Name: Drunk Scumbag Teacher's Car Accident - Bill Burr
Uploaded: 2021-11-01T14:04:44.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Drunk Scumbag Teacher's Car Accident - Bill Burr' from Billy Twinkle Toes on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-11-01. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Drunk Scumbag Teacher's Car Accident - Bill Burr' from Billy Twinkle Toes on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-11-01. Transcript available.

What was said? Dear Billy Chunky Trunks.
Fuck you.
Oh, that's so true.
This is a story from 8th grade.
We had a health teacher who was a complete scumbag.
Let's call him Mr. G.
Now this is 8th grade, so we're 12 years old.
This guy, a grown-ass man, would flirt with the girls in class.
Can't stress scumbag enough.
12 years old?
Ah, there was always that teacher that, you know, flirted with the high school
chicks.
That was bad enough.
Oh, my God.
So a few weeks before Christmas that year, Mr. G was involved in a car accident
while inebriated.
Great.
He was not driving but was drunk.
I know this is a fact because my dad and brothers are volunteer firemen and
responded to this accident.
During the extradition of Mr. G and his friends from the car,
Mr. G was throwing empty beer bottles at the firemen telling them to leave.
My dad and brothers tell me this because they know I can't stand him.
I tell people at school and it gets around school and gets back to Mr. G.
Uh-oh.
You were talking out of school.
Mr. G confronts us in class one day, goes on a rant saying he wasn't drunk,
blah, blah, blah.
He goes on to say that the speedometer only said 45.
A quiet kid in class named Blake says from the back of the class,
that's what the speedometer looks like when you're drunk.
We all died laughing.
The look on his face was priceless.
He held Blake after class but no detention or anything.
I still remember it to this day.
I'm 34 now.
Still one of the funniest things I ever heard.
Thanks for the laughs during a really shitty year.
Yeah, this is, oh, what was said.
Oh, that's great.
Oh, I got to think of those.
You know what's funny?
I didn't have too many of those in my life.
Even growing up, like, I would think of comebacks and shit.
Sometimes I would just fall on the knife and get detention on purpose just to
get the laugh.
But I don't think, yeah, I had the typical comedian upbringing where people
always got the best of me.
Then I'd walk away.
Oh, that's what I should have said.
God, I'm so stupid.
Salads.
Dear Billy, cabbage hips.
I wish I had cabbage hips.
I'd have frosted face.
If you're trying to lose weight, be careful of complex salads.
Some vegetables aren't meant to go together with things like quinoa or brown
rice.
Or in your case, quinoa, you pussy.
Just kidding.
Always look into it.
Oh, fuck you.
Give me the answers, man.
Some healthy salads can slow digestion.
Don't want my favorite comedian to look or feel bloated.
Go fuck yourself.
All right.
Hey, you eating a salad?
You eating a salad to try and lose weight?
Hey, just to let you know, some of those actually don't work.
Well, which ones?
Which ones?
Which ones don't work?
Sorry, got to go.
Look it up sometime.
If I didn't know better, I'd say you're trolling me.