Name: Norm Macdonald on Comedy Central - (12/12/2004)
Uploaded: 2022-01-04T20:41:08.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald on Comedy Central - (12/12/2004)' from bubbyberry on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-01-04. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald on Comedy Central - (12/12/2004)' from bubbyberry on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-01-04. Transcript available.

Please welcome to Last Laugh 04, Norm MacDonald.
Well, we're here to look back on the year that was and all the different crazy
things that
happened during the year and I didn't catch a lot of it, so of course we all
know that
there's an election, you know, big election.
And it was a very important election, it was probably our most important
election and people
had very strong opinions on the election, you know, some people had very strong
opinions
one way and other people had strong opinions the other way and I didn't have
any opinions
at all.
I don't have really any opinions on anything.
Like, you ever watch the CNN and they'll have the polls, you know, and it'll be
like, what
do you think about embryonic stem cell research?
And then it'll be like, see, there you go.
It'll be like, it'll be like 52%?
Yes, 46%, no.
6%, I don't know.
See?
And that's me.
I don't know.
So I phoned up to CNN, you know, and I go, hey, listen, is this the TV?
Yeah, that question you asked about the embryonic stem cell research?
I don't know.
But no, you know, you should, I admire people who have strong opinions, you
know, like Linda
Rodstad, she did that thing, you know, where she was, got up and sang and
everything and
then she started talking and then people were going, God damn, I thought she
was supposed
to sing.
And she just kept talking and finally they were like, come on, man, sing those
only two songs
we ever heard you sing, we're trying to, $45 ticket I'm holding here.
And you know, celebrities have, they can speak up, you know, they're smart, you
know, some
of them, most of them are dumb, but some of them, because I meet celebrities, I'm
a celebrity
and so I can, I meet celebrities and I know as soon as I shake their hand, I
know, hey,
there's a dumb guy, you know, I got, because I'm a dumb guy myself and I got
that, you know
how gay guys have the gaydar?
I'm like that with dumb people.
I'm like, hey, how's it going?
Hey, I could have a conversation with you, man.
So at the end of the election, you know, it was trouble for the both candidates
because
they had the undecideds like me, didn't know, and so they were trying their
hardest to get
us to know, but you know, we were all dumb, we didn't know, and then they
decided to go
with commercials where they just have some animals in them, you know, like I
remember one, it
was a bunch of wolves, you know, and then the narrator, he goes, hey, do you
want a
bunch of wolves to eat you?
You're like, damn, no, that's a bad, that's the last thing I want.
And then the other character, he came out with his own, because the wolf thing
was working good,
and so his was, he goes, would you rather be an ostrich or an eagle?
And you're like, I don't know, that's a tough one there.
And the guy's like, you'd rather be an eagle, you retard, you...
I would, yes, because then the wolf can't jump up as high enough
to catch you, so you're like, all right, all right, I'll tell you what I do
like in the
news, the big murder trials, you know, because I can follow that, you know, and
now we have
the greatest one that's coming up, you know, because it's the best when
celebrities are up
for murder, because then you know the guy, you know, and so, right?
So they selected the jurors for the Robert Blake trial, so that will move on,
and I'm happy about
that, because I love Robert Blake.
Ever since I was a kid, watched him.
Beretta, my favorite show, god damn, that was a good show.
I will say one thing about Robert Blake.
The guy appears to have not the greatest alibi I have ever heard.
Seems to be a relatively weak alibi to me, you know, and I'm no jurisprudence,
you know, I don't know.
But this is his alibi as far as I can figure it out.
He goes, it couldn't have been me who shot my wife in the secluded area over by
the side of the ditch.
On account, I have an alibi.
Oh, where were you?
I had to go back to the restaurant.
I forgot my gun.
Then I got my gun.
I went back to where my wife is, and god damn, somebody shot her.
Now, so I don't know what alibis he discarded before he decided to go with that
one, but
See, this is the thing with celebrity trials, you know, is that it really gets
the country all worked up.
Because the last celebrity murder, of course, we had was the O.J. Simpson
murder.
And what happened there is, O.J. Simpson was acquitted of murder, you know.
And then all the black people thought that O.J. was innocent.
And all the white people thought that O.J. was guilty.
So, what happened was it created a racial divide in the country.
I read that in a magazine.
It created a...
But what that means is, of course, the races were divided, you know.
And that's no good, you know.
So, I was thinking, I was figuring, maybe, what do you think of this?
Maybe we let Robert Blake off and call it even.
All right, folks, well, God bless you all, and God bless America.