Name: Hey Pussy Hater - Bill Burr
Uploaded: 2021-11-16T14:37:28.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Hey Pussy Hater - Bill Burr' from Billy Twinkle Toes on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-11-16. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Hey Pussy Hater - Bill Burr' from Billy Twinkle Toes on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-11-16. Transcript available.

Hey Pussy Hater, oh Jesus, this might be from the ladies, oh Jesus, I went 0-4
in my picks this week, I have to go in 4-0.
Hey Carrot, no top, I cannot believe your response to the lady whose boyfriend
had a cat that meows loudly at night.
I can't even remember what I said.
You immediately put the blame on the dude and told her, fuck him and his cat,
he's a piece of shit, dump his ass.
Well, yeah, they had been together for three months and every night the cat meows
so loudly this person can't sleep.
Alright, I'm paraphrasing, but that was the gist of it.
Usually, even when you have a hot-headed reaction to something, you are able to
stop yourself and think of it from the other side,
which is a big reason, big part of why I like your advice portion of the
podcast.
Well, thanks for the almost fucking compliment.
Look at you putting yourself above me.
Usually when you have a hot-headed reaction.
But here, you're 100% on the girl's side.
Yeah, I'm 100% on the side of letting somebody get a good night's sleep.
Yeah, what kind of an asshole gets into a relationship if they have a cat that
fucking meows all night long so loud that the person that they're with can't
get any sleep?
That'll literally drive somebody insane.
Anyway, do you really not see why the guy might be hesitant to just get rid of
something he loves so dearly?
No, I just, you shouldn't fucking be living with somebody else.
At some point, you got, look, I love my pit bull dearly, but I knew it would
eat my kids, so I gave it away.
And I found someone that could fucking handle the dog, which he did until the
dog passed away.
I don't understand this.
I think you're just like, you're one of these people that psycho loves animals.
You know, maybe that's what it is.
Do you ever think that?
Maybe you're getting a little hot-headed here?
Anyway, for a lot of people, they consider their pets to be like family.
How about that chick get some earmuffs or earplugs?
Oh, fuck you.
There's a lot out there that work great.
Oh, you don't feel them when they're in your ears.
All right, I wear earplugs all the time because my ears are shot.
You do feel them.
You do feel them in your fucking ears.
And I've even gotten those high-end ones for musicians, and they end up not
working after a while.
All right?
I mean, I have to go home and listen to them, meow, meow, meow, the whole
fucking night.
I have to get earplugs?
I'm not the one screaming and yelling.
Listen, if I was in a relationship, and the person had a cat, and the whole
time the cat was trying to sleep,
I was going, hey, hey, hey.
I can't yell too loud.
I'm in the hotel.
I would expect to be the one that gets, you know, I'm the problem.
I'm going to be gone.
Right?
Anyways, let's get back to, you know, seeing it from the cat's perspective.
Some earmuffs.
Somebody's going to wear earmuffs.
Earmuffs, do you mean like, like, earmuffs like your ears are cold?
Don't think that's the problem.
You need something that gets rid of sound.
There's a lot out there that work great, and you don't feel them when they're
in your ears.
That's not true.
Or maybe shut the door and get a white noise machine that would drown out the
sound a bit.
Listen, I didn't say to get rid of the cat.
I didn't say that.
I said get rid of the guy, and the cat goes with him.
Get the fuck out of here.
This is it.
That is the tip of the fucking iceberg.
If somebody's going to show up with something that just yells and makes noise
all night, yeah, I think maybe that you just, you're into animals, and you don't
really even understand human beings.
How about that?
All I know is if a girl said to me, it's me or your dog, I would show her the
door 10 times out of 10.
Well, that's fine, and you can keep your dog, and you can jerk off.
Was she supposed to sit there and deal with your dog growling at her or shitting
in her slippers and still fuck you?
I mean, well, you know, there's these companies that make plastic, you know,
booties that you can put on before you put your feet in your slippers in case
there's dog shit in there.
