Name: A Salad Made Me Sick - Bill Burr
Uploaded: 2022-03-16T16:00:17.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'A Salad Made Me Sick - Bill Burr' from Billy Twinkle Toes on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-03-16. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'A Salad Made Me Sick - Bill Burr' from Billy Twinkle Toes on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-03-16. Transcript available.

Monday I ate a salad you know because I'm trying to be an actor shape and I
fucking and then I had
a slice of Domino's pizza and I got all of a sudden I felt bad I was just like
was that the
Domino's pizza and everybody's you know on sets going well dude you've been
eating so clean you
probably got a lactose intolerance you know from the pizza whatever I'm like
well you know you kind
of have to be like at least a 12 pack in for Domino's to taste good or at least
have an edible
you know so I was kind of blaming the pizza and I gotta tell you something I
gotta apologize to
Domino's pizza it wasn't the pizza it was the salad and I ended up getting like
some low level of food
poisoning um dude I gotta tell you something um I went to bed that night and
had to get up like three
times an hour the whole night and it was the exorcist and the sequel at the
same time if you know what I
mean let's just say uh uh the salad utilized every exit but what was amazing
was I got this great night's
sleep despite getting up I what felt like two to three times an hour because I
was so exhausted my
body was so worn out from fighting this thing that my big head would hit the
pillow and I would
immediately just hit REM sleep and I woke up I was weak as hell and my lower
back was killing me from
convulsing over the fucking toilet I mean like this shit would not stop coming
out until it was just bile
um but I gotta tell you something I don't mind puking well I know there's a lot
of people they hate
puking I actually I think the noises you make are fucking hilarious when you go
you know when you get really towards whatever is left you know just laugh I was
kind of cracking up and
and then uh and then after you puke you feel so much better you feel so much
better like uh underrated
underrated the feeling right after puking and I'm not talking about the
embarrassment or shame you know
if you're like a fucking parking lot you know before a game tailgating I mean
that's that's kind of that's
not a good feeling but like you know there's just something in your body and
your body wants it out of
you puking's also underrated because it's getting it out way quicker than on
the other end because the
other end it got into you it went through the whole thing you know it kind of
got past that first line
of security and then it got into your intestines and that's when people start
whispering what the
fuck is this and then all right buddy it's time for you to go right and that's
it right that actually
my Jim Brewer used to have this great fucking bit about your stomach puking
something with the
stomach was like the bouncer and it got everybody out of the club wow I just
went back almost 30 years
in the fucking comedy brain there um anyway so um so you know what you do after
you have a night of
that shitting and puking and everything you know if you're a big Hollywood phony
the first thing you
do when you wake up what do you do do you get some electric electrolytes do you
drink some Gatorade
no you jump on the scale and you're like whoo drop two and a half pounds baby
I know it's sad it's pathetic but it is what it is