Name: Redhead Struggles and Sci-Fi Movie Ideas - Bill Burr
Uploaded: 2021-10-07T14:00:17.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Redhead Struggles and Sci-Fi Movie Ideas - Bill Burr' from Billy Twinkle Toes on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-10-07. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Redhead Struggles and Sci-Fi Movie Ideas - Bill Burr' from Billy Twinkle Toes on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-10-07. Transcript available.

You know what's fucking just a half-ass root, that roof that really just sucks
when you're a redhead, are those stupid sunsail things?
Jesus Christ. What is that fucking poor attempt? Why are they shaped like a
fucking triangle?
Are you trying to block the sun out or are you just trying to give me false
hope?
Can I buy two of them and have them interlocked like shoes in a shoebox so
maybe there's a place for a fucking fair-skinned orange cunt like myself to get
out of the global warming of the sun?
Then you know what happens is the fucking sun goes down. When it starts to go
down, then it comes in from the side and just blasts the side of your face.
I'm telling you, dude, if we don't start turning this shit around, okay, if we
don't start making biodegradable plastic or if we don't have another big
fucking war and take out a whole bunch of people, you know, which is why, if
you notice, I didn't bring up any of that COVID stuff because now I'm rooting
for COVID.
At this point, I'm rooting for the virus. I've switched allegiances.
If it's going to keep getting fucking hotter, man, you know, we got to do
something about these goddamn sunsails.
We have to use more of the Earth's natural resources and fucking, you know,
help out a goddamn redhead.
You know what the reality is, is I had to practice what I preach, like, hey,
Freckles, maybe you're not strong enough to survive global warming.
Oh, there's another sci-fi movie, right?
The powers that be, all the brown and black-haired people that, you know, with
the TV faces that run shit, right?
They fucking keep dumping shit in the ocean because everybody knows redheads
don't dump anything in the ocean.
This is already going off the rails, whatever. This is just, I'm just throwing
shit against the wall here, all right?
Another sci-fi movie, all right? Maybe somebody animates one of these things.
We'll start making Billy sci-fi movies, all right?
In a world, in about 50 years, the Earth is so hot that redheads can no longer
survive, okay?
As always, blondes, brunettes, and people with black hair don't give a fuck, so
they just go, you're not strong enough to be here, you know what I mean?
Me, with my olive skin, my tan skin, my skin of color, I can survive with sunblock
200, right?
But the redheads all slowly die off, and nobody cares, so then we have to go
underground, right?
And all the good-looking people, the people with the pigment that everybody
loves, they continue to live fucking up the planet, and eventually everything
shuts down, right?
Society, the whole fucking thing.
And then that's when we come back up out of the manholes.
It's like Children of the Corn meets Escape from New York with a touch of
Golden Girls.
Because there's going to be a bunch of old people that live under a mountain
that will all, we all come together in the end.
The redheads and the blondes, brunettes, we all go in and we kill them.
The makers of plastic.
That's what it's going to be, all right.
That wasn't the best one.
There's an idea in there somewhere where, you know, oh, I know what it is.
Redheads feel rejected.
Roy, you didn't take it serious until you started dying of sunburns, did you?
And you were content to let us all die off.
But what you didn't know is that redheads have a higher threshold for pain.
And we went underground in the sewage.
We went underground with your discarded exotic pets, your reptiles, your boa
constrictors, your alligators.
For the last 20 years, I've been eating shit-covered snakes and alligators.
And I've come back to get what's mine.
Are you with me?
And all these redheads, ah!
Then they all come up out of the fucking manholes.
And there's nothing scarier than a group of redheads together, okay?
We're just supposed to be like, we add a little color.
You know, we're supposed to be spliced together.
But all of a sudden, if there's just like a group of 20 of us, like that music
video, which I even found unsettling.
I even saw it like, what are all those redheads up to?
You know?
I was actually mad at the redheads that agreed to be in that.
Do you have any fucking self-esteem?
You have no pigment or self-esteem that you're allowed to, you're going to go
and do this fucking video?
Anyway, the only thing scarier than that assembly of a bunch of redheads would
be a bunch of redheads coming up out of the sewer that have been eating shit-covered
fucking pythons for the last 20 years.
Coming back into society for vengeance.
And that's where it picks up.
You know, if you do the Hollywood version, the blonde, blue-eyed would fuck it.
Well, no, at this point, they'd make it a black person.
Because they want to act like they weren't the racist white people who weren't
hiring black people just five years ago.
Now they're all, oh, let's make it a person of color with a missing limb.
See?
We're knocking, we can check two boxes.
You know, that bean counting, caring.
You don't really change what's in your heart.
You just cast what you know will come back and bite you in the ass unless you
do something about all the shit that you've done before.
Um...