Name: Norm Macdonald Interview at Tempe Improv (2010)
Uploaded: 2021-10-03T21:26:05.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald Interview at Tempe Improv (2010)' from bubbyberry on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-10-03. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald Interview at Tempe Improv (2010)' from bubbyberry on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-10-03. Transcript available.

Hello everybody, we're here at the Tempe Improv, on the stage with Norm MacDonald.
How's it going?
Very good.
Thanks for coming this morning.
You're welcome.
I always like to get up 14, 15 hours before a show.
Give me a chance to brush my teeth.
You look great, by the way.
I like the style.
I was at an AM morning show, and I was like, "Hey, thanks for dressing up,
please."
Four in the morning, I'm the odd one for not having a tie on.
No one else is sleeping other than you.
Well, how you been?
I knew that I was the odd duck for not wearing a tie and suit in four in the
morning.
Have I been?
Uh-huh.
What did you do?
Thank you.
You're having fun at the Tempe Improv?
Yes.
At 9 in the morning.
So, you do your jokes, depending on your personal experience, stuff like that.
What's going on lately?
Nothing.
So many songs.
Wow.
Nothing's happening.
Nothing's happening?
Nothing at all?
No.
Yes.
Well, I mean, things are happening, but there's sort of things that have
already...
As you age, you'll learn how old are you?
39?
22?
What old are you?
26?
40.
How old are you?
46.
Yeah.
26 to 28, right?
Sure.
So, as you age, you'll realize that something happens, and then later on
something happens,
you go, "Hey, that was a lot like that other thing that happened."
So, the first time you're all excited about it, the second time you're like, "Yeah,
it's all right."
But it's sort of like that first one.
And then, as you go on, everything becomes that.
So, that's why old guys are never impressed by anything.
You go, "Look, you got a touchdown tonight."
Yeah.
Does that remember parts started?
That's amazing.
What?
You got the same thing.
Yeah, those would be old guys.
You're never going to impress an old guy.
If there's a 90-year-old guy in the room, he's never going to go, "What?"
I know.
"What was that over there?"
He's never going to get excited.
So, what?
You're going to talk about nothing exciting tonight, or just...
Exciting?
Well, I mean, let's get chills.
Yeah.
You know, you're probably not going to be excited.
I don't think I'll excite anyone.
Alright.
I don't want to promise to excite people, and then later, you know, they go, "I
demand..."
Thank you.
What?
No, thank you for that.
"I demand remuneration."
Because I was told that I would receive some sort of thrill, some rush of
excitement.
And I did, quite frankly.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're not a guy, Shannon.
No.
No, because you can't, listen, you can't promise anything.
That's true.
Can't you?
No.
Well, okay.
Let's talk about the talk shows you've been on.
You've been on a lot, and you're always really funny on those and everything.
Have you ever thought of becoming a host?
Why not?
Because I'm not very curious about people.
I'm not very interested.
But you're always curious on the shows.
I admire it.
I admire it.
I admire that you're interested.
But, like, if I had to do, like, one time, they wanted me to do a talk show,
and they
said, "Can you think of any guests?"
I was thinking three guys in the whole world.
And I'm like, "I don't know if I could do this every night."
Because as soon as I got an actress, my only question would go, "What were you
in again?
You look sort of familiar."
I would end up and she'd go, "I was in this thing?"
And I'd go, "Oh, yeah."
So, I'd be pretty lucky.
I don't know what I'd ask them.
But you're always really curious about the other guests on the shows.
I mean, you seem curious.
Curious about them?
No.
They keep me out there.
Conan sticks me on the couch like he won't let me leave.
So, they come to a three shot, and people are talking, so I feel I have to talk.
I mean, they love having you there.
Why don't they marry me if they love you so much?
I don't know.
What about you, man?
You like performing the 10:00 p.m. press?
No.
I don't like him.
Oh, you're not?
Is it not a club you like performing?
I don't perform him, anyway.
You never do stand in there?
