Name: Wedding Obligations - Bill Burr
Uploaded: 2021-10-10T14:00:12.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Wedding Obligations - Bill Burr' from Billy Twinkle Toes on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-10-10. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Wedding Obligations - Bill Burr' from Billy Twinkle Toes on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-10-10. Transcript available.

Jesus Christ. It's just, I can't, you know, but I'm actually, I'm going to a
wedding this weekend.
Oh, Billy, Twinkle Toes is going to be on the dance floor. Oh my God, a white
man sober at a fucking wedding.
Oh, being dragged out on the dance floor. Jesus Christ. Oh my God.
If I could just get through that, I think I'll be all right.
Can I ask you a question? Why isn't it okay with people that dance that other
people don't dance?
Why can't they just leave us alone? Why can't you just leave? I'm having a good
time.
I don't need to be twirling around fucking ripping my suit or whatever the fuck
it is you're doing.
You're good at it. That's what you should be doing. Fantastic.
Why do I have to fucking go out there? I don't want to go out there.
Can't I just sit over here and just fucking, you know, have something to eat,
talk to somebody?
Got to go out there like fucking Fred Astaire and fucking jumping around poles
and shit?
I mean, I just don't understand.
I just do not understand why that is a part of a wedding, like a required part
of it.
Like if I showed up, you know, I wore the suit.
I applauded. I brought a gift.
No, you don't get credit unless you get out.
Take those old records off the show.
Why?
Jesus Christ.
And then your fucking chick gets mad if you don't fucking go out there.
Come on out here.
I don't want to.
Do I get mad at you when you don't want to go to a football game?
You say it's boring.
I like the grass.
The grass is pretty.
Do I go like, oh, I am like so fucking mad at you.
Right.
It's like, I get it.
You don't want to do this shit.
I will never do this to you again.
Nope.
I've been joking with my wife all week.
I'm like, I'm not doing it.
Okay.
I'm in therapy right now.
And my, I'm going to make my, for the first time in my life, my no's are going
to mean no.
I am not.
I am not drinking Merlot.
No.
It was good.
No, I'm going to get out there.
I'll have a good time.
But I am just fucking, I refuse to try.
You know, you want me to go out there?
I'll go out there.
Okay.
It's just, I just, I don't understand it.
I just don't.
I've never understood it.
It's like you go to a bar.
There's drinking, there's darts.
You know, if you go in and you get shit faced, you're fine.
You know, if you didn't play darts, you know, you still get credit for drinking.
You can still get pulled over for drinking and driving.
People at the bar are like, hey, hey, come on, get out of here.
Get out of here.
Throw the fucking darts.
Come on.
It's fun.
Right.
It's just like, why can't I just fucking, why can't you just let me be the
socially introverted
mess that I am?
Can't you just let me be that?
Oh, Christ.
It's unbelievable.
But you know what?
It's the balance of life because the comedy gods gave me that fucking moron.
Oh my God.
Oh, I cannot.
I can't.
I can't fucking wait.
I mean, like, there's like jokes in my act that are going to have to be removed.
They're going to lose a spot in the lineup.
I can't wait with the thoughts that I have about that.
I just cannot wait to get all of that out of me.
And the next couple of nights, you know, is the whole, the whole wedding.
You know, I just found out too, that, you know, my wife is like, okay, this, I'm
wearing
this for the, for the rehearsal dinner and I'm wearing this for the wedding.
What do you think?
I'm like, it's great.
I need two outfits.
She's like, yeah, it's, it's the night.
All right.
Okay.
I can fix that.
I'm going to do the old, uh, one suit, two shirt fucking move.
How do you like that?
White shirt, black shirt, white shirt, black shirt, red fish, blue fish.
That's one of those Dr. Seuss books.
That's what I'm doing.
That's what the fuck I'm doing.
Yeah.
I just want to go there and have a good time the way I have a good time.
Okay.
The way I do it.
Okay.
But for some reason, these, these happy people that had pleasant childhoods
want to drag you
into the fairy tale of their life.
And you just like, just, can you just respect what I came up with?
All right.
I'm just fucking around, but I would be lying to you if, if I didn't say I, I,
I, I don't
have a little anxiety.
Okay.