Name: Tesla Pollutes Too! - Bill Burr
Uploaded: 2021-12-28T15:00:36.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Tesla Pollutes Too! - Bill Burr' from Billy Twinkle Toes on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-12-28. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Tesla Pollutes Too! - Bill Burr' from Billy Twinkle Toes on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-12-28. Transcript available.

oh you know i was on instagram last night because i'm a fucking 12 year old
girl right i'm on
instagram and um they were making fun of fucking asshole peoples that drive teslas
and have like
those vanity plates that talk about gas what's that lol gas no gas blah blah
blah blah and all
these fucking douchebags like that's not dumb enough all of these douchebags i
swear to god
like 80 of them were just like and um where do you think electricity comes from
making the point that you need uh fossil fuels to create electricity every like
i swear to god
like 80 of the comments were that it's like haven't you read that everybody's
already made this point
you dumb fucks and they're all going like yeah this is just like the new glorified
prius it's like
yeah no it isn't no it isn't a tesla is not a glorified prius a tesla is the
fastest car on the
fucking road and none of those cunts can fucking admit it
you know none of those gas driving cunts this is just like masked people versus
unmasked people
and nobody sees you know that we're all a bunch of cunts right myself included
like people with gas cars don't have those stupid vanity plates all those
fucking morons
who have an incredibly small amount of horsepower but you'd never know it from
how loud their exhaust is
driving down the fucking street and it's like i can still see you i've heard
your car for 10 minutes i can still see you on the highway
anytime they just barely step on the gas it makes so much fucking noise
to give the illusion that their car is actually fast and it isn't
it's just loud
now i'm not giving motorcycle people shit your bike should be loud because
people can't see it but if they can hear you that's how you stay alive
right so i don't mind a loud motorcycle but what i do i there should be a rule
if your car is loud it has to be fast remember gas monkey garage fast and loud
it just wasn't loud
oh my god these fucking idiots with their fucking
there's actually something you now can stick into your exhaust
to make it sound louder
to make it sound like you know
i don't know it's like you're lying about your dick size
you got a regular old dick and you're making the noise like you're a fucking
porn star
you know
and all these gas driving fucking car cunts
with their uh stupid vanity plates
you lose
bye bye
and all of this shit
making all of this fucking noise
when
there's a
silent car
that makes no fucking noise
that will
with fucking two kids
in kids seats
and groceries in the back
will fucking destroy you
fucking destroy you
my car makes noise
and smoke comes out of it
these fucking
quiet cars
where do you think the electricity comes from
and then the fucking idiot's driving the electric cars like
have fire
fire at the gas station
it's like why can't you just buy what you like
and shut the fuck up
you know in a perfect world
somebody with a gas driving car
with a you lose
license plate
will have a head-on collision with someone in a tesla
you know
with their
gas
question mark lol
can you get a question mark on a license plate
i don't know
in a perfect fucking world
in a world
that is perfect
they would have a head-on collision
the airbags come out
you know
and they both get out a little groggy
and they go into that little tent
on the side of the fucking
NFL game
they come out
everybody's fine
and then the police officer like
yeah your cars are totaled
you're both at fault
all we could save is your license plates
you know
and then they both have to go sit at a fucking bus stop
because all the uber people are busy that day
or maybe they don't want to work
whatever the fuck goes on at uber
you know
this is a high volume time
there's not a lot of
whatever
one of those times
and they just both have to sit there
and they have to work out their differences
you know
and just sit there
you know it's kind of funny
that both of us
took the time
out of our fucking lives
to fill out a piece of paper
at the fucking DMV
to get a customized license plate
who the fuck has time to do that
who gives a fuck
that much
