Name: Masturbating or Cheating - Bill Burr
Uploaded: 2021-08-11T10:10:32.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Masturbating or Cheating - Bill Burr' from Billy Twinkle Toes on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-08-11. Transcript available. A listener writes in about his sexual needs.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Masturbating or Cheating - Bill Burr' from Billy Twinkle Toes on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-08-11. Transcript available. A listener writes in about his sexual needs.

All right. Masturbating or cheating. Hey, Bill Burrington. Burrington Raincoat
Factory. Burlington Coat Factory. I got it. Oh, Burlington. You did have the L
in there. I couldn't see it. Hey, Billy Burlington Coat Factory. Raincoat
Factory. For your love of raincoats over umbrellas.
Oh, I love a raincoat. I live in Florida and to me, a man who uses either is a
little limp-wristed. Oh, yeah. You got those steel balls hanging off the back
of your truck. But that is an old school guy thing that if you actually dress
for the weather, that makes you a pussy. You always have to act like it's a
nice spring day.
But moving on to ask your advice. I've been waiting with, I've been with my
fiance for eight years now. And even before dating, I had become bored with
regular, regularly watching porn online masturbation.
So one day, 10 years ago, I discovered online dating sites. Oh, boy. And
started to talk to women I met online, on the phone. Sorry. And it would
eventually, what the hell is it? Led to phone sex.
Ever since then, masturbating by myself is uninteresting and unfulfilling. I've
continued this practice since being exclusive with my current fiance and was
wondering if it's considered cheating.
That's always an easy question. If you told her you were doing this, how would
she react?
I never used my real name and haven't updated my pics since initially signing
up 10 years ago and never met any of the women offline.
I use them for phone sex as long as possible. And then when they want to move
things further along, I stopped speaking to them.
I've never cheated on any previous girlfriends in my life and was wondering
your thoughts on this. Thanks in advance.
P.S. I love the podcast and go fuck yourself. Yeah. Talk to a therapist.
Talk to a therapist. One of the problems that has developed in this age of
technology is, yeah, you're addicted to phone sex.
And yeah, you know, I had like a porn addiction that I finally realized, I'm
fucking doing this all the time.
This is how you know you're addicted to porn. If you try to jerk off with just
your thoughts and you can't make it happen, you got a fucking problem that
needs to be addressed.
So I would talk to a professional and just say you have a problem and I would nip
this in the in the bud.
Is that how you say it? I always forget. But a bud nip it in the bud and just
fucking handle this shit before you get married.
Because living a life like that is going to wear on you and you're going to
feel like a piece of shit.
So I wouldn't do that. I mean, how would you like it if she was doing that?
Would you consider that not cheating?
You know, of course you would. What you're doing is wrong.
So I would talk to I would go to a therapist and talk to him and they will
fucking help it out.
And you don't need to be embarrassed. They have heard every fucking thing in
the world.
And what you have here is like is like a misdemeanor compared to what the fuck
they hear every goddamn day.
And they'll help you through it. And you'll you'll be back to being a really
sort of a normal person.
Because this whole fucking thing jerking off using technology is is if you
really think about it is goes against the laws of nature because it did not
exist for ninety nine percent of the time that human beings have been on Earth.
And I feel like we are all the lab rats of it right now.
And I feel like.
In the future, people are going to be way more careful about what they watch,
way more careful about everything and way more like monitoring it.
We're back in the day, you know, you had a bottle of scotch in the bottom
fucking desk drawer.
You know, I was Mary Tyler Moore. She'd come in. Oh, Mr. Grant.
She'd be all upset. He'd fucking pour her a drink.
Did that today. That'd be the end of your fucking career.
So, you know, this shit is just.
Sort of like, you know, when cocaine first came out, doctors said it was no
more addicting than caffeine and then a bunch of people ruined their lives over
it.
So don't ruin your life over this. You got a great person that you want to
marry.
You owe it to them and yourself. Go to a therapist, work it out.
I think you'll be fine.