Name: Milwaukee Bucks Win the 2021 NBA Championship - Bill Burr
Uploaded: 2021-10-25T14:03:44.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Milwaukee Bucks Win the 2021 NBA Championship - Bill Burr' from Billy Twinkle Toes on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-10-25. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Milwaukee Bucks Win the 2021 NBA Championship - Bill Burr' from Billy Twinkle Toes on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-10-25. Transcript available.

What is happening with you?
I know what's going on in Milwaukee.
Ladies and gentlemen, congratulations to the 2021 NBA champions,
your Milwaukee Bucks.
And they've been waiting 50 years.
So I'm going to say it again.
Congratulations to the 2021 NBA champions, your Milwaukee Bucks.
What a run.
Who goes down two games to none and then runs the fucking table?
Your Milwaukee Bucks.
Who keeps you dying on the vine for half a fucking century before they win the
next one?
Your Milwaukee Bucks.
Who saw that tub of shit with the fucking basketball jersey and a giant flabby
arm
that made her look like a grandmother and she was still in the 20s because it
was full of brats?
Your Milwaukee Bucks fan base.
Who probably created a new variant of the fucking coronavirus with 60,000
strong with no masks or condoms?
Probably your Milwaukee Bucks fan base.
Jesus Christ.
They should have put fucking COVID in liquid form and just put it into a crop duster
and just fucking flown right over that goddamn crowd.
Flown it right.
What do you care, young?
I would hold my breath.
You ain't gonna fuck with my freedom.
I have the freedom to ignore science.
I have the freedom to ignore common sense.
I talked to somebody today and they were going like, you know, I go, well, you
didn't like what happened with polio?
She goes, hey, not for nothing.
You know, I got a friend of mine and her kid got the polio shot and he had to
drag his legs for two years.
I was like, all right.
So the kid had a reaction.
Other than that, it went pretty fucking good, right?
It's so fucking dumb.
This I don't trust.
I don't trust.
You're full of shit that you don't trust it.
Because I'll tell you right now, if the fucking, if they came out with a shot
that gave you a flat stomach and abs, all of these same people, hey, fuck with
my freedom, they'd be right down there getting that fucking thing.
Because all of those fat fucks, they go in for that lap band surgery.
They go in for that shit knowing they could die.
They don't give a fuck.
Go and get me some abs.
You know, open heart surgery.
People die all the fucking time on the operating table.
If you need it, you're not going to get it.
There's always going to be an example of something that, you know, that went
wrong.
I mean, the Patriots drafted a fucking tight end and he turned out to be a mass
murderer.
What are we never going to fucking draft another tight end?
What the fuck are we doing here?
You go out to a bar, you hit on some chicks, you get turned down, you go home,
you have to jerk off.
Are you never going to hit on women again?
Does that mean hitting on women doesn't lead to getting laid at some point?
According to these people, it does.
What would you do?
Part of me is starting to think like, you know what?
I think just some people don't have a dream or their dream died.
So the only thing that they have is killing other people's dreams of getting on
with their lives and making money, you know?
Or maybe it's like the government telling them what to do taps into how much
they hated as a child that they had to listen to their parents
and how much they hated when they got into high school.
They scared you.
You need two years of a language.
You got to have this.
If you don't, you need an extracurricular activity.
Do you remember the first night when you were on your own?
I mean, I'm talking like with me, I commuted to college, right?
I paid for most of my college.
I had to work through all of that.
I fucking pulled myself up by my bootstraps.
I'm better than all of you.
Um, I fucking, uh, my first time being alone, I moved out when I was 27.
I moved out briefly when I was 20 and then I had to go back to school so I
couldn't afford it.
So I had to work and fucking do all of that shit.
So, and it took me forever to get through college because I can only afford to
go part-time.
Boo hoo, boo fucking hoo.
Then I became a fucking comedian.
Then I knew I was going to move to New York.
So I wasn't going to move out and blow all my money on some stupid fucking
apartment in Boston.
I stayed at home like a fucking loser and saved up enough money where I could
survive that first fucking year of ridiculously high rent.
And, um, and then hopefully I'd be in clubs and making enough money where I
could swing my rent, which is what happened.
But when I moved down there at 27, I remember the first night I was hanging at
the comic strip.
Lucian had basically already told me, I already have enough white guys.
You and your dream can go right back to Boston.
It's not going to happen.
You know, and if I was some white chick and there was Twitter, I could have got
him fired for that.
