Name: Fat Douche Complaining on the Plane - Bill Burr
Uploaded: 2021-09-02T11:36:12.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Fat Douche Complaining on the Plane - Bill Burr' from Billy Twinkle Toes on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-09-02. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Fat Douche Complaining on the Plane - Bill Burr' from Billy Twinkle Toes on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-09-02. Transcript available.

But here's a story that I wanted to tell you.
I forgot to tell you this.
When I was on the plane ride out,
all right,
I got a first class ticket
because that's how I fly, okay?
I spent 20 years in the back of the plane.
I ain't going back.
But I can tell you right now,
it's not a bad time to fly in the back of the plane.
I felt stupid.
I sat up in first class.
First class was packed.
And then in the back,
there was like nobody.
So those people could like stretch out and shit
and also not have to worry about
somebody fucking breathing on you.
You know,
with the fucking next Ebola or some shit.
So I got a kick out of that.
So anyway,
I'm sitting there
and on the flight out,
this fucking douche,
this fucking douche
in the fucking first class front row,
not talking about myself,
not saying I'm not a douche either.
But, you know,
I was a quiet douche.
This douche was a loud douche.
An unmistakable douche.
The flight attendant,
the lady there,
the lady stewardess there,
she fucking goes,
we might,
the douche started bitching
about the fucking internet
before we even got going.
And she goes,
well,
we might have a problem.
I'm not really sure.
Da-da-da-da-da-da.
And she said something about
how the customer service,
something about the customer service.
And the guy goes,
yeah,
that's so you won't have bad ratings.
And he started bitching.
He started bitching
about how they made the seats
more uncomfortable.
And he's fucking talking to her
like she's the one
that puts the seats
in the fucking plane.
Right?
Now,
I got no problem
if some stewardess
is fucking sitting there
going like,
you know,
sir,
can you fucking stick
the thing in the fucking
so we can get going?
If you're going to be like,
I don't have a problem
at that point being like,
hey,
lady,
I'm doing the best I can here.
Hey,
buddy,
relax.
Okay?
You're cramming us in here
like sardines.
I'm trying to do
the best I can here.
All right?
I don't have a problem
with that.
But when you start bitching
about literally the plane,
like she has that type
of stuff there,
I mean,
it's fucking ridiculous.
So this guy goes,
you know,
you made the seats
more uncomfortable,
blah,
blah,
blah,
blah,
blah.
And I so wanted
to be like,
hey,
fatso,
what about the fact
that you've probably
gained three and a half
to seven and a half pounds
every year
since you graduated?
You're at least
40 pounds
over fucking weight.
Maybe if you ate
a fucking salad
every once in a while,
the seats wouldn't
seem so uncomfortable.
They don't feel
uncomfortable to me.
I've been flying
fucking this airline
forever.
Why didn't I say that?
There's got to be
a nice way to say it
without getting
kicked off the plane.
Excuse me,
sir,
I couldn't help notice,
but you seem
to be obese.
Okay?
I'm not saying
you're going to be
on my 600 pound life,
but just being
30 pounds overweight
is,
you know,
they can write you up
for being obese
even at your height
and you look like
you're at least
50,
60 pounds overweight.
Okay?
So,
I mean,
what are they
supposed to wheel
on here?
A fucking
double wide
lazy boy
for your fat ass?
It's fucking,
dude,
it's fucking ridiculous.
Now,
people always say
that I come down
on fat people.
I do.
I come down on them
because they're
chowing down
and then they turn around
and they start
bitching at people
and they don't,
they don't address
the problem.
You know what I mean?
It's like I'm a bald
orange cunt.
Okay?
My head is going
to get colder
faster than someone
that has a nice,
thick,
luscious mane
of fucking hair.
Right?
If I'm going to
fucking sit there
and,
you know,
I'm sitting on the plane
and everybody else
with a full head of hair
feels fine,
am I going to start
bitching that it's
a little chilly in there?
If I feel chilly,
I fucking look around
and I'm like,
oh,
all right,
well,
nobody else is
fucking complaining.
I put my hat on.
I don't start
bitching about
the fucking vent,
you know?
But bald people
are not considered
handicapped
or whatever the,
whatever these fat shows
are fucking
angling towards.
You know?
I don't know.
I just couldn't
fucking,
but the guy
bitching about the,
and the lady
had to literally
sit there
as this fat,
slacked,
fucking burger
eating jerk off
is talking about
uncomfortable
fucking seat.
It's like,
you think the seat's on,
how do you think
the seat feels?
Trying to hold
your fucking
lard ass up.
I don't know,
but I know
you're not supposed
to say that.
You're supposed
to call these people
heroes and say
that they're beautiful
as they eat their way
into a diabetic coma.
I guess that's
the way you do it.
I mean,
I don't know.
It's fucking
strange to me.
So,
I mean,
if you can have
kick a ginger day,
I can't make fun
of fatties.
I just don't
understand.
I should actually
like fat people.
So in kick a ginger day,
they're easy to outrun.
Maybe that's what it is.
So what else can I
bitch about
to get people going?
I don't know.