No.
I don't think I'm funny enough.
I don't know why.
I mean, it takes a lot, obviously.
I would say you should try it with people that aren't ever into the community.
Just to go on amateur night track.
It's fun.
Okay, well.
People who do karaoke and stuff.
Will you go with me one time?
No.
What do you mean?
Go on stage with you?
No, not on stage with me, but, you know, moral support.
I don't know.
I probably wouldn't.
Thank you.
I mean, no, no.
I mean, if the circumstances were perfect, like if you were doing it tomorrow
night and
I was here.
Alright, alright.
But I'm not going to fly in.
Well, what if I go to L.A.?
God, you're chill.
I guess.
It depends on what I'm doing that night.
What if I'm eating a fish or something with a guy?
I said I'm eating fish with you tonight.
I say to a guy.
And later I'm like, oh, what?
Yeah, I think I remember something about her saying something.
Who?
Who?
No, I would go out of this.
Depending on my plans of fish.
You like fish?
Who doesn't like fish?
I don't know.
It's not my favorite.
No, I'm not.
I like meat.
That kind of thing.
That kind of thing.
That kind of thing.
You're terrible.
Okay.
What do you eat steak?
Yes.
Do you eat what?
Okay, okay.
Do you eat shoulder pork?
I'm just asking.
Have you ever had a pulled pork sandwich?
Yes.
I think they're delicious.
Who doesn't like pork?
I mean.
Anyway.
So the weekend.
Are you laughing at that?
No, no, no.
I want to talk about the weekend update.
I mean, it was a long time ago.
But you were one of my favorites.
Really.
Ever.
So if you were to do it right now, what were you talking about?
Like you have some fake news right now.
Do it.
Do it.
It sounds hard.
Just.
Do it.
It's hard.
It's hard.
It's hard.
Yeah.
So if you were to do it right now, what were you talking about?
Like you have some fake news right now.
Do it.
Do it.
It sounds hard.
It sounds hard.
You have to make up a joke.
Talk about something about the news.
No, but you want me to do it in a funny way.
Like make a joke.
No.
You just want me to talk about the news.
Do it in a norm kind of way.
Well, what's going on in the news?
I don't really follow the news.
Neither.
Well, then how could you react to what I said?
How could you go, oh, that was good because you don't follow the news?
Well, maybe people, I don't know.
Maybe people are going to watch this.
Yeah, but if you don't know, you go, ah, ah, ah, I guess.
You would have no idea.
Well, how do you know?
I don't know.
You just said you don't know anything about the news.
You just said you don't know anything about the news.
Oh, okay.
Are you being sarcastic?
I don't follow everything.
What's the big news story for you?
Well, that was good because you don't follow the news. Well, maybe people are
going to watch it. Yeah, but if you don't know, you go, ah, I guess. You would
have no idea. Why do you know? I don't know. You just said you don't know
anything about the news. Okay. Are you being sarcastic? I don't follow
everything. What's the big news story for you? Arizona has a young Hispanic
girl. I'm not sure. Jesus Christ. You've got to miss America.
You're a Hispanic girl. I know, I get that. We're not going to talk, because I
didn't bring my papers. I'm not going to talk about that. Why are you bringing
my papers? Wait, you are an immigrant too, right? Yes, I am also. I'm here on a
green card. Did you bring it? I got it. That's good because they're probably
going to ask for it. You kind of look brownish. Yeah, I'm going to ask for it.
And, and, and, and casinos in front of me ask for my green card. Whenever you
show a green card as a form of idea around the passport, it's a green card. I
don't like it.
A green card? Yeah, I don't like it.
I know about it. I can understand the play.
When I get a green card, I will know about it. Yeah.
Okay, now we have the questions from Facebook. Yeah.
Any other one? No, no, no. Okay. Mark Anderson says, what does it feel like
being the best roaster in the world? And then he says, you effing rock.
The best, rest, rest, rest, what? Roaster. Roaster. Roaster. Well, if you want
to know the secret, you, uh, you start with, uh, basil.