Um, but instead I just worked harder.
Um, anyway, I, uh, I remember that night sitting at the bar thinking at 27, I
remember thinking clearly like, you know what?
I don't have to go home.
I don't have to do whatever I want.
I could do what I can get fucking drunk right now.
If I knew how to talk to women, I could bring a broad home.
I could get a fucking, I don't know, whatever the fuck I want to eat, eat it,
watch TV.
I can do whatever the fuck I want.
You know what I thought instead?
I was like, you know what I should do?
I should go home and get some sleep, wake up tomorrow and write some fucking
jokes because the clock is ticking and I'm going to run out of money eventually
in this fucking city.
That's what I did.
You know, that was an analogy.
To tell you to go home and get your rest.
I don't even know what the fuck I'm talking about, but, uh, congratulations
also to the Phoenix Suns on an amazing, amazing run.
You can't hang your heads.
Even though you're up two games to none, it fucking happens.
Shit.
I remember there were 86 Red Sox.
We're up two games to none.
We won the first two in New York, Shea Stadium.
I still remember coming home, getting out of my car.
My neighbor just came home and I, and we were, we were, our teenager.
I remember galloping sideways in a circle with him, jumping up and down
thinking we were going to win it and we fucking lost it.
So it happens every year, you know, whatever, 30, 29, 30 teams don't win it.
Only one team does.
I don't subscribe to this.
They didn't win because this guy blew it.
This guy never gets it done.
Um, you know, I was watching Jim Rome and he was kind of getting on Chris Paul
a little bit.
They, you know, he's never done.
He's the only guy that this is the third or fourth time being up two games to
none where he's lost a series.
And it's like, I don't think Chris Paul is your problem.
He's one of the best players in the league.
Like, is it his problem that he can't drag the rest of the guys over the
fucking wall?
You're going to, you're going to go after the star player.
I've just never understood that.
But he was just saying that it's a pretty wild stat.
I've never fucking, you know, no one else has a thing, but it's just like, well,
you know, here's another wild stat.
You're the only guy I've ever seen get tipped over in a chair in his own show.
I still watch you.
I don't think you're not getting it done, but that's a pretty wild stat.
All the people that have done sports shows, I've never seen a guy have the
guests tip them over in a fucking chair after basically an eight-year-old on a
playground argument.
I bet you won't.
I bet I will.
Go ahead.
Do it.
And then he does it.
I mean, it was, it was embarrassing for, it set men back like fucking, I don't
know what, but I don't think he shouldn't have a show and I don't think that he
doesn't get it done.
I've just never understood that.
We didn't win the championship.
Let's go after the best players.
Let's go after the reason why we're here.
I've never understood that, but I mean, I think that that's, that's just the
way it works.
So anyway, I'm excited to not be, uh, you know, my wife freaked out the other
day when all that CNN bullshit was going on, which I fucked up was because
usually whenever I trash one, I always trash the other, but that time I didn't.
So Fox News picked it up.
Isn't that funny?
Which really proved my point that it's really not news because if it was news,
they would have brought that up when I was also criticizing them along with CNN.
Sort of fascinating, but my wife actually started to read it.
It's just like, yeah, it's, it's not going to be in the news.
It's going to go away.
Okay.
9-11 went away.
That was on the front page for like two weeks.
And eventually that went, if that went away, if that fucking tragedy went away,
I, I really got to think after a couple of days, my fucking, whatever the fuck
I said on a podcast is going to go away.
Cause she started to read it.
I go, I don't want to fucking listen to that shit.
Your fucking version of what you think I said.
Um, but anyway, um, really excited though.
Getting back to the Milwaukee Bucks, man.
What a performance.
I'll take the compo Middleton holiday, the whole fucking team.
Um, I really needed that white guy to hit those last two foul shots and he didn't,
you know what I mean?
There is something about watching the NBA, you know, where it's exciting.
And then as a white guy, sometimes you get low self-esteem say, Jesus Christ,
get the fucking rebound, hit the three.
Can you hit the three?
I'm not talking about European white guys.
I'm going to say it.
Okay.
American white guys need to step it up.
That's actually not true.
Cause that white kid on fucking Milwaukee kills it.
I'm sorry.
On, uh, on Miami kills it.
I don't know the names.
All right.
I don't pretend to know the fucking names.
Uh, I used to know names.
I used to name names, but I just don't have, I don't have the fucking bandwidth
anymore with the kids.
