Name: Porn Addicted 23-Year-Old - Bill Burr
Uploaded: 2021-08-20T14:18:01.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Porn Addicted 23-Year-Old - Bill Burr' from Billy Twinkle Toes on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-08-20. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Porn Addicted 23-Year-Old - Bill Burr' from Billy Twinkle Toes on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-08-20. Transcript available.

Porn addicted 23-year-old. Oh gee. Hey Bill, no chill. I'm a 23-year-old guy
from Norway and I'm
going to get straight to the point. Like many guy out there, I've been transfixed
by porn ever since
I found this curse. I love that you called it a curse when I was a little kid.
Ever since I've
been watching it once a day and sometimes even more. Until a couple months ago
where I figured
out that I was addicted to it. My addiction is not nearly as bad as other
people had seen,
but I noticed I was addicted nevertheless. In my case, my addiction was that I
needed to watch it
to masturbate. Oh Jesus. I've been there. Don't get me wrong. I could still do
little wank with my
imagination. However, I didn't prefer it. Now I've been almost 30 days free and
I feel great about it.
That's awesome. I still get the urge though, but managed to beat it off. Pun
intended. That was
like the pun week. Granted, it's not as hard as quitting smoking, I can imagine.
You mentioned a
couple of times that you stopped watching porn a while ago. No, but then I relapsed.
I've been,
I've been doing it again. So I got to stop again. So I just, I went from May to
December
and now since December, I on and off, you know, the holidays are rough.
Everybody
every once in a while, you got to turn to porn to try to take the edge off. So
I was just wondering
what made you quit. And do you think porn addiction is something we should take
seriously? Absolutely.
I think we're all lab rats, social media, um, uh, porn and all of that stuff.
And I think the powers
that run social media in porn will then do what the cigarette companies do when
the studies come
out that say these things are bad and they're not good for you. They'll, they
will flood the market
with air quote doctors saying that it's healthy, that it's not that bad, blah,
blah, blah, blah,
blah. That's what always happens. Um, no, it's terrible. And the people that
are in it were abused
as kids. You know, nobody with options fucking gets into that thing. It's a
terrible fucking thing.
And you're actually helping it out, you know? So it's be one less thing that
human beings do to hurt
other human beings that you could get away from if you choose to. While I say
this sitting here
wearing clothes that were made by crying people in sweatshops that try to kill
themselves,
but can't cause there's nets outside to prevent them from plunging to their
death. All right.
Husband slash wife argument over the hole in the ground, literally. Dear back
on the road, Bill.
Wife and I agreed. We both wanted a basketball hoop in our driveway and
eventually decided on an
in ground one, uh, being that I am the resident basketball expert in the house
I played in high
school. I decided where it should go on the driveway. Uh, she did give her
opinion, but I used the
scientific method. I measured the exact length of the driveway. Oh, you went in
to find the exact
mid, I was thinking of my dad put one up. Um, he thought the regulation was
nine feet.
So we had a nine foot rim. He built it himself, bought the hoop. It was
actually cool, but like it
was on a ridiculous, like probably like a, a 20 to 25 degree bank. So, you know,
it was probably
eight and a half feet if you're on the left side and it was about nine and a
half feet on the right
side, but it was fun as shit. Um, anyway, he said, uh, wife and I agreed. We
both wanted to,
wanted a basketball hoop, uh, blah, blah, blah, blah. I measured the exact
length of the driveway to find
the exact midpoint so as to have an equal space on both sides of the rim for
shooting, just like the
pros do. That's great. We have a six foot, uh, we have a six feet overhang
above our garage, which
shortens the court on that end. So I moved the hole about 10 inches away from
the side to increase the
area. Oh, over there to shoot. Uh, we'll have also that probably messed with
the symmetry that she
didn't like with the house, right? Well, after breaking my back, digging the
hole, the wife says
that she, she don't like it. That is too close to the road and that the ball
will go out to the street
too much. We are now on the fourth day of her not speaking to me over this
issue. Oh wow. Got to that
level. I woke up today with the compromised. I filled the damn hole back in. Of
course, of course,
because it's all about their fucking feelings. Unbelievable. Do guys ever win
that fucking fight?
You can't win. If you win, then they just mope around and be a douche for the
rest of time or you
give in and then they act like that's a fucking healthy relationship. Yeah. I'm
telling you all of
this bullshit out there about how fucking toxic guys are and they ignore this
aspect of fucking women.