Uh-huh. And, uh, you got a slow roast. Look, what? Roast is slow roast. Like,
when people say roast to me, I say slow roast. Like, I don't even really use a
charcoal roast.
What are you roast usually? Turkey. Turkey. But, uh, but a lot of times, pork,
that's why I was asking a shoulder of pork, if you roast a shoulder of pork,
you marinate it.
Maybe I'm telling tales out of school. But if you marinate it, it falls off the,
uh, it falls off the fork.
That's a great story.
Thanks.
Alright, another one. Okay.
Thanks, you're a regular Johnny Carson. You used to say that a lot. That's a
great story.
I think that we're talking about Bob Saget.
Yeah, Bob Saget. Oh, the roasting from Bob Saget?
Yeah. Uh, well, that was fun to do. That was fun to, uh, make fun of people. I
don't, I don't really, I like making fun of people.
Yeah.
Will you ever want to get a roast to your own?
Me get a roast? No. I would never want anyone to make fun of me.
I'd rather, I say if you're going to make fun of me, do it behind my back.
That's the way.
So I never hear about it.
And if you're going to say anything mean about me, I respect the guys who do it
behind my back.
But there's some guys that go, hey, at least I say it to your face, I'm honest,
I don't care about your honesty.
I'd rather you were more deceitful and behind my back said these things and
then I didn't know.
That's a good point. I like it.
I mean, okay. Now, Jason Molina says, um, do you have any new stories about Bob
Uecker?
Adam, I don't remember. He does, uh, he told me that he had a heart attack when
he had a heart attack.
The thing about having a heart attack is the first thing, you get embarrassed.
They came here with a stretcher. They wanted to take me out of my back.
And I said, I got neighbors. I'll go up to 45 degrees. That's what we decided.
That's a tough old man.
Yeah.
Like if you or I had a heart attack.
When was it?
His first instinct, embarrassment. Our first instinct would be terror for our
lives.
Yes.
So he's the old times. He had neighbors too.
That's crazy. When was this?
I don't know.
Are you the girl that asked a question that had nothing to do with the story?
No, yeah.
The story ends and then you're like, what year was it?
The punchline. I just said it. Probably. I forgot the year.
When? 1944. That's the end? I thought you said it.
I thought he was going to lose it. But, yeah.
So, how the hell are you?
Good.
How are you?
Okay, I'm good.
You like everything?
I was, I didn't, I like it here. It's a little hot, but, you know.
It was very hot last time.
Can you complain?
Yeah.
Can I go to the casino?
It was, you know how I feel? It's very hot. Plus, I can't complain.
Yeah.
I can go to the casino.
I can go to the casino in the Heath.
I can play poker.
I can play poker.
I can play poker games.
That sounds like a great time.
Give me good poker stories.
I heard something about, uh, what were you talking about?
Grounders being based on?
I've seen it.
Oh.
Did you hear it?
I don't think it's true.
Which one?
But, I did know characters that were definitely from.
Played with me for a little bit.
And a John Tortura character was, he played with a guy named Joey Donuts in the
movie or something.
And he was Joey Bagels in real life.
He would drive me to the plot.
His story is more interesting than the one in the movie.
Who it is.
But, uh, he would, uh, he would, he, uh, the reason he was called Joey Bagels
is because he drove a bagel truck for his company.
And I think, uh, his wife was equipped with the animals in the movie.
Right.
They still drove a bagel truck.
So he took me out of the bagel truck.
You know, bagels in the bag.
It's really empty.
That's right.
Because we're still talking about bagels before.
Right.
So, uh, he would drive me to the bagel truck.
Yeah, I've seen a lot of pictures of you of a celebrity poker thing.
I've seen a lot of pictures of you of a celebrity poker thing.
I've seen a lot of pictures of you of a celebrity poker thing.
I've seen a lot of pictures of you of a celebrity poker thing.
I've seen a lot of pictures of you of a celebrity poker thing.