Um, and, uh, I don't know.
I think yesterday I had, I had like that fucking Catholic guilt.
Does anybody else have that?
The fucking Catholic guilt that if you actually take a day off, I could be
doing something right now.
Dude, I laid around like a fucking goddamn grizzly bear yesterday.
I didn't do shit.
Well, I guess I took my kid to the park, but, um, I do remember when I was
eating ice cream with her and I was kind of sitting there and I was just
thinking like, this is what when, you know, someday when I'm laying on my deathbed,
this is what I'm going to think about.
Is that I did this and I'll be happy that I did this as opposed to, uh, I gotta
go over here and I gotta get this done.
I gotta, I gotta get better at this.
And I just like, she fucking relaxed there.
Freckles.
Why don't you sit down long enough to have a little bit of sunspots on top of
your fucking head there?
Jesus Christ.
That's all I do is I just wake up and I just start fucking running around like
a lunatic.
You know what I did do the other day?
Which for any other people out there shaved their head, you know, which is
fucking great.
Uh, if you have a fucking shaved head and you're on an elliptical is to have
the headband, you know, on your head, man, it's the best.
Then you don't have to fucking slow down and towel off your head, you know,
every three minutes after you've been on it for like, you know, 10, 12 minutes.
Then it just becomes, you know, pouring down your face.
It's actually great.
I had it on.
My wife was on the treadmill and she was just laughing at me.
I was like, like, I go, I know I look like an asshole, but it works.
Um, now the great thing about getting old, you don't care what you look like.
It's over.
You're over the hill and you know, it's just going to get worse.
So as bad as somebody thinks you looks, you know, that this is the best you're
going to look from now into the future.
You're over the hill, right?
There you go.
Oh, geez, Bill, you explained something that we already understood.
Um, all right, everybody, that is the podcast.
I'm coming up against it here before I go do the, uh, the Verzi podcast.
Once again, congratulations to the city of Milwaukee and, uh, all of their
amazing fans.
I mean, 60,000 people showed up to just stand outside and party.
I mean, talk about like, I mean, that is a, that is a fucking fan base, man.
Um, I actually went to a home game there a long time ago and they played like
the fucking Bradley Center or something like that.
And that was, that was probably the early 2000s, late nineties, early 2000s,
sort of the depths of the Milwaukee Bucks drought, kind of almost halfway
through it if a little bit more, but, um, it's just great for the city.
And congratulations to the Phoenix Suns, uh, on an amazing series and amazing
run and all of that.
Uh, they got a great team and they got nothing to be ashamed of and they, they
will be back.
That's what I think.
That's what I'm thinking that, and I'm fucking sticking with it.
All right.

Milwaukee Bucks Win the 2021 NBA Championship - Bill Burr

What is happening with you?
I know what's going on in Milwaukee.
Ladies and gentlemen, congratulations to the 2021 NBA champions,
your Milwaukee Bucks.
And they've been waiting 50 years.
So I'm going to say it again.
Congratulations to the 2021 NBA champions, your Milwaukee Bucks.
What a run.
Who goes down two games to none and then runs the fucking table?
Your Milwaukee Bucks.
Who keeps you dying on the vine for half a fucking century before they win the
next one?
Your Milwaukee Bucks.
Who saw that tub of shit with the fucking basketball jersey and a giant flabby
arm
that made her look like a grandmother and she was still in the 20s because it
was full of brats?
Your Milwaukee Bucks fan base.
Who probably created a new variant of the fucking coronavirus with 60,000
strong with no masks or condoms?
Probably your Milwaukee Bucks fan base.
Jesus Christ.
They should have put fucking COVID in liquid form and just put it into a crop duster
and just fucking flown right over that goddamn crowd.
Flown it right.
What do you care, young?
I would hold my breath.
You ain't gonna fuck with my freedom.
I have the freedom to ignore science.
I have the freedom to ignore common sense.
I talked to somebody today and they were going like, you know, I go, well, you
didn't like what happened with polio?
She goes, hey, not for nothing.
You know, I got a friend of mine and her kid got the polio shot and he had to
drag his legs for two years.
I was like, all right.
So the kid had a reaction.
Other than that, it went pretty fucking good, right?
It's so fucking dumb.
This I don't trust.
I don't trust.
You're full of shit that you don't trust it.
Because I'll tell you right now, if the fucking, if they came out with a shot
that gave you a flat stomach and abs, all of these same people, hey, fuck with
my freedom, they'd be right down there getting that fucking thing.
