Name: A Whole Month Of Sobriety - Bill Burr
Uploaded: 2021-07-21T03:34:34.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'A Whole Month Of Sobriety - Bill Burr' from Billy Twinkle Toes on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-07-21. Transcript available. Bill Burr talks about being sober for a whole month.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'A Whole Month Of Sobriety - Bill Burr' from Billy Twinkle Toes on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-07-21. Transcript available. Bill Burr talks about being sober for a whole month.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr, and it's time for the Thursday afternoon,
just before Friday, Monday morning podcast.
And I'm just checking it on you, you, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo.
Sorry. I'm in a great mood, because guess what?
Today, I'm recording this the day before Thursday, just before Friday, Monday
morning podcast.
Wednesday, it's March 31st.
And old Billy Freckles went a whole fucking month into one fucking, no weed, no
booze, no cigars, no nothing.
No fucking nothing. I did it.
Good for me.
So here's the deal. Oh, and I also did yoga this week, and I meditated.
What is happening?
I'm going to be, if you guys think I was obnoxious when I was this angry, toxic,
white cis, whatever the fuck, whatever, whatever labels,
whatever box the extreme liberals put someone like myself in, because they're
so liberal, they need to label everybody fucking stupid cunts.
So I label them fucking stupid cunts.
Yeah, this is, this is the crossroads.
And I went down to the crossroads.
This is where I usually go.
Well, there, I proved to myself I could go dirty one day without doing, and
then what is, what does old Freckles do?
What does he do after all this yeah, yeah, yeah, bullshit?
What the fuck does he do?
He goes right back, and he fucking, he calls from the fucking house phone.
No, I go right back to fucking drinking or fucking taking edibles or smoking
fucking 20 cigars in a month.
I go back to it.
I go back to it, and then I just keep, and then I end up out of shape, feeling
bad, and fucking hate myself again.
So I was like, okay, so now I, what I need to do, because I'm not done with any
of those things.
I'm just trying to learn, I got to get myself in a headspace where I can do it.
All these years of watching that commercial, you know, drink responsibly.
It's like, what the fuck are these assholes talking about?
Drink responsibly, then why do you sell them 24 at a time?
You think I got 23 other friends that are coming over tonight?
We're all going to have one responsibly?
Speak it out of both sides of your fucking mouth, but I get it now.
Like today, like once a week, I go out, all right?
And I get myself a nice Italian sandwich.
And I never have the time, but I always want to sit out front.
And in a perfect world, I could go out there, and I could smoke a little cigar,
and enjoy my little Italian sandwich, you know?
Just sit there, right?
Feel the breeze.
Shut it down.
Not think about shit.
Don't look at my phone, right?
Once a week, I figure, you know, I could do something like that, right?
But with a cigar, maybe I would have the cigar once every couple of months or
something like that.
I would love to be that guy.
That's the guy I want to be.
I just don't know if I can do it because I got this thing where, you know,
I have a cigar, and then I immediately want another one, you know?
Because I don't have anything else that I do.
That's the fucking thing.
Now, if I had, like, a drink, and then I had a cigar, no, then I want another
drink.
See, I can't fucking do it.
I'm not good at it.
I'm not good at it.
The switch is on or it's off.
I'm not one of these people that has to go to fucking all these weak people
that have to go to AA and,
oh, this is my name, and this is my fucking store.
Those needy people.
Huh?
I swear to God, if I was fucking, if I was running shit, if I was a dictator,
I would take everybody in AA, and I'd take all the extreme liberals and
conservatives,
and I would stick them all in the same boat.
All right?
And that would be the only reality show worth fucking watching.
No, I'm fucking with you.
I don't have any problem with anybody in AA.
I just love making fun of people in AA, you know?
Probably because I have some sort of, I'm on the spectrum.
I don't know what it is.
I don't need a sponsor.
I'm too fucking antisocial for a sponsor.
Hey, Bill, just checking in to see how you're doing.
Motherfucker, if you call me one more time, I'm going to start drinking.
Okay?
I get it.
I get it.
Just talk to me in a week.
I'll get my dumb chip.
Stop talking to me.
So, I've never figured that out, why I am a loner.
That's another weird one.
I don't know.
It's a weird thing.
But, like, I am finally, for the first time, you know how weird it is to be
yourself for
over half a century and now try to figure out what the fuck you are?
It's fucking weird, man.
To turn the fucking, the spotlight around and put it on yourself and be like,
all right,
let's stick this under the fucking magnifying glass.
See what we got here.
- Oh, Jesus!