Name: Tour Dates and Mandolin Gloves - Bill Burr
Uploaded: 2021-07-26T10:59:39.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Tour Dates and Mandolin Gloves - Bill Burr' from Billy Twinkle Toes on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-07-26. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Tour Dates and Mandolin Gloves - Bill Burr' from Billy Twinkle Toes on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-07-26. Transcript available.

All right. Well, let's get into maybe some of your questions here for the week,
everybody.
You know, some of you who were maybe didn't listen last time.
I got three stitches in my finger because I bought one of those mandolins,
which are fucking great.
But just pay attention when you go to wash the thing.
And somebody here is to is to help me. Oh, wait, did I just get my tour dates?
Did I just get my tour dates? Oh, my God. I'm so fucking excited.
It has been so long since I went to a theater and spewed my ignorance all over
people.
Holy shit. OK, buckle up. Date, venue, city, state.
Here we go. Friday, July 22nd, 2021.
I'm going to be in Las Vegas. Viva Las Vegas.
Las Vegas, Nevada at the Cosmopolitan of Las Vegas.
Hang on a second. Hang on one fucking second.
One fucking second. Let's we're going to do this right.
We are going to do that. I'm going to have some background music.
When I fucking.
When I fucking play this shit here.
Let me see here. Come on.
Come on, please be. Give me a video.
Give me a video.
Here we go. Is this it?
This is going to play it.
Why won't you play it?
Oh, oh, is that what it is?
You know, I'm going to hit pause.
I'm going to do this right.
I'm actually have a little production value.
Here we go.
All right. Fuck that.
I was going to try to go find the record, but I got my record stacked up.
I got it.
I'm not. I don't have fucking time.
All right. But I still going to do it right here.
OK, I actually.
You know, I'm going to take this podcast to the next fucking level.
Can I ever type in the password correctly?
Here we go. Here we go.
The right music. Here we go.
All right.
Where am I?
July 3rd.
July 2nd and 3rd.
Las Vegas at the Cosmopolitan in Las Vegas, Nevada.
August 28th.
I'll be at the Seminole Hard Rock Cafe in Hollywood, Florida.
Where else?
September 3rd.
Atlantic City.
I'm hitting all the dirtbags.
All the casino towns.
I love it.
September 3rd at the Hard Rock Live.
And September 4th.
Where next?
Pasty fucking thighs.
September 5th.
Sunday.
I'll be in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania.
Oh, Jesus.
At the Wind Creek Event Center.
And I'm going to be in Kansas City, Missouri.
A few barbecue-eating motherfuckers.
At the Starlight.
All these dates will be up on the website, by the way.
Oh, then look at this one.
You got to go to this one, man.
I'm going to be at Red Rocks Amphitheater.
That's right.
This stripper's dream came true.
Denver, Colorado.
On Thursday, September 30th.
I hope I got these right.
No, that might be September 16th.
Yeah, September 16th.
Sorry.
All these dates will be right.
Fuck it.
I'm just going to tell you where I'm going to be.
Fox Theater, St. Louis, Missouri.
Mystic Lake Casino, Minneapolis.
Where else?
Cobb Energy Center.
Performing Arts fucking Center in Atlanta, Georgia.
Suck my dick.
Coca-Cola Roxy, Atlanta, Georgia.
A couple of nights there.
The Terrace Theater.
Now, that's where Richard Pryor did his live on the Sunset Strip.
One of the best special, arguably the best special of all time.
And I lost all my dates.
Where the fuck did they go?
Did that make any sense?
Half of those, the date of it.
I'm playing all those venues, but I think I said the dates wrong.
No one, me.
No one, me.
I've got a few more.
Terrace Theater in Long Beach.
October 21st, I think.
Or November 5th.
I don't know.
Wait.
It says it up here how it goes.
Date, venue, city.
All right.
So the date is first.
Jesus Christ.
Just go to the website, people.
I don't know what the fuck to tell you.
Where else will I be?
Oh, one of my favorite towns.
I'll be in Reno.
The Grand Resort.
Sierra Resort and Casino.
That's in November.
San Jose in November.
The Center for Performing Arts.
The Fox Theater in Detroit, Michigan.
Chris Cornell's last gig, I believe, was there.
Rest his soul.
Harrah's Resort, Southern California.
That's Valley Center.
That thing's been rescheduled since fucking right before the pandemic.
Indianapolis.
Why are you going to Indianapolis, Bill?
The Murat Theater at Old National Center.
Three nights there.
Wow.
Then I got in Arizona.
I'm at the Arizona Federal Theater.
Oh, it's going to be great.
I cannot fucking wait.
Cannot fucking wait.
That's some nice shit right there.
Oh, I forgot to tell him not to book me through.
I'm going to tell him not no more.
Dates in December.
I like the fucking holidays.
But definitely, I don't like Easter, considering I forgot to fucking hide the
eggs.
Gee, the fucking eggs.
I mean, what is that about, man?
Jesus.
It's just all over the map.
A bunny.
I know people have done bits about this, but fuck.
You don't realize how nuts it is until you actually try to pull it off.
All right.
Mandolin.
Oh, so now you're going to blame a fucking bunny that lays eggs because you
fell asleep, Bill?
You're right.
You're right.
Still a great holiday.
It's a good story.
What are you going to do?
All right.
Mandolin gloves.
Hey, Billy, nine fingers.
Google no-cry, cut-resistant gloves.
You can find them on Amazon for around $10.
They're basically Kevlar gloves and made to stop exactly what happened to you.
You use them with sharp knives while grating foods, shucking oyster, woodworking,
you name it.
They're food-safe and machine-washable.
I have a pair, and I don't mandolin without them.
Dude, God bless you.
God bless you.
No-cut, no-cry, cut-resistant gloves.
I'm Googling those right now.
No-cry, cut-resistant gloves.
Oh, look at them.
They're kind of stylish, too.
Holy shit.
They also look a little murderous.
So if you have a bad relationship with your wife, I wouldn't put these on.
Like, she might grab a pistol or something.
I'm like, "Hey, I'm just cutting some radishes."