I've seen a lot of pictures of you of a celebrity poker thing.
I've seen a lot of pictures of you of a celebrity poker thing.
I've seen a lot of pictures of you of a celebrity poker thing.
I've seen a lot of pictures of you of a celebrity poker thing.
I've seen a lot of pictures of you of a celebrity poker thing.

Norm Macdonald Interview at Tempe Improv (2010)

Hello everybody, we're here at the Tempe Improv, on the stage with Norm MacDonald.
How's it going?
Very good.
Thanks for coming this morning.
You're welcome.
I always like to get up 14, 15 hours before a show.
Give me a chance to brush my teeth.
You look great, by the way.
I like the style.
I was at an AM morning show, and I was like, "Hey, thanks for dressing up,
please."
Four in the morning, I'm the odd one for not having a tie on.
No one else is sleeping other than you.
Well, how you been?
I knew that I was the odd duck for not wearing a tie and suit in four in the
morning.
Have I been?
Uh-huh.
What did you do?
Thank you.
You're having fun at the Tempe Improv?
Yes.
At 9 in the morning.
So, you do your jokes, depending on your personal experience, stuff like that.
What's going on lately?
Nothing.
So many songs.
Wow.
Nothing's happening.
Nothing's happening?
Nothing at all?
No.
Yes.
Well, I mean, things are happening, but there's sort of things that have
already...
As you age, you'll learn how old are you?
39?
22?
What old are you?
26?
40.
How old are you?
46.
Yeah.
26 to 28, right?
Sure.
So, as you age, you'll realize that something happens, and then later on
something happens,
you go, "Hey, that was a lot like that other thing that happened."
So, the first time you're all excited about it, the second time you're like, "Yeah,
it's all right."
But it's sort of like that first one.
And then, as you go on, everything becomes that.
So, that's why old guys are never impressed by anything.
You go, "Look, you got a touchdown tonight."
Yeah.
Does that remember parts started?
That's amazing.
What?
You got the same thing.
Yeah, those would be old guys.
You're never going to impress an old guy.
If there's a 90-year-old guy in the room, he's never going to go, "What?"
I know.
"What was that over there?"
He's never going to get excited.
So, what?
You're going to talk about nothing exciting tonight, or just...
Exciting?
Well, I mean, let's get chills.
Yeah.
You know, you're probably not going to be excited.
I don't think I'll excite anyone.
Alright.
I don't want to promise to excite people, and then later, you know, they go, "I
demand..."
Thank you.
What?
No, thank you for that.
"I demand remuneration."
Because I was told that I would receive some sort of thrill, some rush of
excitement.
And I did, quite frankly.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're not a guy, Shannon.
No.
No, because you can't, listen, you can't promise anything.
That's true.
Can't you?
No.
Well, okay.
Let's talk about the talk shows you've been on.
You've been on a lot, and you're always really funny on those and everything.
Have you ever thought of becoming a host?
Why not?
Because I'm not very curious about people.
I'm not very interested.
But you're always curious on the shows.
I admire it.
I admire it.
I admire that you're interested.
But, like, if I had to do, like, one time, they wanted me to do a talk show,
and they
said, "Can you think of any guests?"
I was thinking three guys in the whole world.
And I'm like, "I don't know if I could do this every night."
Because as soon as I got an actress, my only question would go, "What were you
in again?
You look sort of familiar."
I would end up and she'd go, "I was in this thing?"
And I'd go, "Oh, yeah."
So, I'd be pretty lucky.
I don't know what I'd ask them.
But you're always really curious about the other guests on the shows.
I mean, you seem curious.
Curious about them?
No.
They keep me out there.
Conan sticks me on the couch like he won't let me leave.
So, they come to a three shot, and people are talking, so I feel I have to talk.
I mean, they love having you there.
Why don't they marry me if they love you so much?
I don't know.
What about you, man?
You like performing the 10:00 p.m. press?
No.
I don't like him.
