Name: Kayak Recommendations - Bill Burr
Uploaded: 2021-09-20T06:06:44.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Kayak Recommendations - Bill Burr' from Billy Twinkle Toes on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-09-20. Transcript available. A listener writes in about Kayaking.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Kayak Recommendations - Bill Burr' from Billy Twinkle Toes on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-09-20. Transcript available. A listener writes in about Kayaking.

Old Billy fucking Twinkle Toes is gonna go work out now.
Sorry.
All right, kayak recommendations.
As I mentioned,
old Billy Freckle Tits
really enjoyed being on the beach.
So I was talking about how I,
kayaking, that's something I could do at the beach.
I could get into that.
I got a paddle.
I can beat away the fucking sharks.
Hey, old Chrome Dome.
One of the best things I ever heard,
one time I was, as far as Chrome goes,
and the only guy I ever heard say it,
I was on one of those fan boats
in the Everglades in Florida.
And one of them had,
we pulled up to one
because one had broken down
with all these alligators.
And they were talking about the boat
and how it looked good,
but, you know, it wasn't running.
And this guy was smoking a cigarette,
this redneck dude.
And he goes,
well, if it won't go, Chrome it,
is what he said.
I think that's what he said.
If it won't go, Chrome it,
or if it won't run, Chrome it.
And me and my wife started laughing
because I was immediately thinking like,
yeah, if it looks like shit,
shine it up, someone will buy it.
I don't know if that's an expression.
If you live in Florida,
you know, if you're a redneck,
and there's no shame in that,
all right,
because I'm white trash.
I'm white trash all fucking day long.
All right?
I would eat chip beef on toast tonight.
Tonight.
You know?
What do you want to talk?
You want to talk a dual family house?
You want to talk about squirrels in the walls?
I'm all over it.
Talk to you all day.
You want to talk about a basement
that smells like it's been underwater
for a hundred years?
We can do this.
We can have this conversation.
Rednecks are white trash
that know how to fix shit.
That's how I look at it.
White trash is just fucking,
they're just trash.
You're like, yeah,
just blowing down the street.
Oh God,
this fucking guy,
right?
Um,
hey,
old Chrome Dome.
Heard you looking,
heard you're looking at kayaks.
Check out Hobby.
Hobie,
I guess is how you say it.
Oh,
like the Hobie Baker Award.
Hobie kayaks.
They're expensive.
Dude,
I don't want to be on some cheap hunk of shit out there.
But in addition to paddling propulsion,
they also have foot pedal drives
where you just pedal yourself
where you want to go.
You'll be able to fit your little ones
on there with you too.
Wait a minute.
And he's got a link?
I don't live anywhere near the water
and I'm going to,
I'm thinking of buying this.
Would you look at those?
Oh my God.
How,
okay.
These are all beautiful.
How expensive are they?
All right.
Let's click on one.
Let's go with the nice fucking,
we'll go with the neon yellow.
Take a test ride on this thing.
1500 bucks.
I fucking buy one of those.
I would fucking buy one of those.
Of course,
I got to live in a state
with no fucking water.
Does anybody out here go kayaking?
Also,
sounded like you mentioned
the ones people were standing on.
Those are stand up paddle,
paddle boards.
It kind of seemed like people use those
to get out to their boat
or sups.
Boat,
B-O-T-E,
makes some pretty good ones
and they even have one
where you can,
you can convert to a little motorized boat
slash sup,
stand up paddle board.
All right.
Boatboard.com,
B-O-T-E board.com
might even get you more into fishing.
Hope you and your family
are doing well.
Go fuck yourself.
If I ever went fishing,
I would catch one fish
and that would be it.
Like I'm eating this.
I'm done.
I'm not trying to get the biggest one.
I'm not trying to get more
than the guy next to me.
I'm just taking what I need.
All right.
Maybe I should do 23andMe
and see if I have a Native American in me.
Huh?
How badass would that be
if I was part of Patchy?
Um...