Name: Norm Macdonald Presents: The Fake News (TBS Show 2007/2008) EVERY EPISODE!
Uploaded: 2021-10-22T04:20:48.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald Presents: The Fake News (TBS Show 2007/2008) EVERY EPISODE!' from bubbyberry on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-10-22. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald Presents: The Fake News (TBS Show 2007/2008) EVERY EPISODE!' from bubbyberry on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-10-22. Transcript available.

Norm Macdonald Presents: The Fake News (TBS Show 2007/2008) EVERY EPISODE!

Heisman winner OJ Simpson's first day in a Nevada courtroom provided a surreal
atmosphere.
I just have one question. Am I really expected to believe that OJ Simpson could
be capable of
armed robbery? Pakistan's leader General Perez Musharraf has declared martial
law,
prompting widespread rioting, arrests, and 15-minute waits to get tech support
on the phone.
Presidential candidate Barack Obama showed off some of his dance moves during
his appearance
on the Ellen DeGeneres show, and now pundits say he has all but locked up the
all-important
black guys who cannot dance vote. This spring, Pope Benedict plans to travel to
the United States.
Bad news? It's all a setup to catch a predator.
A British evolutionary theorist said this week that in 100,000 years, humans
will be split
into two separate species. A group of superhumans who will be between six and
seven feet tall,
live up to 120 years, and a group of white guys who pay to watch them dunk a
basketball.
During a campaign bus swing through South Carolina, Senator John McCain
confessed he's got the Swedish
group ABBA on his iPod. Reporters were shocked. Where did McCain get the money
for an iPod?
Officials say a boy with matches started the California wildfires that consumed
38,000 acres caused
one billion dollars in damage. Apparently, the child was smoking in bed after
sex with his teacher.
A survey reveals that 67% of people polled said they hate Paris Hilton. The
other 23% were having sex with her.
Well, this week, televangelist Pat Robertson officially endorsed Republican
candidate Rudy Giuliani.
Giuliani responded by saying, "You're not helping."
O.J. Simpson was in court today to face armed robbery charges. O.J. says he has
the perfect alibi.
At the time of the burglary, he said he was stabbing some guy's wife and a
waiter that she knew.
This Monday, Americans observed Veterans Day.
President Bush commemorated the event by laying a wreath at the Tomb of the
Unknown Exit Strategy.
In Alabama, an 11-year-old girl got drunk, then drove her car into a ditch
while going 100 miles an hour.
Miraculously, neither the girl nor any of her children were hurt.
According to a new survey by Zogby, more than 20% of Americans say they would
change their names.
The number one person who wants to change his name, of course, Fred Zogby.
Renowned Manhattan real estate agent Harriet McGiven was discovered dead in her
Fifth Avenue apartment this morning.
Her publicist issued this statement. Quote, "Luxury four-bedroom condo with 24-hour
doorman available." Unquote.
And Mickey Rourke was arrested this week for driving drunk on a scooter.
Boy, I hope that doesn't hurt his career.
According to Kevin Federline's lawyer, his ex-wife Brittany Spears has missed
eight drug tests.
So tonight, Brittany promises to test eight new drugs.
Well, week two of the Hollywood Writer's Strike is presenting big challenges to
the networks.
Now, the TV show Caveman has to be not funny without writers.
In light of the Hollywood Writer's Strike, networks are rushing to develop new
reality shows.
Including one where O.J. Simpson is set free, then tracked down by Dog the Bounty
Hunter.
According to government sources, over 50,000 people will travel this
Thanksgiving.
And that's just Mexicans sneaking across the border.
Traveling this Thanksgiving, officials say you can expect to add on four hours
to your flight.
But really, isn't that a small price to pay to spend the day with people you
hate?
In Paris this week, labor talks broke down and all transportation workers went
on strike, causing millions of Parisians to walk home.
And just when you thought the French couldn't get any smellier.
