Name: My Daughter Can Swim Now and Wants to Skate - Bill Burr
Uploaded: 2021-08-26T03:10:12.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'My Daughter Can Swim Now and Wants to Skate - Bill Burr' from Billy Twinkle Toes on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-08-26. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'My Daughter Can Swim Now and Wants to Skate - Bill Burr' from Billy Twinkle Toes on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-08-26. Transcript available.

Anyway, huge, huge, huge, huge fucking moment as a father.
On Friday, this past Friday, my daughter officially knows how to swim.
You know, I got to give a shout out to my brother-in-law, former lifeguard that
basically got her there.
And she was right ready to do it.
And then the pandemic hit.
And then she didn't swim for a while and then kind of got afraid of the water
again.
So he deserves like 99% of the credit.
So I basically, I was trying to explain to her how to do the doggy paddle.
And she just, you know, wasn't grasping.
So what I finally did was I said, listen, just do the doggy paddle and I'll
just have my hand under your stomach, right?
And all I did was just do like index, middle, and thumb.
So it was mainly her.
And then what I would do is she was going along.
I'd paddle faster, paddle faster.
I would just take it away.
And then she'd start to sink.
But she would paddle faster and get her head up and then start to sink for real.
Then I would just hold her back up again.
And I did that for like five minutes.
And next thing you know, she was swimming by herself.
It was fucking amazing.
I'm not saying that's going to work for you.
And obviously, my brother-in-law did a ton of work with her.
So I'm not taking credit.
But I was there when it happened.
And I saw the look of how psyched and proud she was.
And that's a huge, like, relief for me as a parent that my kid knows how to
swim.
That's a scary thing when you just look at your kids like they don't know how
to swim.
Hey, you want to go out on a little boat ride?
No, I don't.
Why?
My kids don't know how to swim.
And I have two.
And I can only get to one.
One at a time.
No fucking thank you.
Not happening.
Not happening.
Anyway, so that happened.
And my daughter is also, like, really into skateboarding now.
She's been watching these videos.
And she wants a skateboard.
So she told me the skateboard she wanted.
It has, like, a cartoon character on it.
And I saw it.
The fucking board was, like, 21 bucks.
Okay?
And I, the reason why I don't skateboard is because I had a $21 skateboard, the
equivalent
of it in the 70s.
And your feet hung off on either side.
And if you hit a pebble, you went flying like you got ejected through the
windshield of a car.
And they didn't have pads when I was a kid.
They just didn't.
He just fucking went down.
Pads were wearing dungarees.
That's what it was.
And a long-sleeved shirt.
That's what pads were when I was a kid.
Nobody had fucking pads.
Nobody wore helmets.
It was stupid.
It was fucking stupid.
And kids were breaking their arms and their legs.
Right?
There was always some kid on crutches.
Just always happened.
Fans didn't have guards.
And people would, fucking fan blades were made out of metal.
And people would chop the tip of their fingers.
I was fucking nuts.
It was fucking nuts.
So anyway, I want to ask skateboard people out here in L.A.
I want to get my daughter into this sport.
She's absolutely obsessed with it.
She loves it.
She's starting to know the names of the tricks.
And I think it's so fucking cool.
I got to hook her up here.
So my question to you is, where should I go?
What size deck, I believe you call it, should I get?
What's a good starter board where she's not going to get hurt or whatever?
I mean, I know she's going to get hurt because she's doing it.
But like, you know, I'm going to get her all the pads and everything.
But where should I go?
I've already Googled and I saw the original skateboard shop out here, L.A.
Skate Company, and then a few others or whatever.
And it just seems like, I don't know.
I don't know anything about it.
Anything about it other than my daughter is obsessed with it.
And she knows how to ride a bike.
She can swim now.
Let's let's fucking let's do skateboarding.
All of this builds up confidence.
All of it builds up self-esteem.
Right.
Then you teach him a little jujitsu.
They can choke out a freak.
And what you got is a complete fucking person who will now walk up to what she
wants in life.
You know, and find love.
And hopefully, you know, there's a world for her when she gets older and it's
not 130 degrees.
So if you guys have any information on that, I would greatly appreciate it.
And then I'm going to pass it on because already one of her relatives wants to
be the one that gets her the skateboard.
So I just got to give them the information.