Name: Wife Doesn’t Want Sex - Bill Burr
Uploaded: 2021-09-07T13:10:46.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Wife Doesn’t Want Sex - Bill Burr' from Billy Twinkle Toes on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-09-07. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Wife Doesn’t Want Sex - Bill Burr' from Billy Twinkle Toes on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-09-07. Transcript available.

Anyway, wife never wants sex.
Hey, Billy Clownface, me and my lady have been married for almost five and a
half years
and been together over six years.
I'm 38 and my wife is 32.
Before we got married, everything was perfect.
And at that time, I thought I had found the girl I wanted to grow old with.
Unfortunately, everything went out the window the weekend we got married.
The weekend?
We didn't have sex before we got married, so I expected her to be ready to go
or show some excitement about us having sex for the first time on our wedding
night.
We got to the hotel and she just acted like we walked into a grocery store or
something.
She thought it was weird I was trying to initiate anything sexual with her.
Oh, my God.
We eventually did have sex, but it seemed like more of a, I guess we can have
sex now vibe.
The weird thing is, she actually bragged about her sex life with her ex that
night, too.
What?
What did she say?
You know, this last guy, I used to really fuck him all the time.
Oh, man, we had a great time.
So then she got with you.
So she wasn't a virgin.
So she was banging before.
She stopped banging when she met you.
And now you're on your wedding night and she's acting like she's at the grocery
store.
Okay.
Since then, it's been constant rejection.
I could probably count on one hand, no more than two, the number of times she
has initiated sex in our marriage.
And she actually barely initiates any kind of physical affection.
So I wonder if she actually did have a great sex life with this other person.
There was no honeymoon phase or anything.
Sex maybe three times a month as newlyweds.
Anytime I brought up the lack of anything in our marriage, it always turned
into a fight where I was told, you make me feel like a failure as a wife.
We are married now.
We are past all that.
That stuff is for teenagers and I didn't get married to have sex.
Okay, something's going on with her.
Did something happen to her when she was younger?
Is she gay?
You know, that could be a thing.
Maybe she's trying to make her parents happy and is living, you know, a life
she shouldn't be living.
Does she not?
Do you have halitosis and she doesn't know how to tell you?
The sad thing is, over time, she has let a few things about her past
relationship that lasted six years or so come out and she made it seem like she
had a long sex life with this other guy.
She had the honeymoon phase with him and pretty much got all the sex she wanted
before we got married and now just wants a roommate that will pay the bills.
She will let me have sex with her once a week, but definitely nothing more.
To her, once a week is enough, but if I want anything more than that, she
claims I just demand sex from her all the time and I'm needy because I want a
wife instead of a roommate.
As a Christian, I don't want to get a divorce.
Well, as a Christian, Catholic Church also falls under the umbrella of
Christianity and look what they did.
Okay.
We also had crusades as Christians and did horrible things to Muslim people and
all that stuff.
So, I mean, listen, if you're not happy, get out of it.
He said, but I also don't want to be 45 in a marriage that lacks any kind of
intimacy either.
At what point do you think it's okay to bail and find someone else?
I'll tell you this right now.
Your heart, your soul, and everything that makes you an alive person has
already left this marriage.
Sorry that this happened to you.
I know it's going to be painful.
Just get the fuck out.
And I'm telling you, this time next year, you know, you're going to be looking
back going, what in the fuck was that?
Thank God I got out of it.
And you're going to be happy as hell.
Even if you're single, you're going to meet a woman that likes to have sex with
you.
And it's going to make you feel good.
Nobody should go through that.
That constant rejection and dealing with that.
Okay.
This is just like, you know, there's a guy out there for your wife, but you ain't
it.
So, you know, you're making her feel a certain way.
She's making you feel a certain way.
It's not going to get better.
So, you know, and you don't want to be old thinking like, I should have just
got out of it.
Why the fuck did I do that?
And another thing too, how the fuck are you going to have a kid if you're
having sex once a fucking week?
You know, if you want to have a kid.
I don't even know if you want to have a fucking kid.
But, you know, you got to bang away that week when she's ovulating there.