An earthquake in Chile this week that measured 7.7 on the Richter scale caused
millions in damage, hundreds injured, and a cool new coffee flavor from
Starbucks.
New York's Governor, Elliot Spitzer, says he does not support issuing driver's
licenses to illegal immigrants.
Great.
As if it isn't hard enough to get a cab in this city.
In showbiz news, plans for an MSNBC talk show starring Rosie O'Donnell have hit
a snag.
Apparently, the Miami Dolphins won't let her out of her contract.
This week, Boy George was arrested and charged with chaining a male prostitute
to the wall of his house.
Everyone was shocked.
Boy George has a house?
You can learn more about Boy George on the VH1 program, "Who Gives a Crap Where
They Are Now?"
And finally, in the strangest story of the week, an Indian man actually married
a dog.
The three-layer wedding cake consisted of ice cream, frosting, and another dog's
ass.
On Thursday, OJ Simpson appeared in a Las Vegas courtroom where he pled not
guilty to armed robbery.
Although he did admit to killing his wife, Robert Blake's wife, and that lady
in Phil Spector's house.
There was a spirited debate in Iowa this week between the Democratic candidates.
The event, however, was plagued by one serious technical problem with Dennis Kucinich's
microphone.
It was working!
Osama bin Laden has released a fourth tape.
This one to recruit young Muslims to fight and die for Islam.
And it seems he's pretty serious this time.
He's tossing in a pair of tickets to Hannah Montana.
The results of a troubling new study published in USA Today found that reading
scores for fourth graders are way, way down.
Luckily for the fourth graders, they can't read the article.
It was reported today that Victoria's Secret Lingerie are actually made in
sweatshops in Bangladesh.
Think about that for a moment.
Children toil in substandard conditions and receive just 30 cents a day so that
your wife can look like a whore.
Some sad news: the inventor of Gatorade has died.
At his funeral, in an uncomfortable moment,
pallbearers dumped a bucket of ashes on his wife.
Eight men have come forward to say that they had anonymous gay sex with Senator
Larry Craig.
Senator Craig will respond to the allegations just as soon as he can walk.
Mitt Romney gave a stirring speech this week about how his Mormon faith will
not interfere with his ability
to be president.
The speech was greeted with wild applause by his 10,000 wives.
Armed Islamic radicals are rioting in the streets of Sudan today after a
British teacher named a teddy bear, Muhammad.
In an effort to appease the radical Muslims, the teacher has agreed to name a
rag doll, Jews suck.
In showbiz news, Roy of Siegfried and Roy is planning to perform magic again.
Or as the tiger calls it, mmm, seconds.
Amy Winehouse was spotted this week wandering around the freezing streets of
London,
drugged out, wearing only a bra and muttering incoherently.
Clearly, this is just a desperate cry for help.
And when I say help, I mean crystal meth.
Hulk Hogan's wife has filed for divorce.
Hulk Hogan says the two are parting on amicable terms.
It's just that she wants to start seeing other primates.
On Monday, Don Imus returned to the air along with his new black female sidekick.
I'm not sure Mr. Imus picked the perfect candidate.
She has really weird hair, and she's a prostitute.
This week, the United States sponsored a Middle East peace conference in
Minneapolis,
which boasted representatives from Syria, Saudi Arabia, Jordan, Lebanon, and
Yemen.
They even strung a banner that read, "Welcome Jew Haters!"
As part of a program to honor Nobel laureates,
President George Bush invited former Vice President Al Gore to the Oval Office.
There was one embarrassing moment when, out of habit, Gore knocked on the door
and said,
"Do you have your pants on, Mr. President?"
Massachusetts Senator Ted Kennedy has received a whopping $8 million advance
for writing the story of his life.
Asked whether the book will deal with Chappaquiddick,
Kennedy remained coy, replying only,
"We'll crash off that bridge when we come to it."
Once again, fast-moving wildfires have broken out in Malibu
and are on their way to Los Angeles.