there has to be something online
there has to be some sort of
psychiatry fucking think tank
is that how you say it
the kind of person
let me just look up
people
who
get
custom
license
whoops I spelled it wrong
of course
plates
okay
personal interest
specialized license plates
what you need to know about
vanity plates
what drives people to take
vanity license plates
okay
here's one
Maryland
it's
W-E-H-V
F-U-N
we have fun
performance coach
Caroline Adam Miller
says
vanity plates
can boost
self-esteem
pictured her own
we have fun
to boost
state coffers
Texas sold
a Dallas doctor
a
Porsche
for
$7,500
then
it sold him
America
for $3,000
what does that mean
both were license plates
sold at auction
I will get my
American citizenship
next month
so it means a lot to me
says
Salman
Wahid
an intensive care
physician
he wanted
Ferrari
but dropped out
when bidding for that
went too high
eventually
netting
$15,000
the top price
paid
the fucking
car
says Ferrari
it says it
right on your case
you didn't
you know
just crossing
all the T's
and dotting
all the I's
after years
of selling
vanity plates
at a modest
sideline
charging as little
as $5
states
think that
there's more
money to be
made
in whatever
drives people
to buy them
facing budget
crisis
states
are raising
surcharges
or proposing
annual fee
hikes
for custom
plates
Texas
has gone
a step
further
as they
always do
there's another
step to take
you know
Texas
is gonna
take it
and it's
gonna be
a bigger
step
than any
other state
because we're
big
it hired
a private
company
to raise
25 million
over the next
five years
by auctioning
off vanity
plates
people like
to express
themselves
especially
in Texas
I am
from Massachusetts
we don't like
to express
ourselves
we do
but not
the way
they like
to in
Texas
like what
when
what fucking
where is
that
that whole
statement
what world
is that
fucking
based in
people like
to express
themselves
okay well
there's a
bold statement
okay yeah
everybody likes
to express
them especially
in Texas
that's just
to go for
the fucking
you know
hacky applause
right
that's right
yeah it's
fucking right
man
expressing
myself right
now
with a belt
buckle
um
says a
spokesperson
for a Texas
department of
motor vehicles
this year
that is just
literally
they're just
chumming the
water of
mouth-breathing
morons
people like to
express themselves
I like to
express myself
especially in
Texas
I'm from
Texas
that's right
it's my
god-given
right to
express myself
and you can
I'm saying
everybody in
Texas is dumb
all right
I'm not saying
that I'm just
saying that you
have a lot of
dumb people there
because you have
more fucking
real estate
so everything's
gonna be higher
okay
I'm sure you
have a higher
level of uh
you know
super smart
people
you know
that realize
maybe I don't
need a shiny
pickup truck
considering I
don't own a
ranch
and just because
I'm in Texas
I don't really
need a four-wheel
drive pickup truck
because I'm not
going to go
four-wheeling
anyway
maybe you know
I think that's
where the bar is
in Texas
for intelligence
to actually
not buy a
pickup truck
realizing that
you don't need
one
you know
do you know
how many people
don't need
pickup trucks
and actually
have them
myself included
um
that's why
the four-door
cab
is so fucking
popular
I fucking
hate the
four-door cab
because you
don't have a
bed anymore
it's basically
a fucking
rumble seat
it's like
what the fuck
did you get
a pickup truck
for
if most
of the
truck
is going
to be
you know
where you
bring in
your
construction
crew
that isn't
doing
construction
you know
anyway
sorry
um
and then
they go
especially
in Texas
and then
this is
just
going to
get
people
well
I'm
from
Texas
you're
supposed to
buy a
pickup
truck
so I'm
going to
buy a
pickup
truck
and
they're
saying
people
I
need to
stress
myself
right
says
the
spokesperson
for the
Texas
Department
of Motor
Vehicle
this year
at the
nation's
first
auction
Texas
sold
33
plates
for
$139,400
in the
US
there's
room
for
vanity
to
grow
oh
Jesus
just
when we
thought
we
couldn't
be
more
about
ourselves
despite
having
9.3
million
motor
vehicles
with
vanity
plates
the
46
states
that
charged
annual
fees
for
them
collectively
raised
only
about
177
million
so now
they're
just
going to
make
them
more
expensive
because
there's
no
money
left
because
we're
just
having
never
ending
wars
and
we
don't
own
our
own
currency
anymore
the
potential
market
is
huge
many
motorists
such as
60 year old
Lee
Weaver
are devoted
to their
plates
even if
they may
cause
trouble
Mr.