Because all of those fat fucks, they go in for that lap band surgery.
They go in for that shit knowing they could die.
They don't give a fuck.
Go and get me some abs.
You know, open heart surgery.
People die all the fucking time on the operating table.
If you need it, you're not going to get it.
There's always going to be an example of something that, you know, that went
wrong.
I mean, the Patriots drafted a fucking tight end and he turned out to be a mass
murderer.
What are we never going to fucking draft another tight end?
What the fuck are we doing here?
You go out to a bar, you hit on some chicks, you get turned down, you go home,
you have to jerk off.
Are you never going to hit on women again?
Does that mean hitting on women doesn't lead to getting laid at some point?
According to these people, it does.
What would you do?
Part of me is starting to think like, you know what?
I think just some people don't have a dream or their dream died.
So the only thing that they have is killing other people's dreams of getting on
with their lives and making money, you know?
Or maybe it's like the government telling them what to do taps into how much
they hated as a child that they had to listen to their parents
and how much they hated when they got into high school.
They scared you.
You need two years of a language.
You got to have this.
If you don't, you need an extracurricular activity.
Do you remember the first night when you were on your own?
I mean, I'm talking like with me, I commuted to college, right?
I paid for most of my college.
I had to work through all of that.
I fucking pulled myself up by my bootstraps.
I'm better than all of you.
Um, I fucking, uh, my first time being alone, I moved out when I was 27.
I moved out briefly when I was 20 and then I had to go back to school so I
couldn't afford it.
So I had to work and fucking do all of that shit.
So, and it took me forever to get through college because I can only afford to
go part-time.
Boo hoo, boo fucking hoo.
Then I became a fucking comedian.
Then I knew I was going to move to New York.
So I wasn't going to move out and blow all my money on some stupid fucking
apartment in Boston.
I stayed at home like a fucking loser and saved up enough money where I could
survive that first fucking year of ridiculously high rent.
And, um, and then hopefully I'd be in clubs and making enough money where I
could swing my rent, which is what happened.
But when I moved down there at 27, I remember the first night I was hanging at
the comic strip.
Lucian had basically already told me, I already have enough white guys.
You and your dream can go right back to Boston.
It's not going to happen.
You know, and if I was some white chick and there was Twitter, I could have got
him fired for that.
Um, but instead I just worked harder.
Um, anyway, I, uh, I remember that night sitting at the bar thinking at 27, I
remember thinking clearly like, you know what?
I don't have to go home.
I don't have to do whatever I want.
I could do what I can get fucking drunk right now.
If I knew how to talk to women, I could bring a broad home.
I could get a fucking, I don't know, whatever the fuck I want to eat, eat it,
watch TV.
I can do whatever the fuck I want.
You know what I thought instead?
I was like, you know what I should do?
I should go home and get some sleep, wake up tomorrow and write some fucking
jokes because the clock is ticking and I'm going to run out of money eventually
in this fucking city.
That's what I did.
You know, that was an analogy.
To tell you to go home and get your rest.
I don't even know what the fuck I'm talking about, but, uh, congratulations
also to the Phoenix Suns on an amazing, amazing run.
You can't hang your heads.
Even though you're up two games to none, it fucking happens.
Shit.
I remember there were 86 Red Sox.
We're up two games to none.
We won the first two in New York, Shea Stadium.
I still remember coming home, getting out of my car.
My neighbor just came home and I, and we were, we were, our teenager.
I remember galloping sideways in a circle with him, jumping up and down
thinking we were going to win it and we fucking lost it.
So it happens every year, you know, whatever, 30, 29, 30 teams don't win it.
Only one team does.
I don't subscribe to this.
They didn't win because this guy blew it.
This guy never gets it done.
Um, you know, I was watching Jim Rome and he was kind of getting on Chris Paul
a little bit.
They, you know, he's never done.
He's the only guy that this is the third or fourth time being up two games to
none where he's lost a series.
And it's like, I don't think Chris Paul is your problem.
He's one of the best players in the league.
Like, is it his problem that he can't drag the rest of the guys over the
fucking wall?
You're going to, you're going to go after the star player.
I've just never understood that.
But he was just saying that it's a pretty wild stat.
I've never fucking, you know, no one else has a thing, but it's just like, well,
you know, here's another wild stat.
You're the only guy I've ever seen get tipped over in a chair in his own show.