Maybe you're not a cat person or something, but it's a myth that they don't
show affection.
They can be every bit as lovable and as loyal as a dog.
Well, I think the fact that you have to show that they're fucking awesome, you
have to compare them to dogs, says a lot about cats.
Yeah, I don't have any beef with cats.
I don't have any beef with cats.
There's a lot of cool cats out there that just sit in the windowsill.
You know, they walk around your property, and the rodents fucking, you know,
they know not to come by there.
It's like when you see an American flag and a Trump sign.
No one's breaking into that house, right?
Same fucking thing.
I like cats.
I don't have any fucking problem with them.
I don't want to fucking live in a house where one won't shut up the whole night.
Shut the fuck up.
We're all sleeping.
All right?
Or let the fucking thing out, whatever its problem is.
Let it go run around and murder some shit, you know?
All right.
Anyway, he said, like I said, I just literally can't believe you took her side
so hard.
Buddy, you just love cats.
You just love cats.
I get it.
Without even considering what the guy might think about his girl telling him to
get rid
of something he clearly loves a lot.
He doesn't clearly love anything a lot.
That's what you deduced from that because you're superimposing your love of
cats and pets and
that they're a part of the family.
You're also thinking that I never had a pet and I don't know what that feels
like.
All the while calling me hotheaded like I have knee-jerk reactions to shit.
You know, for the record, but I don't pre-read these either.
So, you know, there's going to be a lot of shooting from the hip here.
Hope you revisit it at least.
Have a great day and go fuck yourself.
Hey, buddy, I don't plan on revisiting it.
Like there was, this is some bad moment in history.
It's unbelievably fucking selfish to have a fucking pet that is keeping the
other person
in your life up and to do absolutely fucking nothing about it.
And so, you know, maybe you could get a sleep apnea mask and fucking, you know,
duct tape
it around the cat's fucking face.
Why do I have to put something on my girlfriend?
All right.
Fucking cat is living here rent-free.
It shits in the house.
We take care of that.
We feed it.
We rub its fucking belly when it's in the mood.
If it isn't, it tries to scratch us, you know, instead of just being like, hey,
I'm, you
know, I'm not into this.
However, a cat would fucking communicate that.
I mean, I don't know.
I don't know.
You know something?
I think you need to revisit it at least because nowhere in there did she ever
say that this
guy loves this cat more than love itself.
All right.
That was all shit that you put in there and you got all butthurt because you
love your
kitty cat, which I think is fantastic.
And I think you should live with your kitty cat until it dies, God willing, 17,
18 years from
now.
And, but I think if that cat is a cunt and you choose that cat over somebody
else, you
don't deserve to have them.
All right.
I don't think that's fucking a hotheaded response.
I don't know.
But, you know, I don't think I've reached your level of, you know,
enlightenment.
All right.
Southern accents.
Did you ever think that maybe, just maybe, maybe that cat saw action over in
Iraq and has
PTSD?
I mean, how much of a backstory are you going to build for this fucking cat?
Now I'm going to have to listen to people talking about shelter animals.
We got to wrap it up here, right?
Mandalorian pinball machine.
Hi, Bill.
Hello from Australia.
Hope you are well.
Would love to see you tour here at some point in the near future.
I would love to do it.
I got my Mandalorian pinball machine.
Great game.
Really enjoying it.
You got one of those things?
Those things seem really fucking cool.
I just don't have any.
I got the kids.
I have no room for it.
It's awesome to hear your call outs in the game.
I didn't know that happened.
Puts a huge smile on my face every time.
Hopefully Stern, the maker, will send you one if they haven't already.
They have not, and I'm not asking them to.
I have no room for it.
All right.
And I enjoy pinball, but I don't need one in my house.
I don't play it to that level.
If I see one, I'll go play pinball, but I'm not like a pinballer.
But, you know, it takes up a lot of space, right?
All right.
All right.