I swear to God that you are a fucking prisoner of their fucking emotions that
you have to find your
happiness within the airspace of their fucking happiness and they get to
fucking do whatever
the fuck they want. It's un-fucking-believe. I'm sorry. That shit just sets me
up. Yeah. So,
of course you filled the fucking damn hole back in. Of course you did. This is
why guys have
funnier fucking stories. You know, where's, where's her funny? So I pouted and
then he gave in
and I watched, I watched, I watched, I, you know, I enjoyed breaking his spirit.
Then the guy's got
the story of, so I'm fucking filling the fucking goddamn hole back in. It's
hilarious. Anyways,
and told her we will order a portable one that I can move whenever I want to
shoot.
All right. So you got a little bit back. Bill, my question is, should I have
held the line being
that she knows nothing about basketball? I am always the compromiser and bridge
builder and
normally I'm okay with it, but on this, it really bothers me being her, her
lack of understanding or
on even, uh, ever playing basketball. Plus her literally acting like a child
and locking herself
in the room until she got her way. In my opinion, really bugs me. How do I kiss
and make up on this?
Uh, this is what you have to do. This is what you gotta, you gotta play their
game. You gotta play the
fucking guilt game. So this is what you do. Okay. You fucking do exactly what
the fuck she wants you
to do. And then you tell her how unhappy it makes you. And then you don't
fucking talk to her. You literally play the
game back and be like, this is not, this is, this is an abusive relationship
that you do this. And let's
think you can't say it in the tone that I'm saying it. You just gotta be like,
fine, we'll do it the way you
want to do it. And I just want you to know that this makes me really unhappy.
She's not even gonna fucking play
nothing. You just convey to her how much pain she's bringing you by doing this
constantly. And then
that's what you have to do. And then in the end, when she goes, Oh, I'm sure
you can put the whole
bit. And now you got to go out and dig the fucking hole again. All right. You
have to tell her that
we need to work on this part of the relationship. All right. I'm just going to
say it the way I'd say
it to a guy. You got to fix it up for her because this is fucking bullshit.
This is fucking bullshit.
All right. Let's just say next time I dig a hole, I ain't putting a fucking
basketball hoop
in it. You understand what I'm saying? No, don't go that far, but you know what
I mean?
It's so fucking ridiculous. And I swear to God, that right there is the normal.
That right there
is the normal. With all these fucking stats out there that all these fucking
stupid feminists
are throwing out there, just like the fucking cigarette companies, throwing all
of this shit
out to, to, to support their side of the argument and acting like they, they
want equal footing.
They don't, they do not. They do not. Cause they completely ignore this.
Oh, he got me going on a Monday. Um, am I wrong to be jealous of boyfriend
using sex apps and watching
porn? No, it's, it's, that's your line. If that's how that makes you feel, you
should communicate
that to him and then he should respect that. See, see that ladies. I'm not
always on the
fucking guy's side. Like that basketball hoop thing, the fucking dude was right.
The lady
was wrong. And on this one, she's right. Okay. Hello from Alaska. Oh, wait a
minute. Alaska.
What the fuck else is he going to do? Go outside and get eaten by a bear. Um, I
love your podcast,
uh, Monday podcast and enjoy your straightforward answers. I'm 31 years old and
have been with my
boyfriend for about 10 years now. Guys are taking it slow, huh? Recently, he's
been downloading all
these apps that are kind of making me wonder, and I guess feel insecure or
unsure. Oh, he's downloading
all these apps. For instance, apps like find more fish in the sea. Fuck milfs.
Now cheaters.com live
sex. Now apps, fuck locals apps, so on and so forth. He claims he just does it
to look. Oh my God.
Oh God. Sweetheart. Sweetheart. What's he going to download next? How to kill
your girlfriend at 10
years? I'm just into true crime. And he's not doing it to act on anything, but
still it makes me mad.
Am I wrong for feeling this way? Absolutely not. And he's been with you for 10
years and he hasn't
married you. And now he's looking at this shit. Yeah. Fuck that. Fuck that. Not
only are you right
to feel this, get out of this relationship. All right. Um, should I ignore it?
He claims like,
it's just like watching porn, but come on, fuck locals now, uh, red flag. Or is
it just me looking
forward to your response? Is it just a red flag? It's, it's the fucking Soviet
union. Dude, I, I, I don't
know what the fuck to tell you. Yeah, it's over. It's over. Okay. You're 31
years old. You still got
your life ahead of you. Get the fuck out of that thing. Now that's a, that's a
crock of shit.
That's a crock of fucking shit. That's the easiest question ever. Why would you
be looking at those
apps? Exactly. Exactly. You're looking to, you're looking for a new love, baby.