Weaver
lives in
Virginia
but
he's
a
hardcore
Boston
Red Sox
fan
whose
license plate
says
eight
Bo Sox
what's that
Carl
Yastrzemski
well nobody
in Virginia
gives a
fuck about
the Red Sox
his
Toyota
Solara
has been
scratched to
pieces
he says
oh wow
oh they
probably just
don't like
because he's
a Yankee
and he's
endured
insults
and obscene
gestures
on the
highway
especially
when he's
driving north
on I-95
near New
York
yet
rather than
opting
for less
noticeable
plates
he wouldn't
get rid
of his
in a
million
years
he says
I
absolutely
love
my
tags
alright
I'm
out of
here
I can't
read
any more
of this
alright
worst
vanity
plates
let's get
this going
here
alright
the 10
worst
license
plates
ever
approved
alright
what do
we got
here
I nominate
this for
one of
the 10
worst
fucking
websites
oh
all kinds
of ads
oh god
am I in
this part
of the
internet
oh wait
a minute
this is
a bad
one
this one
of the
vanity
plates
says
it's
LSTN
space
CNT
which
at quick
glance
reads
listen
cunt
wow
oh my
god
I don't
even know
what the
X E S
T T U B
now that I've
made fun of
all of these
people I can't
figure out what
that's supposed
to say
been trying to
post this all
day read
more
what does
this one
mean
here's a
Tesla owner
with LOL
oil
plates
displaying some
of the
trademark
smugness
that these
people
hate these
otherwise
that makes
people hate
these otherwise
cool electric
sports cars
yeah
yeah
and also
you know
it's
it's not
like it
didn't take
a bunch
of raw
materials
to make
your car
it's just
different
raw
materials
right
well it's
still plastic
I guess
lithium
for all
the batteries
anyway
have you
ever seen
a more
pitiful
embarrassing
plate
than this
it could
be either
a custom
license
plate
or just
very
unfortunate
set of
random
state
issues
no I
don't
think
it
was
pull
out
p-u-l
o-u-t
and it
says
choose
life
that is
fucking
unbelievable
look at
these
websites
this is
how you
lose
like a
fucking
three
hours
of your
life
and the
winner
for most
beautiful
woman
goes to
there's
some
beautiful
woman
with her
perfect
tits
fucking
hanging
out of
her
shirt
man
gives
girlfriend
a
necklace
two
years
later
she
screams
when
she
realizes
mature
trainer
this is
what
ripped
old
guys
do
differently
top
heart
surgeons
this
simple
trick
helps
empty
your
bowels
every
morning
well
what does
a heart
surgeon
know
about
your
ass
wear
these
shoes
you
can
walk
for
hours
without
discomfort
Jesus
Christ
how old
am I
those are
my
selections
how to be
ripped
ripped
as an
old
guy
how to
be able
to take
a shit
and how to walk
in some sneakers
that won't hurt
your feet
because why
I search for
most annoying
vanity plates
all right
I apologize
well whatever
I'm an old
man
I think if
everybody could
just get over
themselves
you know
fucking driving
around with a
vanity plate
who can't give a
fuck about
your stupid
ideas
what kind
of a
douche
buys a
tesla
and then
gets a
vanity plate
on it
rubbing it
in the
noses of
other people
it's like
most people
can't afford
a tesla
you fucking
cunt
and then
also people
like yeah
it's gonna
be a gas
powered tow
truck that's
gonna tow
your car
away when
you're
fucking
can't
find a
place
and
fucking
charge
it
people
when you
buy a
tesla
you get a
charging system
put in at
your house
you plug
it in
like a
cell phone
stop
acting like
you constantly
see teslas
on the side
of the road
out of
power
you charge
them
they have
over 300
miles
all right
it was a
problem when
they first
came out
it is no
longer
a problem
there are
charging stations
all over the
place
for free
imagine
if you
went to
the movies
and you
pulled into
a parking
spot
and you
just could
fill your
gas tank
up
you didn't
have to
you just
put the
nozzle in
and it
filled it
up for
you
for free
now
eventually
once everybody
has them
they're not
going to be
free
that's how
it works
but right
now
they got to
get people
to switch
over
that's what
it is
which I
think is a
good thing
you know
because it
will lessen
our dependency
on oil
hopefully
nah it
won't
because oil
fucking runs
our country
my big thing
is I just
want us to
have no
reason to
be in the
middle east
so we can
just leave
those people
alone
let them
solve their
own fucking
problems
but there's
too much
money in
it for
us
anyway
so

Tesla Pollutes Too! - Bill Burr