Oh, you're not?
Is it not a club you like performing?
I don't perform him, anyway.
You never do stand in there?
No.
I don't think I'm funny enough.
I don't know why.
I mean, it takes a lot, obviously.
I would say you should try it with people that aren't ever into the community.
Just to go on amateur night track.
It's fun.
Okay, well.
People who do karaoke and stuff.
Will you go with me one time?
No.
What do you mean?
Go on stage with you?
No, not on stage with me, but, you know, moral support.
I don't know.
I probably wouldn't.
Thank you.
I mean, no, no.
I mean, if the circumstances were perfect, like if you were doing it tomorrow
night and
I was here.
Alright, alright.
But I'm not going to fly in.
Well, what if I go to L.A.?
God, you're chill.
I guess.
It depends on what I'm doing that night.
What if I'm eating a fish or something with a guy?
I said I'm eating fish with you tonight.
I say to a guy.
And later I'm like, oh, what?
Yeah, I think I remember something about her saying something.
Who?
Who?
No, I would go out of this.
Depending on my plans of fish.
You like fish?
Who doesn't like fish?
I don't know.
It's not my favorite.
No, I'm not.
I like meat.
That kind of thing.
That kind of thing.
That kind of thing.
You're terrible.
Okay.
What do you eat steak?
Yes.
Do you eat what?
Okay, okay.
Do you eat shoulder pork?
I'm just asking.
Have you ever had a pulled pork sandwich?
Yes.
I think they're delicious.
Who doesn't like pork?
I mean.
Anyway.
So the weekend.
Are you laughing at that?
No, no, no.
I want to talk about the weekend update.
I mean, it was a long time ago.
But you were one of my favorites.
Really.
Ever.
So if you were to do it right now, what were you talking about?
Like you have some fake news right now.
Do it.
Do it.
It sounds hard.
Just.
Do it.
It's hard.
It's hard.
It's hard.
Yeah.
So if you were to do it right now, what were you talking about?
Like you have some fake news right now.
Do it.
Do it.
It sounds hard.
It sounds hard.
You have to make up a joke.
Talk about something about the news.
No, but you want me to do it in a funny way.
Like make a joke.
No.
You just want me to talk about the news.
Do it in a norm kind of way.
Well, what's going on in the news?
I don't really follow the news.
Neither.
Well, then how could you react to what I said?
How could you go, oh, that was good because you don't follow the news?
Well, maybe people, I don't know.
Maybe people are going to watch this.
Yeah, but if you don't know, you go, ah, ah, ah, I guess.
You would have no idea.
Well, how do you know?
I don't know.
You just said you don't know anything about the news.
You just said you don't know anything about the news.
Oh, okay.
Are you being sarcastic?
I don't follow everything.
What's the big news story for you?
Well, that was good because you don't follow the news. Well, maybe people are
going to watch it. Yeah, but if you don't know, you go, ah, I guess. You would
have no idea. Why do you know? I don't know. You just said you don't know
anything about the news. Okay. Are you being sarcastic? I don't follow
everything. What's the big news story for you? Arizona has a young Hispanic
girl. I'm not sure. Jesus Christ. You've got to miss America.
You're a Hispanic girl. I know, I get that. We're not going to talk, because I
didn't bring my papers. I'm not going to talk about that. Why are you bringing
my papers? Wait, you are an immigrant too, right? Yes, I am also. I'm here on a
green card. Did you bring it? I got it. That's good because they're probably
going to ask for it. You kind of look brownish. Yeah, I'm going to ask for it.
And, and, and, and casinos in front of me ask for my green card. Whenever you
show a green card as a form of idea around the passport, it's a green card. I
don't like it.
A green card? Yeah, I don't like it.
I know about it. I can understand the play.
When I get a green card, I will know about it. Yeah.
Okay, now we have the questions from Facebook. Yeah.
Any other one? No, no, no. Okay. Mark Anderson says, what does it feel like
being the best roaster in the world? And then he says, you effing rock.