I still watch you.
I don't think you're not getting it done, but that's a pretty wild stat.
All the people that have done sports shows, I've never seen a guy have the
guests tip them over in a fucking chair after basically an eight-year-old on a
playground argument.
I bet you won't.
I bet I will.
Go ahead.
Do it.
And then he does it.
I mean, it was, it was embarrassing for, it set men back like fucking, I don't
know what, but I don't think he shouldn't have a show and I don't think that he
doesn't get it done.
I've just never understood that.
We didn't win the championship.
Let's go after the best players.
Let's go after the reason why we're here.
I've never understood that, but I mean, I think that that's, that's just the
way it works.
So anyway, I'm excited to not be, uh, you know, my wife freaked out the other
day when all that CNN bullshit was going on, which I fucked up was because
usually whenever I trash one, I always trash the other, but that time I didn't.
So Fox News picked it up.
Isn't that funny?
Which really proved my point that it's really not news because if it was news,
they would have brought that up when I was also criticizing them along with CNN.
Sort of fascinating, but my wife actually started to read it.
It's just like, yeah, it's, it's not going to be in the news.
It's going to go away.
Okay.
9-11 went away.
That was on the front page for like two weeks.
And eventually that went, if that went away, if that fucking tragedy went away,
I, I really got to think after a couple of days, my fucking, whatever the fuck
I said on a podcast is going to go away.
Cause she started to read it.
I go, I don't want to fucking listen to that shit.
Your fucking version of what you think I said.
Um, but anyway, um, really excited though.
Getting back to the Milwaukee Bucks, man.
What a performance.
I'll take the compo Middleton holiday, the whole fucking team.
Um, I really needed that white guy to hit those last two foul shots and he didn't,
you know what I mean?
There is something about watching the NBA, you know, where it's exciting.
And then as a white guy, sometimes you get low self-esteem say, Jesus Christ,
get the fucking rebound, hit the three.
Can you hit the three?
I'm not talking about European white guys.
I'm going to say it.
Okay.
American white guys need to step it up.
That's actually not true.
Cause that white kid on fucking Milwaukee kills it.
I'm sorry.
On, uh, on Miami kills it.
I don't know the names.
All right.
I don't pretend to know the fucking names.
Uh, I used to know names.
I used to name names, but I just don't have, I don't have the fucking bandwidth
anymore with the kids.
Um, and, uh, I don't know.
I think yesterday I had, I had like that fucking Catholic guilt.
Does anybody else have that?
The fucking Catholic guilt that if you actually take a day off, I could be
doing something right now.
Dude, I laid around like a fucking goddamn grizzly bear yesterday.
I didn't do shit.
Well, I guess I took my kid to the park, but, um, I do remember when I was
eating ice cream with her and I was kind of sitting there and I was just
thinking like, this is what when, you know, someday when I'm laying on my deathbed,
this is what I'm going to think about.
Is that I did this and I'll be happy that I did this as opposed to, uh, I gotta
go over here and I gotta get this done.
I gotta, I gotta get better at this.
And I just like, she fucking relaxed there.
Freckles.
Why don't you sit down long enough to have a little bit of sunspots on top of
your fucking head there?
Jesus Christ.
That's all I do is I just wake up and I just start fucking running around like
a lunatic.
You know what I did do the other day?
Which for any other people out there shaved their head, you know, which is
fucking great.
Uh, if you have a fucking shaved head and you're on an elliptical is to have
the headband, you know, on your head, man, it's the best.
Then you don't have to fucking slow down and towel off your head, you know,
every three minutes after you've been on it for like, you know, 10, 12 minutes.
Then it just becomes, you know, pouring down your face.
It's actually great.
I had it on.
My wife was on the treadmill and she was just laughing at me.
I was like, like, I go, I know I look like an asshole, but it works.
Um, now the great thing about getting old, you don't care what you look like.
It's over.
You're over the hill and you know, it's just going to get worse.
So as bad as somebody thinks you looks, you know, that this is the best you're
going to look from now into the future.
You're over the hill, right?
There you go.
Oh, geez, Bill, you explained something that we already understood.
Um, all right, everybody, that is the podcast.
I'm coming up against it here before I go do the, uh, the Verzi podcast.
Once again, congratulations to the city of Milwaukee and, uh, all of their
amazing fans.
I mean, 60,000 people showed up to just stand outside and party.
I mean, talk about like, I mean, that is a, that is a fucking 