oh you know i was on instagram last night because i'm a fucking 12 year old
girl right i'm on
instagram and um they were making fun of fucking asshole peoples that drive teslas
and have like
those vanity plates that talk about gas what's that lol gas no gas blah blah
blah blah and all
these fucking douchebags like that's not dumb enough all of these douchebags i
swear to god
like 80 of them were just like and um where do you think electricity comes from
making the point that you need uh fossil fuels to create electricity every like
i swear to god
like 80 of the comments were that it's like haven't you read that everybody's
already made this point
you dumb fucks and they're all going like yeah this is just like the new glorified
prius it's like
yeah no it isn't no it isn't a tesla is not a glorified prius a tesla is the
fastest car on the
fucking road and none of those cunts can fucking admit it
you know none of those gas driving cunts this is just like masked people versus
unmasked people
and nobody sees you know that we're all a bunch of cunts right myself included
like people with gas cars don't have those stupid vanity plates all those
fucking morons
who have an incredibly small amount of horsepower but you'd never know it from
how loud their exhaust is
driving down the fucking street and it's like i can still see you i've heard
your car for 10 minutes i can still see you on the highway
anytime they just barely step on the gas it makes so much fucking noise
to give the illusion that their car is actually fast and it isn't
it's just loud
now i'm not giving motorcycle people shit your bike should be loud because
people can't see it but if they can hear you that's how you stay alive
right so i don't mind a loud motorcycle but what i do i there should be a rule
if your car is loud it has to be fast remember gas monkey garage fast and loud
it just wasn't loud
oh my god these fucking idiots with their fucking
there's actually something you now can stick into your exhaust
to make it sound louder
to make it sound like you know
i don't know it's like you're lying about your dick size
you got a regular old dick and you're making the noise like you're a fucking
porn star
you know
and all these gas driving fucking car cunts
with their uh stupid vanity plates
you lose
bye bye
and all of this shit
making all of this fucking noise
when
there's a
silent car
that makes no fucking noise
that will
with fucking two kids
in kids seats
and groceries in the back
will fucking destroy you
fucking destroy you
my car makes noise
and smoke comes out of it
these fucking
quiet cars
where do you think the electricity comes from
and then the fucking idiot's driving the electric cars like
have fire
fire at the gas station
it's like why can't you just buy what you like
and shut the fuck up
you know in a perfect world
somebody with a gas driving car
with a you lose
license plate
will have a head-on collision with someone in a tesla
you know
with their
gas
question mark lol
can you get a question mark on a license plate
i don't know
in a perfect fucking world
in a world
that is perfect
they would have a head-on collision
the airbags come out
you know
and they both get out a little groggy
and they go into that little tent
on the side of the fucking
NFL game
they come out
everybody's fine
and then the police officer like
yeah your cars are totaled
you're both at fault
all we could save is your license plates
you know
and then they both have to go sit at a fucking bus stop
because all the uber people are busy that day
or maybe they don't want to work
whatever the fuck goes on at uber
you know
this is a high volume time
there's not a lot of
whatever
one of those times
and they just both have to sit there
and they have to work out their differences
you know
and just sit there
you know it's kind of funny
that both of us
took the time
out of our fucking lives
to fill out a piece of paper
at the fucking DMV
to get a customized license plate
who the fuck has time to do that
who gives a fuck
that much
there has to be something online
there has to be some sort of
psychiatry fucking think tank
is that how you say it
the kind of person
let me just look up
people
who
get
custom
license
whoops I spelled it wrong
of course
plates
okay
