Name: Rams Games Were Boring! - Bill Burr
Uploaded: 2022-01-21T14:00:10.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Rams Games Were Boring! - Bill Burr' from Billy Twinkle Toes on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-01-21. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Rams Games Were Boring! - Bill Burr' from Billy Twinkle Toes on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-01-21. Transcript available.

The same way I had no idea who was going to win the football games.
I think I lost every fucking bet except to the Rams game.
What a bunch of boring-ass fucking games that was.
We'll be talking about it later with Verzi.
Jesus Christ.
My God, every game was over by the fucking second quarter.
Except the Cowboys and 49ers got exciting later, I guess.
Jesus Christ.
One of those guys is going to wake up.
You know, it's funny.
You know what I don't understand about Texas?
You can't get an abortion there anymore, but Jerry Jones can still run the Cowboys.
Somebody explain that one to me.
Jesus Christ.
At what point are you guys going to realize it was Jimmy Johnson?
Jimmy!
Oh, Jimmy!
I would be trolling him with that.
I would just be sending him, you know, a picture.
Jimmy Johnson with that fucking audio from Ray Liotta when he's in the shower
when they do the Lifwanza heist or whatever.
He's like, oh, Jimmy!
I don't get it, man.
I don't get it.
I don't understand.
Like, you gotta, the Cowboys have not won or even been to the Super Bowl in 27
fucking years.
And how I always do that, how I put things into perspective, because as you get
older, 27 years feels like seven years.
So what I always do, I always go back to like 1990 and I subtract the number.
So 1990 minus 27 is 1963.
Then I'm like, holy shit, that is a long fucking time.
Because if you said they haven't been there since 1995, I'm like, you know, it
was a little while ago.
It wasn't a long while ago.
20, holy shit, I was 27 in 1995.
That was half my life ago.
For the first half of my life,
the Cowboys were, that was the thing.
They gotta turn that around, man.
Jesus Christ.
I mean, what else do they have in Dallas?
You just got a bunch of stuff that's big, but like, nothing to hang your hat on,
right?
Literally.
I actually really like Dallas.
I like Dallas and I like Houston.
I used to hate Houston because it was just hot as fucking balls.
You know what I mean?
And then Austin, I liked because of Stevie Ray Vaughan.
And then I went there and saw all these dirty, sweaty white kids.
And I just was like, yeah, you know.
It had that patchouli vibe.
I'm sure it doesn't.
But that's, I don't know.
I always get nervous when a town says, keep it weird.
I'm like, oh no.
Are these nerdy white people that think they're cool?
Bill, why do you have to shit on cities that you know you want to go to and
sell tickets in?
I don't know.
I'm just killing time.
I like Austin.
I go down.
I look at the bats.
I go down to the Stevie Ray Vaughan statue.
I do that shit, right?
You know what it is?
I like the Texas Longhorns.
I just don't like the fucking traffic.
Fucking Tulane goddamn highway going in there.
Fucking nine million fucking people out there.
That's got bad traffic.
Atlanta, horrific traffic.
New York City, obviously.
Boston.
Boston.
Oh my God.
They did spend all that money on the big dig and they didn't even add any
fucking lanes.
Didn't even add any fucking lanes.
Like the amount of money that was skimmed off that project just has to be out
of this fucking world.
Like how greedy are you that you fuck people that bad?
You fuck them over that goddamn bad.
Knowing the population is increasing and you're just in the moment going, I don't
give a fuck.
That fourth lane.
I don't even understand the big dig to be honest with you.
Half the time it's just two lanes and then there's a giant emergency lane that
nobody can use and you're just sitting there in fucking bumper to bumper
traffic.
But Massachusetts was always weird with that shit.
Do you know what's an amazing thing that in Massachusetts, I don't know if they
still have it.
Every other city, as you approach the exit, the sign comes first.
And there's an arrow like exit for a you drive past the sign and then, you know,
that's your exit.
Boston put the sign like on the exit, like it's right there as you're driving
by going 60 miles an hour.
Probably doesn't matter anymore because everybody's got the GPS things over
there.
Right.
Everybody's got that stuff going on.
So anyway, yeah.