Name: Accept Your Age - Bill Burr
Uploaded: 2022-01-11T14:00:27.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Accept Your Age - Bill Burr' from Billy Twinkle Toes on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-01-11. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Accept Your Age - Bill Burr' from Billy Twinkle Toes on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-01-11. Transcript available.

what else you gonna do just dwell in the sadness of it speaking of dying in age
i saw one of the
dumbest fun i can't say the dumbest things but like a typical stupid thing that
was trending
on the internet it was about some supermodel who was in her 50s and they were
going she had
the audacity to age like that's like a new like liberal they love the word audacity
she had the audacity to have a thought you know
he was a man and had the audacity to want to be a woman like they love throwing
that word around
so it's this whole article about a supermodel who evidently is in her 50s and i
think her her husband
died or something so now she's going out into the clubs and she never got botox
and she's
bitching that in her 50s nobody's looking at her it's like yeah you're in your
50s
no one younger wants to that i'm sorry and she was acting as though it was some
sort of unique
experience like somehow a man in his 50 50s can walk into a club and start
banging like young chicks are
like oh my god they're not you're 50 you're gross get out unless you own the
place get out of here
stop being a creep going out to the club yet let young people have their time
she's a predator she's a predator she's gonna take all this money that's why
she's there she is choosing
money and stability over love there's three types of people out there in the
dating scene there's people
who are actually looking for love there's people that marry for looks and there's
people that marry for
money stability and those people that marry for looks and they marry for money
usually get spit out the
other end one on on some side of a divorce in their 50s and then they go out
there and they wonder why
nobody gives a fuck anymore it's it's it's because you're old people my age
still trying to be like
sexy it's just it's how don't you remember what it was like as a younger person
to see somebody coming
in with their lizardy skin you know
or how creeped out the women were when some older cologne stinking guy came
walking in it was just the
dumbest thing ever and plus also i just feel like you know that's just like a
classic you know female
thing where when it works for you it's all good and then when it doesn't you
need to change it
it's just like you were a supermodel how many cover charges have you paid in
your life how many
drinks did you actually have to buy when you were young and gorgeous and now
you're old and now all
of a sudden you want the saloon doors ain't swinging the way they used to be
you know we're all supposed
to feel bad i don't know sorry i hate to tell it you're in your 50s so your
options are to get with
someone who looks like me an old bald orange man that's your wheelhouse you
know what i mean
well you could try to find love she was like upset that she evidently that she
was walking into the
club and guys in their 30s didn't give a yeah they don't they don't the same
way when you were in your
30s you didn't want some bald orange guy in his 50s being like hey baby what's
your sign
ah god get away from me i'm young at birth huh right and then all of a sudden
you know
she starts getting up in there you know into the old bitch did that thing too
she still looks great
that's what's funny she still looks great so i don't know like i'm supposed to
somehow uh make a supermodel
feel good about her looks oh i'm sorry i'm sorry you weren't one of the most
beautiful women on the
planet for your entire life god that that must be so difficult so of course
that sends me down this uh
this rabbit hole which is the usual thing women acting women like that acting
as though only bad
things happen to women and that guys uh guy can be 117 years old yeah he's got
22 year girlfriend
no that's not what happens if he has a billion dollars he does and she's she's
putting
uh i don't know salmonella in his goddamn eggs or whatever can you do that can
you buy salmonella
sorry i was trying to think of a poison and i panicked i couldn't think of
anything um arsenic
there we go rat poison putting rat poison in your colostomy bag um so there was
another one where
there was this woman going like you know uh back when i was a model i got fired
for being a size four
which i guess is small i haven't cross-dressed in a while i'm a little a little
rusty on my
women's sizes numbers so she was a they fired her for being a four
right said she was too fat so she goes jokes on you i'm now a 10
you know and i can pick up your audac because i had the audacity to be a four
that's what she said
then she goes jokes on you i can now lift up your audacity and and so i forget
what because now she's
like a weightlifter or something like that so it's like all right well that's a
good thing then like
what what is there's no audacity in modeling it is what it is when you go into
it you're not eating
everybody knows this like what they're pitching about that would be like a
quarterback going like
you know i just got replaced at quarterback because i had the audacity to be 35
years old in the nfl and
they decided to draft a younger guy with the stronger arm because i had the audacity
to age it's the same
thing three years ago i got kicked off my football team because i had the audacity
to blow out my acl
to get a knee injury playing football it's like yeah that that's what happens
that's what happens
all right everybody has their moment in life and when your moment is over or if
you can't
live up to what the the the the level of excellence is then you got to pick
something else
you know the are you complaining about you got to be a model that's amazing
amazing it's amazing right then you got to be too big for them
which who gives a what they think and now you're lifting weights that's great
so i had the audacity
ugh i got i got a feeling that word's gonna be around for a while used like
that
you know i had the audacity
fucking audacity can you fucking believe it it's like yeah that's that's how it
works it's like if
you're an athlete you got to understand that like any day somebody comes in and
does your job better
you're out you're done if you're a coach you lose a couple games in a row your
ass is on the hot seat
you got to sell your house and pull your kids out of the school they just made
friends at it's just
it's it's how it works i've never seen like a football coach like
i got fired because i had the audacity to only be nine and seven three years in
a row
you couldn't get us over the hump you're out fuck you and your dream
you know granted football coaches can be fat fucks but it's not a beauty
contest
i don't know i don't understand why that fucking thing starts trending
i'm kind of glad it did because it gave me something to talk about here because
i haven't
been doing the entire time