personal interest
specialized license plates
what you need to know about
vanity plates
what drives people to take
vanity license plates
okay
here's one
Maryland
it's
W-E-H-V
F-U-N
we have fun
performance coach
Caroline Adam Miller
says
vanity plates
can boost
self-esteem
pictured her own
we have fun
to boost
state coffers
Texas sold
a Dallas doctor
a
Porsche
for
$7,500
then
it sold him
America
for $3,000
what does that mean
both were license plates
sold at auction
I will get my
American citizenship
next month
so it means a lot to me
says
Salman
Wahid
an intensive care
physician
he wanted
Ferrari
but dropped out
when bidding for that
went too high
eventually
netting
$15,000
the top price
paid
the fucking
car
says Ferrari
it says it
right on your case
you didn't
you know
just crossing
all the T's
and dotting
all the I's
after years
of selling
vanity plates
at a modest
sideline
charging as little
as $5
states
think that
there's more
money to be
made
in whatever
drives people
to buy them
facing budget
crisis
states
are raising
surcharges
or proposing
annual fee
hikes
for custom
plates
Texas
has gone
a step
further
as they
always do
there's another
step to take
you know
Texas
is gonna
take it
and it's
gonna be
a bigger
step
than any
other state
because we're
big
it hired
a private
company
to raise
25 million
over the next
five years
by auctioning
off vanity
plates
people like
to express
themselves
especially
in Texas
I am
from Massachusetts
we don't like
to express
ourselves
we do
but not
the way
they like
to in
Texas
like what
when
what fucking
where is
that
that whole
statement
what world
is that
fucking
based in
people like
to express
themselves
okay well
there's a
bold statement
okay yeah
everybody likes
to express
them especially
in Texas
that's just
to go for
the fucking
you know
hacky applause
right
that's right
yeah it's
fucking right
man
expressing
myself right
now
with a belt
buckle
um
says a
spokesperson
for a Texas
department of
motor vehicles
this year
that is just
literally
they're just
chumming the
water of
mouth-breathing
morons
people like to
express themselves
I like to
express myself
especially in
Texas
I'm from
Texas
that's right
it's my
god-given
right to
express myself
and you can
I'm saying
everybody in
Texas is dumb
all right
I'm not saying
that I'm just
saying that you
have a lot of
dumb people there
because you have
more fucking
real estate
so everything's
gonna be higher
okay
I'm sure you
have a higher
level of uh
you know
super smart
people
you know
that realize
maybe I don't
need a shiny
pickup truck
considering I
don't own a
ranch
and just because
I'm in Texas
I don't really
need a four-wheel
drive pickup truck
because I'm not
going to go
four-wheeling
anyway
maybe you know
I think that's
where the bar is
in Texas
for intelligence
to actually
not buy a
pickup truck
realizing that
you don't need
one
you know
do you know
how many people
don't need
pickup trucks
and actually
have them
myself included
um
that's why
the four-door
cab
is so fucking
popular
I fucking
hate the
four-door cab
because you
don't have a
bed anymore
it's basically
a fucking
rumble seat
it's like
what the fuck
did you get
a pickup truck
for
if most
of the
truck
is going
to be
you know
where you
bring in
your
construction
crew
that isn't
doing
construction
you know
anyway
sorry
um
and then
they go
especially
in Texas
and then
this is
just
going to
get
people
well
I'm
from
Texas
you're
supposed to
buy a
pickup
truck
so I'm
going to
buy a
pickup
truck
and
they're
saying
people
I
need to
stress
myself
right
says
the
spokesperson
for the
Texas
Department
of Motor
Vehicle
this year
at the
nation's
first
auction
Texas
sold
33
plates
for
$139,400
in the
US
there's
room
for
vanity
to
grow
oh
Jesus
just
when we
thought
we
couldn't
be
more
about
ourselves
despite
having
9.3
million
motor
vehicles
with
vanity
plates
the
46
states
that
charged
annual
fees
for
them
collectively
raised
only
about
177
million
so now
they're
just
going to
make
them
more
expensive
because
there's
no
money
left
because
we're
just
having
never
ending
wars
and
we
don't
own
our
own
currency
anymore
the
potential
market
is
huge
many
motorists
such as
60 year old
Lee
Weaver
are devoted
to their
plates
even if
they may
cause
trouble
Mr.
