Name: Pr0st!tute, Man. Yay or Nay? - Bill Burr
Uploaded: 2021-12-15T14:00:04.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Pr0st!tute, Man. Yay or Nay? - Bill Burr' from Billy Twinkle Toes on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-12-15. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Pr0st!tute, Man. Yay or Nay? - Bill Burr' from Billy Twinkle Toes on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-12-15. Transcript available.

uh prostitute man yay or nay dear billy bong dong you see my dick looks like a
bong i mean
all right i'll take that you got a glass tube there um hey bill i'm ripped off
the jazz cabbage
right now and i had to run an idea past you is that an inside joke with you and
your friends
i love how you just presented that like i like that's a common expression is
that a common
expression i'm ripped off the jazz cabbage i'm a 24 year old who's still who's
still a virgin
well congratulations you don't have any stds you're like one of those star wars
action figures
that's still in the box your fucking dick is worth money um i don't think there's
anything wrong with
virginity but i'm fixing to punch that v card like it's a title fight there you
go i like it get up
to bat start swinging uh the problem is i have no game with the ladies fellas
and non-binary folks
everyone's on the table i didn't have my first kiss until i was 22 and haven't
gotten that far again
i got a birthday spanking from a dude at a bdsm club but that wasn't a sexual
thing so it doesn't count
i love how you were a virgin but you go into a bondage fucking place for your
birthday i got a feeling
once you get in the game you're gonna be you're gonna be like jordan it takes
you two weeks to
establish yourself
in the league anyway i got to thinking about saving up money to visit a sex
worker
to be clear i mean one of those legit establishment where everything's on the
up and up and people like
their job nobody who has to fucking bang somebody for a living likes their job
i figure once i lose my virginity and let the wave of guilt
instilled in me from my religion slash upbringing hit me once i get over it i'll
be a bit more confident
and be able to develop some skills in the art of seduction
uh on top of that i feel like i'd be a it'd be a dope experience
uh another virgin could blow my mind the first time imagine a seasoned pro
who does the shit for okay for all say if you went out and banged another
virgin
where you're at that would blow your mind but imagine if a seasoned pro does
the shit for a living
uh what do you think should i keep it and uh the old-fashioned way or tag in
a couple paper wingman uh thanks and go fuck someone else all right first of
all you have a great sense of humor
so and you you don't want to do that you don't want you don't want to have you
don't want to do that
don't go down that fucking road uh what you need to do is you have to do what a
stand-up comedian does
which you have to bomb your way into knowing how to be a comedian so you have
to bomb your way into
knowing how to hit on chicks or whatever the fuck it is you're into all right
um
so what you do is you set little attainable goals every time you go out
you know i'm gonna hit on three chicks that's it i don't know what i'm gonna
say but i'm gonna have fun
and uh you know what's great about all of this shit is you're just gonna you're
gonna get some
hilarious fucking stories and uh you know if you're 24 and you got friends do
they know
you're a virgin if they don't you should tell them just be like listen man i'm
still a virgin
and i'm sick of this shit if any you guys got any and dude and guys will like
fucking
it's like the 40 year old virgin once they found out steve carell was a virgin
they were like
we're gonna get this fucking guy laid that's it they're gonna help you out and
uh you're gonna be
fine you got a great sense of humor all right everybody likes to fucking laugh
you're gonna be
fine you you don't need to tap out and go you know that dark route don't don't
don't be doing that
shit you know imagine that you you coming right out of your box the first time
fucking luke skywalker
comes out and turns on his lightsaber and then you end up getting some fucking
std um this is one of
these legit places you know where the people like their job now they had
horrible childhoods and
that's how the fucking they ended up in there you don't want to be in that
world at all all right
that's it so hang in there don't take the easy way out all right talk some shit
have some fun allow
allow yourself to be a fucking idiot allow yourself to not know what you're
doing and just enjoy the
process all right everybody's been where you're at okay yet look at how many
people are on the planet
all right so it's not hopeless whatever you do don't join one of those stupid
fucking incel groups
because those people are doomed for failure you have fucking i just don't for
the life of me i don't
understand where if you had a fucking problem why you would go into a chat room
where everybody else
has the same problem but nobody there's no solution you know what i mean like
if you're fucking
it'd be like me you know with all my problems with technology if i went to a
chat room if i could
find the fucking thing and just talk to a bunch of other old fucking guys that
were born for fucking
30 years before cell phones even came out and we all sat around i don't know
how they fucking work
either i mean how are you going to solve your problem uh anyway you know what i
would do the sex
industry isn't 100 bad i would if i was fucking the president i would i would i
would that incel
shit would be over quick i'd figure out who all those fucking incel kids were
and i would send
fucking whores fucking whores to act like they're regular people and just go up
to them and start
talking to them in the grocery store like they did with that one guy who was
running for office and
they were trying to get dirt on him and they they were trying to get these whores
to bang him and he
fucking wouldn't touch him and then they sent guys they're like maybe he's gay
and then that didn't
work and he was just they thought he was like fucking asexual who was that guy
the one who they
said fucked up the the um the election in the year 2000 i love how they blamed
him and not al gore
um
my turn