Name: XTRA LARGE December! Tim returns! Sandy Honig! St. Panther! Passages! (Ep 366)
Uploaded: 2025-12-04T21:31:20.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'XTRA LARGE December! Tim returns! Sandy Honig! St. Panther! Passages! (Ep 366)' from Office Hours Live with Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-12-04. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'XTRA LARGE December! Tim returns! Sandy Honig! St. Panther! Passages! (Ep 366)' from Office Hours Live with Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-12-04. Transcript available.

XTRA LARGE December! Tim returns! Sandy Honig! St. Panther! Passages! (Ep 366)

Hello, baby.
We're farming our own chicken.
All right, guys, chill out.
You guys had a great thing going there.
You bit off too much.
Now you're choking on your own...
Tim Allen.
Hey, everybody.
Oh, hey, oh.
Yeah, baby.
A little Aerosmith for you this morning on the West Coast.
We're coming to you live from Glendale, California.
It's December 4th, 2025, 10 a.m.
And it is chilly out here, sunny and chilly crisp.
It's perfect time for an apple crisp.
And I am back in the studio after many weeks away,
over six weeks away from home.
I've been back home since a week or so ago,
but we had last week off for Thanksgiving.
And I am excited to have...
Welcome to the show, Tim.
Excuse me.
I am excited.
I was excited.
Now I'm waiting for the show to be over.
Now that's all I'm going to do is wait it out.
Well, hello.
Hey, folks, welcome.
Well, we missed you, Tim.
Thank you so much, Captain Carlin.
You have not been addressed,
so I don't know what you're doing speaking,
but...
Happy to have you back.
Make some changes while you're gone here.
I'm the new host.
I would love that.
But I would like to go in order
and respect the process here.
We have with us,
from the great state of Illinois,
currently residing in California,
one of the great DJs
in the history of music
and an editor
and also a very interesting guy
when it comes to skateboarding.
Ah, he does.
Well, good horning, Tim.
Doug, jeez.
Jesus Christ, Doug.
Loose and hot.
Hailing from the state of...
the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania,
Betlam, Pennsylvania.
Yeah.
The fourth Vic Burger
that there's ever been.
A guy who can't get enough pierogies
and has yet
to ejaculate inside
of a woman
or a condom.
Or any...
Ever.
Anyway,
he's completely...
Sip, everybody.
Solid.
Backed up.
Backed up.
His semen is turned to stone
in his ball sack.
Pardon my French.
Can you add water to it
and bring it back?
We'll see.
It's calcified.
His semen has been calcified.
The burger is a national treasure.
I wonder if that's a thing.
And Mr. Fuckable himself,
Captain Carlin,
the guy who can't stop getting laid.
Wow.
The guy gets pussed.
On the reg.
Worm nerd.
Holy cow.
I'm coming back filthy today.
I got a new...
I'm going to get to my special guest
and I should watch my mouth
in front of you
because you're a lady.
Worm woman.
Give me your super chat today
and I will use it on sex.
Yeah, he buys...
He pays for it.
His wife doesn't know.
Frequently.
He's obsessed with these...
Daily user.
You know,
addicted to prostitutes.
Out of the closet.
Send me your toots.
I'm working on a...
I have a convention
that I'll be speaking at this weekend.
It's a sex convention.
And I'm doing a lecture on
the art of...
I wonder if my mom's watching the show today.
It's on the art and technique
of fucking to the music
of Mannheim Steamroller.
It's a very tricky proposition.
Vic, can you play a little
Mannheim Steamroller for me?
I got something there.
Imagine.
Get your lady or your man
or whoever you're with
in the bedroom.
Stop playing.
Let them play the music.
Here we go.
Some Mannheim Steamroller
for your lovemaking.
This is...
I start the lecture.
Ladies and gentlemen,
I want you to do is
mount your bride
or your...
And turn the music
all the way up
and feel the rhythm.
Multiple orgasms.
Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.
Sandy, Honeg is here.
Hi.
We like Dink, yes.
From the three busy dippers.
It's true.
One of the last shows
on Adult Swim.
I know.
What the hell?
You killed Adult Swim.
Yeah, they said
after they let girls on,
they said,
you know what?
I don't think you can have
these women running the show,
these shows that are run by women.
