Name: Norm Macdonald at Seven Springs 10-30-09
Uploaded: 2022-05-07T08:11:07.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald at Seven Springs 10-30-09' from Norm and Other Stuff on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-05-07. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald at Seven Springs 10-30-09' from Norm and Other Stuff on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-05-07. Transcript available.

I brought you this, I heard a radio interview and it cracked me and everybody
else up, I
had to let everybody listen to it.
You literally were talking about the first thing, you're too simple a man for
psychiatrists
to figure out. And you talked about recurring dreams of jelly rolls. I thought
Storm is there,
I have to bring him a jelly roll to give to him.
Of course, the favorite movie ever, everybody's here is like does everybody
have dirty work stuff?
Could you sign up right over Artie's big stomach?
That was perfect, absolutely perfect. Yeah, yeah, four hour drive to get here.
Oh yeah, we do it for a long time.
Four hours.
It took us 18, but that was amazing.
Oh geez, look at the girls he draws in.
That's so much softer.
Yeah, a guy told me a joke before and then I have to keep the picture.
I only had one segment.
So this is your first time down here?
Yeah.
Really?
That's beautiful.
We're heading out with Norm.
I don't know, I think he's here.
Can I have one?
Can I have one?
Yeah, you too.
He's out here.
Oh my God.
If anybody wants to come in, are you kidding?
Are you kidding?
The show's out here.
Yeah, I'm like, thank you.
We're glad we're here.
I'm putting that marker over eBay as soon as I get home.
I'm putting that marker over eBay as soon as I get home.
I'm putting that marker over eBay as soon as I get home.
I'm putting that marker over eBay as soon as I get home.
Oh my God.
I'm putting that marker over eBay as soon as I get home.
I'm putting that marker over eBay as soon as I get home.
I'm putting that marker over eBay as soon as I get home.
I'm putting that marker over eBay as soon as I get home.
I'm putting that marker over eBay as soon as I get home.
I'm putting that marker over eBay as soon as I get home.
I'm putting that marker over eBay as soon as I get home.
I'm putting that marker over eBay as soon as I get home.
I'm putting that marker over eBay as soon as I get home.
I'm putting that marker over eBay as soon as I get home.
Let's make some noise for this guy, ladies and gentlemen.
He has been in the movies, Dirty Work, and Scrum, and on Saturday Night Live.
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the stage, Norm McDonnell.
Yeah, man.
Yeah.
Yeah, man.
Norm.
That was pretty cool.
I left you in a chair.
Listen, God bless you guys.
First of all, let me apologize because I've been on the road.
I think this is my 20th street today.
But I come down with something that's not serious.
10 days or so ago.
Who knows this gobbledy goop that these doctors tell you,
but he told me I was more virus than host.
So if you're appalled at the skeletal visage in front of you,
I couldn't do anything to apologize.
But I don't want to affect the show though.
It hasn't yet reached my brain stem.
His brain stem.
That's what he told me.
So great to be here.
That's what I do.
I go from place.
I travel because I love stand-up.
I like doing that shit.
That's what I love.
I don't know.
Other stuff.
Sometimes with stand-up, if you're good, they go,
"Hey, you want to do some stuff you're no good at?"
But then you're like, "Yeah, sure."
But stand-up though is the best.
That's the coolest thing.
That's the funnest thing.
That's the thing I like to do.
Travel around.
I love the stand-up.
The travel though is a little tough.
Other than the hour you're on stage, you're basically a drifter.
You have the same lifestyle pretty well as a dangerous drifter.
People go, "Hey, your friends are all comics?"
I go, "No, they're all in other cities."
My friends are dangerous drifters.
See the matter where I go, "Hey, what have you been after?"
Anything where a chair can burn me to death?
20-25 minutes on the end of that?
Because I don't like needles, you know?
Lethal injection, I think, almost goes too far the other way,
because you just get fucking stoned out of your mind.
What kind of punishing is that?
I mean, you die, but good lord.
Good lord.
I don't want to be humane, but does the guy actually get high?
Like, I had to imagine how fucking much...
I started when I was 40, I started having these colonoscopies where they put a
big thing up your ass.
And they give you a drug called a Twilight drug, right?
That's the verse 7 and something else anyway.
This is a drug where you are conscious, right?
And while you are conscious, they stick a big giant thing on your ass.
And you don't care, you're in my ass.
That's got to be the most powerful fucking drug.
I've never done heroin or anything like that, but I know if I did do heroin,
and somebody would shove a big thing up my ass, I'd be like, "Hey!"
Oh my god!
So I'm just... uh...
...for sinned... uh...
...potchail I gave you in my ass, right?
...notchail I gave you in my ass, right?
Oh, this is great!
That's what I'm saying.
The podiatrist that I told him outside, I said,
the podiatrist, he says, "Hey, Monk, what's going on?"
Monk goes, "I'll tell you what's going on, man."
He goes, "I am having much trouble, much trouble in my life."
He goes, "My wife, Ilka, has left me, and will never come back."
And, uh, I don't know, every day, every day seems to be meaningless.
My life seems to take on more and more meaninglessness.
I wake up in a miasma, and fall asleep, and in a satani.
I can't even think anymore.
My mind is not...
I can't explain it to you, sir.
But I will tell you this.
I'll tell you this.
I hate, I hate my boss, Grigory Alinovich.
For he treats me not like a human, not like a moth, he treats me like he owns
me, like he possesses me.
He's a cruel man, and there is no reason that he should have ever, ever
maintained the station that he has found in life.
But it is not that I could live with Gregory Alinovich.
It is mostly this.
It is my youngest, my girl, the girl that kept me going so long.
Sandra, I don't know how to utter this phrase, but God forbid me for saying
this, doctor.
I no longer love her.
Doctor, if I had any courage, I would reach for that cocked and loaded pistol
that lies on my bedside table.
And I would use it, it's awful, it's terrible.
But, but, but you shouldn't be seeing me, you should be seeing a psychiatrist.
Why did you come into my office?
And the pilot says, well, the light was on.
Thank God this is for us.
There we go.