Name: Australian Dictator - Bill Burr
Uploaded: 2022-02-08T16:45:01.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Australian Dictator - Bill Burr' from Billy Twinkle Toes on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-02-08. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Australian Dictator - Bill Burr' from Billy Twinkle Toes on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-02-08. Transcript available.

I was a dictator, if I was a dictator of Australia, I like that these are
getting more specific.
I want to hear, I want to hear some, I know people in China are listening to
this thing.
I want to hear what you would do as a dictator in China, how you would handle
it, what you
would be doing.
If I was a dictator in China, I would demand that I have those unbelievable
dumplings every
moment. I cannot even tell you how many times I think of those. When you go to
China, everybody
wants to go see the Great Wall, go have their food. It is fucking unbelievable.
It's like
a cloud. All right. If I was a dictator of Australia, hey, Billy, bald balls.
First, I will get a
baseball bat with a lot of nails in it. Let me explain why. While most
politicians, this
is such an Australian way of beginning your rule, a baseball bat with a bunch
of nails
in it. It's not enough that it's a bat. It's got to have nails sticking out of
it, which
I actually think is dumb when there's multiple attackers, because if you hit
somebody with
it, it's going to get stuck in their meat for a minute, the meat of their back,
and then
you're trying to pull it out of their love handle, and you're going to fucking
catch a
fresh one. While most politicians tend to be self-serving snakes, meet Angus
Taylor. I'm
already in. His name's Angus. I'm in. Member of the current ruling party, the
Liberals. Angus
used taxpayer money to buy water entitlements from a company he set up in the
Cayman Islands
for $80 million. Did he go to jail? Nope. He claims he doesn't have a financial
interest
in the company, so all good there. It's not worth noting that he's listed as a
director
of the company in question. This treasonous piece of shit gets the bat. Oh, I
guess not
all Anguses from Australia are cool, but I have to save plenty of energy for
the chief arsehole,
our prime minister. A couple years ago, we had some really bad bushfire, and
huge parts
of Australia were on fire. Rather than putting measures in place to fight the
fires, our prime
minister thought it would be a good time to take his family on holiday to
Hawaii. Oh, you
know, whenever you book a vacation, something always comes up. I don't care
what level you're
at in society. You know what I mean? In society. Almost got lost in that word
there. However,
by far, the worst thing he's done, in my opinion, he's a member of Happy Clappy
Church, of a
Happy Clappy Church called Hillsong. Think Joel Osteen. Think Joel Osteen. I
just love that
expression, Happy Clappy Church. Yay! Another Florentine shout out. And in the
middle of
the COVID lockdown last year, when none of us could even go across state lines
to visit
family, our prime minister gave permission to the head of Hillsong. Oh God,
that's such
a creepy name. To leave the country to set up a branch in Mexico. Oh yeah, he's
lying in
his fucking pockets. And he's not giving them wafers. Was Brian Houston, it
says, was Brian
Houston head of Hillsong doing the Lord's work? Oh, sorry. Nope. He was being
investigated for
covering up his dad's kitty fiddling. Then our treasonous sack of shit prime
minister let
him out of the country. Yeah, I mean, this is how they let him slide. You know?
If your
buddy committed a crime and the cops show up and you know he's hiding under the
table, what
do you say? Have you seen him? No, I have not. They just do it at a higher
level. They're
us. With power. So if I was a dictator, I would take HGH so I don't get tired
from swinging
my bat of justice. If there is a silver lining, Brian Houston is about to be
charged. You crushed
it as Mayfield. Thank you. It's actually Mayfeld, but you know, Mayfield. All
right. Really
great stuff. Thanks and go fuck yourself. All right. I appreciate it.