No.
Ellen DeGeneres
was a big problem.
And that's why
she went to London
for about four months
and then came back.
Is she back?
Yeah, I think her and her wife
are back now
after they fled.
I saw some creepy video
of her with Kris Jenner.
I don't know why
I'm seeing these videos,
but they're apparently friends
and that's a bad sign,
don't you think?
Yeah, I'm not really loving that.
Well, we're happy to have you.
Thank you so much.
Apparently.
You're not loving that.
I'm not loving that.
They could be friends.
People need friends, Tim.
I guess that's true.
I agree with that statement
and I agree with that sentiment.
Listen, I'm a woman,
hear me roar.
I'm friends with George Bush.
There she is.
There she is.
Well, we gotta,
I gotta clean up my act
because we got
a very special show today.
I got a friend.
That's Doug.
That's a good one.
I hate this video
that you got going.
Oh, what?
Is this the new thing
that we're getting,
that I have to live with now?
I'm gonna get one too.
That's such a great,
I'm jealous of Vic's screen.
What do you call that screen?
Is there a word for it?
I don't know.
The Chubbalicious something.
Chubbatron?
Chubbatron.
Chubbatron.
Yeah, yeah.
That's great.
This is where he's in the crowd
dancing with the moms.
I love that.
Well, we have,
I'd love to just
set up the whole experience
for everybody today.
It's a super-sized show.
We're doing a three-hour show.
I don't know if you're here
for the whole time.
I don't think so, right?
You got plans?
You do not.
I have literally
not a plan in the sky.
I've got absolutely
nothing going on.
You could if you want.
I could.
You're welcome.
It's a long time.
I just figured
you might not want to.
Oh, we'll see.
You could take an hour
off in the middle.
I could take a nap.
Yeah.
And then come back.
I came in hot.
Yeah.
And it's gonna fade away quickly.
With the sex con.
Sex talk.
Yeah.
Keep staring at the clock.
The sex con thing is real.
I am going this weekend.
Yeah.
And there is something about
I've made up the part
that I'm involved
but I am attending
to go to the Mannheim
steamroller event.
I don't know
what's going on back there.
It's print.
It's the print song
Jack You Off.
You've never heard that before?
All right.
What's your go-to
Mannheim song
for the bedroom?
Whatever comes up first.
The top one on Spotify?
Yeah, one that's most popular.
This one.
Didn't they do
Classical Gas?
No.
Well, maybe they did
a cover of that.
Yeah, Mason Williams
and Mannheim steamroll
Classical Gas.
That's theirs?
No, that's from the 60s.
Yeah.
No, they did an epic cover.
What?
I don't know
what Mannheim steamroller is.
I've been pretending
this whole time.
You're gonna learn
how to play.
Well, let me just back it up
because it's...
Play what you're...
Play the Mannheim steamroll.
It's just like...
It's just...
You've heard it
your whole life.
Okay.
Yeah, you got when you go shopping
at Kohl's or something.
But I keep not being able
to hear, really.
Okay, we need to fix those
a little higher.
Now I can hear.
It's like this...
But there's vocals in it, too,
at some times.
It's just like...
Oh, this is classical music
redone.
It's like modern classical music
and they do all the Christmas songs.
Yeah, let me see
what else we got here.
It's like very high energy
and grandparents
get all excited.
I love it.
When is it from?
Oh, 80s.
Like mid-80s.
Yeah.
It sounds like
a heavy metal name
of a band.
Right.
Yeah, yeah.
But then the music
doesn't match the steamroller.
I assume they're German?
No, it's an American guy.
I don't know.
Is that them?
Look at them.
This is their Christmas song
called Fairies,
but it's spelled
F-A-E-R-I-E-S.
It cannot be one guy.
Well, it's Chip Davis.
That's the...
You know, he just hires people.
He's the steamroller.
Oh, yeah, so steamroll
was not...
They're just hired help.
I had no idea.
Enough on this.
He's Mannheim
and they're the steamroller.
This is not a Mannheim
steamroller podcast.
I gave you context,
now let's move on.
Oh, you're the one
that brought them up.
I know, to make a joke.
I assumed it's a comment.
But it's not a joke.
You really are going to speak.
I am going to speak.
Yeah.
