Name: Self-Congratulatory Celebrations and Fights in Sports - Bill Burr
Uploaded: 2021-10-12T14:20:04.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Self-Congratulatory Celebrations and Fights in Sports - Bill Burr' from Billy Twinkle Toes on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-10-12. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Self-Congratulatory Celebrations and Fights in Sports - Bill Burr' from Billy Twinkle Toes on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-10-12. Transcript available.

um the the home run celebrations that these kids do nowadays i swear to god is
the reason why you
cannot take fighting out of hockey there's always these at these fucking assholes
who don't watch
hockey i don't understand the game they're always saying you got to get
fighting out of hockey
and it's like look at baseball look what happened to baseball now that a
pitcher can't fucking throw
with a hitter i mean these fucking i remember the devil royce hits a home run
he's fucking yelling at
the dugout he looks like a wrestler coming out from behind the curtain he's
pointing i don't know
like this is my fucking stadium he's stumping his fucking chest he's pointing
up to his dead uncle
in heaven and he hasn't even gotten to first base yet the fucking third base
coach is is gesticulating
less than this fucking guy walking out and that's what happens that guy would
never do that shit
when i grew up because if he did one of those fucking things the next guy would
take one right
between the fucking numbers and then the next time he came out he'd throw out
his fucking head
but nowadays as a baseball player you can go up to bat with half a fucking
football helmet on with
that thing covering your face right and then you can have like a suit of armor
from your shoulder
your lead fucking arm and just hang out over the plate dude the other side of
the plate the pitcher
used to own that that was it you weren't getting that fuck you all right you
can have the middle of
the plate to the inside that's you but that outside of the plate that is
fucking mine and if you try
taking that from me i'm gonna act like you said something to my wife and i'm
throwing right at your
fucking head that's what happened okay that's what watching these fucking kids
do it's so fucking
ridiculous it's so now the pitchers do it they strike somebody out there fine
yeah i'm fucking awesome
fucking cut and then they fucking go in the dugout it's hilarious i don't know
i guess maybe i'm just
an old guy but i'm just watching it going like i i don't understand just don't
understand that
you know you're not allowed to be in the paint anymore so you dunk on nobody
and then after you do
you just look at the opposing fan base under the under the net you just go
i don't understand it's just all like that you know look at me i'm a beast
but then if you go to dunk the ball and you fuck up and it goes off the back of
the rim
and goes back to to half court then what do you do i just go oops you just sort
of
sort of jog back you know you strike out i mean i don't know it's just funny
watching people talking
shit in baseball when all you got to do is be successful three out of ten times
which is what
i did in math class that i had to go to summer school every year these fucking
assholes go to
the hall of fame i'm sorry i'm just fucking around i just i really hate self-congratulatory
fucking i'm a beast bullshit when you know it's just like you know just enough
enough
i get it like you're not the first person to ever hit a home run hit a fucking
home run and run
around the bases okay i don't need your fucking
what are they yelling about what do you why i just want to put him mic'd up
what is he saying
did you see that i went over the fence that's exactly what i was supposed to do
in this stadium
right now
were the other guys on the bench saying he couldn't do it did he just win some
money i just don't
understand what the fuck they're yelling at um i don't know how about those new
england patriots
getting their asses whipped by the fucking houston texans and then all of a
sudden
what do they do they make one of the number they make the number one mistake
you don't do in football
don't get fucking cute fourth and two you've decided to punt punt the fucking
ball what do these
fucking jerk offs do what do they do huh evidently they went to go see joel olstein
and joel olstein was
like god wants you to act like it's a fake punt he wants you to go up there and
act like you're going
to be a quarterback and then back up but not far enough so you boot it and it
goes off your lineman's
ass for zero yards god wants you to do that i really resented all the people
that said i look like that
guy it's like make up your mind okay what i thought i looked like the buffalo
bills coach what
because they're fucking five and oh currently playing the chiefs you know now i
don't look like
that guy i only look like the people that fuck up when the bills suck mcdermott
or whatever his name
is is building the goddamn team uh you know that's when i look like him but now
they're undefeated
how come i can't still be that guy i want to be that guy you know he's not
paying for any wings in
that fucking god forsaken town the bermuda triangle of the rust belt the sports
bermuda triangle of the
rust belt the buffalo bills i literally tweeted today i was like uh the fucking
patriots dude right
because we uh scored a touchdown to tie it up or whatever and some guy just
right congrats
wow you're beating the worst team in the league and i'm like who's this cunt
right so i look at his
profile and i just see all this buffalo shit sabers and fucking the bills and i'm
like oh that's what
it is sorry we've been fucking you guys in the ass twice a year the regular
season for the last
fucking 20 something years i get it i get it you haven't beaten us since jim kelly
was there is that
what it is maybe you beat us once or twice i get it so that was an easy win for
me i just
it's just why as as a buffalo fan would you ever talk shit your trophy cases
are empty they're empty
you've never won anything i'm sorry they might have won an afl title was that
the chargers i used to know
i used to know all the afl champions let's look this up let me let me put some
respect on these wings
for buffalo afl
champions
list
not soccer
afl
football
football will still do that afl
put chargers in there because i know that they want it
afl championships pro football all game okay here we go
dunna na na
okay the houston oilers in 1960 beat the los angeles chargers the houston oilers
are now the
tennessee titans and los angeles chargers are now the los angeles chargers
for a brief time from 1961 to 2017 they were the san diego chargers
um houston oilers next year they beat the san diego chargers
1963 the san diego chargers finally
51 to 10 drubbing of the boston patriots
boston patriots later becoming the new england patriots trying to draw all
states fans in
that's the only reason why buffalo bills defeat the san diego chargers
dude the chargers went every fucking look at this
chargers chargers
oh no they didn't go the second the dallas texans now
the kansas city chiefs
all right 1964 the buffalo bills there it is
and they won it in 65
would you look at that
then around 67 68 they get oj simpson
oj simpson loving that fucking cold town of white women
oh shit um anyway
so after that this they called a fake they acted like they were gonna do a fake
punt
and then the guy was supposed to quickly you know hoping that the return man
would run up
which he did and then all of a sudden the punter is trying to run back
and boot the ball over his head before the guy has a chance to run back
the punter got blamed it's a fucked up it's like i don't know
it was a fucked up uh
you know it was a fucked up uh i don't know call
you know i realized i never finished my hockey fighting thing
so now that you can't throw the fucking ball at
these goddamn hitters
like you just see how awful their fucking behavior is now every time they hit a
fucking home run
right and that's how like fighting if you just took the fighting out of hockey
and some cunt like trying to end your career all he's gonna get is a five-minute
major
or a fucking 10-minute game misconduct
worst case scenario the occasional 10-game suspension
um
you can't just take the fighting out of it you'd have to take the fighting out
and then you'd have to get rid of all the dirty players
you'd have to get rid of all of that you have to get rid of all of the sociopaths
um yeah you can't do that you need the fighting in the game
to keep people fucking their sticks down and all of that and you need pitchers
to be able to drill the next guy you know in the ribs
so you don't have to watch somebody screaming into the dugout
like they just i don't know what they just won a war or something
um they did win a war at the plate man
um all right anyway so some devil race fans are whining i don't know why they're
whining okay
they won a stanley cup and they just won a super bowl
you know i mean one goddamn thing goes doesn't go your way what is the problem
okay and not to
mention you end up losing by two so quit your crying all right anyway i uh
sorry i don't know what this is very sports heavy day um