The only good news?
The fire is stuck in traffic.
Olympic officials have announced that 10,000 free condoms
will be supplied to the athletes during the 2008 games,
which raises a troubling question.
What event is this for?
According to the latest FBI statistics,
Detroit, Michigan has jumped to America's number one most dangerous city.
This, after raping and strangling Newark, New Jersey.
The big news from the campaign trail this week:
Barack Obama and Oprah Winfrey have campaigned in Iowa
and drew a crowd of 30,000 Iowans
who came to see exactly what black people looked like.
Presidential candidate Ron Paul is using a blimp to boost his campaign.
Oh, I'm sorry, that's Barack Obama.
As we move into week five of the Hollywood writers' strike,
news writers are also threatening to go on strike.
Details at 11.
Maybe.
Maybe.
In a Virginia courtroom,
Michael Vick was sentenced to 23 months in prison
for arranging dogfighting.
On the bright side,
in prison, Michael Vick can take up a related interest:
cockfighting.
Brad Pitt appeared at a press conference this week in New Orleans
to announce that he had personally designed 150 homes
for Katrina-displaced residents.
Each house will come with three bedrooms,
two bathrooms,
and an African baby.
A man is suing the owner of a Burger King restaurant
after he bit into a Burger King sandwich
and found a condom inside.
Even worse,
a guy was still wearing it.
Mike Huckabee has come out on record
against abortion,
against medical marijuana,
and against gay marriage.
Well,
there goes the California vote.
Madison Square Garden
and New York Knicks coach Isaiah Thomas
have reached an $11 million settlement
over the sexual harassment case
brought by a former female executive.
So, to put this in layman's terms,
Isaiah Thomas paid $11 million
not to have sex with an ugly chick.
a lesbian couple that married in Massachusetts
has filed for divorce.
The couple is citing irreconcilable similarities.
This week, for the first time,
actress Jodie Foster publicly admitted
that she is a lesbian.
Yet another setback for John Hinckley.
Some sad news.
Music legend Ike Turner has died at the age of 76.
In lieu of flowers,
his family is asking you to stub a lit cigarette out on Tina Turner's thigh.
Anna Montana has just come out with her own perfume.
Here's how it works.
You spray it in R. Kelly's face and run like hell.
Well, Britney Spears' troubled life took another ugly turn this week when the
intoxicated pop star was whisked away in an ambulance drunk and stumbling after
losing permanent custody of her young sons.
So you know what that means?
Whoever had January 4th in the office pool is a big winner.
San Francisco Zoo officials still cannot explain what prompted a tiger to jump
a 12-foot fence,
maul two zoo visitors, and kill a third.
How about this for an explanation?
It's a tiger!
A man who lived even after he fell 47 stories from a skyscraper and landed on a
New York City street is out of a coma and starting to talk.
His first words?
Hey, where's my wallet?
Hollywood, Florida is getting the first gay retirement home.
And this is interesting.
Their gay pride parade took three days.
A new music video features actress Penelope Cruz in a steamy lesbian kiss with
her sister.
If your erection lasts longer than 72 hours, please contact your doctor.
Hillary Clinton scored a surprise come from behind victory over Barack Obama in
the New Hampshire primary.
And now, everybody in New Hampshire has to give Oprah back that free car.
Britney Spears was rushed to a psych ward after OD'ing on a potent cocktail of
Vicodin, Valium, Celexa, and Red Bull.
Apparently, she was so disoriented that she was wearing underwear.
China's latest outbreak in poultry of the H591 strain of bird flu in the far
western region of Xinjiang has been brought under control.
This, according to a state media spokesman, oh, who just vomited up some black
stuff and died.
Pamela Anderson and Rick Solomon have ended their marriage after just two
months.
A representative for the couple said Pamela and Rick are separating on good
terms.
It's just that they ran out of videotape.
Senator John McCain sai