No, I'm going to attend
and learn.
Sorry, you're going to learn.
I should hope to speak one day.
Wait, this album is called
Mannheim Steamroller
A Fresh Air Christmas
by Chip Davis.
So Chip Davis must be
the main guy.
He's the guy, I just said.
Oh, I missed that.
But why do they put it
on the cover?
Let's call it
Mannheim Steamroller.
Because this guy's got
a big ego now
and he's got to have
his name on there.
Like, I've never heard
of Chip Davis.
You know?
I would like to just introduce
the other guests
on the show today.
We have a lot
of important things.
Can I just get some peace
for a second, please?
Peace on Earth.
Sorry.
Today's show's
benefit.
Stop it, guys.
Please.
This world peaceful
is peaceful.
Just no sounds
while they just say things
to explain the fucking show
to them.
Thank you.
No, behind your head.
Hands up, no drops.
Behind my head.
Yeah.
Sandy, you monitor them.
I just want to say
On your knees.
Not everything
needs to be scored.
Matt and I
were talking about this.
We saw this movie,
this Spike Lee movie.
Was it highest to lowest?
Yeah.
Terrible.
It's one of the big problems
with it.
There's no nonstop score.
It's like, guys,
what are you so afraid of?
Just let the scene breathe.
Let it,
just let it happen.
This isn't a film,
this is an entertainment show.
Hey, hands behind your head.
Thank you.
You're going to be
the hall monitor here
for this show
because I just want to say
we're the super,
if you want to raise money,
I hope you do.
We're raising money
for a couple different places
today, right, Matt?
Selah?
Well, Selah,
we're not,
we weren't going to,
we could split it three ways.
But no,
the big news is
I'm part of this compilation
called Passages,
Artists in Solidarity
with Immigrants,
Refugees,
and Asylum Seekers.
And it's got Daniel Lapitan.
I never know how to say his name,
but he's 100tricks.never.
Bonnie Prince Billy,
Dirty Projectors.
Doug, I see you.
Thank you.
Do you have the record?
Yes, I have the record.
So all the Super Chats
are going to,
you buy this record now,
you asshole.
People out there
with record players,
buy it!
Yeah, the money goes to
American Gateways
and Casa Marianela.
Comes with the twine,
yes, I believe.
And beautiful piece of work here.
Lots of great music,
lots of William Tyler,
Dirty Projectors,
and all the proceeds
go to help our friends
who are in trouble,
the people on the border
who for one reason or another
have gotten themselves
into trouble,
and this is legal funds
for those people
so that they can get
a fair trial.
You mean the garbage types?
No.
Those are in Minneapolis.
To our president
of the United States
calling one of the great
American cities
of the United States
a hellhole.
This guy's got to go.
I know.
I can't believe that somebody
isn't like,
what I would have dream
is one of these reporters
when he's like saying
how stupid they are
and shit.
Quiet, quiet piggy.
Yeah, and they're like,
you're a stupid person.
And I'm just begging
for one of them to go,
fuck you.
You fuck off.
And then you know
what happens to that person?
They become like...
Disappeared.
No.
They have like a new life
as like a media star.
Right.
If you're in this...
If one of these pool reporters
or if you know them,
please take them aside
and be like,
what are you doing
with your life?
You're in front of this ghoul,
this piece of...
He's the garbage.
He's the piece of garbage.
I'm sorry.
He's the piggy.
He's the piggy.
He is.
He's the quiet piggy.
He is such a pig boy.
Pig man.
Now, can I say it's him?
Yeah.
Be the change.
Well, I'm not a pool reporter.
But you could become one.
But if you're standing there
and I hate...
He goes like,
you're an idiot.
You would never be able
to pass an IQ test.
Goodbye.
And they go,
you're like,
hey, dude, fuck off.
Piece of shit.
You stink.
This is what they need to do.
Go ahead.
This is an accident, though.
Oh, no.
Wait, what happened?
Oh.
Anyways, that's my rant.
We'll rant some more.
Who knows?
Well, I think that that person
was just trying to help him.
They said, chin up.
Yeah.
But this is the president
of the United States
talking about an American city.
The great Minneapolis.
Have you been to Minneapolis?
No.
Matt, anybody?
I have.
It's a great city.
I 