Name: Juwan Howard Slaps and Ukraine - Bill Burr
Uploaded: 2022-02-25T04:03:42.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Juwan Howard Slaps and Ukraine - Bill Burr' from Billy Twinkle Toes on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-02-25. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Juwan Howard Slaps and Ukraine - Bill Burr' from Billy Twinkle Toes on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-02-25. Transcript available.

Let me pontificate on that fucking idea. I'll tell you this as far as human to
humans.
I don't understand why Jawan Howard got anything other than a chuckle from the
fucking sports media.
I just do not understand.
When I was growing up, you could do that and it was not even a suspension.
I don't even...
He just... Jawan Howard just threw a punch!
He didn't. He fucking threw a half-ass slap in a crowd.
And some kid in the prime of his life who plays a non-contact sport got hit in
the head.
He's going to be fine. Everybody's fine.
They got a little heated.
And like usual, the little fella there running his fucking yap who called a cunty
timeout,
didn't substitute or anything just to be a Big Ten cunt, all right?
Just to be a cunt, was about to get the slap that he needed.
I'm telling you, in that moment, you see why the world is so disrespectful.
And everyone would say, yes, a grown man resorting to violence.
How could he resort to violence as they sit there and they talk about us doing
shit to Russia
who are going to do some shit to Ukrainians?
But that's all fine because that's war.
I mean, you can drop bombs and blow up babies and shit trying to get the
fucking evil bearded guy you're going after.
But, you know, if you kill some babies along the way, that's fine.
But if Jawan Howard tries to slap some snarky little cunt in the head who
fucking deserved it, all right?
Jawan was fucking heated.
He tried to walk away, all right?
But then he's got to do the handshake line.
And it was just like, I'm not shaking your hand because you're acting like a
bitch
and you do not deserve my respect as a man.
That's all he was trying to do.
So what does the little housewife do on Wisconsin?
He starts running his fucking yap, yelling at a guy who's like, what, 6'11"?
Yelling at a guy 6'11", like he would ever do this in a bar, all right?
Then what happens?
The little fella gets the big fella mad.
The big fella starts swinging.
Some innocent guy on the other side takes a fucking slap to the head, okay?
And that's what he gets for fucking getting involved.
I've been in enough bars to know to mind your own business.
And Jawan calls off and he gets a half a slap.
If Jawan really wanted a fucking slap, he would have knocked down a whole row
of college students.
That's what he would have done.
It was a half a fucking slap for the half a fucking douche who was running his
yap like he could kick Jawan's ass.
And I really think that, you know, if there wasn't so many places to distract
people, like podcasts, I'm part of the problem.
They got to sensationalize everything.
I mean, that should be settled between the two of them the next time they
fucking play one another, they call each other up or whatever the fuck.
Somebody buy somebody a beer and that's it, you know?
This just did a controversy at the end of the Wolverines-Badgers game.
That's it.
Meanwhile, tensions rising.
Tensions rising over in Ukraine, 100,000 troops over Russia.
That's all fine.
That's all fucking fine.
You know what?
We're going to come walking over there like that kid who got smacked by fucking
Jawan and we're going to go over there.
I mean, how many times, you know, you know, enough with the away games here.
And if elected, I don't know why we just don't, you know, just pull it all back.
Just pull it all back.
You know, turn all the bases into daycare centers.
Let these people who want to take over the world try and take over the world.
What are they going to do to us?
What are they going to do?
We got all the grain we need.
We got waffle houses.
We have nuclear weapons.
Right?
Fire up the steel mills again in Pittsburgh.
Knock down the walls.
Not the walls.
The malls in Pittsburgh.
You just get it going again.
I liked where we were, you know, between World War I and World War II where
everybody's just like,
why don't we just fucking mind our own business over here?
You know?
A couple of drunks rolling around on the floor.
What the fuck are you going to get in the middle of that for?
You know why?
We're going over there because they got some shit in the ground that you can
turn into a battery.
To stick at the bottom of a Tesla.
And then they pretend that they care about the people.
Oh, Jesus, Bill.
Get off your fucking, your fucking liberal stump here.
I'm kind of all over the map.
You know?
Because I'm being like, hey, man, like, why is war legal, man?
What about the people, man?
And at the same time, I don't have a problem with the 6'11 man slapping the
shit out of a guy who's probably taller than me.
But doesn't look it next to a 6'11 guy.
Hey, shut up, you know.
They should have cleared out.
They should have had a slap fight right at center court.
You know?
That should be the coach's option.
And what should happen is, you know, the team's going into the fucking locker
room.
The stadium empties out.
And when the game's over, the two coaches come back out.
And if they're still mad enough in the empty arena with nobody watching,
nothing recorded, no video, they just settle it.
They just slap the shit out of each other until they get it out of their system.
And they go, all right, that's fine.
They leave.