Name: Almost Lost My Sh*t - Bill Burr
Uploaded: 2021-08-16T09:18:58.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Almost Lost My Sh*t - Bill Burr' from Billy Twinkle Toes on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-08-16. Transcript available. Bill Burr almost loses his cool at Nia.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Almost Lost My Sh*t - Bill Burr' from Billy Twinkle Toes on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-08-16. Transcript available. Bill Burr almost loses his cool at Nia.

So, anyway, sorry if I'm a little scatterbrained here today, everybody.
I've been, I've kind of been all over the place, but I've been doing a good job,
though,
as far as, like, working on myself.
I'm psyched.
Like, this morning, I would have had an epic fight with my wife, and I didn't.
And then four fucking things happened in a row, and I didn't react to any of
them.
And I kept my cool, and everybody had a nice morning.
Like, my wife's been busting her ass lately, working on this project,
and I guess she was really tired, and she was sleeping next to me.
And, you know, she was fucking, you know, snoring a little bit, and just woke
me up.
And once I wake up, forget it, I'm just up.
So, I was like, fuck.
So, I went downstairs, and I slept on the couch.
And, you know, I wake, go upstairs the next morning.
She's like, hey, sorry, did I wake you up?
And I was like, yeah.
And, I don't know.
And then she's just like, oh, sorry.
And then immediately she was looking at her phone.
And I'm thinking, like, oh, my God.
That's all I get is sorry?
I missed out on two hours sleep.
If you literally get up eight minutes before you usually get up, you're going
to be in a grumpy mood all morning.
You go right to your phone.
Like, that normally would have got me, I would have fucking had that dumb fight.
You know?
Because for all I know, she's texting my daughter's school about some shit.
I didn't, I would have normally jumped right in.
I just, I walked out.
I was like, what the fuck?
And then I was just, as I was going down the stairs, I was like, no, I'm not
doing this.
And I was like, all right, well, you know what?
I have that radio tour.
Tomorrow morning I'm calling a bunch of radio shows early, starting with some
radio station in St. Louis.
I'm just like, I'm just going to sleep in my office tonight.
There.
Okay?
That's the solution.
Okay?
Problem solved.
I felt good.
Then I wasn't upset with that.
Then I go downstairs and I fucking, you know, I'm going to, you know, my
daughter wants some, these healthy pancakes that I make.
So I say, okay, I go to the spice rack.
Where's the cinnamon?
Why are all the, why are all the spices fucking not alphabetized?
What the fuck?
And I can't find it.
And I, and I didn't lose my cool.
Then I was looking for the little measuring cup.
It wasn't where it's supposed to be.
I look at the dishwasher.
It's not there.
It's not in the sink.
It's not in the dry rack.
I look back in the drawer and there it is.
Didn't lose my cool.
Then the fucking scooper.
Where the fuck is it?
Everything that I needed was not where the fuck it normally is.
For whatever fucking reason.
And all of those little things, I, I, I, the old me would have been like, how
fucking hard is it?
To put the fucking spice back alphabetically so the next person doesn't have
the fucking sergeant.
I would have done that.
I would have done that.
And I didn't.
I just went like, well, it's got to be here somewhere.
And, uh, you know, I have plenty of time to make these fucking pancakes.
I re-alphabetized everything knowing full well that I'm the only one that gives
a fuck about it being alphabetized.
I just plowed through all of that.
Everybody had a great time.
And guess what?
It's like fucking eight hours later.
And who gives a shit?
Who gives a shit?
And I figured out why I'm an angry guy in therapy.
I get it now.
I get me.
And, um, yeah.
It feels pretty fucking good, man.
I'm telling you.
You only need to do mushrooms once.
You can really figure yourself out.
If you do the fucking work.
If you do the work.
So, yeah.
All of that shit's good, man.
It's all fucking good.
So, um, but having said that, I'm saying some of the most ignorant shit I've
ever said in my life on stage.
I have, like, three bits I cannot wait to fucking try out.
And, you know, just knowing how people are, or certain people nowadays, it's
going to be a lot of fun.
So...