Name: Buying the Ford and Going to Church - Bill Burr
Uploaded: 2021-08-10T05:46:49.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Buying the Ford and Going to Church - Bill Burr' from Billy Twinkle Toes on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-08-10. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Buying the Ford and Going to Church - Bill Burr' from Billy Twinkle Toes on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-08-10. Transcript available.

by the way, I'm going to tell you something
the most exciting fucking thing
that's happened to me in a while
other than becoming a dad, okay?
Is, or the, yeah.
Yeah, that's it, right?
I got the green light to get that truck.
I got the green light to get the truck,
but the thing is, is I have to keep my four-door sedan
because I have kids.
So, I am a frugal bastard,
so I am not going to buy the truck
until my Vegas gig, my gig in Vegas,
and once I see that indoor gigs have come back
and that I can make money on the road,
I am going to build the F-250 of my dreams.
I can't wait.
If I can just find a place where I can store it
because I don't have the fucking room for it.
It's the stupidest fucking thing.
I'm ever going to buy.
I bought a lot of dumb shit,
but I don't give a fuck, all right?
I figure my kids get a little bit older.
You know, I can teach them how to drive
when they're young.
Then I can get rid of my car,
and then I'll just have that fucking truck.
And then that fucking truck, I'm done.
That is my Ferrari.
That's the fucking vehicle I always wanted.
Order a Ford F-250.
I don't know why.
I played with Tonka trucks when I was a kid,
and I just got into them.
And as much as I like cars and that type of shit,
I've always liked trucks better.
And I'm talking like every fucking truck.
Like, there was a while, man,
I was going on the internet,
and I'm talking like delivery trucks.
Like, I found this.
There was a truck.
It was actually, the company was white.
I think it was just called White Truck or whatever.
I swear to God.
I was like, that's the name of the company?
Let me just look this up.
And I found like a cab with like a chassis,
and I sent it to the guy,
this guy that I know that does,
rebuilds trucks amazingly.
White truck.
Let's see here.
10-wheeler.
See if I can find it.
No, that's, I forget the name of it.
Because now it's just showing up as the color.
It was something white.
I forget what, but it was just like,
it was like a, from the early 70s,
and it just had the cab and the chassis,
and I just sent him a picture.
I was like, what can you do with this?
And he was just like, oh, man,
I could fucking build you a sick-ass ride.
And I was showing it to my wife,
and she was like, that's stupid.
What were you going to do with it?
And it's like, I don't know.
Drive down the street and feel like a five-year-old
in a sandbox?
Can't I have that?
You know?
The fuck?
Chicks get to have their version
of the Kardashian walk-in closet.
Why can't I have my version
of a fucking Tonka truck?
But anyways,
she gave me the green light,
and now I have to push through
the Catholic guilt
of just buying something
and doing something for yourself.
You know, that fucking shit.
You know, I did a stand-up gig
at a,
at a Methodist church.
And I was talking to somebody
because I was just like,
you know,
I might take this fucking
being sober thing all the way
because I used to go to church
every week,
but like,
I can't go to the Catholic church
because, you know,
I mean,
of what they did to those kids
and how they look the other way.
And now every time I feel like
I'm giving them money,
I'm paying for their defense attorneys.
Right?
But,
I don't know.
I might go to a Methodist thing
just to see what their take
on Jesus is.
And even though I'm not
into any of that shit,
I don't believe in any of it,
there's something about
going to a service once a week.
It's like going to an AA meeting
for fucking Alkies.
It reminds you,
hey, you know,
don't fucking do that.
Like, I feel like there is
something to be said
about going to that shit.
Oh, Jesus, guys,
are you losing me?
Am I becoming 700 Club Bill?
Relax, that ain't gonna happen.
If anything, I'll go there and get material on myself.