Weaver
lives in
Virginia
but
he's
a
hardcore
Boston
Red Sox
fan
whose
license plate
says
eight
Bo Sox
what's that
Carl
Yastrzemski
well nobody
in Virginia
gives a
fuck about
the Red Sox
his
Toyota
Solara
has been
scratched to
pieces
he says
oh wow
oh they
probably just
don't like
because he's
a Yankee
and he's
endured
insults
and obscene
gestures
on the
highway
especially
when he's
driving north
on I-95
near New
York
yet
rather than
opting
for less
noticeable
plates
he wouldn't
get rid
of his
in a
million
years
he says
I
absolutely
love
my
tags
alright
I'm
out of
here
I can't
read
any more
of this
alright
worst
vanity
plates
let's get
this going
here
alright
the 10
worst
license
plates
ever
approved
alright
what do
we got
here
I nominate
this for
one of
the 10
worst
fucking
websites
oh
all kinds
of ads
oh god
am I in
this part
of the
internet
oh wait
a minute
this is
a bad
one
this one
of the
vanity
plates
says
it's
LSTN
space
CNT
which
at quick
glance
reads
listen
cunt
wow
oh my
god
I don't
even know
what the
X E S
T T U B
now that I've
made fun of
all of these
people I can't
figure out what
that's supposed
to say
been trying to
post this all
day read
more
what does
this one
mean
here's a
Tesla owner
with LOL
oil
plates
displaying some
of the
trademark
smugness
that these
people
hate these
otherwise
that makes
people hate
these otherwise
cool electric
sports cars
yeah
yeah
and also
you know
it's
it's not
like it
didn't take
a bunch
of raw
materials
to make
your car
it's just
different
raw
materials
right
well it's
still plastic
I guess
lithium
for all
the batteries
anyway
have you
ever seen
a more
pitiful
embarrassing
plate
than this
it could
be either
a custom
license
plate
or just
very
unfortunate
set of
random
state
issues
no I
don't
think
it
was
pull
out
p-u-l
o-u-t
and it
says
choose
life
that is
fucking
unbelievable
look at
these
websites
this is
how you
lose
like a
fucking
three
hours
of your
life
and the
winner
for most
beautiful
woman
goes to
there's
some
beautiful
woman
with her
perfect
tits
fucking
hanging
out of
her
shirt
man
gives
girlfriend
a
necklace
two
years
later
she
screams
when
she
realizes
mature
trainer
this is
what
ripped
old
guys
do
differently
top
heart
surgeons
this
simple
trick
helps
empty
your
bowels
every
morning
well
what does
a heart
surgeon
know
about
your
ass
wear
these
shoes
you
can
walk
for
hours
without
discomfort
Jesus
Christ
how old
am I
those are
my
selections
how to be
ripped
ripped
as an
old
guy
how to
be able
to take
a shit
and how to walk
in some sneakers
that won't hurt
your feet
because why
I search for
most annoying
vanity plates
all right
I apologize
well whatever
I'm an old
man
I think if
everybody could
just get over
themselves
you know
fucking driving
around with a
vanity plate
who can't give a
fuck about
your stupid
ideas
what kind
of a
douche
buys a
tesla
and then
gets a
vanity plate
on it
rubbing it
in the
noses of
other people
it's like
most people
can't afford
a tesla
you fucking
cunt
and then
also people
like yeah
it's gonna
be a gas
powered tow
truck that's
gonna tow
your car
away when
you're
fucking
can't
find a
place
and
fucking
charge
it
people
when you
buy a
tesla
you get a
charging system
put in at
your house
you plug
it in
like a
cell phone
stop
acting like
you constantly
see teslas
on the side
of the road
out of
power
you charge
them
they have
over 300
miles
all right
it was a
problem when
they first
came out
it is no
longer
a problem
ther