxes like two pirates, rupturing a
treasure chest after
a year at sea.
We couldn't help but notice that the eggs were jiggling atop the avo toast,
which kind
of made us laugh.
We cheers our toasts and enjoyed our first ever moment of truth, brought to you
by Capital
One.
Vic had happiness on his mind, because before I knew it, he was chomping
through that bread
to create a smiley face, something I've never even witnessed up close before.
It was giving Mr. Rogers meets Jackass.
We started out in the rain like we were starring in the reboot of Singing in
the Rain, directed
by the Safety Brothers.
All that twirling got us tired, so we took a quick smoke break and did some
people watching.
Everyone strolling past had their own lore and drip, and we were respectfully
studying
the ecosystem.
We were then on our way and stumbled upon a small store called Undercover Fries.
Shh!
We snuck toward it like two spies in our Mission Impossible era.
Just then, we locked eyes with a giant Christmas tree and noticed Santa's house
in the distance.
We dropped to the ground and made snow angels on Santa's literal front lawn.
Then we checked in with his main elf to see if Santa was taking visitors.
Hi!
It wasn't even Thanksgiving and Santa popped in?
That's crazy work!
We headed inside his humble abode to pick his brain on the state of the world.
He didn't have much to say, which I guess is the magic of it all.
But he did call us good boys and gave us candy canes on the way out.
We said goodbye to his guards and headed over the AMC to see what was playing.
Zootopia 2 and IMAX?
Wow.
After jogging through the Amazon jungle with our pals Jack Black and Paul Rudd,
we found a poster for a new film about two comedians.
One of them possibly a chuckle f***er.
Hard to tell.
Like, draw up.
On our way out, we thanked two young security guards for their service.
And I low-key felt like unk compared to these kids.
Just when I thought the night was winding down, we ran into the literal
director of operations
for Caruso.
A man with corporate drip.
I've had Chase Sapphire for quite a while now.
I was just at the Capital One Cafe.
Do you recommend switching?
Due to his position in stature, the man declined to answer.
But I had a lot of thinking to do.
Damn, not me low-key spiraling about my banking identity.
Alas, our time at the Americana was coming to a close.
I can't speak for Vic, but I can say that my life has changed significantly
after our trip
to the Capital One Cafe.
Thank you again to Santa and his elves for the hospitality.
Stay safe.
Stay cozy.
Stay swiped.
Cheers, LA.
But building Ewoks was sort of like putting a bicycle together on Christmas Eve.
Stuart Freeborn, Stuart Freeborn, discovered they did not work the way he
planned.
Along with producer Howard Kassangian, he was faced with too much roly, too
much poly.
Over-fled and over-fled and over-fled and over-fled and over-fled and over-fled
and over-fled.
The Ewoks found it difficult to move.
The Freeborn had to redesign the Ewoks' feet to make it resolved more questions.
She sits alone, waiting for suggestions, so nervous, avoiding all the questions.
His lips are dry, her heart is gently pounding.
Don't you just know exactly what they're thinking?
If you want my body, and you think I'm sexy, come on, baby, let me know.
Why do you really need me?
Just reach out and touch me.
Come on, sugar, tell me it's all.
He's acting shy, looking for a man, son.
Come on, honey, spend the night together and a whole lot of more.
Oh, oh, oh.
If you want my body, and you say, I'm already clear of the cold.
I am your friend.
What we got, such a car, and a man, in the sun.
What we got, such a car, and a man, in the sun.
What we got, such a car, and a man, in the sun.
What we got, such a car, and a man, in the sun.
What we got, such a car, and a man, in the sun.
What we got, such a car, and a man, in the sun.
What we got, such a car, and a man, in the sun.
What we got, such a car, and a man, in the sun.
What we got, such a car, and a man, in the sun.
What we got, such a car, and a man, in the sun.
What we got, such a car, and a man, in the sun.
What we got, such a car, and a man, in the sun.
What we got, such a car, and a man, in the sun.
What we got, such a car, and a man, in the sun.
What we got, such a car, and a man, in the sun.
What we got, such a car, and a man, in the sun.
What we got, such a car, and a man, in the sun.
What we got, such a car, and a man, in the sun.
What we got, such a car, and a man, in the sun.
What we got, such a car, and a man, in the sun.
What we got, such a car, and a man, in the sun.
What we got, such a car, and a man, in the sun.
What we got, such a car, and a man, in the sun.
What we got, such a car, and a man, in the sun.
What we got, such a car, and a man, in the sun.
What we got, such a car, and a man, in the sun.
So, we have the when to bite.
We have the where to bite.
Now, we're going to work the how to bite.
Okay?
And the time code will start.
Okay.
My Daddy worked 