Name: Bert Slammed the Door in My Face! - Bill Burr
Uploaded: 2021-12-17T14:30:09.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bert Slammed the Door in My Face! - Bill Burr' from Billy Twinkle Toes on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-12-17. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bert Slammed the Door in My Face! - Bill Burr' from Billy Twinkle Toes on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-12-17. Transcript available.

and then when I got to Indianapolis one time I remember I was playing this
theater there was
two theaters in the same building and the uh the one downstairs was the smaller
one that was the
one that I was playing and the one upstairs was Sesame Street Live and uh but
but we shared the
same stairwell maybe it was next door and all I know is like the door opened to
where they were and I saw
Bert and Ernie and all these guys I was like oh shit and I filmed them and Bert
starts walking
towards me and I thought he was waving like hello they're like oh hey Bert's
coming over to say hello
you know doing his laughing shit and he came walking up I thought he was waving
he was doing
the stop filming thing and he slammed the door in my face this giant Bert he
was like fucking you know
the the big fucking head and all that he shut the door in my face and I was
just like oh shit
I guess Ernie really is the cool one right so I ended up posting the video and
then the Sesame Street
people got back to me and said I didn't own the rights to the video I had to
take so I took it
I was like what the fuck you mean I don't own the fucking rights to it you cunt
it's my cell phone
I had a right to be there and you should have closed your green room door get
mad at Bert
you know oh Bert was the only one on it Ernie was over there fucking around but
whatever they were
all in there and uh somewhere on one of my laptops I still have that um video
but this is what kills me
you know everybody's taking video and you take all these fucking pictures of
your kids and everything
and then they update the fucking it looks clear and it looks great then they
update the phones
and then your picture isn't worth the shit anymore
so like I don't understand what what are you supposed to be doing here like I'm
taking all
these pictures to save and what so they'll be all like pixelated and it's like
back to the future
and people are fading away all of these videos that I'm taking of my kids I don't
know it's weird
um my daughter said something fucking hilarious today
I was driving her to school and she goes hey dad
she goes sometimes uh sometimes lepers want to be alone and they climb trees
and I'm like lepers she goes yeah lepers I go I think you mean leopards
she goes no it's lepers and I was thinking all right well you know they got
that fucking skin
disease they're shunned by society I kind of like that that's a strong move by
a leper
well I don't fucking need you either I'm gonna go up here and sit in this
fucking tree
you know this tree doesn't judge me well even if it did it doesn't have the
option not to
it's just for to sort of stand there Jesus Christ I always think that whenever
there's a Christmas tree
the day that they come up with the technology to hear trees screaming oh my god
that's gonna be the end of Christmas
just the fucking
you get your Christmas tree right after Thanksgiving like I do in an entire
month
what'd you do to my legs ah water water
fucking
actually understand those things
you know and God created trees too and he allows that shit
he made us smart enough to fucking chop them down
he just doesn't care I really firmly believe in that that whatever it is
just sort of made us in the left
like all right we'll see how that works out then he went on to another world
you know
he
went on to another world
I really think God is a man by the way
I really do
just for the simple fact that we get shit done
we don't stand around talking about doing stuff and bitching about it
trying to manipulate other people around you to get you to do the job for them
you know that's not what a man does
it's what a woman does
I mean what have women accomplished ever
in history
and you can't talk about giving birth because you can't help that
if there was a way for you to make me pregnant instead of you you would have
all right
now I'm not trying to be like
sexist here I'm just trying to open a dialogue
what are you talking about we've done plenty of things
I'll tell you what my wife does she fucking puts up with me
um which is not easy
not easy
oh fucking grumpy bill with the goddamn cold
um