The best, rest, rest, rest, what? Roaster. Roaster. Roaster. Well, if you want
to know the secret, you, uh, you start with, uh, basil.
Uh-huh. And, uh, you got a slow roast. Look, what? Roast is slow roast. Like,
when people say roast to me, I say slow roast. Like, I don't even really use a
charcoal roast.
What are you roast usually? Turkey. Turkey. But, uh, but a lot of times, pork,
that's why I was asking a shoulder of pork, if you roast a shoulder of pork,
you marinate it.
Maybe I'm telling tales out of school. But if you marinate it, it falls off the,
uh, it falls off the fork.
That's a great story.
Thanks.
Alright, another one. Okay.
Thanks, you're a regular Johnny Carson. You used to say that a lot. That's a
great story.
I think that we're talking about Bob Saget.
Yeah, Bob Saget. Oh, the roasting from Bob Saget?
Yeah. Uh, well, that was fun to do. That was fun to, uh, make fun of people. I
don't, I don't really, I like making fun of people.
Yeah.
Will you ever want to get a roast to your own?
Me get a roast? No. I would never want anyone to make fun of me.
I'd rather, I say if you're going to make fun of me, do it behind my back.
That's the way.
So I never hear about it.
And if you're going to say anything mean about me, I respect the guys who do it
behind my back.
But there's some guys that go, hey, at least I say it to your face, I'm honest,
I don't care about your honesty.
I'd rather you were more deceitful and behind my back said these things and
then I didn't know.
That's a good point. I like it.
I mean, okay. Now, Jason Molina says, um, do you have any new stories about Bob
Uecker?
Adam, I don't remember. He does, uh, he told me that he had a heart attack when
he had a heart attack.
The thing about having a heart attack is the first thing, you get embarrassed.
They came here with a stretcher. They wanted to take me out of my back.
And I said, I got neighbors. I'll go up to 45 degrees. That's what we decided.
That's a tough old man.
Yeah.
Like if you or I had a heart attack.
When was it?
His first instinct, embarrassment. Our first instinct would be terror for our
lives.
Yes.
So he's the old times. He had neighbors too.
That's crazy. When was this?
I don't know.
Are you the girl that asked a question that had nothing to do with the story?
No, yeah.
The story ends and then you're like, what year was it?
The punchline. I just said it. Probably. I forgot the year.
When? 1944. That's the end? I thought you said it.
I thought he was going to lose it. But, yeah.
So, how the hell are you?
Good.
How are you?
Okay, I'm good.
You like everything?
I was, I didn't, I like it here. It's a little hot, but, you know.
It was very hot last time.
Can you complain?
Yeah.
Can I go to the casino?
It was, you know how I feel? It's very hot. Plus, I can't complain.
Yeah.
I can go to the casino.
I can go to the casino in the Heath.
I can play poker.
I can play poker.
I can play poker games.
That sounds like a great time.
Give me good poker stories.
I heard something about, uh, what were you talking about?
Grounders being based on?
I've seen it.
Oh.
Did you hear it?
I don't think it's true.
Which one?
But, I did know characters that were definitely from.
Played with me for a little bit.
And a John Tortura character was, he played with a guy named Joey Donuts in the
movie or something.
And he was Joey Bagels in real life.
He would drive me to the plot.
His story is more interesting than the one in the movie.
Who it is.
But, uh, he would, uh, he would, he, uh, the reason he was called Joey Bagels
is because he drove a bagel truck for his company.
And I think, uh, his wife was equipped with the animals in the movie.
Right.
They still drove a bagel truck.
So he took me out of the bagel truck.
You know, bagels in the bag.
It's really empty.
That's right.
Because we're still talking about bagels before.
Right.
So, uh, he would drive me to the bagel truck.
Yeah, I've seen a lot of pictures of you of a celebrity poker thing.
I've seen a lot of pictures of you of a celebrity poker thing.
I've seen a lot of pictures of you of a celebrity poker thing.